My newish GF just had a minor hump about me asking her to contribute to a hotel bill and night out etc. Now I love to spoil a lady for sure and I do pay for a lot of stuff, far more than her, but I certainly don’t want to be taken for a ride and end up paying for everything, all of the time? Feels a bit 1950’s to me, back before the days of equal rights and all that.

So what’s the general consensus here?

depends how fit she is

Depends what she lets you do in return I guess.

Amount spent should be proportional to how dirty she is.

I’d get some pictures ready, as someone’s bound to ask.

DrP

Is she hot?

wow too slow and I was quick.

How old/well off are you?

I’d probably pay for her (let her know).

Sell the videos of your night of passion to cover the costs. She wont mind as its costing her nothing.

depends what happened in the hotel 😉

Also I think (been a while) that early on it depends who asked who to go where, if you took her somewhere to “impress” etc. or as a date then expect to pay. If you both decided to go somewhere then split it. More importantly be up front.

The person doing the asking does the paying, in my book.

If your in a relationship already, you should be talking about this stuff before hand.

Let her go out with someone else scrooge.

22yrs with mrshora – I said I’d take her away last weekend, I did- hotel and all petrol etc by me. You can’t take your money with you when you die. If shes on the same money as you and expects everything but then buys herself expensive bags and clothes non-stop then you need to think quick if shes right for your mindset/what you want.

if you’re minted (relative to her) then pay for stuff but not everything, if you’re evens or she’s got more spends than you tell her to get her purse out.

edit the “who decided where to go” argument is bang on too tho.

Maybe you should clear up any potential confusion for all parties involved, and simply publish an Excel spreadsheet of whats expected in return for each particular piece of largesse from your good self? With rising and sinking levels of unspeakable depravity depending on whether you’re talking a quick drive through McDonalds, or the full banquet. So to speak.

22yrs with mrshora – I said I’d take her away last weekend, I did- hotel and all petrol etc by me.

Not sure that paying for your wife is anything special is it?! Well what’s mine is my wife’s and what’s hers is hers apparently.

We have separate bank accounts.

Maccy Ds gets a hand down your jeans and a quick jiggle (warmed hands are a vanilla shake option)

A weekend in Paris…?

hora – Member
22yrs with mrshora – I said I’d take her away last weekend, I did- hotel and all petrol etc by me

22 years together and you still have a concept of individual ownership of assets? Not the best basis for a relationship, surely?

emsz – I’m guessing your milk shakes don’t bring any boys to the yard?

If the hotel bedding is fit for the incinerator when you leave then it will be money well spent! Lighten up you tight git 😛

22yrs with mrshora – I said I’d take her away last weekend, I did- hotel and all petrol etc by me

You still run separate bank accounts? All comes out the same pot here, the only reason one of us can have a moan over who pays is over avoiding having to carry a wallet/purse 🙂

A weekend in Paris…?

ok. Can we visit the Amelie movie cafe though?

You still run separate bank accounts?

She’d clean me out if she knew how much I really earnt 😯

If you asked her to go away and so on then I’m afraid the cost is on you, if you’ve gone out and ended up overnighting then she should contribute you shouldn’t have had to ask. I don’t like anyone who is on for a free ride and it sounds like you think she is. Get rid, there are plenty of women who wouldn’t dream of being kept and prefer to paddle their own canoe, hard to respect someone who never puts their hand in their pocket or who has modern views about equality unless money is involved…

Get rid, there are plenty of women who wouldn’t dream of being kept.

Reading a match.com thread on Pistonheads it looks like dating is a nightmare/trouble.

….you still have a concept of individual ownership of assets? Not the best basis for a relationship, surely?

Well…..

22 years together…

Seems to be doing ok, despite your opinion on it 😉

Who pays should be whoever wants to.

In the heady days of pseudo-equality, we no longer automatically have the man as the breadwinner and the woman as the housewife; it’s entirely possibly that she earns more than he does.

If I wanted to “take someone out” then I’d pay. Conversely, I’d be quite happy to be taken out by a well-salaried date. If it became apparent that I was expected to bankroll everything we did even when she’s also earning, I think I’d be considering a trade-in.

If said date had been promoted to “girlfriend” status then I’d like to think it’d be something we could have an adult discussion about. If “who pays for dinner” is causing friction now then you’re going to be Donald Ducked by the time you’re shopping for mortgages.

In my current relationship there’s been periods where one of the other of us (or both) have been out of work, periods where we’ve both been comparably salaried, and periods where she’s been bringing in nearly double what I am. So what we do is, whoever is feeling flush that day picks up the tab, or maybe she will pay for the hotel or whatever and I’ll pay for dinner and drinks.

Applying a policy of “X always pays” is clearly unworkable nonsense here; if she gets a high-powered job and I lose mine, am I still expected to pay for everything?

First couple of dates and I’d pay, from then on it depends upon who asked who out..

Next time you take her out for a meal, do a runner

That will teach her

One of my mates had a seriously uber-high maintenance girlfriend. She earned over double what he did, but never ever put her hand in her pocket for anything, and expected him to pay for absolutely everything. And she had seriously expensive taste too.

She was really fit though.

we have seperate accounts but also a joint account for pretty much everything, pay a little spending money into each account….I’ve saved mine and bought winter wheels/tyres for the car….that she drives!!!

/Hmmmmmm

you still have a concept of individual ownership of assets? Not the best basis for a relationship, surely?

I fail to see why you need to lose any and all sense of self in order to be in a successful relationship.

My money goes into my account, OH’s goes into hers. If one of us is short that month, the other will pick up the shopping bill or transfer some money across.

You’re supposed to be a team, not symbiotes.

22 years together and you still have a concept of individual ownership of assets? Not the best basis for a relationship, surely?

Depends what you think a ‘relationship’ should be to start with.

Hora is a bit of an expert on relationships and wedding planning,he will have it all sorted.
Plus,he doesn’t want to risk getting cleaned out. 😉

Two of my younger colleagues have professional footballers as friends (not premiership). They tell me that it’s really common for girls in bars and clubs to immediately start googling their pay levels when they find out what they do. Seems a bit of a shame people can be like that but hey ho.

My money goes into my account, OH’s goes into hers. If one of us is short that month, the other will pick up the shopping bill or transfer some money across.

This is kinda what we do.

I never (nor she) keeps tabs on who bought last weeks food shopping/cooked etc etc. I pay the mortgage, she pays the bills, I pay the car and petrol. None of it was sat down and worked out/calculated. Never has, never will. I had a new toilet and sink put in last week. It cost me £500, mrsh gave me £200 ontop. All I said was ‘how much do you have free to give’?

I worked with someone who had joint account, everything was worked out exact between them. They even had files that they updated/kept in date etc etc. They never went out as they were saving for that two week dream holiday every year. Every penny accounted for . They split. I think he got bored of his life with her.

Two of my younger colleagues have professional footballers as friends (not premiership). They tell me that it’s really common for girls in bars and clubs to immediately start googling their pay levels when they find out what they do. Seems a bit of a shame people can be like that but hey ho.

Shows how utterly thick and shallow those particular girls are. Even a Prem players career could be measured in weeks worsecase.

My money goes into my account, OH’s goes into hers. If one of us is short that month, the other will pick up the shopping bill or transfer some money across.

This. We do both contribute a chunk to a joint account, from which mortgage, bills etc are taken, but we still have our own accounts.

Get rid, there are plenty of women who ……. prefer to paddle their own canoe

Fnarr!

have they been together about 22 years ?

Funny how its equality till the bill arises

Most of the grown up answers have been given and there is a really inappropriate joke about emsz and vanilla milkshakes that I am just resisting posting….Misses TSY who would have delivered

DP

One of my mates had a seriously uber-high maintenance girlfriend. She earned over double what he did, but never ever put her hand in her pocket for anything, and expected him to pay for absolutely everything. And she had seriously expensive taste too.

She was really fit though.

Was she a prostitute?

Hora – If this is all true, how come you’ve never ever got any money by the time you get to the pub? Surely you can’t spend it ALL on new frames?

I thought that the standard rule was you pay until you get into her pants

or at least until you’ve been into her pants a couple of times and are now officially an ‘item’

once you’re describing each other as boyfriend and girlfriend then she ought to be paying her way you ought to be both contributing to the relationship