dadsnet.. pecking order
Fighting is not acceptable.
Boys are boys.
(Middle of three boys myself, had several really big fights especially with my older brother, no lasting damage done – unless you count the tooth I managed to knock out of his mouth whilst jumping on his face one Christmas Eve…)Posted 4 years agosweaman2Subscriber
4 and 18 months is a big difference for them to “get along”; huge gaps in ability to communicate etc. I think (although have no first hand experience beyond other peoples kids) that when the second is up to 4 and the other is 6.5 they’ll play together more apart from the odd flare up.
A 4 year old could do a lot of damage to an 18month old so I think you’re going to have to keep your stance.Posted 4 years agoads678Subscriber
My kids (boy and girl) are 5 and nearly three, and even though they play together now they still argue/fight.
Reckon yours will start to get along when as the gap between them, ability wise, gets smaller. Especially as the older one gets older and wiser.
And if they start fighting, give them a damn good thrashing, that’ll learn em………….. 😉 (wink just for those that think i’m serious!)Posted 4 years agojoolsburgerMember
My 12 and 8 year olds fight like fighty things and the only thing that has had any effect is collective punishment, that way I don’t have to concern myself with who started it. I usually confine them to their rooms for an hour or so never the less they still kick off regularly.
Boys will be boys.Posted 4 years ago
Should I let my pre-school sons duke it out?
It breaks my heart that they’re not best mates, and despite my best intentions I can’t seem to encourage any sort of affectionate feeling between them..
With the best will in the world I am out of patience regarding any new age middle class techniques designed to promote harmony and understanding..
Are they too young to fight?Posted 4 years agoyossarianMember
Something I heard recently from someone with two boys:
They can fight all they like but if either gets hurt, they both get in trouble.
Apparently it works well…
Works a treat on mine too.
My lads are five and six and are constantly scrapping, poking, teasing and generally getting each other into trouble.
When they aren’t doing that they are best friends and woe betide ANYONE who gets between them.
Boys fight, it might not be desirable but they do.Posted 4 years ago
Boys are boys.
That’s a load of gender stereotypical shite, at least until puberty. And then the testosterone simply changes the kind of fighting.
PEOPLE fight because they get angry with other people and think that you can win if you can dominate the other person, either physically or mentally. Personally, I don’t think this is acceptable, and that everyone needs to learn to talk it out or just walk away.
Of course 18 months isn’t old enough to talk things through, but it’s old enough to learn the phrase NO HITTING and old enough to start learning that anger must be confronted not acted on.
Four years old however is easily old enough to know not to hit back. Explain that the younger is frustrated and angry and can’t talk, so he has to be the big kid and not retalliate. A parent could be called on, not to tattle-tale but to help teach younger not to hit.
Getting along is one thing, but fighting when you don’t get along is another issue.
is this a boy thing?
No, it’s a person thing. I’ve got one kid who hits and one who doesn’t. The younger one is the hitter and has a far hotter temprement.Posted 4 years agorogerthecatMember
Playpen, 5 x 3 min rounds, no biting or eye poking, 3 falls, a knockout or a submission wins. Ice cream for the winner, 50press ups for the loser. Tough love.
It’s difficult because the instinctive reaction is to come down on the eldest because ‘they should know better’. But the youngest knew the buttons to push to wind him up so they got collective punishment.
Seems to have worked, now teenagers and still get on ok.Posted 4 years agounovoloMember
Youngest of 3 brothers here, when I was 2 and my middle brother was 4 ,we were digging in my dads garden with a hand trowel and fork.
My older brother kept demanding the fork from me so eventually I gave it him by bashing him over the head with it,result 1 family trip to casualty for my brother to have stitches to his bonce.
We never did physically fight after that but it didnt stop him and my eldest brother from shooting me in the ar5e with a pellet gun several years later.
We do all get on though.Posted 4 years ago
The oldest is very eager to please mum and dad, and very calm and methodical..Posted 4 years ago
He gets very frustrated that there is no failsafe method for dealing with this mischievous and irrational interloper..
He keeps his cool occasionally, but rarely for long enough to distract the little one from achieving his goal..
The little one’s goal being to infuriate the big brotherLucasSubscriber
Two boys here 4 and 2 (years) they annoy the shit out of each other, makes me mental. It also makes me realize why my mum got stressed out with me and my brother (18 month difference) as we did exactly the same. They poke, punch, pull, pinch and anything else to get a reaction. They get told off they go on the naughty mat, it has an effect but only for a minute. They love each other and are best friends though which is nice.
4.5 hours on a Ryanair flight tomorrow………….Posted 4 years ago
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