Current in vogue phrases and what they really mean.

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  • Current in vogue phrases and what they really mean.
  • Premier Icon Poopscoop
    Subscriber

    We need to come together.

    Real meaning: I f****** hate everyone, literally f****** everyone around me and would sooner use heat rub on the old todger to knock one out with than even think of being in the same room with these arse holes.

    I thought the real meaning of that phrase was the biscuit game.

    Premier Icon Mary Hinge
    Subscriber

    I only just heard of cisgender.

    I am so out of touch and bloody pleased that I am.

    schrickvr6
    Member

    Lets deepdive… How about you do an in-depth review instead you shitehawk??!!

    moving forward

    Premier Icon Ambrose
    Subscriber

    Metrics. I hate that word almost as much as ‘Ciao’.

    B.A.Nana
    Member

    One of my scruffy climbing and outdoors mates is a Scrum Master (I still don’t know what he actually does) and talks about agile delivery and uses all the bollox speak you expect from Londoners, doesn’t get out of bed for less than £800 a day, 5 bedroom detached house in Beckenham and yet he’s as ordinary modest and down to earth at home and around his pals as you could ever wish for from what on paper should be a complete city tosser. I love him for the fact hes remains exactly the same bloke he was when he was poor and thumbing lifts to get to climbing weekends in North Wales. He now makes those trips in a very ordinary car and still great friends with, by his standards, a bunch of total Northern losers.

    Premier Icon Poopscoop
    Subscriber

    Off topic nana but I still like the story bud.

    He sounds like one of the good guys.

    hols2
    Member

    One of my scruffy climbing and outdoors mates is a Scrum Master

    I had to Google that.

    https://www.scrum.org/pathway/scrum-master

    As described in the Scrum Guide, the Scrum Master is responsible for promoting and supporting Scrum. Scrum Masters do this by helping everyone understand Scrum theory, practices, rules, and values. This Scrum Master learning path provides a structured guide to help you understand the role of the Scrum Master with a way to continue learning on your journey as a Scrum Master.

    The learning path is organized by a set of Professional Scrum Competencies which each contain a number of focus areas. Resources are laid out in a prescribed order, however it is your journey, so follow in the best way that helps you learn.

    DickBarton
    Member

    I do that…got a certificate for it as well.

    Premier Icon ransos
    Subscriber

    One of my scruffy climbing and outdoors mates is a Scrum Master (I still don’t know what he actually does

    I quite like using Agile for project management, but it suffers from the usual bollocks so people can make money out of consultancy and training.

    Premier Icon Daffy
    Subscriber

    I both like and hate AGILE. I like what it’s supposed to do, but hate that it’s pushed onto every situation by managers who don’t really understand its limitations in small teams.

    Premier Icon bikebouy
    Subscriber

    I both like and hate AGILE. I like what it’s supposed to do, but hate that it’s pushed onto every situation by managers who don’t really understand its limitations in small teams.

    Too true.

    Thats why we use a combination of Waterfall for the Strategic stuff and Agile for the Tactical and Dev stuff.

    Agree on some PM’s not understanding the methodology. My CISO has no idea what Agile is apart from “working more flexible and multitasking”

    🤷‍♂️

    Premier Icon slackalice
    Subscriber

    People are generally promoted to levels of incompetence and the jargon helps them believe their self delusions and justify their existence.

    Some may say that’s harsh, it is however true.

    Premier Icon funkmasterp
    Subscriber

    I have no **** idea what anyone is talking about in here. Are you ringfencing unicorns?

    IHN
    Member

    but hate that it’s pushed onto every situation by managers who don’t really understand its limitations in small teams.

    Or large teams, for that matter.

    Premier Icon v8ninety
    Subscriber

    The ironing in this thread is strong. WTaF are you all on about?

    I have no **** idea what anyone is talking about in here.

    +1 . It feels like sitting at the bar next to some people who are on the awayday from hell.

    Premier Icon funkmasterp
    Subscriber

    At least we now know which members talk bollocks for a living.

    cheekyboy
    Member

    People are generally promoted to levels of incompetence and the jargon helps them believe their self delusions and justify their existence.

    Some may say that’s harsh, it is however true.

    Bullseye Slackers !!!!

    Premier Icon juanking
    Subscriber

    The big company I work for has gone from waterfall to agile delivery of everything and I mean multiyear longterm investments. Quite how the hell that works is beyond me. I kid you not they are actively searching for unicorns, wtaf.

    Everyone in the company has attended agile training and you need to conform or your marked as a non believer. They are trying to make a very traditional company (oil operator) more flexible but hell it’s funny. I work from home now mostly!

    Premier Icon Drac
    Subscriber

    The ironing in this thread is strong. WTaF are you all on about?

    That’s the only post I’ve understood.

    footflaps
    Member

    The SW team at work is Agile, but they still seem to follow the waterfall work flow, plan something completely inappropriate, spend years working on it and then deliver a broken crock of shite which doesn’t do anything useful. They have scrum masters and everything…..

    Premier Icon sam_underhill
    Subscriber

    All too many companies think they are doing scrum by going through the motions of the ceremonies. When you actually look at it they are still basically in a waterfall world.
    Agile needs trust and competence from both product owners and the delivery teams for it to work. As soon as you don’t have that it will fail to deliver.

    Don’t go chasing waterfalls, just stick to the rivers and the streams that you’re used to.

    Scrum-diddly-umptious.

    Premier Icon funkmasterp
    Subscriber

    And this is why we are absolutely screwed as a species. Rather than tackle things with straight talk we feel the need to go around the houses talking shite.

    Premier Icon dove1
    Subscriber

    Reach out
    It just means ‘ask’, so **** say ‘ask’!

    And this is why we are absolutely screwed as a species. Rather than tackle things with straight talk we feel the need to go around the houses talking shite.

    Brilliant 🙂

    hodgynd
    Member

    Naaah.. that’s all total bollocks to me ..
    My pet hate ( face to face ) is anyone starting a sentence with..So..
    I’ve already lost interest and have completely switched off and Im looking for the quickest exit..

    Premier Icon slackalice
    Subscriber

    ‘Slackers’????! 😳 Thank you for your agreement and recognition for my post @cheekyboy, bit familiar though 😉

    Premier Icon thepurist
    Subscriber

    Pfft you lot need to touch base with the movers and shakers to leverage the interdepartmental synergies and pick off that low hanging fruit before getting your ducks in a row to tackle the elephant in the room.

    Premier Icon senor j
    Subscriber

    My son said I was “sick” on a bike.
    Obvs,I was stoked.
    🙂

    Brexit means Brexit…

    I want the UK to leave the EU, but I can’t think of a single beneficial reason to do so for the population at large. 😉

    Premier Icon slowoldman
    Subscriber

    Agree on some PM’s not understanding the methodology.

    Methodology, there’s an oft misused word.

    CountZero
    Member

    I read that bit on scrum masters. It’s obviously in English, I recognise all the words, but I have no comprehension of what the words, as laid down in that order, actually mean!
    Is it ‘cos I is stupid, innit?

    Ever since Agile came along nothing works properly. Every piece of software that we use for running our e-commerce companies feels like it’s half finished, despite the fact that we’re paying significant sums to use it.

    JP

    Whenever I hear someone say “deep dive” I always reply, in my head, ” I’d rather muff dive”. One day I’ll forget and say it out load.

    Latest bollocks phrase that everyone’s started using where i work is “in this space”.

    mogrim
    Member

    One of my scruffy climbing and outdoors mates is a Scrum Master (I still don’t know what he actually does) and talks about agile delivery and uses all the bollox speak you expect from Londoners

    I’ve been on a fully “agile” project since xmas, and tbh it’s great. We tell our client how much work we can realistically do in a “sprint” (4 week development+delivery period), we do it, and then we start again. Happy client with regular deliveries of software with new functionality, happy developers with realistic targets and realistic delivery dates. There’s a bit of marketing/management bull**** to live with, but the overall experience has been very positive. YMMV of course 🙂

    fossy
    Member

    I’m lost and I’m a Chartered Accountant. I assume this is all techy bull, as all the consultant’s deliver is crap systems. Our place has a new super fantastic system, that doesn’t work. Farkin great, as it’s lost us a shoot load of money as it doesn’t work. Guess who has to look after the ‘losses’….

    brownsauce
    Member

    Something i see in thread titles on here

    What blah blah blah “du jour” ?

    Obviously the more plain and simply term “currently popular” simply isnt high brow enough to sound “on point”

    bunch of cock.

Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 97 total)

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