Non-drug counselling. Google seems a nightmare and I asked my Doc and he said I’d need referring(!)

Are you near one of the Priorys?

http://www.priorygroup.com/

Email if need more info, and good luck.

I am confused.

You want counselling but not for drugs? Or for drugs?

Relationship counselling?

Get a couple of good friends together and offer to buy them a drink or dinner. Go to a pub or restaurant, have a couple of drinks and chat about it honestly. It’s the same as what a councillor would do but it’s with friends who know you.

If its non drug, depending on where you live you should be able to use a primary care counselling/therapy service, sometimes called Wellbeing service or IAPT. In a lot of places you should be able to refer yourself into it without needing to speak to your GP. Have a look on your PCT website. Otherwise there’s probably a local paid-for counselling service, which a google of person centred counselling and your nearest big town should find. Don’t be afraid of the term ‘referral’. Loads of people use these services and they’re designed to stop people getting ill, rather than only picking up when you start feeling really bad.

*pulls up a couch*

Relationship counselling?

No me and Binners are in a happy place 😯

Will look through the PCT site. Sounds daft but my Fathers death 14months ago has affected me, sort of crept under the radar opening up alot of wounds.

Honestly Mate, I’m not being facetious here but you won’t get any more from a professional counsellor that you would from a good friend or two over a drink. Really, I know; I’ve tried it.

Thats not daft at all. Its not uncommen fto have belated effects.
Cruse will do bereavement counselling as will McMillan if its cancer related. even at this length of time its worth contacting them

http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk

globalti – Member

Honestly Mate, I’m not being facetious here but you won’t get any more from a professional counsellor that you would from a good friend or two over a drink. Really, I know; I’ve tried it.

Sorry – I strongly disagree. a professional counsellor can do far more and is often easier to open up to.

globalti has either not had any effective counselling OR his mates are good counsellors.

For the rest of us, counselling ought to be a wholly different experience to talking to mates.

Person centred is one school and it puts the client “in charge” of the process – client and counsellor are to be seen as equals. I’d have thought the umbrella authorities will have websites with lists of counsellors, though cruse no doubt will know what they are doing and may be cheaper/free.

I had the same sort of reaction after my father’s death 10 years ago. It took me the best part of two years to get any help, by which time it was having an impact on my relationships and work. I paid for about 4 or 5 sessions of Person Centred Counselling where I could just go an talk to a completely objective person wo was just facilitating me talking about what I needed to get out. Very different from speaking to a mate, who can’t be anywhere near as objective and from whom you’re almost certainly going to hold some things back.

It made a massive difference to me, and indirectly led to a change of career. I now work for a mental health trust – albeit only as a faceless bureaucrat.

I had the same sort of reaction after my father’s death 10 years ago. It took me the best part of two years to get any help, by which time it was having an impact on my relationships and work

This is me. I’m just not the same person. I’m avoiding everyone. Every friendly approach from mates is met by a ****.

I agree with TJ

a professional counsellor can do far more and is often easier to open up to.

Its not a quick fix though….

Hora – you can also contact the British Psychological Society.

They will be able to give you a list of counselors/therapists etc that are qualified and in your local area. Being registered with the BPS is an assurance of their qualification and hopefully their capability.

One really important piece of advice is this.

Regardless of how qualified or highly recommended anyone may come, if for some reason you’re not 100% comfortable with the person you’re working with, then just walk away. It shouldn’t take long to reach this conclusion, maybe a few sessions at most. It’s pointless ‘persevering’ with the therapist/counselor beyond that; you’ll just be wasting money.

Being comfortable with and having trust in the person you’re working with is by far the most important aspect for any successful engagement.

That’s not to say that it won’t take a while to work out the issues that you have; likely it will. But that’s different to not feeling that the person you’re working with isn’t right for you.

This is me. I’m just not the same person. I’m avoiding everyone. Every friendly approach from mates is met by a ****.

It happened to me, probably 6 months after my father died. I ended up trying to wreck my marriage & my career. I got it back together, but professional help might well have stopped the meltdown.

This is me. I’m just not the same person. I’m avoiding everyone. Every friendly approach from mates is met by a ****.

The good thing is that you realize somethings not right and your willing to do something about it, set something up as soon as you can…

Regardless of how qualified or highly recommended anyone may come, if for some reason you’re not 100% comfortable with the person you’re working with, then just walk away. It shouldn’t take long to reach this conclusion, maybe a few sessions at most

This should suit my swap and drop habits 😆

Something happened this weekend that made me realise I need it. I’m controlling peoples lives when I shouldn’t. I can’t elaborate but I’ve turned into some sort of selfish, bitter control freak. With introspective its killing me.

globalti has either not had any effective counselling OR his mates are good counsellors.

I disagree – I think it is simply a case of some people needing one solution, others needing something else. There is no right and wrong.

That approach wouldn’t work for me as I know friends have their own burdens/etc. I wouldn’t want to put myself onto them. If a friend told me what I’ve been through I think it’d do me in as well.

I’m controlling peoples lives when I shouldn’t.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be in control and being quite a ‘controlling’ person. Take my wife as an example. You couldn’t hope to meet a more fabulous person but oh lord does she like to fly the plane. Literally and metaphorically!

Anyway my point is that you shouldn’t beat yourself up about being ‘controlling’ it’s not necessarily a bad personality trait.

Oh and good to hear about you and Binners – on that point, is it you and Binners that I made that genuine mistake about all those years ago? The one that NBT and MrsBunnyhop remind me of every time I see them?

Its not me though to be like this. I’m happy go lucky and relaxed for the main. I’m being selfish, controlling and paranoid.

It’s a massive step to recognise where you are. Lots of people never do. Like others have said, there’s more than one solution, so don’t be put off if the first thing you try isn’t for you (I know you won’t 😆 🙄 ). Person Centred is a good idea if you’re the sort of person who thinks aloud. Might be a good place to start listening to yourself. Bereavement counselling and relationships counselling might be worth looking into too, but I’d suggest trying one thing at a time and reflecting a bit along the way.

+1 for Cruse Beverement counselling.

My mum is a counsellor for them so I know that they do some really good work and can help you come to terms with and the effects of losing a loved one even if it is a little while after.

cruse in the frist place to get your thoughts about your dad sorted out. Other counselling if it seems appropriate after that.

There is no one right answer – everyone responds differently to different approaches

If I can be of any other help my email is in my profile – I know a little about some of the different forms of counselling

if for some reason you’re not 100% comfortable with the person you’re working with, then just walk away.

+ LOADS to that one –
i sought help a few years ago, a few personal things were bringing me right down.
Doctor referred me to their local counsellor – met her 3 times, just did not think it was leading anywhere, if that makes sense.
2 or more years later, issues still not resolved, deepening, if truth be known, I too hit the internet but I got lucky. Found a bloke near home, liked the way his website set out how he worked, his personality came across on the writing, if that makes sense. 1st meeting was on a ‘no work, no fee’ approach i.e. he stated that, if we met and did not feel there was something that could be done, and that we had not connected in the right way, there would be no charge and he may refer me on to someone who perhaps worked a different way.
Bottom line – we met and clicked. It worked. Started weekly. Pretty soon dropped to fortnightly, then monthly. Very occasionally now I go back for what I call a ‘mental MOT’ – a download of crap that’s getting me down..
Hope you find the right one for you.

Counsellors are like any profession; some good, some bad. Depends on what you’re seeking, but I’d suggest looking around for a coach. IME, the good coaches are more proactive and get you taking action instead of reflecting etc.

I did my coaching through CTI and know loads of genuine/excellent coaches that work in all kinds of fields. Feel free to drop me an email and I’ll see if I can track down one or two that might be better suited.

This is probably not the right place for you, but The Laura Centre really helped my wife and I. Quite a special place.

I’d suggest looking around for a coach. IME, the good coaches are more proactive and get you taking action instead of reflecting etc.

Spacemonkey, this isn’t intended to negate your experience in any way, but from a professional perspective, business coaching is absolutely not therapy and any coach who claims to be able to provide therapy is either overstepping the mark or they are not a business coach.

I realise that the term ‘coach’ is pretty interchangeable and fluid, but in a business capacity it shouldn’t ever mean therapy.

The correct question to ask is ‘what is the problem and what kind of intervention is needed here’ and it sounds like Hora has done a really good job of asking and answering at least the first part if not the second. A good business coach will always push back if the client is identifying personal problems and challenges that go beyond just ‘style of execution’.

To put it simply, a business coach will work with you on style of execution, the what and the how of your work, whereas the therapist will help you solve an underlying problem in your life.

Yes, the two often bleed together, but there should be a demarcation between coach and therapist based on their qualification to address the problem.

EDIT – it is entirely possible that a coach is also a qualified therapist and can therefore address both issues. But the engagement should then change from one to the other.

I’m not talking about business coaching. I’m talking about personal coaching (not the fluffy bullshit that doesn’t go anywhere, but the professionally trained individual who is capable of helping the client create positive change).

EDIT: Like you say, some have qualifications/experience in other fields.

I’m not talking about business coaching. I’m talking about personal coaching.

Yeah that’s where we get into a bit of a grey area and my concerns get raised a little. Again, this isn’t intended to take anything away from your experience at all. It’s a bit like alternative medicine; if you feel it works for you and there is no down side to using it, then where’s the problem.

I referenced this in another post over the weekend, but there are a lot of people out there making claims, positioning themselves who just aren’t qualified.

‘Life Coaching’ is either the term used by someone who isn’t qualified to do anything in particular but like people and wants to make a living from talking to them, or else they are qualified in a professional way and they are using the term because it’s ‘of the moment’ and less intimidating/stigmatizing that ‘therapist’ or ‘counselor’.

The problem is that there are more of the former than the latter. I work in this industry and it makes me cynical because it’s a really important subject for someone engaging with spending money on some sort of intervention and there is too much risk involved with buying something you can’t quantify.

Proper qualifications and professional experience are the security measures that stop people getting burnt.

I know what you’re saying, and I too am incredibly skeptical about many coaches, therapists and other practitioners etc – and also the organisations that ‘train’ them.

But there are many excellent and truly skilled coaches that offer life coaching (I loathe that term BTW, hence I prefer personal coaching) across many areas. Sure, there are others that think they know it all because they did a weekend course at “Europe’s largest and more successful coaching training academy – we train more coaches than anybody else” type organisation. Avoid them (by and large).

I think we’re trying to agree on the same point(s) but coming at it from different angles/experiences.

EDIT: the best coaches I know have been trained by CTI and Coach-U. In fact, 9/10 of the best I know are from those ‘schools’.

I think we’re trying to agree on the same point(s) but coming at it from different angles/experiences.

We absolutely are!

I’ve been locked out of this thread until now by the server. What I was trying to convey in my earlier posts was that my experiences on a couple of occasions when I’ve been under severe stress have been utterly dismal; I have gone through the channels and then waited for weeks and weeks to see somebody. When eventually I have seen a counsellor I have felt it was a waste of time because all they have done was to sit and prompt me to talk through the issues myself. I understand that this is how counselling works but I felt conned by the whole process; I felt I’d have done better to go to the pub with a couple of good and trusted friends and drink a largish quantity of beer and discuss what was troubling me at the time of the issue, not several weeks later, by which time I had mostly rationalised or even buried the problem.

Without going into detail, councelling had only a limited effect for me. It was good to talk to someone, but I got more support from folk on HERE. Reading what some go through makes you realise how low you can get. Still get dark days, & this time of year doesnt help. I can recognise the thought patterns that can kick it off now though, & I know what to do to get over it. As kind as folk are, unless you’ve gone through it its hard to fully understand. Hope you get through it mate.