Counciling does it work ?

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  • Counciling does it work ?
  • big yim
    Member

    I’ve been offered counciling for something that happened in my life 2 years ago and I’m reluctant to go tbh. I don’t see how talking about it will change anything as you can’t change the past etc.
    Am I being a close minded bloke, or will I speak to some hippy snowflake about feelings and mindfulness?
    Any experiences good or bad please stw

    Premier Icon dirkpitt74
    Subscriber

    Yes it will help.
    I’ve been having it for a few month now – really helps IMHO.

    Premier Icon dove1
    Subscriber

    I found my neighbour after he’d hung himself last year. Not the most pleasant experience and it affected me quite badly but I thought I was too manly to see anyone about it. However, after a few weeks I went to a consellor and it really made a difference. Just talking to a stranger and getting tips on how to deal with the trauma was very beneficial.
    I recommend you do it.

    edward2000
    Member

    In my opinion, it depends on how you’ve dealt with the incident that happened 2 years ago. In my experience, I went through a situation which I couldn’t quite compute (mentally abusive relationship) and the counselling helped me realise the reasons why what had happened and why I reacted in the way I did. This for me enables closure and I moved on. Therefore it helped me, which is probably the best advice I can give you without prejudice.

    Premier Icon seadog101
    Subscriber

    We had to deal with something fairly tragic at work.
    I wasn’t personally effected or closely involved. Those who were involved were offered councilling.
    The ones who took it up said they were very glad they did, those didn’t later said they wish they had.
    I guess that says it works.

    Premier Icon MoreCashThanDash
    Subscriber

    Had it for anxiety and depression a few years back – made me “step outside” the situation and see myself and where I was with fresh, non-judgemental eyes. It helped me at the time, and taught me how to deal with situations that have come up since.

    Try it – it’s unlikely to make things worse?

    fossy
    Member

    Yes it works. Let’s you talk things through, no judgement, no ‘upsetting close relatives’ – helps you work through issues.

    I’m 3 weeks into a 6 week one to one counselling and it’s helping, but I’ve also had CBT a couple of months ago, and back rehab clinics (all related to broken spine incident, and other life stress).

    It helps.

    fossy
    Member

    We also have access to counselling via a work benefit package, which I’ll access after my 6 weeks with a carers charity (we are carers for disabled relatives – so got a quick access to help).

    Premier Icon nickc
    Subscriber

    what’s the worst that can happen. You get to talk about yourself for an hour?

    tjagain
    Member

    It can

    There are many different schools of counselling with very different methods and there is no one size fits all. Some is directive and some is reflective. They key thing IMO is the relationship between the counsellor and you.

    There is certainly no harm in trying and for many folk it really helps

    Premier Icon Mugboo
    Subscriber

    Did for me. I reached a situation in my life that I couldn’t work out how to get past but my marriage and future was on the line (I didn’t want a child). 5 sessions helped me move forward and I have a lovely 8 year old boy and a happy marriage.

    BUt more importantly I learnt a lot of things about myself that have made me stronger and happier so all in all I would heartily recommend it.

    The way I look at it if I have car trouble I go to a mechanic so if my mind is troubled… I don’t imagine I will ever go again but if I feel the need I won’t hesitate.

    Does counselling work? Well, only YOU can say if it does.

    Does bottling it up and never talking about it work? How about “manning up?” Does that work? How about self-medicating? Does that work?

    There are cemeteries, mental-health wards, divorce courts and AA meetings FULL of people who bottle it up and think that “manning up” is the only answer.

    Imagine the person you could be if you could deal with your problems more effectively.

    You have kids? You have a wife? Girl-friend/boy-friend or other loved one? Don’t they deserve to have the better version of you? Don’t YOU deserve to have the better version of you?

    There is a wealth of scientific evidence confirming that counselling does indeed work. But at the moment that probably doesn’t help. You’re probably worried and scared about opening old wounds. Scared about letting it all out and scared of what happens next.

    I hope you get the help you need. Only you can walk through that door. Only you can open that can of worms but TRUST ME, you are brave enough….. you have already shown that by posting on this forum.

    Chapeau, mate. It WILL get better.

    Premier Icon Kryton57
    Subscriber

    Yes, it’s allowed me to challenge and remove a fear of flying, which expanded onward to help with other areas of my life. Not only an outlet but also an education into how I think and can change the way I think and act for the positive.

    Premier Icon Drac
    Subscriber

    I found it worked for me let me see things in a different light and allowed me to start helping myself. I still use the advice I was given when having a dark period.

    Premier Icon bikebouy
    Subscriber

    I think it takes the emotion out of the situation or scenario you have encountered or been affected by. Offers an objective viewpoint, allows the situation to be seen from another less immediate view.

    Quite why you’ve used snowflake and mindfulness in a derogatory manner probably means you’re not willing to give it a try.

    footflaps
    Member

    Well just to add a different perspective, I found it pretty ineffective myself, whereas I found Citalopram worked like a switch in my brain, problem just vanished in a matter of days….

    I saw two different counsellors, first one was a lovely guy, like chatting to him but I was way too ill for him to make a dent. Second guy I just didn’t get on with and I think he felt the same.

    However, give it a go, worst case you waste a few quid..

    Premier Icon MoreCashThanDash
    Subscriber

    Just come off three years of Citalopram – got tired of being slightly numb all the time. It kept me back from the brink, and bought me time for the counseling to address the problems.

    Premier Icon kilo
    Subscriber

    I had counselling of sorts for PTSD from work, initially it was sessions of EMDR which is batshit crazy odd (dry puking into the bin for the first three or so sessions) but worked in removing some of the horrors and clear up some issues. There was also more conventional work along with this to develop coping mechanisms of sorts. Since then I’ve had more conventional counselling for a dark period a bit later. As Drac mentioned I still use the techniques for the occasional dark spots.
    I would have been very screwed without it.

    Premier Icon wallop
    Subscriber

    A key thing to remember is that not all therapists are suited to all clients. You need to find the right one and if you don’t gel with someone, it’s perfectly acceptable to change your therapist.

    Premier Icon Teetosugars
    Subscriber

    Not always.
    I found it hard trying to talk about things that happened on past work trips, and 1 in particular.
    Not saying it doesn’t work, but, well, everyone is different.
    Good luck OP.
    YMMV.

    Premier Icon Drac
    Subscriber

    I found it hard trying to talk about things that happened on past work trips, and 1 in particular.

    Yeah that is tough, still is but it seemed to help.

    timba
    Member

    Yes. Like all things, there are different approaches to counselling and so it can help to mix the different types with an experienced counsellor
    This is my interpretation, IANAC, but Mrs B is (and she’s asleep right now):
    You might be better to wait for a few months after some trauma, e.g. bereavement, before starting counselling
    CBT on its own deals with the here and now rather than getting to the root cause (the NHS use this one)
    Some counselling offered is limited to a small number of sessions, which may not be sufficient
    Some issues are beyond counselling and need psychiatric treatment

    Premier Icon thepurist
    Subscriber

    Another one in the yes camp. I started seeing a counseller when I couldn’t function after a traumatic incident. That allowed me to realise that there was a whole lot more baggage that I was hiding away in my “MTFU locker’ and not dealing with. Those sessions led to some of the most painful sentences I have ever uttered, finally acknowledging what I was hiding away. It probably took more than a year for me to be able to actually face everything, then more time to learn to live with it so the usual 6 weeks isn’t long, then I had a relapse and went through cbt and medication but have now been in a (mostly) good place for nearly 5 years. Without the counselling the cbt wouldn’t have been useful, and going straight to medication would probably have left that MTFU locker untouched. Personally my only regret is that I wasn’t able to get help earlier.

    gordimhor
    Member

    I tried CBT on 2 occasions. First one didn’t work out as I didn’t get on with the counselor. Fortunately they recognised that, and stopped the sessions before I would have. I was given a good explanation and within a few weeks the same organisation offered more counseling with a new counselor.
    The counseling itself was not easy some really hefty re-evaluation of myself and my actions was involved. It wasn’t a complete “cure” but did set me on a much better path. Definitely worth trying.

    scuttler
    Member

    speak to some hippy snowflake

    If you do go, please open your mind a little bit and leave your prejudices at the door. It’s all about helping you identify the source of your issues through a range of techniques and hopefully you’ll come out with a better understanding of the source and how to cope with it.

    Premier Icon binners
    Subscriber

    Not had it myself but can definitely testify to the benefits of it

    My best mate has been in the forces all his life. Been in some pretty hairy places and seen a ton of shit that you’d really rather not see. His PTSD has got progressively worse over the years. It manifests itself in him being pretty unpredictable, to say the least. He can get very aggressive, very quickly. He’s flaky as ****, quite frankly. I love him like a brother, but he can be exhausting to be around. We’ve had a few massive barneys because when he’s being a dick, I’ll tell him he’s being a dick. And he was being a dick quite a lot.

    Anyway, his long-suffering wife finally had enough of his carry-on and told him he needed to get some professional help, for everyones benefit, but mainly his own. He resisted this, because he’s big and hard and GGGGRRRRRRR, and real men don’t have counselling. Thats what American bed-wetters do. So it got to ultimatum time. She told him that he either did it or she was off

    So, very reluctantly, he agreed to go. Still with the attitude that it was a load of bollocks and a waste of time. And then, in his words: “I started talking, and I never shut up”

    The next time he came to stay with us, after quite a lot of sessions (which we were unaware of) me and Mrs Binners were looking at each other, slightly bemused, thinking ‘who the **** is this guy?’

    He was calm, relaxed and funny. Like he used to be. Gone was the unpredictability, the coiled-spring mania, the anger. He just seemed at peace with himself. Happy. He’s not been that for a long, long time.

    He is now a massive advocate of therapy. And why wouldn’t he be? It gave me my best mate back. And gave him himself back. I can’t tell you how happy this makes me. And him.

    Do it

    DrP
    Member

    Im currently going through (private) counselling at the mo…

    I’m finding it a ‘lifesaver’.. Not in a prevention from suicide way, but in a ‘my head was such a mess of confusion’ way…

    A good counsellor will help pick out issues and behaviours, and lay them out in a way that is digestable…

    Has helped me understand why I stayed in A toxic relationship for so long, and why I still feel a sense of ‘loyalty’ towards it…

    DrP

    scuttler
    Member

    I can’t tell you how happy this makes me

    Tiny cry on the train to London. And finished. Nice story Binners.

    birky
    Member

    I think it depends on the individual, the counsellor and the approach. It hasn’t so far for me for lifelong social anxiety, low self esteem and depression. I don’t seem to be able to take the steps they ask or if I do it’s only once then back to my comfort zone and avoidance. Meds (Sertraline and Citalopram) made no difference either.

    gonefishin
    Member

    Well I could write me thoughts but Drac seems to have summed them up quite well with this

    I found it worked for me let me see things in a different light and allowed me to start helping myself. I still use the advice I was given when having a dark period.

    Now as to whether it will help you, I don’t know but I think it is highly unlikely to make things worse. And if people are recommending it’s probably going to worthwhile

    big yim
    Member

    Thanks for everyones words and advice. I think I’m going to go, my family especially my dad has always been a man up and get on with it sort of attitude so I find it very had to talk about how I really feel about things.
    It’s counciling from the Edwards trust charity so I won’t be able to choose a different councillor.
    I’ve spoke to a lad at work a little bit who I tend to value his advice and he said judging by this conversation you need to see someone.
    Fingers crossed I don’t have a full meltdown and get some help from it

    edward2000
    Member

    Being told to man up is really unhelpful! You wouldn’t say that to someone with a broken leg, you’d tell them to rest and get better. What’s the difference between that and someone who’s has a mental illness – other that one is tangible?

    Also what’s wrong with ‘melting down?’ If you understand why we cry you’ll realise a meltdown will help! It’s the body’s way of processing a traumatic time and coming to terms/accepting grief.

    Good luck, and let us know how you get on.

    locum76
    Member

    Good luck Big Yim. I’ve seen a lot of blokes do well with counselling. If you’ve bottled stuff up all your life some of it might surface along with the incident you’re dealing with, but that’s ok. So is having a meltdown. Mindfulness is useful too. You can do it your way, my way is to go for a long ride.

    Premier Icon slackalice
    Subscriber

    Ooops, wrong thread.

    Premier Icon jamj1974
    Subscriber

    I found it very helpful. Binners, TJ and Drac amongst others have given some great insight. Give it a try – you have nothing to lose.

    xcracer1
    Member

    I’ll tell you what worked for me with Anxiety is to distinguish yourself from the little voice in your head.

    You are either conscious of the voice or you are lost in it(identified in it).

    a) If you are conscious of it you can stay out of its pull – ie not get involved in its chat, fears, opinions and eventually those dissipate, as you are not fuelling them, and you become free of them.

    b) If you are identified or lost with the voice, then you are fuelling it and so it continues. Fuelling it is agreeing with it, watching it, trying to stop it, not doing things because of it and so on. And then these feelings continue/intensify to a point where you feel them in your body as well such as tight chest, headaches, fatigue, anxiety, low mood, high bp….

    Once the fears and feelings are released, you then don’t need to be conscious all the time.

    So do whatever scares you, allow the feelings and thoughts to be fully there, and consciously don’t get involved in the thoughts/feelings. Not easy at first but it gets easier as you practice.

    Counselling was nice for me – nice to have someone to talk to but it didn’t resolve my anxiety issue.

    big yim
    Member

    Bit of an update. So I went in the end. Found it difficult to open up and didn’t really feel like it massively helped. Taken some positives from it but haven’t booked to go back again.
    The woman who led the counciling was from a similar background of child loss so I could relate to her

    iancity1
    Member

    Echo what others say about finding the right counsellor. I went through work and found the counsellor poor. I felt he was trying too hard to show that he was not “one of us” (i.e a Council employee) and littered the conversation with swear words. Now I am a man of the world but when its constantly f this, and they are c***s etc etc I didnt find he helped in any way. Fortunately he went sick after the second session and was replaced by a lovely lady for the remaining 4 sessions and what a difference she made.

    I note you said earlier you would be unable to change counsellor but it may be worth exploring a little more …

    Premier Icon Kryton57
    Subscriber

    Bit of an update. So I went in the end. Found it difficult to open up and didn’t really feel like it massively helped. Taken some positives from it but haven’t booked to go back again.

    It it takes more than once, and she hasn’t even started on you yet.   And even after many sessions, you still have work to do to ingrain your new habits.  It’s not a magic bullet.

    vickypea
    Member

    Don’t give up after 1 session. . It’s important that you get a counsellor that suits you. I’ve tried 3 different ones over the years and the 3rd one was brilliant. He was definitely no hippy snowflake 😊

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