Inspired by the recent talk radio piece about growing concrete, I got to thinking about conversations where the best response was silence.

As a youngster, I got into an argument with my mother, during which, she called me a “son of a bitch”. My response? Silence, just to give her brain chance to catch up with her mouth.

Recently, wife tells me I need to go up in the loft and check the boiler settings as her shower was only luke warm this morning.

Did you try turning the temperature dial on the shower, I replied.

No, it was warm enough last time I used it, so I didn’t touch it, came the response.

*Silence*.

What tales do you have?

I use silence to signal “that was a hurtful comment” i use it very sparingly. Normally i just unleash a volley of abuse 50% greater than that i received.

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Discussing the benefits of Rockwool insulation over just an air gap insulation “but an air gap works okay for double glazing”

fooman Free Member
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Brilliant

@Dickyboy I think I’m going to fill my double glazing with rockwook to try and off set rising fuel costs.

Internal monologue

During team meetings I often find myself saying nothing whilst in my head I’m doing a full Malcolm Tucker tirade, does that count?

Shortly after telling a man in drag at a fancy dress party that he made an ugly woman…….and then realising that the person was not a man dressed up.

…

Speak up!

pretty much every conversation I am having at work just now

In work meetings if silence is the only credible response, I have to busy myself writing notes. I look industrious, but I’m usually scribbling profanities. It’s only taken me about 25 years to get to this coping strategy.

In work meetings if silence is the only credible response, I have to busy myself writing notes. I look industrious, but I’m usually scribbling profanities. It’s only taken me about 25 years to get to this coping strategy.

Apparently I have a total inability to look interested, when I’m not.

So on Teams I just drop off camera (and mike) instead – and blame my rural broadband.

Still silence though.

Shortly after telling a man in drag at a fancy dress party that he made an ugly woman…….and then realising that the person was not a man dressed up.

Reminds me of a time recently on a ramble when as I squeezed through a motorcycle barrier installed on a footpath I said my usual hysterical joke about “this is to stop fat people going for walks”.

I then turned round to witness the rather portly woman directly behind me as she repeatedly struggled to squeeze her overweight body through.

I don’t know how many attempts she made but it seemed like an eternity. The whole incident was made worse by the fact that she was an exceptionally nice person who was clearly deeply embarrassed.

My reaction was total silence accompanied by the occasional brief hint of a smile. I felt exactly like Father Ted during one of his most cringe-inducing foot in the mouth moments.

Finnish taxi drivers are masters at shutting down a conversation. We need to be more like them.

Finnish taxi drivers are masters at shutting down a conversation. We need to be more like them.

Finns in general. When a conversation is over, it’s over, and they are likely to just turn around and walk away.

Discussing the benefits of Rockwool insulation over just an air gap insulation “but an air gap works okay for double glazing”

You realize that the thermal conductivity of solid mineral (that rock woll is made of eg glass and stone 0.8 to 2 W/m.k is much higher than rockwool (0.035 W/m.k) right? Why do you think that is?

That moment when explaining you have boy girl twins and being asked “Are they identical”…..

Easy answer… all conversations with my other half, safe in the knowledge that my views, opinions have no value so its an energy saving approach that is limted to “yes” “okay” “i will put it on my fix it list”

Seems to work.

When I was very young, I got intend argument with my cousin. Her retort to me was “all your close relatives must be monkeys”. I just left it…

She is now a very, very successful Advocate in Edinburgh. I am guess her arguments got better 🙂

Does she use the “Edinburgh Defence” much?

“Edinburgh Defence”

Nothing on google what is it?

That moment when explaining you have boy girl twins and being asked “Are they identical”…

I assume the silence is because you don’t know the answer?

A) it’s 2021 not 1921, one does not preclude the other.
B) even if it were 1921, one did not preclude the other.
https://www.twins.org.au/twins-and-families/frequently-asked-questions/62-twin-facts/19-can-male-female-twins-ever-be-identical
Better sources are available but don’t come up as the first Google result for identical different gender twins.

I had a Turner Syndrome. Was a great bike

Nothing on google what is it?

Google obviously doesn’t associate you with this place otherwise you would have found stw related search results.

Tbh I regret mentioning it, but it proved too hard to resist!

It originates from what I consider to be a totally unfair and false criticism of an individual. The Edinburgh Defence is the ‘I was only joking’ defence. The term was used repeatedly against an individual who imo was clearly joking but whose detractors wanted to poke fun at. Thankfully the term hasn’t been used in a long time.

I rented a room in a house once with a couple of other lads. One of them I tried to get on with but things were always – and increasingly – awkward for some reason. So I left, and a guy came to view my room. We showed him round and I couldn’t help notice he had a bit of a wonky head. When he left, I joked to my housemate “He’s got a funny-shaped head!”. He looked at me with such disdain and didn’t say a word to me, possibly ever again. Still haunts me 20 years on (not the wonky head).

Edinburgh Defence is the ‘I was only joking’ defence

Ok I found lots of STW stuff, but none of it made sense, now it does, and I know who you mean as they are mentioned onebillion times.

A) it’s 2021 not 1921, one does not preclude the other.
B) even if it were 1921, one did not preclude the other.

The link you provide explains what can happen when one twin starts to develop differently to the other at an early stage in the pregnancy.

If they are different how can they be identical?

Almost every conversation with my brother in law. Luckily we are both quite happy to keep them to a minimum anyway.

@5plusn8

You realize that the thermal conductivity of solid mineral (that rock woll is made of eg glass and stone 0.8 to 2 W/m.k is much higher than rockwool (0.035 W/m.k) right? Why do you think that is?

Ooo that’s a difficult question sir!

If they are different how can they be identical?

Identical is a misnomer, there are very very few identical twins most have some genetic differences (5.2 on average according to the smithsonian). Identical really means monozygotic which is to say same sperm and same egg. They have the same genes at conception but how they actually develop isn’t entirely governed by that. The earlier the twins split the larger the difference between them though they’re still identical.

Any discussion with my menopausal wife when she is having an ‘episode’.

Any conversation in the army that starts with “We are looking for a few volunteers…”

That was never a conversation.

“We need three volunteers. You, you and you, now” was how it normally went.

“Edinburgh Defence”

Nothing on google what is it?

A running gag on STW. Children can be so cruel.

The term was used repeatedly against an individual who imo was clearly joking but whose detractors wanted to poke fun at.

The term was coined for an individual who IMO was clearly talking abject bollocks and then went “yeah, I was joking all along” when they finally realised several pages later that they were in fact talking abject bollocks.

What tales do you have?

Firstly I just avoid and then observe with a cup of tea/coffee.

Finns in general. When a conversation is over, it’s over, and they are likely to just turn around and walk away.

Flatmates used to be Finns and they were bunch of good laugh … either at me or with me I don’t know but we had a good laugh, somehow I sense they love vodka.

As for the OP question,

It will come as little surprise that I’m broadly incapable. My mouth and brain are hardwired together. I have in fairly recent years learn to sometimes bite my tongue but it doesn’t come naturally.

Shortly after telling a man in drag at a fancy dress party that he made an ugly woman…….and then realising that the person was not a man dressed up.

Years ago I was at… something, I can’t even remember now, a show or a training course or something and I’d lost the voucher they handed out to cover your lunch. I went back to the reception table and grovelled, and they kindly provided a replacement.

“Oh, thank you!” I gushed, “you’re an absolute gentleman!”

“No, I’m not,” she replied.

The term was coined for an individual who IMO was clearly talking abject bollocks and then went “yeah, I was joking all along” when they finally realised several pages later that they were in fact talking abject bollocks.

Ah well, at least you aren’t joking when you’re talking bollocks. I’m sure.

Perfecting the art of uncomfortable silence in work meetings is immensely powerful. I am now at an age and level of experience I am training others in the craft. I love watching others babble nonsense to fill the ‘void’..

Many, usually because the only reply I can think of is going to or likely to offend someone and I mange to get my brain to step before my mouth. A recent example being told that starting a presentation “Ladies and Gentlemen” was not allowed as it wasnt PC!!