controlled infant crying – bad experiences please

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  • controlled infant crying – bad experiences please
  • Premier Icon molgrips
    Subscriber

    A lot of people who’ve tried a lot of things with multiple kids. Experience, I guess you’d call it.

    No need for cynicism – good sharing of experiences so far.

    yunki
    Member

    aaah, you guys

    Lot of experts in here eh?

    I bumped into a girl who works with my mother recently.. (they are occupational therapists)
    The girl had given birth to her first child a month beforehand, I asked how the baby was sleeping, like you do..

    her response was that the baby was sleeping through the night..
    apparently leaving it to cry outside of timed feeds had been tough for the first week but everything was fine and dandy now.. 😯

    that’s just the traditional way in their family.. just goes to show that it’s all relative I guess

    Premier Icon molgrips
    Subscriber

    The girl had given birth to her first child a month beforehand, I asked how the baby was sleeping, like you do..

    her response was that the baby was sleeping through the night.

    Hehee.. lots of kids start sleeping through very early on, then somehow lose the habit when they start being aware of the fact that they’re alone in the dark… watch the smug grin dissolve from those parents’ faces πŸ™‚

    yunki
    Member

    I think the OPs first line is the most concerning.

    That’s a bit of a worry, I would suspect that the dingo comment would indicate a bigger threat to the lads health than the name calling, but it takes all sorts.. πŸ™‚

    I don’t think that clearing off and leaving them for 67 mins is controlled crying

    again, you have created that scenario in your head.. πŸ˜†

    watch the smug grin dissolve

    yeah.. we used to be quite envious of a couple we knew who worshipped the teachings of Gina Forde.. we were too soft for that kind of regime but their kid handled like an absolute dream..

    not so much now that he’s a toddler with a baby brother.. he’s properly badly behaved..
    I don’t gloat at others misfortune, but it just proves that with kids, nothing is certain..

    (except strife πŸ˜€ )

    fuzzhead
    Member

    Can’t leave my kids crying, never could. If they’re crying, something’s up = give them a cuddle.

    Our first one was a nightmare baby. Hardly ever slept more than 2-3 hours at a time for the first 18 months.
    Would cry like he was on a skewer, for hours at a time. The only thing that worked was to carry him up and down the stairs. Each time I stopped or walked on the flat he’d start crying again.
    Really really hard work.

    But we’ve got past that and he’s great and the second one was a lot easier.

    TiRed
    Member

    26 minutes, was our cut off. “Babies can cry for 26min for no reason” was our midwife’s comment.

    Is it colic or hunger?
    Son1 cried and cried and cried and screamed and… Never slept more than about 90min. Turned out he was hungry 😳
    Son2 recieved supplementary bottled milk before going to bed. Slept through the night from three weeks.

    They are all different. They all turn out OK in the end.

    yossarian
    Member

    i think it depends a lot on whether the parents expect the child to fit in with their lifestyle or whether they are prepared for disruption as the the new member adjusts to being alive.

    TooTall
    Member

    again, you have created that scenario in your head

    It is pretty much how I read it as well – having gone back several times to see what that quote was all about. You have presented the information in a way many of us are interpreting it – so clarify your point rather than telling us we’re reading it incorrectly.

    I still think you are being overly harsh on the kid at such a young age.

    mashiehood
    Member

    god damn it why did i start reading this thread! Our first is due in three weeks arghhhhh! (runs around the room panicking!)

    😯

    trb
    Member

    I haven’t read the rest of the thread but that sounds a lot like our first.
    On a good day the missus would be waiting at the front window for me to get home from work, on a bad day she’d be waiting on the drive to hand him over! Luckily we didn’t have another child to worry about at that time.

    The sad truth is that he had to grow out of it, he got a lot better when he could crawl and walk and general destroy the house under his own steam.

    oh and very sadly I found that the Wurzels was the best music to jiggle him off to sleep to……. 5 years on and I can still remember the lyrics to the Blackbird song.

    yunki
    Member

    5 years on and I can still remember the lyrics to the Blackbird song.

    awesome.. I’ve seen them live a few times.. πŸ˜†

    Premier Icon molgrips
    Subscriber

    i think it depends a lot on whether the parents expect the child to fit in with their lifestyle or whether they are prepared for disruption as the the new member adjusts to being alive.

    There’s disruption, and there’s being so sleep deprived you can’t function, drive safely, look after other kids etc etc.

    I think that my wife would be extremely angry with you if you suggested she was just experiencing lifestyle issues.

    monkey_boy
    Member

    our little un is now just over 2, we had a few bad weeks when she was about 9 months, we were dead against controlled crying.

    one night we were so knackered we just let her cry and cry…. she finally wnet off to sleep and was fine in the morning. we got to the point where we’d sneak in try and calm her down, make sure nappy wasnt wet/dirty put her back down then just, well… left her to cry it out.

    some may slate us for doing that but i dont care a she is going great guns and the clinic say she is fine.

    ours never had a dummy, we tried it a few times but then just didnt bother and it didnt seem to bother her.

    in our experience the first 6 months were by far the easiest, but looking back we have had a dream child (so far)compared to friends!

    only advice i’d give is dont read any of the books or go onto the web, ignorance is bliss to a certain point, how the hell do people think they coped years ago!

    nothing wrong with this nutter…

    yossarian
    Member

    There’s disruption, and there’s being so sleep deprived you can’t function, drive safely, look after other kids etc etc.

    yep, i know that one. the only way we managed to deal with it was to go to bed at the same time as the kids for a while. disrupted sleep over 12 hours was a whole lot better than over 6 hours.

    I think that my wife would be extremely angry with you if you suggested she was just experiencing lifestyle issues.

    i don’t think i suggested that to be fair. I do think some parents attempt to train their newborns into behaving in a way that benefits the parents more than the child. I have no idea whether that applies to you or not.

    RichPenny
    Member

    I’m desperate to know how you can prepare for the disruption of only 3 hours of broken sleep. Every day. For 300 days. We have been lucky so far, but there are loads of parents trying to live in that scenario. Hopefully not you Mashiehood πŸ˜‰ Remember reading mf saying his girls hadn’t slept through for 2.5 years. I remain incredulous as to how you can function like that, you have my respect rather than my judgement.

    fuzzhead
    Member

    I remember when my eldest started sleeping through after 1.5 years and realising that I’d been tired all that time.

    Prepares you very well for doing night laps at Mountain Mayhem πŸ˜‰

    scuttler
    Member

    you want me to carry this around in a sling all day..!!!?

    In the style of STW valves/logos/fence needs painting, that dude’s nappy needs changing. There must be a gallon in there!!

    Good luck though – I never had this bother with our two but my missus is angling for a third so I’m not smug yet.

    Premier Icon molgrips
    Subscriber

    you want me to carry this around in a sling all day..!!!?

    In the style of Crocodile Dundee – that is not a big baby!

    Premier Icon Nobby
    Subscriber

    A friend had a similar problem last year & his wife’s pilates instructor suggetsed they go & see an osteopath who specialises in infants/children. After just a few sessions the crying stopped & the osteo explained that some babies suffer discomfort as the plates that make up the skull are squashed & pushed around all over the place during birth but can take a while to settle back down again. This can be a painful process. Cranial massage to help everything back can be the answer & seemed like a miracle cure to them.

    Apparently, colic can be dealt with in the same way for many babies too.

    Might be worth a call/consultation.

    messiah
    Member

    A friend had a similar problem last year & his wife’s pilates instructor suggetsed they go & see an osteopath who specialises in infants/children. After just a few sessions the crying stopped & the osteo explained that some babies suffer discomfort as the plates that make up the skull are squashed & pushed around all over the place during birth but can take a while to settle back down again. This can be a painful process. Cranial massage to help everything back can be the answer & seemed like a miracle cure to them.

    We did the same but at a Chiropractor. Instant Colic cure in no.1 and we did no.2 as well. Both slept through the night within days of the treatments… poor little toots had been in pain/discomfort when awake and not distracted.

    Odd shape of no.1’s head was spotted by the Chiro and wife was diagnosed with a twisted pelvis… which had been “diagnosed” by normal doctors as a back problem which was treated with painkillers and “back re-hab” classes for years. Also informed that birth was never going to be natural because of the twist… all sorted before no.2 who’s head was a normal shape.

    Could just be timing or emperors new clothes etc but it seemed to work well at the time.

    rogerthecat
    Member

    Blimey can’t get mine to wake up!!
    Ok they are teenagers.

    We read everything going on what to do before they arrived. In the end we just cuddled them, slept with them and them with us. Youngest was in with us longest, came into our bed in the early hours until he was 7. First was happy to lie/sit in his cot and eventually fall to sleep,

    Cannot claim that this has had an effect on them now but they are both warm and loving, not afraid to cuddle either me or MrsCat.

    Best advice is do what feels right to you, you will be more comfortable, less anxious – kids pick up on how you are feeling.

    spchantler
    Member

    my second of 3 had bad colic till 4 months old, screamed when awake, didn’t sleep much….pick them up, and give them a cuddle, what’s wrong with cuddles? where has this idea come from that cuddles are bad? kids cry because its their only way of communicating, they don’t begin to talk right away y’know. if you don’t pick them up it only teaches them that their needs aren’t being met, that’s why they eventually stop, read a book called the continuum concept

    yunki
    Member

    think it depends a lot on whether the parents expect the child to fit in with their lifestyle or whether they are prepared for disruption as the the new member adjusts to being alive.

    and which way is correct..?
    do we raise our kids to be familiar with everything going the way that they demand or do we raise them to adapt to those around them..?

    the first two years being the most formative and all that..

    FWIW, mrs yunki falls into the force the kid to adapt camp, where as I am a card carrying, sandal wearing, yoghurt weaving, mystic peacenik and believe in letting the child develop in the most nurturing environment possible.. sacrificing everything to give them the best start in life.. perhaps this is partly why I stay at home and raise the kids, while mrs yunki goes out to work to provide for the family..

    still… there has to come a point where compromises have to made, for the families sake.. a 2 foot long shrieking tyrant with a very egocentric agenda can only be allowed so much power and responsibility before sense has to prevail..

    thanks for all the advice though.. I think that perhaps with all the sleep deprivation, and stress, and the guilt at imposing this situation on my older son, I may have perhaps been taking a slightly more clinical approach than felt natural.. compounding the problem to a degree..
    my kids get more affection from their father than the majority I’ll wager, and our bond is pretty intense.. so I’ll not lose any sleep over those misguided judgements.. we’re discussing breaking bad habits here, not emotional neglect.. 8)

    Premier Icon paulosoxo
    Subscriber

    The issue with all the parents giving advice is that the ones who think they have it sussed (me) have had it the easiest. Both my kids have slept through the night since they were seven weeks old, and although it might be fantastic parenting by us, it’s probably just good old luck.

    We have used what I thought was controlled crying at certain stages, although its in no way scientific and more common sense. The latest issue was six months ago when we moved back into this house.

    The youngest, who had just turned two, decided he wasn’t going to bed, and would cry at his door, we had a few nights of cuddles and shushing, before going back to the old check after five minutes, then a further ten, then a further twenty and keep doubling lark, I think this lasted two nights before he decided that he rather just go to kip and has been fine against since.

    You need to just do this your own way, and nobody else’s.

    yunki
    Member

    I were just venting really paulosaxo..

    but damn these dadsnet threads always get a bit tetchy..
    I should have known better really.. 😳

    like my mum says.. there’s not much more or better you can do than just loving them..

Viewing 26 posts - 41 through 66 (of 66 total)

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