Closest shaves you've ever had?

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  • Closest shaves you've ever had?
  • Premier Icon Stoner

    Mrs Stoner and I were in Thailand on our honeymoon 7 years ago. On boxing day morning we went for a swim in the sea at our resort in Khao Lak before breakfast.

    At breakfast on the spur of the moment we decided we would check out and move on to explore somewhere else. We packed our bags and paid our bill then wandered up to the main road a little after 9am. We had no idea when the next bus was due but one turned up before long and we got on heading for Trang on the other side of the country. The road took us up over the headland and away from the coast. The wave hit Khao Lak shortly after 10am and destroyed it. It was one of the worst hit areas and many families died – predominantly Scandinavian and German. Our resort was wiped out and I found out later that almost everyone there died. There were a number of young families there and I still think of them.

    We didnt realise what had happened until we got off the bus hours later and watch the BBC World channel news in a bar in Trang.

    We decided then to head back to Bangkok and think about heading home. In Bangkok we read in the English language papers that the Red Cross were desperate for European blood donations. They were massively understocked of blood group types with much higher incidences in white European populations than in the far east. Luckily Mrs S is loaded with super blood O- so her donation was of great value.

    We’ve still got a folder of clippings from newspapers but havent look at it since 2005. We dont really think about it much, but when it comes round in the news now and then I always think of those families at Khao Lak.

    Premier Icon thepurist

    Mine was scuba diving – I passed out underwater and by the time my buddy got me ashore I was unconscious, not breathing & had no detectable pulse. Fortunately we were at an inland site and landed right next to a group who were just packing up after a day’s rescue training and they were on me like a shot, followed quickly by the site’s rescue team. After a bit of CPR & O2 I came round, got stroppy that they were about to cut all my gear off me and with a bit of help managed to walk to the waiting ambulance. After about 6 hours under observation in hospital I was released. Totally ruined my head for a while though and I ended up calling time on ~20 years as a diver.

    Fell off the cliff on the Lemmings descent in Spain. Small shrub was the only thing to grab and ended up doing an Indiana Jones hanging off the cliff holding said shrub. This then snapped and I dropped into a thorn bush that was growing out of a fault line in the face of the cliff. I sat in the bush looking down at a 70-odd foot drop to a mountain stream thinking how lucky I was.

    I’ve ridden that desent, it’s nuts!

    Muddy chute into right hand berm on a DH track. The front wheel turcked under turning in and I went OTB. Luckily there was a tree growing out of the bank so I grabbed it and did a bit of a twirl as my bike tubled off the edge!

    On the bike, got into a big tank-slapper on a trail in Kitzbuhel and almost ended up over a cliff – a pile of logs slowed me down (and laid me up for the rest of the week).

    Off the bike, climbing an easy ice route in Snowdonia with too much enthusiasm and not enough experience. Crampon slid out in soft snow, I ended up on my face, sliding back down the gully we’d just climbed. I reckon it was a good 300ft before I managed to axe-arrest. Scary at the time but I’m wiser for the experience! 😀


    So many that I can remember.
    Remember driving a nice winding road on the way home from work at 60mph-ish, left hand bend, can in front of me turning right. No chance of stopping in time, so managed to squeeze between the turning car and oncoming traffic. Was a bit quiet in the car for a while after.


    Thing that chills me though is I had a massive vertical dent in the right side of my petrol tank. Basically my front wheel had deflected nearly 90 degrees sideways, hit the tank, then straightened up again, all at 80mph and one handed.

    It might have been your leg. I’ve seen the top tube of a bike fold through 90 degrees after being hit by the rider’s leg – he was hit by a car. He had a bruise on his leg, nothing more.


    Not me- hora junior last week. He’d just put a pound into the parking meter and suddenly/bolted quickly off the kerb into the road (parked cars obscuring and it was twilight in the city centre on a road where people belt it)- I was out and into the road/wrapped round him (hopefully) as quick. Doesn’t bare thinking about. Hes 2. FFS.

    Now my hand is always on his collar/shoulder etc.

    **** scary.


    Blimey, Stoner, I remember you saying that at the time, I’d forgotten.


    Thats so sad stoner,what a random thing this life is.


    Climbing at Causey quarry in Durham, I went to the top to set up a top rope (was climbing with a GF) and tripped on a tree root, which sent me plunging head first towards the cliff edge. Somehow I managed to grab a root and I ended up with the top half of my body over the cliff, looking straight into the shocked eyes of my GF about 80 ft below.

    Most climbing accidents happen while descending after the climb, especially on wet grass.

    Riding down from a col in the French Alps on a borrowed roadie I got crowded on a bend, wheels hit gravel and I smacked down then slid over the edge. Finished up in a sapling, heard the screech of tyres then the whine of gears reversing and then two worried faces peered over the cliff at me, asking if I was OK. They lifted me and the bike back onto the road and wanted to take me home but I carried on, despite bleeding from head, shoulder and hip. Was a bit sore for a couple of days.

    Premier Icon Stoner

    not so much that I had “forgotten” it too, but that we never really think of it. I think it’d get a bit morbid if I did. And I really dont think it has had an effect on my life at all. I dont know whether that’s weird or not.


    I suppose this is a close shave- on a NSL – undertook a car lazily turning right- put two wheels onto loose gravel at circa 70.

    Premier Icon postierich

    Whilst manning an observation post in the New Lodge(Belfast) 26 years ago, 16 bullets came through the window no PPE was worn and I took a riccochet to my arm the fragment is still in there 😕

    More recently(last xmas) knocked off my bike into oncoming traffic luckily the paramedic stopped in time.Compo already spent 😆


    I lived on an island when I was a kid that had a bridge over to the main land. You could climb up and get onto the girders underneath and we used to try and get out to the middle of the bridge…as you got closer the spans became bigger and there was nothing to hold onto so several 10 year olds walking along something a few inches wide and very high.

    I went behind the barriers on the same bridge once to get a better view of a raft race, the barriers went down and the counter weight started crushing me against the railings. A bloke spotted me and lifted me out just in time.

    Driving home on a dual carraigeway in cumbria, it went round a sharpish bend and went down to one lane. I was motoring along in the outside lane like I always did and for some reason thought pull over, just before a pensioner came round the bend on the wrong side of the dual carraigeway.

    Premier Icon bounce

    on a trip to Rome back in the late 90s, we were running late for the train to the clubs out on the coast about 20km away. As we walked out onto the platform, the train started moving and we started running. I belted down the platform and just managed to jump onto the step of the last door, then looked back down the platform to see my mates gawping at me – they’d given up long since. Then I tried the door – locked – shit! and then looked forward to see the front of the train disappearing into a tunnel at the end of the long platform. As i started to panic and tried to make myself one with the door, the guard thankfully pulled the cord and the train stopped with just the last couple of carriages on the platform.

    had to take a bollocking from the guard, well worth it, was glad he’d seen me…


    Too many incidents on the roadie hacking down fast descents in the Doli’s, close shaves with rock slabs, barriers, cars, scree in the road, damp patches, cars, horses, walkers, cars, barriers.. Snow depth posts, tunnels ( going from daylight to darkness in a slit second then being blind by car headlights)

    It normally revolves around me and mates racing, pushing it a bit too hard all for the sake of the coffee at the bottom of the hill.

    🙄 😆

    Premier Icon BoardinBob

    Must be about 14 years ago. I was driving up to Glencoe for a day snowboarding. It was around 6am and we’re driving up the A82 alongside Loch Lomond. Driving along about 60mph and all of a sudden the car felt funny. Drove along for a few more seconds then all of a sudden the car starts spinning. I reckon we did about 5 full revolutions before I came to rest on the opposite side of the road. Every time we spun I could see the guy in the car behind me and the look of horror on his face. got out the car and the entire road was basically a massive ice rink. I couldn’t even stand up without falling. How we managed to spin so much and avoid other cars, street furniture, trees etc was a complete miracle.

    My passenger managed to sleep through the entire thing. I woke him up then we pulled into a layby and I had a wee cry 😳


    funkrodent – Member

    powering at speed

    This sounds awesome, how do I do it?

    Premier Icon Ming the Merciless

    Motorbike, at telephone numbers, came around a corner on a nasty piece of what was dual carriage way (since reduced to a 50 and single carriage way after many bad accidents) to find a load of turf had fallen off the back of a lorry. I slowed a little bit but had nowhere to go and hit a roll at about 90 with the bike cranked over. The bike took off, I thought this is it, the bike landed, had a bit of a wobble and carried on as if nothing had happened. I got home, put the bike to bed and got very pissed.

    I look back on this now am so glad I was on a lardy ZX7R and not the nasty little R6 I had a few months later.


    and I had a wee cry

    Two lads had just servived their car being ripped in two – from the A pillar onwards seperated with the engine further up the road along with two Lithuanian-registered trucks. They were both GRINNING their heads off. Odd but another reaction to extreme stress 😆


    It happened today. I was crossing Lothian road in Edinburgh – Green man. Caught a reflection in a window, looked over my left shoulder. Car running the lights at speed, heading straight for me. Had to dive out of the way.

    The next closest I’ve come to dying would be when I was in a car that hit a tree square on at 80mph. I walked away from that uninjured somehow.


    Have spun my car off the road in heavy rain before now. That was scary entering a field backwards. If it had happened when the ground was dry there was a real chance the car would have rolled.
    As it happened, the side got rather dented. All I had to do was pop the exhaust rubber back on its mount and reset the fuel pump, drive home, get driven to pump, get rather pissed, cry later and go to bed.

    Premier Icon Mad Pierre

    At Stainburn: on an easy bit of trail I stalled on a rock and went to put my foot down…. on nothing. I fell backwards towards stumps and pointy rocks. After about 8ft of freefall (one of those slow mo, this is gonna hurt ones) I landed on a particularly big, pointy rock right in the middle of my back.

    Inside my Camelbak the plastic box, lined with foam to protect the enclosed video camera (this was pre-Go Pro days) took the full impact.

    It still **** hurt but I reckon it would have been a broken back….? The box was smashed to bits but the video camera was also ok!

    Genuine ice axe arrest on Le Rateau ealier this year, 100 vertical metres above a huge crevasse, 100% sure it saved mine and Ms AD’s lives.

    Premier Icon pictonroad

    Standing at the bus stop on Picton Road in Liverpool one night, bus pulls up, I join the queue, letting others go ahead, I’m last in, as I step forward something brushes the back of my leg.

    A stolen Austin Maestro, five up doing about 60, careers over the pavement, the whole car gently brushing past me, wing mirror ripped my jacket and it continued into the advertising hoarding.

    Bus driver, shrugged took my cash and we carried on.

    Common theme, at the time you just carry on, it’s only later how close it was hits you…

    I’ve also rounded a corner on a bike in Whistler to meet a bear, note, hired DH bikes don’t pedal up hill…


    Almost went on an 18-30 holiday – then realised I was already in my forties – phew! 😉


    Struggle to match Stoners sad but miraculous story…but

    -Waking up in a sewage ditch after a night of Tequila…in down town Kabul..wake up…mobile phone and passport gone from pockets…blind drunk – hail a taxi.

    -Dropping a rear wheel of my car over the edge of a muddy edged cliff in NZ ( drivers side)..during a wild and wet storm on an isolated track, 6 hrs walk from the nearest hunters hut. Meanwhile trees were being uprooted all around with mudslides.

    -15 miles from nearest village on a beach in Morocco ( decided to walk/camp the 30 miles), realising being followed, stop and chat to bedraggled stranger who followed me for a couple of miles. Grade A schizophrenic American guy, living rough as he fears that he is being followed by the FBI. After 15 miles of running with pack finally lose him 😥

    Premier Icon woody2000

    Sat in traffic, waiting for lights to change. Lights change & I roll off. As I move forward, something catches my eye in the rear view mirror, very close to the back of my car.

    A car that had been parked on a very steep drive to my right, handbrake had failed (also not in gear!) and it had come straight down the drive and shot across the road, missing the back of my car by a whisker and ending up in a field opposite.

    If it had hit the car, it would have undoubtedly killed or seriously injured my baby son in the back. But it didn’t so 😀

    Mixing LSD and home made gin was very nearly the end of me, but that’s a different story 😳


    You should have mixed home made gin with LSD, any chemist knows that!

    Premier Icon portlyone

    Various close shaves whilst being driven around on the roads in Peru as a kid.

    One such occasion was when we were driving down the Panamerica Highway (I think) through deserted dessert roads. We’re doing a decent speed when the lorry on the other side of the road inexplicably started to drift into our lane (single lane road). A few hundred metres down the road there is a woman waiting for a lift next to the road. We veer off the road into the hardened sand/loose pebbles to avoid the truck and do a pretty descent slide bisecting by centimetres the waiting woman on one side and the deep ditch on the other.

    Saw countless aftermaths of accidents since they didn’t tend to shut the roads down even with fatalities. 😯

    Premier Icon funkrodent

    @ cynical-al – powering at speed? Indeed. Perhaps guilty of over-embellishment 😉 Lets stick with “going reasonably quickly” if that sits more comfortably with you..
    All these stories remind me of a car/VW camper interfac back when I was young(er) and carefree. Steep hill, old racer, shoddy brakes, rain. Sudden left turn = belated realisation that I couldn’t stay on the left side of the road & the unavoidable skid that would result from any attempt would take me under the wheels of the approaching VW van. Only chance was between van and parked cars on far side of road. I nearly made it. Left-hand side of handlebars clipped the van, catapulting me into and over the parked cars, whilst bike smashed light, starred windscreen and dented corner of van. Panicked German tourist got out thinking I was dead. But apart from bruises and shock I was fine and incredibly bike was still ride-able. I made my excuses & left, continuing journey to girlfriend’s house where I was comforted with a joint and a cup of tea. Still trying to work out the mechanics of how I avoided van & injury/death yet bike effectively trashed a chunk of the front of it. 😳


    I’ve just had a close shave, my Man moustache was a little long so trimmed back to a No2.

    I’m still in movember, but got its pissing me off.

    Premier Icon funkrodent

    Movember eh? Me too. Been compared to a paedo, Baldrick balancing a slug on his lip off of Blackadder 4, Graham Hill, a copper and Mr McKay – the anal warder in Porridge. Only 2 weeks to go…

    Very windy day south bound on the A1, what I assume was the sheet of ply came off the back of a lorry travelling North bound.

    All I saw was was a big dark thing flying through the air, came right through the passenger side and hung around for a few seconds before flying over the back of the car.

    Figure I’d have been FUBAR’d or dead a few seconds either side.

    Nice thing was nobody pulled over to check me out.


    On my motorcycle following a lorry. It’s back wheel clipped near-side curb and tore off a piece of edging stone and stuck between it’s twin wheels for a second or so only for it to spit it out and watch it whiz past my left ear.
    On said motorcycle on d’caridgeway in outside lane following a car too close. A pheasant hit the car in front and bounced over his roof and clipped my shoulder.
    Finally, on different motorcycle pulling into my driveway at walking pace, the bike suddenly stopped dead and I stepped off dropping it to the ground. On closer inspection, one of the front disc bolts had lost its captive nut and the bolt had come out of its slot and jammed against the inside of the front fork as the wheel rotated. Don’t want to think what would have happened at the much higher speeds I had been doing on the way home.
    Don’t want to talk about the time I was racing an unmarked police car at twice the motorway speed limit!

    Premier Icon Cheezpleez

    Riding solo down a trail I know very well, popped off a small lip to find a fallen tree lying across the trail. Bike stopped dead and I went sailing through the air to land on my face. Was very lucky to get away with a fractured eye socket and mild concussion as well as various cuts and bruises. Once I’d gathered my thoughts it took me about five minutes to find my bike, which had been catapulted about 30 feet away into dense bushes.

    Skiing off piste properly for the first time last year, I was following the guide who said ‘Follow me carefully here. Do not fall!’ So naturally I fell, for 300 feet down a very steep slope before j-u-s-t managing to stop myself about 40ft away from a huge rock cliff. Exhilarating. 😯

    Premier Icon edhornby

    in london in a hotel, slightly hungover and taking my time to checkout, went to get a tube and couldn’t so tried to get a bus and couldn’t – 7th July and if I had been earlier I’d have been on the tube….


    @ alex222 – I did exactly the same thing on that trail. Riding with a stinking hangover, got a bit indecisive on line choice and dropped the front wheel between 2 rocks. OTB and full flip over the edge. Just managed to grab a tree and stop myself. My lovely Norco carried on somersaulting for a good 100ft more. Once i’d scrambled down and retrieved it, I realised it was kaput. Hubs had exploded and the fork crown was cracked. Had a choice and decided to climb back to the top (woulda taken hours to walk back to Cham) and managed to persuade the lift guy to let me on the closed cable car.
    Not a scratch but the headache was gone…..till the next morning!


    On the TMB route between La Fouly and Ferret, just after the bit with the chains, my sunglasses fell of my pack strap, so I stopped to pick them up. Unclipped both feet, but leant to my left, to find air. Fell about 4 feet then hit a tree. This was the last tree above a 300ft drop, and I was stuck under my bike. Was very quiet for the rest of the day…


    Rifle round passed very close to my head several years ago.

    Been attacked with a sharp weapon.

    Been very close to being run over by a lorry.

    I try not to think about these things, there have been quite a few times I could have potentially been killed so far. But I wasn’t and I’m still here, there’s no point dwelling on it or you end up a nervous wreck – there are things in life that are beyond your control, you should expect this and let it slide.

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