This neighbourhood’s getting worse. Only last week, two crows were
arrested for attempted murder.

A programmer walks into a bar and asks the bartender for 1.00000000000003123939 root beers.

Bartender says: “I’ll have to charge you extra, that’s a root beer float.”

Programmer says: “better make it a double.”

24?

24: “Your ripped these?” “You mend these?”

Where do Martians get their Mercury from?

H G Wells.

D’OH! Cheers 🙂

Bought the missus a Klein bottle for Christmas. A right bugger to wrap, it was.

I’ve started making beer. It’s dead easy, you just pour root beer into a square glass.

Cougar – Moderator
This neighbourhood’s getting worse. Only last week, two crows were
arrested for attempted murder.

Cougar may I refer you to joke no.12 in my original post…

Where do Martians get their Mercury from?

H G Wells.

Oh, that is very clever 😉

(Feel free to steal that one)

🙂

Cougar may I refer you to joke no.12 in my original post…

Ack, mia culpa, I (obviously) didn’t see that.

Would 25 work for an Ada programmer? Surely some errors in there if you had Eggs & Bread defined as separate types.

Bought the missus a Klein bottle for Christmas. A right bugger to wrap, it was.

My parents got me a Klein beer bottle opener 😉

f(x) = 6x + 3 walks into a bar.

“Got any sandwiches?” he asks the barman.

“Sorry,” the barman replies, “we don’t cater for functions.”

My parents got me a Klein beer bottle opener

That is awesome.

Where do Martians get their Mercury from?

H G Wells.

Oh, that is very clever

That one took a few minutes.

A physicist, an engineer and a statistician go out hunting.

Presently, they find a deer. The physicist draws up complex ballistics calculations to work out where to shoot, but as he’s assumed it’s a spherical deer in a vacuum, his shot is two metres too low.

The engineer jury-rigs a fix for the equation to take air resistance into account and allows a bit extra ‘just in case’, so his shot is two metres too high.

The statistician shouts, “we got him!”

Cougar – that’s mean to statisticians 😉

It probably is about average, yes.

Done what one?

Someone’s already done that one 😉

Can’t remember the details but some maths bloke was laughing loudly about some deer jokes.

It started with the blind deer = no idea
Blind and no legs =still no idea
The others I forget the joke but the punch lines were
Definitely no idea
And
Absolutely no idea

He was the only one laughing so they were either clever or bad

A chemist, a physist and an economist are stranded on a desert island with no food. One day some tins wash ashore from the shipwreck.
The chemist says ‘there is sulphur in these rocks, we can use sea water to make acid and corrosion will open the tins’ The physisit said ‘that’s too complicated, we just need a stone and a lever and we can smash them open’
The economist said ‘If we assume for a moment that we had a tin opener the rational thing to do to get the most utility from the contents…..

Two chemists walked into a bar,

The first chemist asked for a glass of H2 O.

The second chemist said, “ooh, I’ll have an H2 O too!” and died.

The sartre one is very good, on a couple of levels. In the first place it could be read as a straightforward ‘blonde / irishman / stooge’ joke. But it really refers to Sartre’s consideration of Nothingness as a thing. ” Being and Nothingness” I think. As such the nature of that nothingness is quite important.

Also 18 is a trivial simplification of Heisenberg’s uncertainty. It’s not just “i’m not sure”. The Godel component is good but the chomsky a bit trivial too

Another version of No. 5:
Heisenberg gets pulled over by the police while driving.
“Do you know how fast you were going, sir?” says the policeman.
“No, but I know exactly where I am”.

Squid – do you reckon that will stand up in court.

Not that it affects me of course…

1.00000000000003123939 root beers

My programming knowledge is 40 year old FORTRAN and some VB – not good enough to follow this. I suspect there may be some US terminology as well? Floating points and double precision?