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  • Child Access? Any experts here?
  • SBrock
    Member

    Ok my daughter is nearly 10 months old, she is a very content little girl but my ex is not letting me have her overnight as she says she is too young?
    However I have just found out that my ex has gone to London overnight and left her 17 yr old daughter responsible for her overnight, but she is too young for me to have overnight?
    Double standards I think? Am I being unreasonable to expect to have her overnight?
    She has everything here that she needs, a lovely clean home, cot, bedding, high chairs toys and lots of love form her Daddy.

    Thanks

    nothing i can say that would help, but i’ve forwarded a link to this thread to a forum member who might be able to offer some advice. can’t promise anything but hopefully they’ll reply with something useful!

    SBrock
    Member

    thanks Phil i appreciate that!

    dee66
    Member

    The sad reality is that the parent with custody gets to call the shots.
    Will she be unreasonable? Probably. Are you going to have a productive discussion with an ex or end up in an arguement? If you drag it through a legal process all you get is a piece of paper.
    From someone who’s had a period of not seeing my children do your best to keep it amicable. “yes ex of course ex” is hard but works long term.
    Best of luck.

    Im no expert, just a bit of child contact experience at work… But that is not fair at all. Are you on the birth certificate? Do you have parental responsibility? Does she have custody of the child? Agree with above, keep it amicable cos going through court is long winded and expensive, but ask her what law she is basing the decision that your child is too young?! the fathers for justice website is quite useful apparently, might have some tips on there…

    SBrock
    Member

    i am on the birth cert, i have parental responsibility but she has custody!

    “the child is too young’ response from her is just to wind me up but I try not to appear wound but it is hard.

    I know the best course of action is keep it amicable – I am a decent guy i want to see my daughter properly, put her to bed, be there when she wakes up etc etc all the thins that I miss!

    Thanks for your comments

    writing on behalf of mrsconsequence as she’s munching down on pudding, she asks… “did a court decide she has custody, or is this just something the mother has said?”… and “if she was granted custody, is there a contact order?”

    I know the best course of action is keep it amicable – I am a decent guy i want to see my daughter properly, put her to bed, be there when she wakes up etc etc all the thins that I miss!

    My heart goes out to you mate – been there, got the purple T-Shirt 🙂

    My strong inclination would be not to push the issue of overnight contact till she’s at least a year old – this is in accordance with CAFCASS advice, which is “little and often”

    I’ll just also repeat my advice from previous threads on the issue

    Proper advice!

    For the next few months – suck everything else up, play her game, be mr super helpful always offering to look after her while ex goes shopping/goes out for an evening with the girls, bend over backwards to help and raise a fuss about nothing, bite your lip and play the long game, however pissed off you get over it.

    During this time – get a diary – write down every time you see her, everything that you do for her, what money you spend and what you did with her.

    Then, when you’ve got a nice catalogue that shows your current level of contact (the status quo) hit her with an application for a court order, meaning that you’ve secured contact plans for the longer term. self represent, its not worth solicitors for a simple contact order (expect claims of all sorts, domestic violence, harassment, etc, etc – this can be happily disproven by your diary of contact)

    The kids will make their own mind up in the end – till then, keep your chin up, walk proud and be the better person.

    Take what few stolen moments you get with them, and make them really memorable, doesn’t have to involve spending money, silly crap like getting a £1.99 painting set, sitting in the park and painting pictures with them really leaves a long lasting impression on kids. Make em laugh, lots.

    SBrock
    Member

    no i left the family home we are not married. The mother has decided she has custody! we havent been to court!

    thanks

    SBrock
    Member

    Zulu – Eleven,

    Do they recommend a year then? I just worry when she is a year old she will move the goal posts and say she needs to be 18 months!

    Legally she can’t just decide she has custody.. If you went round there and took the child and refused to give the child back, you would legally be in your right to do so. Wouldn’t look good of course, but if she rung the police they would tell her to go to family court…

    I like the idea of keeping a diary. Always a good idea in these kind of situations.

    I didnt know CAFCASS made any suggestions about a child being a year old before over night visits, I would like to think it depended on family situation as long as the child’s routine doesn’t get messed up. There are free legal lines to call for advice, I dont remember them unfortunately since leaving my old job but look online and there will be advice around the law

    SBrock
    Member

    ok thanks, it sort of confirms what I already knew!

    just nice to come and get some support and reassurance from people in a similar situation to me! Thanks

    flip
    Member

    Don’t get me started i’ve been through this with my son.

    My advice is to get a contact order from the court, your ex can’t stop you having your daughter!

    You have rights but you need a solicitor, then go to court.

    It’ll probably get a bit nasty at first but when you have the order things will calm down i’m sure.

    Please don’t get walked over, women in these situations think they are all the child needs. Not true.

    SBrock
    Member

    Don’t get me started i’ve been through this with my son.

    My advice is to get a contact order from the court, your ex can’t stop you having your daughter!

    You have rights but you need a solicitor, then go to court.

    It’ll probably get a bit nasty at first but when you have the order things will calm down i’m sure.

    Please don’t get walked over, women in these situations think they are all the child needs. Not true.

    Thanks for that fella

    Hi Mrsconsequence

    Yes, my understanding is that it is “decided on the facts of every case” but that the internal guidelines and assessment tools point towards 12 months as a rough guideline, and before that the line is “little and often”

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