I had lunch with some Aristos the other day and was clearly out of my depth.

A truckle of Stilton was presented to me. It was still in the round but it stood about an inch and half high. I cut a wedge from it and the General gasped. A debate ranged about the time at which one should still slice from the top rather than cut out a wedge. They turned a blind eye to my failure to use the grape scissors.

So when do you give your cheese a wedgie?

I should probably back out of this thread, seeing as I had to google the word ‘truckle’.

I don’t know much about cheese etiquette but I do know that if your son gives you a monstrously expensive truckle of somerset cheddar for Christmas, you should probably offer him some….

I had to Google “grape scissors”.

Weird things they are too.

I had to Google “grape scissors”.

I didn’t even get as far as the grape scissors…

How. The. Other. Half. Live.

I had to google truckle to see what it was and then grape scissor just to make sure he wasn’t taking the Michael!

I cut a wedge from it and the General gasped. A debate ranged about the time at which one should still slice from the top rather than cut out a wedge.

I’m confused. Round cheese must be treated like a cake: cut triangular portions

Does this mean mcmoonter’s companions are more or less posh than Debretts? Or have I missed some crucial distinction?

No Stilton spoon? I am disappoint!
(Something else for Jamie to Google)

No Stilton spoon? I am disappoint!

Quite, I thought a spoon was “de rigeur” for Stilton.

I saw no Stilton spoon so I set about it with the cheese knife.

For the avoidance of doubt, I don’t usually have my lunch with aristos. Somehow artists get wildcard invitations.

Rather worryingly, by dint an ancestor of Mrs CFH, Flash Towers is home to no fewer than five sets of silver grape scissors.

😯

Flash Towers is home to no fewer than five sets of silver grape scissors.

That’s probably the least surprising news I have ever heard.

“McMoonter cuts the cheese in front of upper classes”

Chapeau.

Cut a muckle chunk off in anyway you plead and then grab a handful of grapes, if anyone complains give stick you fingers up at them.

Cut a muckle chunk off in anyway you plead and then grab a handful of grapes, if anyone complains give stick you fingers up at them.

I was about to do my impression of a ghost ship giant cannibal rat shipwrecking on the doorstep of a cheesemonger when I reached for the knife and saw sense.

Jamie, I don’t own a Stilton spoon, or a single cheese knife, however.

As soon as I saw the first two words of thread title, I knew, I just knew it would be one of STW’s two gentrified hitters.

I’m still with MrNice’s link on this. Any reason why I shouldn’t cut a bigger wedge next time?

Surely you just eat it however you bally well please. If it turns out to be ‘wrong’ then claim it is just an eccentricity of yours. The toffs love a bit of eccentricity.

Or is odd behaviour only acceptable from other toffs?

You need to cut it in a way that you get a full cross section of the cheese, as the middle may differ from the outside.

I was once told off for ‘Cutting the nose off’ a wedge of cheese. I just cut the point off it and apparently its not the done thing. I’m struggling to understand how else I tuck into a wedge of cheese on a cheeseboard.