as a parent you wouldn’t forgive yourself if something happened to them and they didn’t have the money for a call.

do you think they might just try and exploit this 😉

Its a tough call either way IMHO

I would never charge my only kid to stay with me coz she already grown up, everyday is a gift to be with her. I would however ask that whatever she saved by staying home to keep it in a separate account for a rainy day.

I always make sure to her that the word HOME is a place where you are free from all shitty things happening in life .

In ’86 when I was 16 and got my first job (£56 a week) I paid £15 a week in board ,this amount didn’t change but my mum booted me out a week before my 17th birthday as she was getting re-married and didn’t think me and her new husband would get on living together!
I got a council flat and lived either on my own or with a mate for the next 18 months until my excesses with my first credit card caught up with me.
At this point my step dad suggested I could move back in with them but I pay my way ,paying my way meant I paid 25% of everything except the mortgage.During the summer months this would be about £150 a month rising to around £230 in the winter months ,I was earning about £120 a week at my normal job but had a part time pub job that paid back all the debt I’d accumulated. I didn’t get any cash back from the rent/board but didn’t expect to.
I only lived with them for 8 months during which time I paid back nearly £4000 (not much but it felt like it was) before getting my first mortgage just before my 20th birthday. My mum gave me £1000 as an early 21st birthday present towards the deposit on our house.
IMO charging your kids board isn’t out of order ,it gives them some sort of idea about how much running a house really costs. If you can afford to bank it to give them when they move out then thats lovely but if not it shouldn’t be an issue.

I always make sure to her that the word HOME is a place where you are free from all shitty things happening in life

My view entirely. I don’t understand this idea that kids are only entitled to live in the family home until they start earning and then they have to pay for the privilege. As far as I’m concerned the family home is and will always be available to live in with no conditions attached. Some people have some funny ideas about family and money.

Squeeze them till the pips squeak.

And change the locks.

Squeeze them till the pips squeak.

Or don’t have kids in the first place?

As far as I’m concerned the family home is and will always be available to live in with no conditions attached.

So if they have an income you wouldn’t want them to contribute? No income/age limit? I got my own place as soon as I could afford to anyway.

I don’t understand this idea that kids are only entitled to live in the family home until they start earning and then they have to pay for the privilege.

I don’t understand this idea that adults shouldn’t behave as adults. I advocate a socialist approach – from each according to his ability, to each according to his need.

I don’t understand this idea that kids are only entitled to live in the family home until they start earning and then they have to pay for the privilege

What if your kids were say 26 and earning more than you. Wouldn’t you expect them to contribute to the running costs of the household?

So if they have an income you wouldn’t want them to contribute? No income/age limit? I got my own place as soon as I could afford to anyway.

It would be up to them. I wouldn’t refuse a contribution, but neither would I insist on one. Like I said, no conditions attached. Of course this goes with the assumption that I don’t need the money. If you do, it’s a different situation altogether.

Does this include cooked meals?

Does this include cooked meals?

Of course. If I’m cooking for myself, I’ll usually cook for others who are there, and that includes non-family members. This is not an unusual situation!

What if your kids were say 26 and earning more than you. Wouldn’t you expect them to contribute to the running costs of the household?

So many questions… 🙂

The answer to this one: No. Bit of a silly example though, I’m pretty certain that if my 26 year old offspring were earning more than me then they’d have a place of their own. Extending the logic, I earn more than my parents. Should I pay them B&B rates when I go to visit at the weekend?

Should I pay them B&B rates when I go to visit at the weekend?

No, but usually if I’m invited somewhere for a weekend I will do something like buy them a meal or take food/wine. I’d feel awful if I just turned up as a freeloader. A token gesture, which is what this thread is all about.

Bit of a silly example though

Not really. I know people who have been in this situation.

Paid from week 1 as a 16 yr old apprentice in 1983 ,paid £10 out of £40 stopped paying when I got married in 1994, was paying £25 a week out of about £180 a week so not a fortune but enough to be aware you dont live for free, wasnt lucky enough to get it back but never expected to!! It`s a good lesson learned in life in my opinion, also tell them the government will let me earn £80+ a week from your bedroom and the new occupier will tidy it, await their response!!!

I expressed my experiences and views a couple pages back, but reading some of the comments on this since, it’s no wonder so many young people have problems dealing with money. I’m amazed some of them even know how to wipe their own arse, frankly.

I’d feel awful if I just turned up as a freeloader.

I think this is what puzzles me the most. It seems there’s a prevalent idea that all human interaction and relationships, whether family, friends or otherwise should be regarded as some sort of transaction where something material must be offered in exchange for something received. How far do you take this? Do you expect something in exchange when friends come to visit? How much for a cup of tea? Call me an old hippy, but isn’t it possible that people can interact, socialise and live together without fear of others taking umbrage at the lack of some sort of material reward or recompense?

As for the 26 year old example. I’d be encouraging them to move out and get their own place obviously, but not with any threat that I”d kick them out.

MoreCashThanDash – Member

I expressed my experiences and views a couple pages back, but reading some of the comments on this since, it’s no wonder so many young people have problems dealing with money. I’m amazed some of them even know how to wipe their own arse, frankly.

Don’t i know of one person even though she runs a sucessfull consultancy business of her own is still appaling with her own money – parking fines or bus lane tickets left undealt with till debt collectors are at the door wanting £750 and her dad just cough up (and that scenario was and probably stillis a regular occurance) mind he buy her the car and throws money at her with gay abandond so maybe its not a wonder she cnat manage her own finaces at all.

dazh – Member
. How far do you take this? Do you expect something in exchange when friends come to visit?

No not at all but my upbringing and manners mean a thankyou and gift or soemthing is good manners. It doesnt have to be an overtly materialistic item or gesture or even immediate but it is nice.

My (upper class) Gran asked me if I leave a tip for her cleaner when I come. I was pretty surprised at that and said no – she said my Dad would. I asked him and he said he had had the same conversation and refused too – we agreed that when staying with family no gift/payment necessary though I do take them out for meals when I visit – but I’m not tipping the cleaner!

Interesting thread.

My boys 18 full time education, works part time earning about £100 a week. His free time is spent skating( which is also his job) or doing whatever boys do in a bedroom full of super computers. His room is like some IBM workshop with bit coin mining and stuff going on. I would like him to contribute his mum says no.

doing whatever boys do in a bedroom full of super computers. His room is like some IBM workshop with bit coin mining and stuff going on.

Get him to pay you in bitcoins.

ooh dazh If I was not already happily married I would definitely put you on my possibles list.
You have expressed my own feelings perfectly.

Your suggestion about not having kids seems like sage advice some of the other posters on here, they seem to think of their kids as some kind of enemy within. Mine are an extension of me, I don’t charge my arms and legs rent..

My folks had already said to me ‘We’ll look after you until you’re 18. After that you’re on your own’ so it wasn’t a shock when they asked for digs after I moved back home for a while after uni. We agreed ‘the going rate’ based on what I’d been paying in my crappy studenty flat which was about £200 a month at the time.

I thought it was fair enough given it was all-inclusive.

My attempt to claim back ‘housesitting fees’ after their fortnight away was met with laughter and shouts of ‘Get real!’. And no fees.

Incidentally any kids of mine will be getting the same approach i.e. 18 then start swimming.

ianw – you are in the grey area while he is in full time education. I was allowed to keep my part time/summer wages when I was at school/poly, but had to pay when I was working full time or on the dole – and I never ended up signing on, funnily enough.

I’m interested in the other end of the age thing and supporting aging parents?

At what point do people see the responsibility swap over from you supporting your kids to them looking after you?

Someone mentioned the Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese, Malaysian and Filipino families who would consider it a failure to not support their children but I bet they also feel the same about their parents. So does that mean their parents have suddenly “failed” because their kids are now looking after them?

So does that mean their parents have suddenly “failed” because their kids are now looking after them?

Maybe for them, but I want to support my parents and hope my kids will help me when I am old and doddery..

Someone mentioned the Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese, Malaysian and Filipino families who would consider it a failure to not support their children but I bet they also feel the same about their parents. So does that mean their parents have suddenly “failed” because their kids are now looking after them?

No, the idea is that they help the kids out as much as they can because they know they have no effective social welfare to fall back on (especially in Vietnam, Philipinnes and Malaysia). The children are expected to grow up, do well and then support those who can’t support themselves in their large extended families.

And actually it breeds a rather wonderful environment, my wifes immediate family are quite rich, she’s Filipino and was sent to the uk to study at the same university as her. But the rest of the family would be poverty stricken had it not been for her mum doing well and then financially managing and supporting about 20 different people. Consequently, her rather big house is always full of frist cousings, 2nd cousins etc etc running around…..which makes for a really great atmosphere. One that I’ve never encountered in the UK, where everyone seems to be out for themselves.

The difference between long term rich families and everyone else, is that the former have a loyality to their family. That’s not something you encourage by being a dick to your children.

At what point do people see the responsibility swap over from you supporting your kids to them looking after you?

It’s not exactly difficult. Families should look after each other. That’s it. Money shouldn’t come into it. Although many on here would probably be keeping an account of how much care had been rendered and exchanged and calculating how much is owed. If they go into the red, then off to the council nursing home or homeless shelter!

Precisely DazH.

teaching your kids about life and about responsibilities is helping them

Using straw man arguments is not helping them or you

We may disagree on the issue but very few, if any, dont care and I assume they kick them out.

Another area which is coming more common is the “staying at home until they’re forties” area, due to housing issues. The offspring (they’re not children any more) may be earning quite a bit while mam/dad may have retired.

Is it still OK to expect their parents to pay for everything then? Anyone with common decency would help out. Should the parents put themselves into dire poverty to keep their offspring? I’d feel awful if I was a man earning quite a bit demanding food and lodgings for free.

Since I was an apprentice at 16, paid £100 a month to my nan and grandad who I was living with, now renting a place with my mum and going halves on everything albeit on trademan rate.

I’d be seriously tempted to make like our Easternly cousins and buy into a bigger house for the family. Too much emphasis on everybody having their own little place, when a bigger house to accomodate more people works out cheaper per head, and offers more stability in case of any job losses. The family opposite my old house had it nailed, about 40 people in 2 big houses extended into each other 😯

teaching your kids about life and about responsibilities is helping them

Other ways to teach that, but I’m simply going to bring my kids up in the Phils in an austere environment whilst sending them to international school. They won’t have to pay for anything but they will sure as hell know what poverty means. They’ll get **** all toys, the ones they do get they will have to work for, but they will never have to worry about education or housing. Ever. I’ll be a hard nosed bastard except when it comes to those two things. None of my money will go towards fancy cars or overly fancy houses, everything will be purely utilitarian/investments. I will have one nice thing, a decent bike….and if they want something nice they will have to show some long term commitment to the hobby they choose. I’ll have my own office they are never allowed in, basically I’m going to go 1920’s on them. There will be no computer games until they are 12 (unless one of them has dyspraxia, as I reckon it helps), they can use their imagination or visit the small **** library I will have amassed by then.

Too many distractions, not enough value on what actually matters. Education and financial stability.

I think I will enjoy it though, I certainly enjoyed teaching my wifes young cousins some foundations of physics whilst I was over there for a month….and then goofing around with them once they’d done the work.

Also, I’m a bit drunk but that’s the man I think I want to be.

I paid rent from the point I got a job of any form

That one.

It wasn’t a massive contribution to the household bills, but it was something.

It’s not exactly difficult. Families should look after each other. That’s it

Which is why young adults earning good money and living at home should look after their parents.

tom awesome straw man
I may as well argue you are saying you would pay for your kids drugs, cars, insurance, clothes even in middle age and support them to never ever work as you love them,

Both approaches think they are for the benefit of the child and both approaches [ at the extreme] are self defeating

there is some way between providing for your kids and allowing them to be scrounging freeloaders as there is from doing nothing for them to expecting them to contribute when they can,

Why do you have to see it in such extreme terms – I hope the sober you is not as one sided

Naysayers – it’s not about profiting from your kids it’s about teaching them the value of money, giving them a stake in the household and a sense of them being more mature and respected as such. Passing from being a child who has they’re every need catered for to being a contributing, responsible young adult

Surely you get the younger ones to chip in with the housework, washing up, etc? – it’s an extension of the same thing. We all live together, we all contribute however we can and we’re all closer and respect the hard work done by one another for it. My 2 year old sides his plate off the table and tidies up if he spills, he loves it, thinks he’s being a proper grown up. Effectively he feels he’s ‘part of the team’.

Should the parents put themselves into dire poverty to keep their offspring?

Of course not. If you read back I’ve said a number of times that if the parents need the money then it’s a different situation and a contribution should be paid. I’m talking about situations where the parents have a much higher income than their kids (the example in the OP was a 17 year old earning some cash in the holidays) and where any contribution made by the kids wouldn’t make much difference in the grand scheme of things.

And the point about teaching them the value of money. There are many ways of doing that without resorting to claiming a slice of their income ‘for their own good’.

I moved out when I was sixteen.
I was still going to school, got my a levels while living above a pub and working in the kitchen to pay my rent and food.
I went on to find myself through university by working in bars.
Once graduating I got a job and have worked ever since.
I love my parents dearly but never paid them a penny while I was under 16.
Any older the kids should pay or move out. You get to realise the world is not all mummy and daddy’s chequebook and your kids will appreciate their world so much more.