- Changing as a person (becoming bitter, angry and jealous)…
Saying that, I also believe that something has shifted in the past few years and people feel the need to bang on constantly about everything they’ve done or are going
^^^^ This. Every family gathering all my family and their spouses go on about how fantastic they’ve done and how wonderful their lives are. Then sometimes you find out sadly it just ain’t so. Myself and my wife like to keep very quiet about what we have achieved. It seems that people don’t really care to listen and just want to show how wonderful their lives are.
OP – sounds like you have a great family life. You are very lucky.Posted 4 years agothe-muffin-manSubscriber
Thanks for all the responses so far, seems to be some great advice. I’ll have a proper trawl through when I get home.
OP – sounds like you have a great family life. You are very lucky.
In our home, then yes – the wife (we have our moments though!), daughter and me are fine.
My brother – not spoken to him since our family firm closed 5 years ago.
My sister – we rarely talk. She lives 2 hours a way. She’s massively overweight (which is not a problem in itself, but she’s just adopted a child and we feel she is not being fair on him by slowly killing herself), she flits from job to job, sponges of my mum and dad (as she runs up catalogue debts unknown to her husband).
The wifes older sister – no-one in the family has anything to do with her.
The wifes younger sister – has gone through a nasty divorce. Has 3 kids that she didn’t really want and although she doesn’t treat them badly she’s more interested in herself. This angers my wife as we went through an awful lot to have 1 child.Posted 4 years agoDylan08Member
Make that change! – I felt very similar to yourself last year and had been diagnosed with anxiety resulting from my employment at the time. Running a retail outlet single-handedly with very little in the way of support and even less resources, having to lie to customers/suppliers etc – whilst still being expected to appear ‘normal’. Realised I was no longer providing the service I was being paid to (unfair on my employer) and also becoming a bitter person (unfair on myself and family unit). I took stock & listened to the advice of friends and family and left my employment (which I should have done a long time before in hinesight) and setup independantly. Im now loving life again, have had my love of all things bike relit and extremely positive for the future! Always be thankfull for what you have rather than what you dont have is good advicePosted 4 years agoRo5eyMember
and I don’t want to be!
I remember that feeling… was standing in the shower fuming at loads of stupid stuff… and thought I can’t go on like this it’s no good for me or (actaully more importantly at the time) those close to me.
How many psychiatrist does it take to change a light bulb?
It doesn’t matter… the light bulb has got to want to change.
A joke told by a vicar … another very good resource for making positive change in your life/mindset.
You can find the peace you are after but you have to look for it.
Good luckPosted 4 years agoKryton57Subscriber
Can I recommend reading a short book, which has helped me (I’m very much a glass half empty person). Its The Power of Accepting Yourself by Micheal Cohen – currently on Amazon for £2.49.
Its short, concise and to the point and very helpful. In fact, I’m currently in a similar position to you having experienced the opulent signs successful Sales colleagues who don’t have to pay nursery fees and are receiving enough commission to pay off the majority of their mortgages this month, so I shall be reading it again to help calm my bitterness.
The other thing that REALLY helps me, is rare moments of “me” time. I’ve found turning off all technology for the night, or sitting in a steaming hot bath in a hotel for 45 minutes undisturbed is sheer bliss for my overwhelmed anxiety ridden brain.Posted 4 years agobedmakerSubscriber
was standing in the shower fuming at loads of stupid stuff.
Funny you should say that, it often seems to be in the shower I look at life with the ‘right’ perspective.
I just think it is such a luxury, not only do I have taps that spew out as much clean water as I could ever drink, I also have one which spews forth hot water at a perfect thermostatically set temperature, and I can afford the bill to heat it with no problem.
And when I flush the bog, my jobby disappears forever instead of lurking outside on the street somewhere.
Don’t get me wrong, I’d love a Rangerover and a modest plane (to fly from my modest private airstrip) but the simple pleasures are the best.Posted 4 years agojohndohMember
OP – my brother in law is the big man, at every opportunity flashing the money around, if not spending (or already spent) it’s telling everyone about all the other things he is getting.
Then last year on a family holiday (paid in part by his mum and dad – so I suggested we all clubbed together to buy them a thank you surprise) that he said he couldn’t afford it. I was just suggesting £50 or so and he’d just bought an iPad that same day). And he works away almost all the time, barely seeing his kids.
So what I am saying is that in order to give a vaneer of financial bliss, sometimes people are just selfish, broke and spending their time doing things they can only regret as their life marches on.
Enjoy your family and don’t worry about how ‘successful’ others appear to be.Posted 4 years agohh45Member
I have a great life and consider myself happy but everyone else says i am angry – i think i maybe turning into an grump old man – too angry about current affairs, state of the nation, other (stupid) people, cynical, everything is rubbish etc etc. apparently it occurs in middle age!Posted 4 years agometruscanMember
I went the other way when my kids were born. I always look for good in people first and give folk the benefit of the doubt. Not got much money, but hey, children have died around the world today because of war, dirty drinking water and starvation. I’m glad for what I have, not bothered what others have got. Always find mountain biking blows the troubles away. 🙂Posted 4 years agoTheArtistFormerlyKnownAsSTRSubscriber
Follow my lead, come on here, run people down for piss poor spelling/grammar or just general ignorance, take the higher morale ground, and get a sound nights sleep surrounded by an air of superiority on a flea & mite infested second hand bed
Oh and your use of punctuation is poor!
HTHPosted 4 years agochewkwMember
To OP I think I am always surrounded by maggots but then I have learned to let them go by not thinking too much about them.
I think you should try not to make comparison as that will only make things worst for you. Not them. You! So why put pressure on yourself.
Maggots I step on you!
😈Posted 4 years agochewkwMember
frazchops – Member
The title of that book should be if you meet Buddha and Sheldon Kopp (the author) who should you kill?
Answer: Sheldon Kopp, the author, of course.
Very simple. The probability of you meeting Buddha is negligible but the probability of meeting the author is very high so kill him instead. There you are cured.
😈Posted 4 years ago6079smithwMember
This world is so insane that there would be something wrong if you were completely happy with everything and never got angry.
Forget all that keeping up with the Jones’ stuff. Material wealth is fleeting. The only thing that leaves a legacy is kindness.
I still want that ltd edition Surly fat bike though.
Anyway, some people don’t even get to ride bikes or post on STW.Posted 4 years ago
Well tonight thank god it’s them instead of yoooooooooooouuuuuuuStefMcDefSubscriber
Can relate to this. I hate everybody who has a nicer house, car or bike than me. Which is basically most of my neighbours and this whole forum. You, out there, with your perfect, Audi-driving, Waitrose-shopping, woodburner-boasting, Swinley-mincing, what-tyres-for-Whistler lives. None of you deserves or appreciates the things I don’t have as much as I do.
I realise there are others among you who are busy being bereaved, made redundant, and coping stoically with illness and injury, but while I commiserate to an extent, I don’t notice you so much when I’m under my own wee cloud.
That’s a snapshot of the inside of my head if I let myself stagnate on the office/couch/junk food/bevvy/staying-up-late axis for any length of time. No doubt preaching to the converted here but that kind of slough of despond is somewhere I can end up pretty rapidly if I don’t get out on my bike fairly regularly. That and taking the dogs for good long walks. And making an effort to charm the pants off ‘er indoors every once in a while. It’s amazing the positive difference these simple, everyday pleasures can make to one’s state of mental wellbeing.Posted 4 years agojools182Member
I can relate totally to those feelings
I’m very tired and frustrated with being constantly skint.
I did higher education, colleges and universities to try and end up with a decent job
My younger brother who went straight into work is much better off
I, however don’t have a family, and you seem to recognise that they are the world to you, so focus on the positives
And like others have said, you’re half way there admitting these feelings to yourselfPosted 4 years agothisisnotaspoonMember
The talk is always about weeks away in Indian, Florida, France, Skiing etc. – we had 6 days in a tent in Norfolk and a week with the mother-in-law!
I grew up on that kind of holiday, my missus grew up on Spanish all inclusives which bore me to tears! I’ve now reconsiddered my childhood and decided I was spoilt by wet camping hollidays and now can no longer function in normal society when forced to spend 2 weeks in a sunny prison/resort!
What do you actualy want to do in Florida? Humid and full of fat retired Americans.Posted 4 years agomogrimMember
my missus grew up on Spanish all inclusives which bore me to tears! I’ve now reconsiddered my childhood and decided I was spoilt by wet camping hollidays and now can no longer function in normal society when forced to spend 2 weeks in a sunny prison/resort!
The trick with all-inclusives, and assuming you can afford it, is to take up (scuba) diving. It’s kept me sane for a number of years now.Posted 4 years agogrumMember
I think many people have this to a greater or lesser degree – it’s the way we’ve been taught to think in a capitalist society – we must compete and win and show off. Most of us in this country are incredibly lucky – yet we are taught to always feel dissatisfied and look jealously at the next man.
There are many places around the world where people are materially much poorer but also much happier, and it’s largely because of a relative lack of materialism, IMO.
I’m sure capitalism is steadily getting it’s hooks into those people too though. 🙁Posted 4 years agohoraMember
As a side note: Grew up on Spanish all inclusives. Blimey some people don’t know how lucky they are. I didn’t go on foreign holidays.
I think as a (UK) society we all seem to be in competition with our friends (passive) and our neighbours.
I’ve not been on a foreign holiday since 2009. It doesn’t bother me. I also drive a tiny car with a tiny engine. Who cares?
OP, seriously get a **** grip. When your dick stops working and you have to have heart pills as you’ve stressed yourself into a corner- then you are welcome to hate everyone and life.Posted 4 years agocybicleMember
Grass is always greener syndrome. The obsession with other peoples’ wealth and lifestyle. Thing is, you don’t really know what goes on in other peoples’ lives, very often, and you don’t see the ‘difficulties’, issues and pressures they have to deal with. Quite often, the real picture isn’t quite as idyllic as it may seem; you see people socially, when they’re presenting their best image. They’re still fallible human beings at the end of the day.
Our neighbours earn silly money. Both work in the City, for large corporations. Lovely house, lots of ‘toys’, etc. Very enviable to some, I’m sure. But both work stupidly long hours, have to give up weekends at the drop of a hat, or fly away for several days at a time, so rarely have time to spend together. The woman was recently mugged, and on reaching home, ‘phoned her husband. He couldn’t speak to her as he was in a meeting (this is gone 7pm). Worse, he wasn’t even in the country. She’s 4 months pregnant (I’m amazed they actually found the time to do that!). Her company have basically told her unless she comes back to work asap after the birth, and ‘carefully considers her child-care arrangements’, as well as more or less having to job share with another currently pregnant woman (so a hefty cut in hours), she won’t have a job. Nice. So basically, for all the money they currently earn (no guarantees they will still have jobs even in 6 months, and they could both lose their jobs at any time), for all the gloss and sheen, their current lifestyle isn’t all that marvellous. They envy us because we can take nice holidays, have frequent long weekends away, or even just go for a nice bike ride of a Sunday afternoon.
Sometimes, no; very often, less is more.Posted 4 years agobinnersSubscriber
At the end of the day, The cars, the money, the big houses and all that – its all just ‘stuff’. We’ve just been told endlessly the capitalist consumer message that its important, but its not. Its just ‘stuff’. And no matter what position you think you’re in, due to the insecure nature of employment etc, you could go from having it all, to losing the lot in an alarmingly quick timeframe.
So its best to see it for what it is – stuff – and concentrate on the important things insteadPosted 4 years ago
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