I’ve just minted one in a pot plant.

What’s shit in my Hebe?

You have a very strange diet

A work colleague once did one here after a night out
https://www.google.com/maps/@53.5374322,-2.115808,3a,75y,90t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1sQQ5AOlIScTq03pC3WwI8qg!2e0!7i13312!8i6656.
Oldham “Home of the tubular bandage” and Newty’s midnight sh*t

I wondered how long it would take! It was going to be shits or skirts! Made me chuckle.,.!

I used to work in an art gallery / museum and one day a member of the public came in a did a shit right in the middle of one of the galleries.

It was an univigilated spaced so he presumably thought he had the place to himself but one of our staff had the pleasure of seeing the whole episode unfold through a one-way mirror.

As if that wasn’t horrific enough for her… this happened on April the 1st so everyone she phoned to report it to through she was winding them up.

Half an hour later, it had a red velvet rope around it and  a few thoughtful chin strokers stood nearby  pondering the boldness of the statement

Half an hour later, it had a red velvet rope around it and  a few thoughtful ,chin strokers stood nearby  pondering the boldness of the statement

Worryingly.. that was the second time in my career someone’s come in a done a shit on something.

Back in the late 90s I used to work on big, outdoor, multimedia live art events. We did one on the site of a demolished brewery in Birmingham – lots of projections and lights and monitors. One monitor had been carefully dug into the ground so the screen was flush* to the surface.  Barely more than a couple of minutes after opening the gates and letting the 1000 or so waiting public in and someone had curled one out right in the middle of the TV.

*appropriately

*appropriately

Not really, unless your TV works differently to mine.

someone had curled one out right in the middle of the TV

“What’s on the telly?”

“The unusual shit.”

I was sitting in a traffic jam in Lagos one day gazing out of the car window when a bloke on the pavement stopped, lifted his robe, squatted, nipped one off right in front of me then stood up and walked off. Amazing.

As a long time IBS sufferer, sometimes anywhere will do. You don’t have time to be fussy…

As if that wasn’t horrific enough for her… this happened on April the 1st so everyone she phoned to report it to through she was winding them up.

*Clears calendar for April 1st 2020.*

It’s the perfect crime!

I’ve never come across an explanation for it but I was made aware of seemingly random public dumping in an Australain school and again in a girls’ school in Tower Hamlets. Any trick-cyclists in the house?

A mate of mine was a copper back in the 80s. On a night shift in Oldham, he’d gone off beat into an alleyway for a quick smoke. As he enjoyed his B&H, a bloke walked past, stopped and dropped his kex then proceeded to lay a cable on the bonnet of a Rover P6.

My mate stubbed out his fag and emerged from the alley and asked “did you enjoy that sir?”

I worked for Dyson when they made the washing machine. A faulty machine was returned and somebody had deposited a shit inside of it!

I worked for Dyson when they made the washing machine. A faulty machine was returned and somebody had deposited a shit inside of it!

What goes around comes around.

Coincidentally, I watched a GG Allin documentary last weekend.

Back in the day, we had a group of workmen in our school.

Someone started curling one down in the gym showers, despite there being toilets next door.

They got the 6th form prefects to stake the place out and they caught him in the act.

Bizarre behaviour. From both the school and the workman.

It’s well known that when adrenaline floods the body we sometimes experience rapid bowel movements, I know my cat poops herself when the local tomcat chases her up the tree. I once read about a military coup that kicked off suddenly in an African city; there were gunshots and people ran for cover in terror and afterwards the reporter noticed that the streets were full of poos because people had just had to stop and drop.

Is a Casual Shit a bit like Speculative Visit?

A tale from a Service Engineer during my days in the paper machinery industry…

First some background.

• A paper machine is the size of a ship.
• The drives and control for a paper machine require some fairly heavy weight electrical equipment.
• The electrics items are installed in air conditioned rooms and cabinets that are built parallel to the machine with covered trenches cast into the foundations to run the cables to the machine (you can see where this is going).
• Machines are often built in pairs with a central electrical area shared between the two.

A pair of machines being installed in Iran, Machine #1 to be followed some months later by Machine #2. The build involved hundreds of guys over a period of many months. Unfortunately as they were installing Machine #1 some of the fitters thought it was more convenient for them to lift the covers and crap in the trenches for Machine #2 than nip off to the loo.

When the time came to “Pull the Cables” on Machine #2 the horror of the situation was discovered.

I once went down one of the kids slides at the old swimming pool in Romford with the pyramid roof, only to find somebody had left what can only be described as a brown croissant floating in the plunge pool at the bottom.

I’ve had to stop numerous times whilst out riding. Once halfway up Skiddaw 🤣 once up the broken Road, Castleton, once on the Tissington Trail, once after the long climb at Degla. Several times on the Chase. I’ve got no shame.
lol have I over shared?

A friend of mine was caught short on a residential street in the early hours of Saturday morning. He’d had a lot to drink and lacked the sphincteral dexterity to cap it off. Trousers down and a slightly muddy one straight onto the pavement. A discarded Sunday supplement facilitated a very basic clean up. Dreadful individual…

I was on an all day snorkelling trip in Belize many years ago. Half way through the day it became clear that I wasn’t going to hold one in for the rest of the day. So I swam off away from anyone else and cracked one out into the coral reef. To my surprise a feeding frenzy ensued and within a minute or two there was nothing left…

nd cracked one out into the coral reef

Is that some form of beastiality?

I can’t be the only one who has retreated from the mountain path to lessen the load, only for the mist to clear surprisingly rapidly, giving the 14 ladies of the annual Chiswick ladies rambling weekend to the Lakes a view that was more memorable than they expected….?

I can’t be the only one who has retreated from the mountain path to lessen the load, only for the mist to clear surprisingly rapidly, giving the 14 ladies of the annual Chiswick ladies rambling weekend to the Lakes a view that was more memorable than they expected….?

I used to camp at Rothymurcus quite regularly as a base for rides. A back issue at the time would wake me up very early and the only relief would be to just get up and get on with my day as it would ease once I was up and moving.

So I’d go on rides around the cairngorms at around 4am.

This meant as I was on the return leg back to the campsite I’d see similar early risers out on walks – taking a quick look back down the glen (thinking they were the first ones up) then striding proposefully into the heather and bearing their arse in my direction for their morning shit

Now whenever I’m in the market for new wheels ‘noisy free hub’ is on the checklist

Years ago, a mate of mine was out walking with a group of friends in… Chamonix IIRC? Quiet country path, they rounded the corner to find a French chap with his pantalons round his ankles laying a grande merde right in the middle of the path. The guy’s reaction to being discovered en defecato was to greet his spectators with a wave and a cheery “salut!”

A friend of mine was walking home late one night and just knew he had to go so he popped into a front garden and nipped one off behind the hedge. He got home and felt terribly guilty so got a spade and went back to clean it up but despite being sure it was the right garden he couldn’t find it in the drakness, so he decided to go back early the next morning in daylight, before the householder found it. So early the next day back he went, to find the owner of the house standing in his garden looking a bit peeved. “Morning! What’s the problem?” he asked. “You’re not going to believe this,” came the reply, “but last night some dirty barsteward crept in here and took a dump on my tortoise!”

Cougar – I read that as a grenade merde.

Cougar – I read that as a grenade merde.

Air Burst? Now that is a whole new thread.

There weren’t no toilets underground for colliers, so they’d hang their arses over the coal conveyor belt if the need took them mid shift.

I got seriously caught out in a mini-bus between Antigua and El Tunco, C.America, forrin food being what it is. My stomach was turning like a washing machine I had to ask the driver to stop while I shot into some woods. In anticipation of a not-so-minor explosion of a grenada merde I decided to strip naked rather than spatter my clothes and have the ignominy of getting back into the van a bit high but not in the right way. Anyway, the deed was done but I was appalled to find every square inch of those woods was beautifully made productive by a peasant farmer, one of the few times I’ve prayed for a torrent of rain.

mid shift

Spelling?

When I was in Rome and after a possibly over rich cheese gnocchi dinner, I had take to bushes in the Park we were passing (maybe the Villa Borgese?) under the cover of darkness.

Whole process took under 20 seconds due to built up pressure and also the fear of dropping trou in a park known for “nocturnal liasons”…

Whole process took under 20 seconds due to built up pressure and also the fear of dropping trou in a park known for “nocturnal liasons”…

Shits that pass in the night?

Many years ago on an A level field trip we were in the Sahara very early one morning to witness the sunrise. Due to something I really shouldn’t have eaten I had to dash of very quickly behind a sand dune. Shorts down and beyond any hope of stopping I noticed the very distinct tracks of a Saharan horned viper right by my feet which speeded up an already very rapid download.
On the campsite we were staying in at that time the toilets were the squat type and it seemed most users didn’t bother aiming for the hole and the spiders in there were rather large so most of us just ended up wandering into the bushes rather than tiptoe through piles of shit while being eyed by arachnids.

The Final Curtains

While a teenager (1984) I saw a pub landlord named ‘Alan’ lock the doors after the last nigh of his failed old pub.

I was the evening bar-staff and always waited outside for a lift home after lockup. Whilst stood outside the pub’s perplexingly elaborate ‘display window’ (solitary Mann’s Brown Ale bottle iconically perched on red silk cloth-covered dias, a pair of swanky matching red curtains behind. It was both banal and captivating to the extremes.

While stood pondering upon my lost job and uncertain future, gazing half-heartedly at the ‘display’ beer, I was very soon surprised to see the red curtains suddenly move aside.

Alan’s sallow, bony buttocks poked through the curtains to take centre-stage and hover intently above the red cloth dias with the beer display bottle.

Almost immediately after their entrance I saw a long brown length of heavy poo curl out and drop down – first knocking over the bottle of Mann’s Ale, and then gripping the red cloth before arresting to an ultra-slow-motion stop.

It was horrible and sad and funny. And disgusting.

The buttocks, so sated, then retreated neatly back through the curtains. The stage had changed. Alan looked pretty pleased with himself upon locking the front door. They asked me what I thought and I said that it was ‘disgusting’. Alan and his mate Dale laughed at this. They grabbed and restrained me once I was inside of Dale’s Morris Marina and one of them, don’t know which, gave me a massive ‘love-bite’ on the neck. Funny ****. They laughed at it a lot. I called them gay and ‘pooverts’ and so they laughed even more.

The End

I was sitting in a traffic jam in Lagos one day gazing out of the car window when a bloke on the pavement stopped, lifted his robe, squatted, nipped one off right in front of me then stood up and walked off.

This was normal behaviour in Saudi when I worked out there (erm, not by me).