Some [expletive] has bumped my car and not left a note.

I’m fairly certain I know where it’s happened, but what car should I be looking for? It’s left a nice hexagonal imprint on the paint asking with the damage.

Towbar ?

Doubtful. It has a definite hexagonal pattern, plus the two clean lines suggest front bumper detail.

So it’s a car with a hexagonal front grille…

That should narrow it down to about 50 or so different cars then!

From a legal / insurance remedy, imho, it doesn’t matter because without a witness nothing will happen and the police won’t do anything. Somebody once hit my car so hard outside our house that they smashed part of the steering rack and burst one of my tyres – no witness nothing you can do.

Massive beehive?

Good luck if that’s all your evidence. I tracked down the car that scraped ours whilst parked on a residential street – they left a lot of paint on our bumper, a distincitve impression like yours, and every scratch matched to the millimetre. Police even went round and their insurers informed but wouldn’t go any further.

We now have a dashcam fitted.

I know that design, it’s from the back of a Lamborghini Huracan Performante, Matt Jones has reversed into you.

Case closed.

Although I’d bet it’s actually some kind of Audi SUV, do doubt badly driven by a Yummy Mummy taking her kids half a mile to school in her 3 tonne Q7 Diesel, blocking many drives and leaving it idling for 30 mins to keep her Starbucks warm…

From a legal / insurance remedy, imho, it doesn’t matter

yes but from a frozen pork product perspective it very much does matter

dimensions of the hex pattern? a quick google suggests that a lot of Audi & similar group cars use that elongated hex pattern on the grille (so at least we have confirmed the driver definitely is a ****)

no witness nothing you can do

Unless you have a dashcam with an impact sensor.

Pork sausage impact, frozen. Natch.

One consolation is that if the Audi has hit you hard enough to imprint its recessed hexagonal grille on you, its front end damage will be quite significant.

I’m fairly sure that there is one of those Audi’s in the car park.

I’ll check for any corresponding damage.

I know it’s not proof but it’s worth ago.

Chips Away will cost me £140+VAT, so that’s because someone can’t drive out even do the right thing.

May have been a piece of frozen hexagonal Lorne…

Every chance it could of been.

Now what sausage for an Audi exhaust pipe?

Now what sausage for an Audi exhaust pipe?

Knockwurst, obviously

Now what sausage for an Audi exhaust pipe?

Just get the Landjäger involved.

Bentley Bentayga.

A muddy one.

Now what sausage for an Audi exhaust pipe?

Knackenwurst.