My wife is currently in hospital with a suspected DVT, and has in the past had kidney failure, last year my mom had a full mastectomy due to breast cancer,I feel your pain from both directions, but as someone said above caught early survival is very good now sending all the healing vibes I can spare.Posted 3 years ago
pondo, the cancer is getting beaten. Grade one 30cm tumour, radiotherapy + 5 yr Tamoxifen,
Matter of fact, up front and honest, is how we do thngs in this family so that’s ok it’s the “emotional” side of things rather than the practical.
TBH, for me it’s the difficulty grounding the humility and gravitas of being in waiting rooms well beyond my years with couples whose conception and cancerous issues far outweigh our own.Posted 3 years ago
Mrs C has breast cancer,
She is 27.
Life is difficult and love is testing but, at 27, we are answering questions not often asked of parties our age.
If you love someone, and you believe it, tell them today. Circumstance and environment differ in time but love or care should be a constant source of strength.
Beside personality and ability, humanity, empathy and honesty exist in our time. Embrace the concern and answer the questions.
Here’s to sharing, living. Staying.Posted 3 years agowwaswasSubscriber
We all come on here and have a laugh and talk shit about bicycles and it’s sometimes easy to forget that there’s a ‘back story’ going on which is everyone’s real lives and all the emotional, physical and logistical stuff that goes on within them.
Every time I read a thread like this and people post their own experiences I’m left feeling amazed (maybe not the right word but neither is humbled and surprised isn’t either) at how resilient people are in the way they face issues in their lives and cope with them.
OP – I hope you get a good outcome from all of this and in 10 and 20 and 30 years time you’re both looking back at it as ‘well it was difficult but we got through it physically and emotionally and look where we are now’ part of your lives together.Posted 3 years agomashiehoodMember
Soon to be Mrs Mashiehood was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in September last year. It was invasive but caught early and she had a lumpectomy a couple of weeks later. The recommendation was to not have chemotherapy but we were unsure and had an Oncotype DX test to make sure. The results came back with a high risk of recurrence and so came chemo, which was hard but she was really well cared for and got through it.
Just finishing radiotherapy, 3 weeks to go and thereafter, Tamoxifen for the next 10 years. She also had an ultrasound and CT scan last week with nothing to report.
The initial shock left us paralysed for a week or so, after which my ‘we need a plan’ hat came out of the man draw and off we went. Look after her, give her all the support she needs. You will get through this. Drop me an email if you want to chat through more or if Mrs C wants to talk to Miss M.
Take care.Posted 3 years agoti_pin_manMember
I survived cancer and now 42 years later am still here and still living a life. It can be beaten. Take heart. Be strong.
Everybody on here is on your, and your wife’s, side. If we can do anything, just ask.
Theres a buddhist saying that I keep coming back to, it equates to something like, ‘life is pain and suffering, the trick is to recognising the joy in-between’. We all have pain and suffering in our lives, knowing this is inevitable lets you recognise the joy in the rest of your time here.Posted 3 years ago
It’s important that Mrs.C isn’t actually “my wife”. I just call her that because we’re “married without the marriage”.
The real difficulties come not with the cancer but with the choices made creating embryos.
Technically,we will be having children next month. Very odd, and very humbling to meet people trying for a family. Our shit is bad but, believe me, when you spend your days in cancer wards and treatment centres you are grateful for life’s slightest grace.
I have a lifetime left to reflect, but I don’t dwell on hypotheticals anymore.
There is no time to ruminate on “what ifs”.
Edit. Agnostic, me. Very spiritual. Even more so now.Posted 3 years agoMoreCashThanDashSubscriber
Can offer you nothing but best wishes. Friends went through similar a few years ago, so far so good 4-5 years down the line health wise, but not talking things through with each other nearly destroyed their marriage.
Of all the crises to deal with as a couple, for gods sake keep talking openly and honestlyPosted 3 years agowillardMember
I know first hand how much of a strain on a relationship IVF can place.
My wife and I have been trying for five years now and have just buried our second baby girl. For the second time, we lost a baby at the 20 week mark and, after all the mood swings, needles, arguments, everything, we have nothing to show from it but a lot of grief. The only saving grace is that our two girls have shown what is wrong and, now we know that, we can hopefully make sure that number three goes to term.
Mr. C, I know that there’s not a whole lot that some random person on a website can do to help, but make sure you give Mrs. C a huge hug and tell her you love her. It was about the only thing that I could really do to help my wife. Well, apart from cooking and cleaning.
Stay strong, both of you.Posted 3 years ago
We always talk, And laugh. Love is a condition made up by people who want to feel the indescribable. “Love” doesn’t cover how I feel for Mrs.C.
If you watch gogglebox, there’s an old couple, not the poshos, who sit in Lazee Boy chairs and natter on. I’d like that.
It’s a modern world with skewed values, five marriages between my mum and dad.
I’m the lucky one.Posted 3 years agoSpudMember
I know how you’re feeling OP. MrsH was diagnosed 20th December, aged 38. We knew when the surgeon and nurse sit you down. Been a whirlwind since. Had a two week wait for MRI due to Christmas, but was told it was full mastectomy left side as 3 Grade 2 tumours present with total area over 5cm. MrsH has been very strong and positive, all the medical staff have commented. We’re both scientists and are pragmatic about it, given we’ve two young children.
She opted for full reconstruction, so an 8 hour op. She’s doing great now and has her second of her six cycles of chemo on Friday. Radio will follow too. We have our family and so although we were asked several times about further children, it was a straightforward decision for us. We’re told she is now cancer-free and all the further treatments are to make sure it’s gone.
The support is fabulous from all parts of the NHS, we have friends and colleagues who have been there too. It’s hard, very hard and not something you expect to have to deal with. But she’s young, fit and healthy and they’ve got it. All that points to a great recovery.
It focuses your minds on what’s important in life and like you say when you see what some of the patients and their families are going through.
Breast Cancer Care put on weekend events for young women (<40) with the disease, all paid for. One in June I believe in Nottm. Early days for you both, but whatever might help you.
Be strong for her, she’ll need it, and make sure you keep yourself fit and well, with some downtime. I’m knackered and it’s difficult to keep going at full speed some days, making sure the family are OK and keeping up with work etc.
All the best for you both and your families.Posted 3 years ago
Then there’s the kick from the government regarding the fact that she’s better off being unemployed than staying on SSP.
The money bits the angry bit. I’m on minimum wage and fortunately have a mum and dad bail out bank for things like this, how we would manage otherwise I can barely fathom.
Thanks to you all for kind words & wisdom.Posted 3 years agobullheartMember
Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not: nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not: the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.
Calvin CoolidgePosted 3 years ago
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