Campsite toilets – problem?

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  • Campsite toilets – problem?
  • Premier Icon wwaswas
    Subscriber

    Funnily enough I find going in the caravan/toilet tend more stressful than a campsite loo block.

    My wife swears by her bog-in-a-bag, though.

    allthepies
    Member

    Just put your fingers in your ears to filter out any local noises and let rip ๐Ÿ™‚

    camo16
    Member

    Two weeks ago, an early morning a Campsite in westest Wales:

    I’ve just got to go, for the beast is knocking down the doors, so I rush to the campsite toilets and it’s all quiet – phew! or so I thought. I’ve dropped kecks, desperate not to miss this precious undisturbed moment, when I realise that someone’s occupying the cubicle next to me and, having heard my approach, he’s now desperately trying not to drop his bombs… Only a rustle of clothes resulting from his irresistable bowel tremors gives his presence away. ๐Ÿ˜ฏ

    It’s so quiet.

    I mean, there’s no normal toilet noise. At all. No washers washing, no taps tapping, no laughing kids, no retching from the still peshed Mancunians in the tents next to ours… silence.

    For about 5 minutes (I kid you not) we remain conscious of each other’s presence. Nothing’s going to make us send the brown down. Not unless someone walks in and makes some noise.

    Then, finally, a wonderful interlude.

    The door opens.

    I’m not one to lose an opportunity like that, so I push.

    The door shuts. Whoever decided to come in has had second thoughts. His shower can wait. I hate him.

    Silence. Everything I’m doing is amplified in these noiseless bogs. I’m past the point of no return. It’s horrendous. And it doesn’t stop. Damn camp cooking. ๐Ÿ‘ฟ

    I hear the guy next to me chuckle quietly, so I flush, up kecks and get out as quick as I can.

    I will never POO IN A QUIET CAMPSITE TOILET AGAIN. ๐Ÿ™

    shifter
    Member

    When ya gotta go – ya gotta go, no point being shy. I’ve had some good dumps on aeroplanes, I think the pressure fluctuations set me off…

    Premier Icon Lifer
    Subscriber

    Weirdos, just go!

    patriotpro
    Member

    yer talking shite

    cheers_drive
    Member

    You guys have some strange hang-ups. You’re having a poo, it’s natural, everyone does it including your wife, your mum, the Queen, and Kelly Brook.
    Our campsite last week in the Alps had a mix of std and squat toilets. I avoided the squat ones being worried about splash back / loose bowels but one morning the std ones were all full and I was close to pushing cloth so had to use the squat ones. Wow they are so much better for a good evacuation!

    joemarshall
    Member

    Don’t go when my daughter is there then. She narrates the entire process –
    Something like this:

    “I am doing a wee daddy”
    Tinkle tinkle tinkle
    “and a poo”
    Splosh
    “look I think I did the Biggest Poo In the World”
    “now I am wiping”
    “Oh No!”
    “you come in and help please!”

    tinsy
    Member

    Whats the difference to a campsite loo & cubicles at work?

    Its a tiolet people poo there, do it & get on with the day.

    Premier Icon wwaswas
    Subscriber

    One of the first times I took my daughter into a gents loo for a poo just after she started walking I put her down to sort something out afterwards and she walked over to the flushing urinals and picked up one of the yellow blocks to wash her hands with.

    There was some scrupulous hand washing at the proper sink for the next few minutes.

    Junkyard
    Member

    Dont get this you need to go you need to go

    Dont see why you would get hung up about it tbh

    Premier Icon Kryton57
    Subscriber

    tinsy – Member
    Whats the difference to a campsite loo & cubicles at work?

    None in my book. In either case I’d rather wait for the next door neighbour to complete the cycle and leave before I make the slightest noise doing anything.

    I had a customer once enter 5 minutes after I did and try to continue a commercial discussion either side of the bog door. I couldn’t bring myself to speak…

    Premier Icon tomhoward
    Subscriber

    Was at Leeds festival 3/4 years ago, arrived on the Weds, didnt poo until I’d got home the following Monday. It was like my brain had remembered the trauma of previous years and thought ‘if you think we are going through that again, you have another thing coming, sunbeam!’ and had shut down my bowels for the weekend.

    By christ were they open for business when I finally did got home though!

    I may start narration/commentary the next time I’m in a public loo…..

    sweepy
    Member

    I’m not really in the inhibited camp on this, but I went to a site once and there was a radio playing quietly in the toilet block. You could tell that people were much more comfortable.

    jekkyl
    Member

    I can’t see any reason why someone hearing me shit would make me not be able to go. You’re in a toilet ffs It’s allowed. When you make eye contact at the basins after he’s not gonna go ‘That was a right massive jobby you jist done by the sounds of it, that’s disgusting, you’re filth, you are never babysitting my children’

    KINGTUT
    Member

    You’re in a toilet ffs It’s allowed. When you make eye contact at the basins after he’s not gonna go ‘That was a right massive jobby you jist done by the sounds of it, that’s disgusting, you’re filth, you are never babysitting my children’

    lol

    I find the fascination a lot of the forum members have with poo and the having of the said poo and all things related utterly bizarre.

    Premier Icon Lifer
    Subscriber

    jekkyl – Member
    I can’t see any reason why someone hearing me shit would make me not be able to go. You’re in a toilet ffs It’s allowed. When you make eye contact at the basins after he’s not gonna go ‘That was a right massive jobby you jist done by the sounds of it, that’s disgusting, you’re filth, you are never babysitting my children’

    Stopped for a pee at the Eurostar terminal in calais, bloke in a cubicle was apologising after every parp and splash. Les Anglais, they crazy!

    Pyro
    Member

    I sat down in a very quiet set of stall at the end of an event a couple of weeks back. Having been event crew and on a 48hr shift, needless to say my diet had been almost exclusively junk and my guts were in a bit of a state. I doffed my trousers, seated myself and proceeded to emit the longest, least tuneful set of farts on the planet.

    Half way through, it occurred to me that there was a hint of giggling coming from the other end of the row, as I tried to stifle some of the duff notes. The sound of a flush, a cubicle door opening and closing, and as the giggling fellow walked past my stall there was a muttered “go on pal, just let it all out”

    My only response: “problem is, I came in for a sh*t, not the Warsaw **** Concerto mate”

    Premier Icon wwaswas
    Subscriber

    There seem to be two types of people, those that just get on with it and those and those that can’t, errm, perform when there’s others about.

    I must admit I try and find quiet times of day and corner cubicles but generally cope. It can be a bit disconcerting when some kid in the next cubicle talks to their mate/dad next but one the whole way through and their tone of voice just sounds like they’re undoing the lid of a jar at critical moments, though.

    So, those in the latter group – do you limit yourselves to a long weekend camping and a bit of discomfort towards the end or just make alternative arrangements in MacDonalds etc?

    torsoinalake
    Member

    Campsite toilets aren’t a problem.

    It’s the toilets in America where the gaps around the doors are big enough that YOU CAN SEE IN THE CUBICLE!! WHAT THE **** IS WRONG WITH YOU AMERICAN TOILET DESIGNERS!!!!

    avdave2
    Member

    My sister had a friend a few years ago who would never go on their camping trips, or in fact do any real travelling because he HAD to have a shower if he’d had a shit.

    I know another guy who hates to use exhibition hall toilets during a build. He ended up shitting himself in a stuck lift once as he’d been hanging on for hours to get back to his hotel room.

    Premier Icon colournoise
    Subscriber

    First STW thread that has left me genuinely confused.

    What’s the issue with defecating in the presence of others? Get in there and get the job(bie) done. Who cares if one or two other people hear your splashdown? Can you also not piss if there are others stood at neighbouring urinals?

    TuckerUK
    Member

    So, those in the latter group – do you limit yourselves to a long weekend camping and a bit of discomfort towards the end or just make alternative arrangements in MacDonalds etc?

    I feel your pain. I just try to find quite periods, not always successfully.

    camo16, love it! ๐Ÿ˜†

    TuckerUK
    Member

    Can you also not piss if there are others stood at neighbouring urinals?

    Sometimes. ๐Ÿ˜

    camo16
    Member

    First STW thread that has left me genuinely confused.

    What’s the issue with defecating in the presence of others? Get in there and get the job(bie) done. Who cares if one or two other people hear your splashdown?

    It’s not that confusing, colournoise… it’s a dignity thing. ๐Ÿ˜€

    I imagine you’re the kind of guy who steps out of your trap, having acid rained the porcelain, and, seeing a gaggle of astounded campers, you merrily quip ‘better out than in, fellas!’, or ‘dudes, I’d give that a minute’, before whistling your way back to the camp singing the ‘HEY, I’VE JUST HAD A CRAP AND SHEESH IT WAS A BIGGIE’ song.

    Cut from a different cloth, you and me. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    TuckerUK
    Member

    camo16 FTW

    avdave2
    Member

    There is potentially a good evolutionary reason for this. It would not be good to be half way through a shit in a bush only to then realise a sabre toothed tiger was having a shit in the bush next to you.

    lodious
    Member

    It’s the toilets in America where the gaps around the doors are big enough that YOU CAN SEE IN THE CUBICLE!! WHAT THE **** IS WRONG WITH YOU AMERICAN TOILET DESIGNERS!!!!

    haha, massive +1. I hate it, why are they designed like that? And yet the flush systems are amazing…properly sucks everything away….zero chance of floaters.

    Premier Icon wwaswas
    Subscriber

    So those in the ‘can’t see what the problem is’ camp wouldn’t be phased by this?

    lodious
    Member

    I never has a problem on campsites, typical sequence of events….

    Wake up

    Wife goes to toilet, leaves me w/kids

    1 minute after she leave the caravan, I really need to poo

    I wait

    I wait

    I wait

    She comes back after 30mins.

    I run to the toilet block. By the time I get there, I’m so desperate, I’d poo in front of Kate Middleton eating an ice cream. Never have the luxury of thinking about the situation.

    samuri
    Member

    Caravan toilets are far worse, they’re usually right next to the kitchen and the doors are paper thin. And you can guarantee as soon as you step into the toilet, someone will pop round and stand right outside the door chatting for twenty minutes while you hold it in waiting for them to go.

    When they realise you’re effectively trapped in the bathroom, they’ll ask your missus if you’re OK and do you normally spend so long in the bathroom?

    Premier Icon molgrips
    Subscriber

    I hate it, why are they designed like that?

    The puritan thing. They don’t want you too have too much privacy, you might get up to NO GOOD.

    I have a toilet in my caravan, I find the hassle of emptying it far less than the hassle of using camp site loos.

    lodious
    Member

    I have a toilet in my caravan, I find the hassle of emptying it far less than the hassle of using camp site loos.

    For No. 2’s? Nooooooo!

    The firemans blanket is truly a mans best friend in these situations

    Premier Icon molgrips
    Subscriber

    For No. 2’s? Nooooooo!

    What’s the problem?

    konabunny
    Member

    “I hate it, why are they designed like that?”

    Easier to mop and reduces cottaging.

    Premier Icon cloudnine
    Subscriber

    Just do a loud verbal narrative of your own pooing..
    “ready with torpedo 1….”
    “aye, captain”…..
    “lock on enemy target”
    “Aye, captain”
    “fire when ready”……..
    (do torpedo firing noise)
    “kerboooooom!”

    “captain… Direct hit, enemy are preparing to return fire”
    “load torpedo 2 at the double!”

    And so on till you’ve sunk the enemy ship and shot the survivors with your machine gun wizz.
    All the above must be enacted at Brian blessed like volume and enthusiasm.

    johndoh
    Member

    I can’t see how anyone can have an issue with going to the toilet when they need to.

    Really bizarre.

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