Campsite toilets – problem?
Two weeks ago, an early morning a Campsite in westest Wales:
I’ve just got to go, for the beast is knocking down the doors, so I rush to the campsite toilets and it’s all quiet – phew! or so I thought. I’ve dropped kecks, desperate not to miss this precious undisturbed moment, when I realise that someone’s occupying the cubicle next to me and, having heard my approach, he’s now desperately trying not to drop his bombs… Only a rustle of clothes resulting from his irresistable bowel tremors gives his presence away. 😯
It’s so quiet.
I mean, there’s no normal toilet noise. At all. No washers washing, no taps tapping, no laughing kids, no retching from the still peshed Mancunians in the tents next to ours… silence.
For about 5 minutes (I kid you not) we remain conscious of each other’s presence. Nothing’s going to make us send the brown down. Not unless someone walks in and makes some noise.
Then, finally, a wonderful interlude.
The door opens.
I’m not one to lose an opportunity like that, so I push.
The door shuts. Whoever decided to come in has had second thoughts. His shower can wait. I hate him.
Silence. Everything I’m doing is amplified in these noiseless bogs. I’m past the point of no return. It’s horrendous. And it doesn’t stop. Damn camp cooking. 👿
I hear the guy next to me chuckle quietly, so I flush, up kecks and get out as quick as I can.
I will never POO IN A QUIET CAMPSITE TOILET AGAIN. 🙁Posted 4 years agocheers_driveMember
You guys have some strange hang-ups. You’re having a poo, it’s natural, everyone does it including your wife, your mum, the Queen, and Kelly Brook.Posted 4 years ago
Our campsite last week in the Alps had a mix of std and squat toilets. I avoided the squat ones being worried about splash back / loose bowels but one morning the std ones were all full and I was close to pushing cloth so had to use the squat ones. Wow they are so much better for a good evacuation!joemarshallMember
Don’t go when my daughter is there then. She narrates the entire process –
Something like this:
“I am doing a wee daddy”Posted 4 years ago
Tinkle tinkle tinkle
“and a poo”
“look I think I did the Biggest Poo In the World”
“now I am wiping”
“you come in and help please!”
One of the first times I took my daughter into a gents loo for a poo just after she started walking I put her down to sort something out afterwards and she walked over to the flushing urinals and picked up one of the yellow blocks to wash her hands with.
There was some scrupulous hand washing at the proper sink for the next few minutes.Posted 4 years agoKryton57Subscriber
tinsy – Member
Whats the difference to a campsite loo & cubicles at work?
None in my book. In either case I’d rather wait for the next door neighbour to complete the cycle and leave before I make the slightest noise doing anything.
I had a customer once enter 5 minutes after I did and try to continue a commercial discussion either side of the bog door. I couldn’t bring myself to speak…Posted 4 years agotomhowardSubscriber
Was at Leeds festival 3/4 years ago, arrived on the Weds, didnt poo until I’d got home the following Monday. It was like my brain had remembered the trauma of previous years and thought ‘if you think we are going through that again, you have another thing coming, sunbeam!’ and had shut down my bowels for the weekend.
By christ were they open for business when I finally did got home though!
I may start narration/commentary the next time I’m in a public loo…..Posted 4 years agojekkylMember
I can’t see any reason why someone hearing me shit would make me not be able to go. You’re in a toilet ffs It’s allowed. When you make eye contact at the basins after he’s not gonna go ‘That was a right massive jobby you jist done by the sounds of it, that’s disgusting, you’re filth, you are never babysitting my children’Posted 4 years agoKINGTUTMember
You’re in a toilet ffs It’s allowed. When you make eye contact at the basins after he’s not gonna go ‘That was a right massive jobby you jist done by the sounds of it, that’s disgusting, you’re filth, you are never babysitting my children’
I find the fascination a lot of the forum members have with poo and the having of the said poo and all things related utterly bizarre.Posted 4 years agoLiferSubscriber
jekkyl – Member
I can’t see any reason why someone hearing me shit would make me not be able to go. You’re in a toilet ffs It’s allowed. When you make eye contact at the basins after he’s not gonna go ‘That was a right massive jobby you jist done by the sounds of it, that’s disgusting, you’re filth, you are never babysitting my children’
Stopped for a pee at the Eurostar terminal in calais, bloke in a cubicle was apologising after every parp and splash. Les Anglais, they crazy!Posted 4 years agoPyroMember
I sat down in a very quiet set of stall at the end of an event a couple of weeks back. Having been event crew and on a 48hr shift, needless to say my diet had been almost exclusively junk and my guts were in a bit of a state. I doffed my trousers, seated myself and proceeded to emit the longest, least tuneful set of farts on the planet.
Half way through, it occurred to me that there was a hint of giggling coming from the other end of the row, as I tried to stifle some of the duff notes. The sound of a flush, a cubicle door opening and closing, and as the giggling fellow walked past my stall there was a muttered “go on pal, just let it all out”
My only response: “problem is, I came in for a sh*t, not the Warsaw **** Concerto mate”Posted 4 years ago
There seem to be two types of people, those that just get on with it and those and those that can’t, errm, perform when there’s others about.
I must admit I try and find quiet times of day and corner cubicles but generally cope. It can be a bit disconcerting when some kid in the next cubicle talks to their mate/dad next but one the whole way through and their tone of voice just sounds like they’re undoing the lid of a jar at critical moments, though.
So, those in the latter group – do you limit yourselves to a long weekend camping and a bit of discomfort towards the end or just make alternative arrangements in MacDonalds etc?Posted 4 years agoavdave2Member
My sister had a friend a few years ago who would never go on their camping trips, or in fact do any real travelling because he HAD to have a shower if he’d had a shit.
I know another guy who hates to use exhibition hall toilets during a build. He ended up shitting himself in a stuck lift once as he’d been hanging on for hours to get back to his hotel room.Posted 4 years agocolournoiseSubscriber
First STW thread that has left me genuinely confused.
What’s the issue with defecating in the presence of others? Get in there and get the job(bie) done. Who cares if one or two other people hear your splashdown? Can you also not piss if there are others stood at neighbouring urinals?Posted 4 years ago
So, those in the latter group – do you limit yourselves to a long weekend camping and a bit of discomfort towards the end or just make alternative arrangements in MacDonalds etc?
I feel your pain. I just try to find quite periods, not always successfully.
camo16, love it! 😆Posted 4 years agocamo16Member
First STW thread that has left me genuinely confused.
What’s the issue with defecating in the presence of others? Get in there and get the job(bie) done. Who cares if one or two other people hear your splashdown?
It’s not that confusing, colournoise… it’s a dignity thing. 😀
I imagine you’re the kind of guy who steps out of your trap, having acid rained the porcelain, and, seeing a gaggle of astounded campers, you merrily quip ‘better out than in, fellas!’, or ‘dudes, I’d give that a minute’, before whistling your way back to the camp singing the ‘HEY, I’VE JUST HAD A CRAP AND SHEESH IT WAS A BIGGIE’ song.
Cut from a different cloth, you and me. 😉Posted 4 years ago
It’s the toilets in America where the gaps around the doors are big enough that YOU CAN SEE IN THE CUBICLE!! WHAT THE **** IS WRONG WITH YOU AMERICAN TOILET DESIGNERS!!!!
haha, massive +1. I hate it, why are they designed like that? And yet the flush systems are amazing…properly sucks everything away….zero chance of floaters.Posted 4 years ago
I never has a problem on campsites, typical sequence of events….
Wife goes to toilet, leaves me w/kids
1 minute after she leave the caravan, I really need to poo
She comes back after 30mins.
I run to the toilet block. By the time I get there, I’m so desperate, I’d poo in front of Kate Middleton eating an ice cream. Never have the luxury of thinking about the situation.Posted 4 years agosamuriMember
Caravan toilets are far worse, they’re usually right next to the kitchen and the doors are paper thin. And you can guarantee as soon as you step into the toilet, someone will pop round and stand right outside the door chatting for twenty minutes while you hold it in waiting for them to go.
When they realise you’re effectively trapped in the bathroom, they’ll ask your missus if you’re OK and do you normally spend so long in the bathroom?Posted 4 years agocloudnineSubscriber
Just do a loud verbal narrative of your own pooing..
“ready with torpedo 1….”
“lock on enemy target”
“fire when ready”……..
(do torpedo firing noise)
“captain… Direct hit, enemy are preparing to return fire”
“load torpedo 2 at the double!”
And so on till you’ve sunk the enemy ship and shot the survivors with your machine gun wizz.Posted 4 years ago
All the above must be enacted at Brian blessed like volume and enthusiasm.
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