Bullying in adult work life

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  • Bullying in adult work life
  • Premier Icon footflaps
    Subscriber

    Leave and get another job. OH was bullied at her previous employer – her boss was the most sexist arsehole on the planet and had a ‘like it or quit’ attitude. So she quit. All worked out well as her new place is much nicer and full of normal people rather than aggressive tw*ts.

    slowoldgit
    Member

    Talk to HR. FA may result, but they ought to be good at listening.

    I think there’s something about UK business that lets psychos get to the top in just about all fields.

    Premier Icon binners
    Subscriber

    Can anyone offer any advice on how to cope/alleviate it,its causing some people i know serious health issues,and basically they’re told don’t like it get another job.

    The solution is contained quite clearly within your question

    In my experience this kind of things tends to be engrained in the culture of a company, with those at the top being the worst offenders. They won’t change. Just walk

    zokes
    Member

    Wait until manager has a screaming match in the main office at you, then calmly state you won’t be spoken to like that, but will happily come to their office to discuss it once they’ve calmed down.

    Earned my wife a round of applause from her colleagues, and a much more respectful boss.

    She left two months later for a much better job, but things were much better after her boss was made to look like the dick she was

    project
    Member

    Seeosamah, used that when doing my apprenticeship, on a fellow tradesman, doing tasks under his supervision, evertyhing i did was ridiculled, eventually hit his hand with the hammer after he left it to close to the nails i was knocking in.

    Result he reported me to the foreman, who called me into the office, gave me a bollocking and said it should be classed as assault and i should be suspended.

    He then said we owe you a big thankyou for hitting him and its something we would all have loved to do, and that due to his poor memory(foreman) that he had forgoten what he had called me into the office for.

    Premier Icon xherbivorex
    Subscriber

    i was bullied quite a lot in a previous job by a colleague who seemed to think he was my superior, although he really wasn’t. but our actual manager was a coward and refused to do anything about it, then HR tried to make the issue disappear without having to get involved too.
    i ended up taking voluntary redundancy (not because of this, but it made my decision easier) without there being any real resolution to the situation and speaking to ex-colleagues now it seems he’s still up to his old tricks with one of the other lads.
    better off out of it, that’s what i’m trying to say.

    plumber
    Member

    I’ve often found ‘shut the **** up you **** mother ****’ works rather well

    Anna B
    Member

    I also left when this happened to me at work. It actually instigated a massive career change for me. Was in marketing/project management, about to start a degree in social work. Every cloud. Also read a good book on the subject at the time, think its called ‘coping with bullying in the workplace’

    project456
    Member

    I suffered what can only be classed as bullying buy a manager at work. I appreciate how difficult these situations are especially if you get on with all your colleagues and wish to continue doing the same job as you enjoy that line of work. It is a lonely place to be as you do not want to leave but you are being made to feel miserable by one individual. Generally the ‘bully’ is in a position whereby it is very difficult to challenge them effectively on your own.Hence they feel like they can get away with it.

    However, do NOT carry on regardless. Your health is of paramount importance. You are important to your family. If you are suffering health issues on the back of the bullying then you really have to act. I continued for 5 years without reacting and I got ill. My family suffered because of it. I was more irritable etc. and they were the ones who bore the brunt of my frustration. In the end I was making everyone miserable and so my home life was suffering too.

    Too put it another way, miserable at work and at home. Not a good idea or a recipe for anything other than disaster.

    This post could indeed be War and Peace so for that reason I must try and put it as bullet points from here.

    1) Is there a H.R. dept?
    2) Do you feel the integrity of H.R. will assure your complaint will be looked at in a confidential manner.
    3) If yes, speak to them immediately about the situation.
    ( I do understand you may feel afraid it will come back on you but you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t)
    4) Is there an Occ. Health officer?
    5) If yes, speak to them. Tell them how your health is being affected.
    6) If like me the ‘illness’ was depression / anxiety etc. Go to the Doctors !!! It’s a no brainer that one. Totally worth doing. Hopefully you have a decent G.P. These are things that should be taken seriously.
    7) Take your wife / partner to the Docs with you. They may be able to help you speak about things you might feel ashamed about or embarrassed about.
    8. There is NO shame in admitting you are struggling.

    Whatever you do, do something ! Do not carry on regardless as the situation does not get better unless the bully leaves and invariably they don’t !!

    I hope this makes sense and that it may be of help to someone.

    project
    Member

    The last few months have heard of various cases of Bullying by staff and management of staff they work with, and it seems to be getting worse.

    Can anyone ofer any advice on how to cope/allieviate it,its causing some people i know serious health isues,and basicly theyre told dont like it get another job.

    So glad im self employed and dont have the same people every day in my space.

    AlasdairMc
    Member

    Get a new job. I wasn’t bullied as such, just had an incompetent manager who made threats about the security of my job because he couldn’t do his own, and the uncertainty was stressful.

    I took that as my cue to move on, and went into what has become a career at a different company and industry altogether. No regrets.

    luke
    Member

    Best thing to do is get out, as even if they are reported unless they get removed from the work place, they are still there. It’s happening in my work place it has been reported by people at different levels up the line, a youthful manager with little experience in managing people but plenty in the industry allows the culprit to continue virtually unchecked, leading to 30% of the workforce looking to jump ship.

    wrecker
    Member

    Bullies don’t like people who stand up for themselves. They usually just find an easier target. A quiet word is all it takes.

    gonzy
    Member

    I suffered what can only be classed as bullying buy a manager at work. I appreciate how difficult these situations are especially if you get on with all your colleagues and wish to continue doing the same job as you enjoy that line of work. It is a lonely place to be as you do not want to leave but you are being made to feel miserable by one individual. Generally the ‘bully’ is in a position whereby it is very difficult to challenge them effectively on your own.Hence they feel like they can get away with it.

    However, do NOT carry on regardless. Your health is of paramount importance. You are important to your family. If you are suffering health issues on the back of the bullying then you really have to act. I continued for 5 years without reacting and I got ill. My family suffered because of it. I was more irritable etc. and they were the ones who bore the brunt of my frustration. In the end I was making everyone miserable and so my home life was suffering too.

    Too put it another way, miserable at work and at home. Not a good idea or a recipe for anything other than disaster.

    This post could indeed be War and Peace so for that reason I must try and put it as bullet points from here.

    1) Is there a H.R. dept?
    2) Do you feel the integrity of H.R. will assure your complaint will be looked at in a confidential manner.
    3) If yes, speak to them immediately about the situation.
    ( I do understand you may feel afraid it will come back on you but you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t)
    4) Is there an Occ. Health officer?
    5) If yes, speak to them. Tell them how your health is being affected.
    6) If like me the ‘illness’ was depression / anxiety etc. Go to the Doctors !!! It’s a no brainer that one. Totally worth doing. Hopefully you have a decent G.P. These are things that should be taken seriously.
    7) Take your wife / partner to the Docs with you. They may be able to help you speak about things you might feel ashamed about or embarrassed about.
    8. There is NO shame in admitting you are struggling.

    i went through exactly the same thing except it all took place oover 12 months…during that time other colleagues saw what was happening to me but were too scared to do anything about it…
    things came to a head when i finally flipped my lid at the bullying manager in retaliation (i didnt whit her but i threw her filing tray at the wall after she said something quite bad to me again in front of the whole team)…HR, Occ.Health, senior management and a whole load of other people got involved then….i was then moved to another role and she left 12 months later….at her leaving do she actually made a grovelling apology to me in front of everyone…

    Premier Icon vinnyeh
    Subscriber

    A lad I went to school with suffered years of bullying at work.

    Here’s how he dealt with it.

    I told my boss if he spoke lke that to me I’d break his **** legs. I then resigned a week later ad i had a new job. That showed him 😳

    Premier Icon phil40
    Subscriber

    I think anagallis we used to work together (were you at Yateley?), and if you said that to who I think you did, I will definitely buy you a pint next time I am in reading. 😀

    Papa_Lazarou
    Member

    Don’t expect too much from HR, who are there to protect the firm, not you.

    So either:

    A. leave

    or

    B. Quietly whisper into their ear that if they speak to you like that again you’ll [insert extremely disturbing action] to them until it stops.

    AdamW
    Member

    Partner was bullied at work. Eventually led to severe depression/anxiety. Then they got rid of him based on health a few weeks ago.

    From a manager in a nepotistic position within the NHS (her husband was her boss). He tried complaining to the HR dept but they didn’t want to hear. Useless, HR are there for the company, to make sure all their boxes are ticked, not for you.

    Now I’m concerned he won’t work again, at 47. 😐

    Premier Icon MSP
    Subscriber

    It seems to be on the increase, certainly I see more of it now than when I first started working. Apart from increasing working demands and pressures (which I am not sure have got that much worse in reality) I think there are two main reasons.

    Young managers on the graduate fast track who don’t have the work/life experience to match their paper qualifications, they are out of their depth and desperately need to find a victim to blame for the inability to cope.

    Lack of union representation. Really this is exactly the kind of behaviour that sticking together with your workmates and having formal backing is meant to deal with.

    Premier Icon tomd
    Subscriber

    Lots of good advice above, some maybe not so (those involving violence or retaliation). There are so many variables, but if it’s a good job & company and the problem is one individual then go down the HR / Occ health route and try and get things changed.

    If it’s an bad company, with engrained culture of bullying and there’s a way to get another job that is equivalent or better then go.

    So many variable though, especially when people are stuck in a miserable situation but feel unable to leave due to pensions, work availability, location, status etc.

    bigyinn
    Member

    HR are just there to cover the companies arse when it all goes wrong. By all means report it to them, just don’t expect them to do what you think they should. The smooth running of the company and its staff are their main concerns. You being unhappy really isnt their main concern.

    My advise, stick it out, look for another job and then give the company the minimum notice required and leave for your new job.

    I’ve seen this time and again, companies generally dont give a crap about the indivduals. Nothing will change, so get out.

    plyphon
    Member

    Can’t you sue for constructive dismissal if it forces/causes you to leave your employer?

    https://www.gov.uk/dismissal/unfair-and-constructive-dismissal

    Constructive dismissal
    Constructive dismissal is when you’re forced to leave your job against your will because of your employer’s conduct.

    The reasons you leave your job must be serious, for example, they:

    don’t pay you or suddenly demote you for no reason
    force you to accept unreasonable changes to how you work – eg tell you to work night shifts when your contract is only for day work
    let other employees harass or bully youConstructive dismissal
    Constructive dismissal is when you’re forced to leave your job against your will because of your employer’s conduct.

    The reasons you leave your job must be serious, for example, they:

    don’t pay you or suddenly demote you for no reason

    force you to accept unreasonable changes to how you work – eg tell you to work night shifts when your contract is only for day work

    let other employees harass or bully you

    Premier Icon MSP
    Subscriber

    I would start keeping a record of the bullying/harrasment.

    Once you have plenty of incidents recorded (a couple of months worth), have a quiet word with HR, but don’t reveal your record keeping at that time. Maybe just mention a couple of incidents, ask them if they can do something about it. Make sure you record the date and minutes of that meeting, And of course keep recording any incidents.

    Your next step depends on the actions following the HR meeting, in my experience HR don’t like bullying taking place, but are frequently not empowered to do do much about it.

    Philby
    Member

    As above keep a detailed record of the incidents (dates, times etc), and if possible would any witnesses support you.

    Organisations should take an interest in bullying – it’s costly if people aren’t performing effectively, are off work with a stress related illness, or in legal costs if the issue ends up as a constructive dismissal case at an employment tribunal, and the costs or losing and recruiting staff.

    Premier Icon Kryton57
    Subscriber

    Ignore it and tell them to piss off.

    dabble
    Member

    Bombers?
    Shoe/ Urine interface?

    Come on, I thought this was standard STW fair for dealing with folk who are are pissing you off.

    Premier Icon ransos
    Subscriber

    Record what happens and file a grievance with HR. They’ll probably pay you off to leave (because they know they’d be in trouble at a tribunal), which puts you in a much better position than just quitting.

    project
    Member

    Have had customers tell me that where they work, 5 seperate work places the management are threatening and bullying towards staff, and that theyre affraid to leave as they cant get another job, or theyll be blacklisted as troublemakers.

    So very sad for those being bullied.

    From a manager in a nepotistic position within the NHS

    I am sure Adam, there is a creame for that. 😯

    AdamW
    Member

    If only, project! It has been raised with HR and I hope one of them will either be moved or sacked.

    project
    Member

    Adam i seriously hope they are sacked/demoted, make a fuss,complain and complain some more, take it to the board of directors of the trust, and obviouly keep records and tape recordings.

    Your partner may not be the first or most definately the last, a stand must be made.

    Best wishes to you both.

    chewkw
    Member

    Some of these bullies really need proper old school lessons … shouldn’t they incur some sort of accidents?

    I find being in crappy low paid job helps me with bullying. I can tell them to feckoff and get another crappy low paid job. The higher up the ladder the harder it is to do ime.

    merouria
    Member

    I remember a few years back when my mrs was pregnant with our first child, a bloke she worked with was talking down to her and making her feel like she was bad at her job. She was sobbing down the phone to me on her break so i rang the office phone and he answered. I said i would be picking her up from work at the end of her shift so stop the shit or i will wait outside for you. Years on and he’s been good as gold ever since 🙂

Viewing 35 posts - 1 through 35 (of 35 total)

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