Bullshit Bingo, the revised edition

That’s not really a buzzword, it’s a technical term. Eg, “ATX” is a form factor.

Might be misused though. A new form factor of phone would be going from a tablet to a clamshell, rather than being exactly the same but a bit bigger.

Thus and so,

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Form_factor_(mobile_phones)

Touch base.

Grr

I used the word ‘holistic’ in a meeting today and no, it wasn’t about medical treatment. However, at the time I felt ever so clever…

I will now kill myself with immediate effect 😥

Edit – Not before first owning myself with a pair of bombers and weeing in my own shoes…

“Solutioning” is my pet hate

This is funny I reminds me of my old boss his fav line was “we are really gaining traction”

Limit of exploitation.
‘X-rays’ (NOT referring to radiology)
Hot zone.
Putting resource into the system.

In the NHS, not the Army.

When I speak to the product teams, there’s lots of discussion around “happy paths” and “unhappy paths”.

TBH I think most people are just looking for a happy ending….

Oh, and “on the pitch” is another favourite. As in:

“We need to get the resource on the pitch next week”

Sorry I can’t slide that in, I’m going to have to push-back on that one.

Any rebels here ever done anything without implementing a logic model for it?

‘You have originated a quote’….

It’s old school but “let’s visualise what good looks like and make that our primary objective”

An absolute classic from my wife’s boss “we need to wordsmith this to enhance its kerb appeal” when referring to a power point presentation

I’d read all the previous posts but it’s not within my gift…

WTF does “jellybean the options” mean?!

WTF does “jellybean the options” mean?!

Whoa! You mean this crap is actually supposed to mean something?

On PM question time an MP mentioned ‘Northern powerhouse’ …

Why powerhouse? Where is the power? You hardly have any proper factories that manufacture anymore … powerhouse my arse.

🙄

HR meeting today featured “we need to make sure we can chew what we bite off”

A certain politician did recently mis-state his awareness

I’ve had a couple of LinkedIn messages from recruiters who are “Reaching out” to me about a job opportunity. I must have put the right techy buzz words in my skills section.

I would block them for it but one day I might actually want a job.

And A hot house (I have been invited to three of this this month, decline all until some pecker can tell me what a hot house is)

Its a lot like a Dutch Oven – you’re quite right to decline.

Boom…… Just sitting through one of the most cliched ninety minutes ever. Will take some notes in case there is a real classic comes up.

None of you lot are trying.

Value Proposition – is it worth doing (I think)

My favourite – I was told in all seriousness to do this – onboard the market fabric.

Just heard “what box does that drop into on the Goodwill-Curve?”

On PM question time an MP mentioned ‘Northern powerhouse’ …

Why powerhouse? Where is the power? You hardly have any proper factories that manufacture anymore

This is Liverpool, Manchester and Leeds. Mainly Manchester. You live in Newcastle, so there’s nothing to see here….

Had ‘Now’s not the time to knife and fork it’ today. I imagined myself elsewhere.

Value Proposition – is it worth doing (I think)

That’s a formal document here, key artefact required to pass first gate in the change framework governance process, innit!

I was in a meeting and stated quite clearly and in plain English that a deadline had been shifted such that it was closer, obviously this was a complicated thing to say, so a colleague illustrated it by stating that ‘the crocodile is bumping against the canoe’. I wasn’t really paying attention and all I heard was crocodile and gnu, which really confused me.

The other one that has taken hold is delta instead of difference or gap. What’s the delta?

Oh delta has been around for ages. Do you not watch F1? I think it derives from diffentiation, dy\dx, all that lovely stuff.

From earlier in the thread:

almost hourly basis

would that be almost hourly?
Along the same lines ‘regular basis’ regularly? monthly basis….. &c. Less garnish (!) more meal please.

We keep having drum beat meetings here. What are they all about?

I used ‘thought-nado’ today, as ‘thought’shower’ seemed a little weak.

I was taking the piss somewhat.

No elephants in the room ?

No boiling the frog ?

‘the crocodile is bumping against the canoe’

That’s the time you need to take a bio-break, isn’t it ?

Slightly off topic, but some of these are pretty funny: http://www.thepoke.co.uk/2015/02/03/20-essential-job-interview-tips/

Not even 10am and today’s offering is “Infrastructure Headwind”.