Bullshit Bingo, the revised edition

I’m going hull down

That doesn’t make sense. As opposed to what? If you’ve gone hull-up, you’re upside-down and probably sinking fast.

I’m going hull down

That doesn’t make sense. As opposed to what? If you’ve gone hull-up, you’re upside-down and probably sinking fast.

AIUI Hull down is an artillery/tank warfare term for when you place the (hull of the) tank behind a hill or ridge in the ground so only the turret protrudes above the horizon, thus giving the enamy a very small target to hit.

Its commonly used where the tanks are establishing a defensive position.

Not one I’ve heard but my wife did during a communications meeting – “we are where we are”

“No matter where you go, there you are” is a quote from Confucius. Or Buckaroo Banzai. Easy to get the two, er, confused.

@Wombat – true dat

What also annoys me is making a meeting time a noun as in ‘I’ve got a nine o’clock’.

That’s it, there’s nothing to finish the sentence, just a short statement.

The irony of a bunch of blokes in an Internet chat room laughing at things other people say is not lost here 🙂

I do like “who’s going to shoot the puppy”.

“We need to show legitimacy”

“The plan must have legitimacy”

F-off!!!!!!

AIUI Hull down is an artillery/tank warfare term for when you place the (hull of the) tank behind a hill or ridge in the ground so only the turret protrudes above the horizon, thus giving the enamy a very small target to hit.

A couple of years ago I witnessed the phrase ‘we need to keep this Zulu Alpha’ used to refer to keeping something locked down (ie. In the context of confidential) by a nautical (yachting rather than naval) type bloke

Heaven knows where he picked it up, but a couple of us in the room were really quite close to collapse…

slowoldman – Member

“Treasure the hairy map”. WTF? I can’t even begin to image what that might refer to unless it’s perhaps checking the back of your hand whilst masturbating. That at least would make some sense

Genuine lol. Not sure I can get that into one of my discussions tomorrow tho, in any sense of the phrase.

We have a client who loves using the ‘In my radar’ and at a meeting, he expressed his worries in that as a contractor to him, we needed to show we could cover his companies ‘bandwith requirements’ to which my engineer had to struggle to contain himself and if he wasn’t such an important client, would have probably told him to FRO.
I have a bingo list next to my desk, which is a great game of total crap, which we now have fun taking the piss.

Treasure the hairy map – looking at a load of user experiences that cross over and sometimes didn’t end in a positive interaction leading to a non-linear logic path cloud.

Nope. None the wiser.

A few new ones in here; it’s encouraging to know the imagineers are still at it.

I work in telecoms (mobile specifically) which is heavy with acronyms.

My recent favourite is “come to Jesus” used in the context of a meeting where we ask a senior person at a supplier to have a frank conversation and we give him all our money.

I am dangerously close to the epicentre of the latest jargon within the business, so am no doubt guilty of heavy bingo usage without recognising it.

Today’s classic in our office (not from our team I hasten to add).

‘Horizontal and vertical precipitation situations’.

‘Horizontal and vertical precipitation situations’.

Strong winds and heavy rain down your way?

I just this minute heard a variant of “silence is acceptance”. “Silence is acquiescence” – which sounds a little more sinister to me.

Shoot the puppy is strangely brilliant

I was once asked if I’d like to be ‘the guardian of the idea pool’. Or ‘note taker’ as those of us not steeped in the language of management consultancy would describe it.

Oh and I use ‘silence is compliance’ all the time…

that’s as maybe but it won’t stand up in court.

My only key ask is that we invest in our own worst nightmare

“we are where we are”

Use this all the time although I have inherited a huge amount of bad decisions in my new role 🙄

Another one of mine (which says a bit about the quality of the teams I have work with (IT)) “a solution we can walk away from” I say it ironically (and how we all laugh) I mean follow the plan, pay attention to the detail and follow things up. Often major failings of IT implementation teams!

I find there’s an inverse relationship between people’s competence and their use of bingo… they usually have no idea that they’re communicating nothing and causing massive confusion.

Luckily I work in a team which is made up of people of different nationalities so plain English is essential to make sure everyone understands…

I like ‘herding cats’ though – have you ever tried organising something when everyone else has their own idea how to do it, and no-one’s listening to anything anyone else has to say? IME it’s used tongue-in-cheek, like ‘Nailing jelly to the wall’ 🙂

I work in English and French so we’re supposed to use plain English too, but a few do slip through the net, and a few are exacerbated by the language differences.

The worst one for me is the concept of “ownership” being used in place of “being responsible for”. We even have a department called Owners’ Engineering, which just means engineering contract management. I think it’s because “responsable” can be used as a noun in French, meaning the person responsible for something, and no one can be arsed thinking of a better translation than “owner”.

Acroynms on the other hand are rife, and made even worse by the fact that half of them originate in French and are unchanged for UK projects, so you can’t even have a good guess at what they might stand for because you don’t know what language to guess in.

we had a trainer that was very keen to ‘capture’ our feedback. i thought it might be best to just write it down

i also have a manager who is very keen for us to ‘back a horse’ instead of making decisions. but once we have made plan, we should then ‘run it up the flag pole to see who salutes’ – there is general uncertainty in the office around this last point.

I don’t mind “Herding Cats” or “Nailing Jelly”, as they pretty much do what they’re trying to describe, something that’s bloody hard

“Treasure the Hairy Map” on the other hand is just brilliant in it’s obfuscation of what it’s trying to convey.

pirahna – Member
The bloke I sit next to refuses to do anything unless it’s on his “critical path”.

This is ace.

This thread’s preventing me actioning* my deliverables.

(*Since when was action a verb?)

“Treasure the Hairy Map” on the other hand is just brilliant in it’s obfuscation of what it’s trying to convey.

I suppose I ought to now admit that unfortunately I made that one up. I am going to try and use it though as an act of contrition.

“batten down the fort” is one I overhear quite often from the girl who sits near me.

Theres an office at work with a calendar on the wall with “Deadline Awareness Centre” above it. I’m hoping it was done ironically.

“batten down the fort” is one I overhear quite often from the girl who sits near me.

It’s a nautical term and should be ‘batten down the hatches’. Can’t even get her bulls**t bingo phrases correct!

360 degree feedback.
Infographic.
Stop focusing on the negatives and look at it as an opportunity.

A gentleman telephoned me today to tell me he was going to put some meat on my bone.

My general manager doesn’t talk or speak to people, he has conversations. 🙄

Not sure that counts as bullshit? Assuming those people respond to his speaking?

To his conversation, to his conversation dear boy! 🙄
Perhaps I’ll have to take you to one side and have a conversation with you in order to help you understand.

360 degree feedback.

I once heard, “we need to turn this project around 360 degrees”… I had to leave the room.

Just had an email proposing some “pump-priming activities”

Not exactly bullshit bingo but calling meeting rooms “war rooms” sucks the life out of my soul

anyone have a totem pole?

Sui – Member

anyone have a totem pole?

Other than 1st thing in the morning?

New words for meetings being used here:

Town hall
And A hot house (I have been invited to three of this this month, decline all until some pecker can tell me what a hot house is)

Oh and how can I forget “a diary buster”

…and for this year, we are proud to announce the arrival of tangle shaft smartphone in an entirely new “form-factor“

Must be a new shape!!!!