following on fromTHIS …what bull*** bingo comments have you had in your office today?

I’ll tee that one up and ping it over to you

is the starter for 10

based on some presenter on the tv I have started saying “I think we need to step this up a gear and take it to the next level” at appropriate moments 🙂

A colleague asked me to “expedite the inquiry with extreme prejudice” – A right doughnut … and highly likely to make it to a few ranks beyond the ceiling of his charm & ability.

From a client. He’s obviously way too busy to write proper emails.

Three separate notifications from said big hitter:

Will liase on weekend

file is day/night improved

and

Tku

Not ‘thank you’, ‘thanks’, ‘best regards’ or ‘nice one, dude’. No, this guy is so important and so busy he only has time for three letters.

“Lets touch base”
“Run it up the flagpole”

“Touch base” makes me seeth. I’ll touch a base off your skull in a minute…

“BR” as in “Best regards”.

They can hardly be your best regards if you can’t be arsed to write it in full now can they?

I get ‘BR’ emails all the time.

Weird thing is, emails ending ‘BR’ are normally 1,000 words long.

If you have time to write an epic email, the sign-off should be appropriately lengthy. BR is uncool.

What’s ‘tku’ Camo? Someone uses ‘x, y and zee’ to say etc in my office, drives me mental. She’s not even American, she’s from Warrington.

Camo, you don’t work anywhere in the City by any chance do you? 😕

I give as good as I get with the ‘BR’…if someone wants to look ‘supercool’ by saying BR, I’ll join them in an ironic way!

“BR” as in “Best regards”.

They’re hardly your best regards if you can’t be arsed to write it in full now can they?

This is so very true.

The same applies to ‘Thx’, ‘Pls’ and ‘tyvm’.

It’s cocknockery of the highest order!

“let’s just give this a lght touch”

“i don’t have the bandwidth for this right now”.

Reaching out…. ➡

Tku = thank you

The abbreviation reinforces the relationship between client (the important person) and the service provider (the gimp). If I sent a ‘Tku’ back to him I believe there would be a faeces-fan collision.

No, I don’t work in the city, but a lot of our clients are city folk in expensive suits.

This is the kind of email content I get quite a lot:

let’s get together with the technical partners to draft an improved investment and realisation timeline horizon

In a similar fashion to BR, I sometimes get “Best”. Hmph…couldn’t be bothered to write “Regards” then?

I reply and end mine with Bestest, 😀

Thankfully, in my line of work, most people say what they mean…very succinctly. Mind you, in a couple of weeks, I’m dealing with an Architect and an Interior Designer…now that’s a whole world of bullshit in emails with them. 😆

today i’m unemployed.

“it’s in your gift” is the current favourite at my work. I hear this as we don’t know, don’t expect any help or guidance but if you F it up it’s all on you….

W@#Kers the lot on them. 👿

Let’s skip the bull**** bingo on this one and pull together to push the envelope!

I laughed and said ‘We are tigers, Rarrgh’ thinking he was being ironic.

Sudden look of self doubt crossed his face as he couldn’t work out if I was joining in, taking the piss or just a bigger knob than him. Fortunately his ego took over and he believed I was flattering him.

“We’ll talk off-line” – i.e. they don’t know the answer or have the mental agility to make one up in front of their “subordinates”.

“There’s a lot happening in the margins” – i.e. claiming their privy to a lot more info than anyone else……..and therefore still unable to give an answer.

Fess up and say I “I don’t know, I owe you an answer”, then p**s off and find out. Makes me rage.

file is day/night improved

Uh? What is it fcking photosenstive or something?

“taking ownership”………………….

“meeting to commence at fourteen hundred to draw a line around our relationship sweetspot”

“let’s just unpack that a little” is a dreadful, dreadful phrase I’ve heard being bandied around my office.

“Reaching out” +loads

I’ll tee that one up and ping it over to you

You are kidding? Without any hint of irony at all?

I’m quite horrified – that one requires a serious twatting with the Gunn and Moore.

“Reaching out” +loads

You want to suggest they “reach around” the problem instead.

There is one guy who always seems to wants to ‘line up all the ducks’. Really, well you duck off and do that

He also came out with the indescribably bad line as follows:

‘I’ve socialised the initiative’

So what you meant to say was you had a quick chat about it.

Total utter blox

Idea showers instead of brain storms makes me want to gag and it’s in the pipeline…. 👿 well when is it coming out?!!!!

Oh yeah, people who ask for ‘soup to nuts’ solutions

W. T. F?……..

AAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!

TBH this sort of thing is quite amusing, you know what they’re saying from context and it’s really quite harmless.
What gets my goat is the use of abbreviations and expectation that you understand or know the meaning or people that use complex business speak to explain an essentially simple process “the strategization” or “the marketization”, I mean WTF?

Someone needs to get “reach around” into business speak. That there is the challenge for you all.

requires a serious twatting with the Gunn and Moore.

Marvellous! Mind if I borrow that? 🙂

requires a serious twatting with the Gunn and Moore.
Marvellous! Mind if I borrow that?

+1!!

yup, no irony at all he was being serious. He also came out with ‘Ciao’. To a German.

Oh well……

not bullshit bingo, but a colleague of mine today after a lengthy teleconference with a client that wanted everything apart from the moon on a piece of string put the phone down and announced ‘if he thinks he’s getting all that he can kiss my hairy swingers’

I’m going to try to get that into common business usage, maybe a KMS request?

eg: Brian Forbes-Hamilton in marketing has just sent me the outline for another one of his KMS projects.

Idea showers instead of brain storms makes me want to gag and it’s in the pipeline…. well when is it coming out?!!!!

True story, got told by someone senior in a recent role I was no longer allowed to use the term Brainstorm as the PC nuts had apparently gone crazy on it and supposedly it’s in some way shape or form offensive to the mentally impaired! Or retards as the rest of society calls them… 😉 Seriously though, WTF? How can “Brainstorm” be offensive to anyone? I flatly refused to use “Thought Shower” though, makes my skin crawl! As does “Touch Base” as has already been mentioned… Feeling quite glad not to be working in a big office right now! 😀

I can generally deal with bullshit bingo ok as I just tend to let it wash over me, but there’s some new ones to me on this thread, especially the shortened sign offs. Unreal that you couldn’t be bothered to write two full words after sending a whole email!

It would seem that I fail to “embrace new ways of working”. You mean I’m not doing twice as much work to make you look better after you binned half the team?

Too **** right I’m not embracing new ways of working!

Bandwidth gets used a lot here.

Still not as annoying as ‘picking the low hanging fruit’ and ‘driving the laptop’ (taking minutes) in meetings.

Anyone who uses the word “yeah?” as an interrogative at the end of every sentence should be taken outside and shot.

I worked with one of these guys. He was massively annoying and I strongly suspected that he had two Y chromosomes.

mboy – Member

I can generally deal with bullshit bingo ok as I just tend to let it wash over me, but there’s some new ones to me on this thread, especially the shortened sign offs. Unreal that you couldn’t be bothered to write two full words after sending a whole email!

BINGO