Bozo’s diary
Monday 2nd August
Excllent weekend, I feel the rebirth of the Tories under my steady hand will leave none in doubt that I’m truly a latter day Churchill.
That egghead Cummings really has a plan! he said with some vehemence he despises lazy, vain and stupid politicians and he assures me that he’ll make them suffer. I’m glad Gove recommended we bring him in.
He made me say I really dont want an election, not sure why, I’ve stuffed old faggy breath farage & corbyns a useless commie.
Carrie has bought a dog, not sure about that but she says it’ll be great optics.
Tuesday 3rd August
Those clowns in the opposition think they can make me ask for an extension, Cummings says that anyone who dares defy the PM (well he said ‘defy him’, but hes obviously talking about me) will be out on their arses. That’ll put whiny Hammond in his place.
The dog is pissing and shitting everywhere, Carrie says she can train dogs to be loyal.
Wednesday 4th August
**** last night was a disaster, Cummings made me fire 20 of my MPs, he tells me it’s all part of the plan, not seen him today, he was smashed last night hes got through a case of my best wines and half my coke.
It’s ok I’m sure the old boys in the lord’s will block it.
The dog did piss on Goveys shoes so I think we’ll keep it around.
Thursday 5th August
Cummings tells me it’s going to be OK, he’s got a strong plan to send out a law and order message.
Some of my MPs are a bit annoyed about me firing old Soamsey, still, love and war !
Bugger now Jo has quit too, hes still angry because he caught me cheating at monopoly last Xmas, must be that.
Also a police cadet fainted behind me, silly girl, obviously doesn’t get how important this is to me !
Leeds was even worse than I expected, this must have been how Alexander felt as he entered the barbarian lands.
Friday 6th August
Corbyn wont give me my election, not sure Cummings plan to take away my majority was the best, but he tells me he’s got a stellar plan for a fried chicken gag.
Had to go to bloody Scotland too, they hate me up there.
Could’nt even take it out on Carrie, in case Saj overheard, went to kick the dog but slipped in a turd and fell on my arse.