Boarding school.. would you send your children???

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  • Boarding school.. would you send your children???
  • renton
    Member

    My wife has been talking to a friend of hers who sends their children to a military boarding school and apparently it’s the best thing fir them ever!!

    Now the wife has got it in her head she wants to send our children when they are old enough!!

    Do any of you on here send your children to boarding school that care to give me an honest opinion on what it would really be like?

    I’m pretty certain that I do not want the kids to go but can’t give an honest answer why!!

    Thanks

    Steve!

    Renton, there was a recent long debate on this a few weeks ago. I doubt little new would be added to that. Views of differing degrees of extremity were expressed as you might expect!

    Premier Icon mikewsmith
    Subscriber

    Mods please close thread now…

    Premier Icon paulosoxo
    Subscriber

    I wouldn’t send my boys, but choice is choice. You do what you think is right.

    renton
    Member

    Will try and have a look as I don’t remember that thread!!

    in case anyone cares, I wouldnt send my son to boarding school

    Junkyard
    Member

    Views of differing degrees of extremity were expressed as you might expect!

    THIS

    The best argument for was where gamilies were mobile and constantly moving so it gave stability to the kids

    Those who had were mixeed on how good it was as some liked it and some did not – this is probably true of all view on education some liked it some did not.

    personally I think it is not right for me [ most folk will be doing a mixture of rational and emotive in their decision making here IMHO]as i would miss my kids and I am not convinced that the educational outcomes would be better [ than other fee i choose to pay for private education]
    As for sending them to military boarding school I would send them to a religious one first

    Premier Icon ton
    Subscriber

    no, why have kids just to get shot of em……..bit odd i reckon.

    aP
    Member

    I rather think you need to determine whether you’re sending them for their sake or yours.

    watsontony
    Member

    i went to bording school. i liked the idea, hated it in reality. felt trapped miles away from my friends and family. It might be right for your child, some others loved it!

    renton
    Member

    Ok bearing in mind I’m in the military and have spent just under a year out of the past two away in Afghanistan!!

    watsontony
    Member

    why not send them. if they like it, then thats that sorted, if they dont find something different.

    Junkyard
    Member

    Are you likely to move about to different locations?
    Does your wife /you have a permanent family home?
    As there are alternative choices what do the kids think?

    yunki
    Member

    When I was a kid, I was prejudiced against boarding schools, thinking that they were mostly for toffs and softies..

    Then I had the good fortune to attend a mixed private school for a year and was prejudiced against boarding schools because they contained nutjobs and weirdos..

    When I had my own kids I was prejudiced against boarding schools as I couldn’t imagine what kind of monster would wish to be apart from their kids all term..

    Now my oldest is three years old and we are saving as hard as we can to send him to boarding school.. in fact if banks still contained money I would be out robbing one as we speak so that we could pack him off in the morning..

    Now my oldest is three years old and we are saving as hard as we can to send him to boarding school..

    why?

    yunki
    Member

    cos he’s an irritating little ****.. can you believe that he actually wants my attention when I could be spending my time much more constructively arguing online..!?

    he’s always asking me questions and wants me to play stupid little kid games.. believes in magic and loves toys and bursts into tears when I tell him to piss off and leave me alone..

    tragic

    Pack him off for someone else to deal with I say.. little sod

    ….sounds like its Wellington College for you then Renton!!! 😉

    ….apparently, Harry Potter/ Hogwarts was one of best marketing things helping boarding schools over the past decade or so!

    Junkyard
    Member

    If their parents are that stupid it was probably for the best then THM
    😉

    PS my kids would go anywhere if they thought they would get Jedi training

    TooTall
    Member

    If you won’t get stuck in the boarding school trap (you know what I’m on about), do it.

    Almost every child of a serviceman/woman who went to a boarding school that I’ve met has been an exceptional young person. Do your homework, find good schools. Could you do better for your kids than give them the best education you can (along with love, diverse activities and all that other stuff)?

    corroded
    Member

    I don’t have kids but I went to boarding school from the age of 8 onwards (Dad was in the Forces). I wouldn’t say I loved every day, but I got an outstanding education, learnt a lot of life skills and had tonnes of fun. It worked out for me. If I had kids (and the cash), I wouldn’t send them at 8 years. But at 13? Hell, yes.

    I wouldn’t. I’d rather have my kids as part of my life rather than posting them off somewhere else.

    Just my opinion though.

    TS

    renton
    Member

    Team hurt more… Actually duke of york.

    I was at a school that had both boarders and day boys. The boarders were almost overwhelmingly all children from parents in the armed forces. From my experiences some loved the life there others found it pretty difficult. It is something you simply can’t give a blanket right and wrong to.

    globalti
    Member

    I was sent to boarding school at the age of eight because that was what middle class parents did. I remember crying for the first three days and then deciding that I would never ever rely on anybody else for emotional support and making myself completely self-sufficient. Most boarding school children probably go through the same deeply damaging evolution.

    Sending a small child away to boarding school is the worst betrayal a parent can inflict on them. Boarding schools and the public school system were created to prepare children for service in the military or the colonies so they are an outmoded and largely unnecessary institution. There is an organisation called Boarding School Survivors, which helps emotionally damaged adults to pick up the pieces. For me the worst time in recent years was when my own son reached eight years of age; I saw how tiny and vulnerable he was and it brought back a lot of bad memories.

    You’ll have guessed by now that I think it’s a very bad idea indeed.

    yunki 😆

    For me, no. But you do what you do. I’ve met plenty of shitheads who have been through all kinds of schooling. I suspect most of them would have been shitheads whatever their education.

    aP
    Member

    Especially for the more rabidly right wing on here I give you Monbiot on boarding schools

    fizzicist
    Member

    I was at a day school for quite a while and for reasons I only now understand (25 years down the line) I was sent to boarding for less than half a term.

    It was singularly the most terrifying, traumatic and worst experience of my childhood. Utterly hated it, felt like I was an inconvenient spare part in the family for a long time after that.

    Thereafter I vowed to never partake in the middle class one-upping bullshit that led to such an occurrence. My eldest is four years old now. I was 9 when I boarded for a short while. There is no way I am knowingly and willingly putting any child through a situation when they are pushed away from the family unit at such a vulnerable age.

    For military families etc, I fully understand it but if the home life has a scrap of stability to it, your responsibility as a parent is to look after your kids and make them feel loved and well adjusted.

    Premier Icon richmars
    Subscriber

    From the other side, my dad was in the RAF. Between being born and the age of 11 we moved on average every two years. That’s a new school and new friends every two years. I’m not saying what effect that had on me, and if it was a good or bad thing overall, but something to think about.

    ask1974
    Member

    I consider myself lucky to have attended a local prep school (7-13) as a day boy, to prepare me for my next school I boarded for the last year. This school was sponsored by the RAF so we had a lot of forces kids. I absolutely loved my time there, it was mixed rather than single sex and had a real family feel. It was a wonderful five years of my life and I can’t imagine many people talking of school like that…

    I was a full boarder at my next school and again had a good experience, not so good as the last but still very happy. IMO a lot depends on the school and character of the child. But boarding for me was an immensely positive experience, coming home for the odd weekend was all the more exciting to catch up with family and friends.

    From my experience not much to say against boarding. Once kids have acclimatised it’s a second home and the facilities and staffing are first rate. I’m sure that’s not universal but if you’re taking the plunge just choose well.

    Renton, well good luck with your choice and i applaued you for thinking hard about (one of) the most important investment you can make as a Parent. From a quick look at the DoY website and prospectus, I would imagine that you will not be overwhelmed with support from STW. 😉 But educational choices are a very personal issue.

    On a practical perspective, the fact that they position themselves as a full boarding school could be an important issue for fitting in with a forces life. More and more boarding schools are becoming (in effect) weekly boarding schools which does not make them ideal choices for those whose families live overseas or a long way from school. I was joking a bit about Wellington – my perception is that they have been playing down their military ethos whereas this seems to be still a core part of DoY.

    warton
    Member

    I think the children should have the final say tbh.

    I was sent to private school, against my wishes. I hated it.

    Personally I wouldn’t do it. I like to think we have moved on from the days of kids being seen and not heard. Each to their own though, parenting doesn’t come naturally to some.

    Jamie
    Member

    Mods please close thread now…

    They take requests, now?

    Awesome.

    Mods. Make me a sandwich!

    TooTall
    Member

    I like to think we have moved on from the days of kids being seen and not heard. Each to their own though, parenting doesn’t come naturally to some.

    That is truly wonderful – I applaud you for sliding a veritable stiletto of a blade into that last sentence.

    I do think it says more about your own issues than anything else, but a glorious couple of senences anyway.

    ask1974
    Member

    Personally I wouldn’t do it. I like to think we have moved on from the days of kids being seen and not heard. Each to their own though, parenting doesn’t come naturally to some.

    Don’t think I’ve ever heard a more misaligned comment about boarding school. It’s 2013 not the Victorian age for gods sake… Still, great troll effort though…

    tang
    Member

    My parents went to the top boarding schools in the country as per family tradition. They hated it and have spent a good deal of time getting over it. They sent us to schools that suited us as kids. I went to private day school for a bit and hated it. Flourished in state system. My state school peers all became successful conventionally(Oxbridge etc, senior editor at FT, top civil service jobs, media etc) and unconventionall sucessful. What we all agree is that state education with good parent input gives one a better more realistic view of the country we live in. Why pay to have a narrow experience? Unless society still matters(not so much). Better to create motivated kids in a loving environment at home if you can.

    renton
    Member

    Thanks for the replies so far!!

    Can I just say that I’m totally against it to be honest as I would like to be around when my kids are growing up!

    I need some good reasons to help me convince the wife as ‘no’ just isn’t good enough apparently!

    TooTall
    Member

    If you want to make those sort of guarantees to your wife and kids, you’d better leave the Forces then.
    Why not speak to some of your colleagues who have kids in boarding? They will give you a better perspective that is closer to your circumstances. Also, look at the schools that your kids could attend locally, then compare their results to the boarding options (D of Y is not the only option), then add in a posting or two, a few more OOAs and see how much you’ll actually be around your kids or how many schools they could go to before age 18. You’ll still have them for nearly a month at Christmas, almost 2 in the summer and every other holiday. It is about them, not you.

    chewkw
    Member

    I see no problem so long as they are not too young when the parents send their children to boarding school. I think things should work out well if they are say 13 yr old and above.

    Premier Icon lapierrelady
    Subscriber

    I’ve worked in two boarding schools, and I would definitely say go what fits with your kid. If they want to have access to academic staff, libraries and extension activities like star gazing, do eight hours of sport a week, DofE, CCF, music, drama etc then a six day a week, either as a boarder or day pupil is super fun. If the school doesn’t fit for you, it’s pretty hideous. Most of the boarders at the school I’m at now live within 30 miles of school which means they see parents pretty often. I think you get a forces allowance for boarding (regardless of school) which would gives you lots of options (depending on where you live).

    BillyBull
    Member

    I went to a forces boarding school in Hamm Germany for three years in the 80’s. I loved it. There was always something going on and things to do. Also had to learn to do things which would probably have been done by my parents. Simple things like sewing a button on etc. But most of all it was just much more fun than any school I have been to before or after. If I could have a Groundhog Day it might well be at that school. So many great memories. Even the bad ones at the time like being put in a bath of urine on your birthday are funny now. But then I am probably not that balanced!

    Many of the things I enjoy now probably started there. Playing rugby on a Saturday started there and still love trotting out at 46. Music lessons and being in band there have led to me running a buskers night here and performing. Going to art college started with art there too. Love of outdoors was from the D of E there and combined cadet force. Great fun camping in ditches at weekends being attacked by the Black Watch. I would say 95% there loved it. If I had the money I would certainly do it for my son at a school with a similar list of out of school activities

    Premier Icon convert
    Subscriber

    I too work in a boarding school. I went there with no personal experience of boarding (or private education for that matter) and a relative sceptic. I’ve since learnt that is suits a lot kids incredibly well.

    However, 1- it has to be right for your child (and to a lesser degree you) and 2) boarding schools are as diverse in experience as could be imagined.

    The other thing to remember is that in the last 20 odd years the majority of boarding schools have become quite open to weekday boarding. In a school of 450 students (14-18yr olds) I’d say only 30 stay in most weekends with most going home on a Saturday lunchtime and coming back Sunday evening. Great if you want to see your kids but if yours is one of the ones “stuck” at school at the weekend it could be a little lonely.

    The military boarding thing seems flipping weird to me sometimes. I’ve got a friend who is a NCO in the Royal Navy who has managed to only spent 18months in the last 20yrs (and that was over 12yrs ago) not based and living in his own house in Portsmouth. His kids board about 2miles from home because if they were day pupils he would not get the subsidy and would have to go to the local comp(which is rubbish) as he couldn’t afford the fees. We also had the son of a very senior MOD person boarding at our place who could see his home bedroom window from his boarding school dorm window! Both clearly working the system – but it seems a pretty knackered system.

    TooTall
    Member

    convert – the system has had a major overhaul in the last year or two for exactly those sort of abuses. It is much tighter that it was. I know several people who had to ‘adjust their lifestyles’ quite quickly.

    Premier Icon Wookster
    Subscriber

    No I wouldn’t. For purely selfish reasons, although they drive me nuts I wouldn’t be without them on a daily basis! They will be little for such a short time (mine are 3&5) and its my job to bring them up and give them the best opportunities possible here with us.

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