This on the face of it appears much much too small. What is the recommended advice of the hive mind? I produce up to a kilo at a time.

I produce up to a kilo at a time.

Blue pot isn’t for a sperm sample then?

It’s a sample not a way of measuring volume

Just get some assistance.

Wait until you have to land a log on one of these.

How do you know? 😯

^ what is that?

float a crash mat of andrex, and then set to with a melon baller. done properly you can get the same scalloping effect as with posh butter.

@Matt

birthday gift for over 50 from NHS

Its really important that they only get the first bit, as that’s been in there the longest

You need to start, and then crimp it off after about an inch, a bit like those kedgel exercise things where they tell girls to tense up and stop the flow to strengthen their pelvic floor muscles.

With regular practice you can easily break it off halfway through, like a human cigar cutter…

A clingfilm trampoline

birthday gift for over 50 from NHS

I wish there are some things I was still unaware of.

Two yearly check for me. I use a small ready meal type tray which sits nicely in the toilet. Depends on your ^ ‘crimping’ technique how much hits the tray of course. Lift out, scrape a sample, and smear on the little window. Drop rest down toilet & wash tray in the flush. Then have another go at clearing the rest of your bowel 🙂

Oh! there is the smell of course 🙁

The things you have to do the older you get. Last week was a prostate check with a clear result.

lesgrandepotato – Member
I produce up to a kilo at a time.

Impossible, poo is weightless.

Thank you OP for this thread. Smiles and sniggering galore here.

If you have an adventurous partner, im sure they’d be happy to help…. 😉

Could be worse, I had to fill one when I had exploding diarrhoea. Now that was disgusting and who ever had to clean up the surgery toilet after I’d used it, needed a payrise.

Had to do plenty of these in my younger days working in a chicken factory.

General accepted practice was to put a newspaper in the toilet to catch it, then use the lid-attached ‘spoon’ to get a sample and then drop the rest in the bog and flush. Newspaper was then either sacrificially burnt in the garden or just put in the compost heap.

Had a mate whose mum refused to let him do this anywhere in the house – so used to have to go the bottom of his garden to drop a log 🙂

i know im gonna regret asking, but why do you take regular poo samples when working in a chicken factory?

Salmonella?

and then:

i know im gonna regret asking, but why do you take regular poo samples when working in a chicken factory?

A man needs a hobby

😆 @ andyl

One of those bags for dog poo or a food bag. Put you hand in it. Poo on hand/bag (being surprised by the quantity). Turn inside out. Take small sample for blue pot.

all to do with not contaminating the food apparently – or the bird in the office enjoyed scat

The chicken factory was processing raw/cooked food – not dealing with anything alive

There should be a little scoop in the lid…like you got with a screwball ice cream as a kid…..

Yummy…

DrP

put the blue pot in your someone else’s fireplace and hope your aim is good

ninfan – Member
With regular practice you can easily break it off halfway through, like a human cigar cutter…

But can you synchronise that with a drum roll?

soobalias – Member
i know im gonna regret asking, but why do you take regular poo samples when working in a chicken factory?

Smuggling.