On holiday in Spain. The apartment has a bidet as does pretty much every holiday apartment I’ve been in.

In the UK I don’t think I’ve seen one in 20 years. Do Brits just have direct arses?

Bidets are great.

I think we have better plumbing and prefer paper.

I think we just have tiny houses.

I love using a bidet on holiday-feels so much nicer than paper. Could be that I have a hairy arse crack that like to cling onto nuggets.

Budets can save a situation if you’ve got a really hairy arse crack.

I wish it was culturally acceptable to have a bidet in the UK. 🙁

I’m not even particularly well endowed in the arse beard department and even for me it represents a decent upgrade over TP.

I’d like one of those Japanese contraptions with the heated seat etc really but even the hose setup they have in Asia would be reet.

The hose set up just means water everywhere as far as i can work out!

Thing is, are they actually any more convenient than just having a shower? They were probably useful back when a bath was the only option.

My criteria for ‘making it’ in life is to have a bidet.

Not there yet.

We have one. Don’t use it for post-number-twos but fantastic to ensure the crack is freshly clean before donning cycle shorts (infections down there are nasty).

they are for ladies to wash their post coital bits. no contraception in catholic countries, but douching is acceptable.

the things you learn on an mtb forum.

Cost-effective solution and good name…

🙂

They where the “in thing” to have in the 1980’s – absolutely useless imho. We only ever used ours to wash feet (as above) or put dirty clothes in. When designing a bathroom you can have 1) larger shower or 2) bidet ? No brainer

@bigrich, as a Catholic we where taught abstention, withdrawal or rhythm method. I can’t thinkmfor a second anyone Catholic would believe a douche is a reliable method of contraception.

I’ve never fully grasped how they are meant to work. So today’s the day that I find out – please comment on how I assume one uses one:

1) Have a poo
2) Fill up bidet with warm (?) water (how do you judge the level?)
3) Stand up from loo and transfer to bidet (does this not clench the cheeks meaning any residue is ‘ground’ in more?)
4) Wiggle bum to dislodge any poo residue (do you get your hand involved? how effective is just a dunk?)
5) Dry bum on something – a towel? I’d be worried about having just wet the poo rather than removing it? Or do you just use an already brown towel?

@bigrich, as a Catholic we where taught abstention, withdrawal or rhythm method. I can’t thinkmfor a second anyone Catholic would believe a douche is a reliable method of contraception.

you were taught about sex? we were just told we were going straight to hell for any form of sexual activity whatsover by a wild eyed irishman with a beard and granite faced nuns.

I didn’t say it was a good idea, just that’s what they use em for.

Sponge on a stick soaked in vinegar?
That’s what the Romans did for us.

I want one! I think they’re brilliant. But I do like a clean arse.

I made a turbo bidet the other day…well actually I took a close coupled cistern of the toilet to replace the flush, when I refitted I hadn’t seated the doughnut washer properly. It was an impressive jet of water delivered right at bum level

we were just told we were going straight to hell for any form of sexual activity whatsover by a except with wild eyed irishman with a beard and granite faced nuns.

FTFY

I was thinking “I use a bidet most times I’m out on a bike”. Then opened this thread and remembered, that it was a bidon.

TP always seems a poor solution to me, surely your just smearing it around a bit.

Aren’t they for throwing up in?

Ewan’s post is LOL funny, but also gets to the point – HTF are you meant to use them? Excellent questions that require answering!

Detailed pooser guide.

*Likes*

@ewan you must give your arse a good wipe with paper first. Why on earth would you want to clean your dirty arse with your hand instead of paper ? 😯

Personally plan A is to use the bathrooom before my morning shower. Plan B would be wet wipes if necessary/desire to finish – note do not get confused with bathroom cleaning wipes with bleach – been there done that, too invigorating for me 🙂

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLlhs-7T7Cw[/video]

I was thinking “I use a bidet most times I’m out on a bike”.

Aye,roadies without mudgaurds 😉

The Japanese seats are great, i get them entirely, just not bidets.

Why on earth would you want to clean your dirty arse with your hand instead of paper ?

Some people choose to – a chappie I work with told me the other day: “that’s how we do it”. He is British born, of Bangladeshi parents. I’m aware that it’s the norm in some parts of the world, but it had never occurred to me that it would be a tradition/cultural/whatever thing that would persist through generations.

The guy we bought our house from was openly homosexual. In addition to the bidet there was a tiny sink outside the toilet at an unusual height that had a blind around it. Whilst the bidet was removed to make space for a washing machine the little sink has remained, very useful it is too.

How decadent, a cock sink.

@ewan you must give your arse a good wipe with paper first. Why on earth would you want to clean your dirty arse with your hand instead of paper ?

What’s the point then? Wiping works quite well I find…

Ewan – TP, running water, hand, soap, towel.

Ask your wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/husband, Ewan.

It’s just right for cleaning everything below the waist, On an On.

Bum gun all the way here

Can’t believe folk don’t know how to work a bidet! Thats funny. Think of it as a shower for your bumole not a bath. 😆

I’m sure the invention of the bidet was greeted with great joy by French geese:

https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Gargantua/Chapter_XIII

Bum gun all the way here

is the right answer.