I’m not looking for any obvious internet jokes that have been heard a thousand times…..

I’m planning on keeping to a usual format but not full of one liners as if I’m honest I don’t think I can pull them off.

Really just after a humorous but tasteful joke that I can slip in somewhere….he’s a teacher (head of biology) in a private all boys secondary grammar school and she’s a teacher in a very rough primary school.

So I’m after something relevant to that….plus any other advice you may want to give.

Any ideas?

I’m after something relevant to that

There’s got to be something relevant in the lyrics to Eton Rifles?

Mention the skool holidays, bound to get a good debate going then sit down and enjoy the free Champers.

it ll be called off. teachers are far too busy working 7 days a week even during thier holidays for idling thier time away.. and if not working there on strike..

it ll be called off. teachers are far too busy working 7 days a week even during thier holidays for idling thier time away.. and if not working there on strike..

Well they obviously neglected to teach the basics of grammar to some members of the forum 😉

Imply that they are paedos? Kind of what my best man did about my wife in his speech. 😕

It’s the only speech you’ve ever given where you got marked for spelling (implies she has pre-approval)

If you could work in that he has been showing the year 9’s his “home movies” in sex Ed, that would make me laugh.

your theme could be ‘things that change when you get married’
coz mrs name will be changing for the kids, from miss smith to mrs robinson for eg. that could lead to various humourous areas. I dunno just brainstorming.

get a cardboard cut out of michael gove and worship it!

Mention how they only work around 6 months a year and they’re vastly overpaid babysitters…….they love that

Those who can do
Those who can’t ….
Perhaps not!

Actually some really good ideas here, thanks guys 🙂

My wifes also a teacher, so between the three of them they get ‘a lot’ of stick in the pub when it’s school holiday / strike time….ruthless at times and as funny as it is, I’m not sure being too mean or going down the paedo route is the best idea.

I think linking in school holidays with the brides never-ending facebook status updates saying how busy she is with the wedding could work well and I also really like:

If you could work in that he has been showing the year 9’s his “home movies” in sex Ed, that would make me laugh.

Her name will be changing to something thats not that funny, need to think about that tho – Now off to look at the lyrics of eton rifles

thanks for the replies so far guys

Might take a bit of thinking about….

1. Get two small chalk boards.

2. Do a mini spelling test in front of all the guests with the words they have to spell linked to key stories/events about their time together (which you tell).

3. Show the completed spelling tests to the audience and ‘mark’ them circling the first letters of the words as you do.

4. The first letters spell out something cheesy and appropriate (life, love, together , etc).

5. Wrap it up with some appropriate gushy words, bish bash bosh your are the cleverest best man ever and all the bridesmaids want to have your babies.

edit – just seen your last post re wife. Damn, no baby making with the bridesmaids for you. Lots of free beer from the bar then.

convert………now that could work…….

Head of Biology. That’s a gift

loads of stuff on years of teaching reproduction and now your chance to put theory into practice

Address bride “has he shown you his birth control powerpoint yet” pause “did you make a selection….”

or “you’ll need to get 80% on the reproduction test before this evening!

Or to him “I know your an expert on using birth control but you do know that out their in the real world it you don’t actually unroll it on a banana”

If their quite a few teachers present things like “I’d like you to write down on the flip chart what your hoping to get out of my speech” its how all courses start

depending on the time of the speech you might manage a

“Oh look its 3:30, time for you to pack up and go home while the rest of use slave on for another couple of hours”

If you into the holiday ribbing. “I checked the contract you do know that you only work 195 days a year. That’s a 170 days off ladies and gentlemen. Infact they only work 53% of the days of the year.”

when you come to working in some positives its all about the kids lives they’ve enriched etc.

Oh finally a quote from a mate who is a biology teacher. He was walking through town and a mate stopped him an said “you taught me biology 20 years ago”. I still remember what you said “reproduction is the fusing of a sperm and egg, any thing else is just a fringe benefit”

If either of them look away during your speech then throw chalk at them.

or wait and say is your own time your wasting