Best man advice
I’ve been asked to be BM at a very close friend’s wedding later in the year – obviously I feel very honoured, and I want to do as much as I can to help the him and his fiancé enjoy their day. So, what were you glad your BM helped out with, or what do you wish you’d asked them? Suggestions on anything from the stag do to the day itself welcome (and as it’s STW, silly ones OK too as long as they’re funny 😉 )
P.S. I’m not too worried about the speech yet, I’ve got plenty of time to think about that and material stretching back to primary school to fill it with.Posted 5 years agostilltortoiseSubscriber
I wish I’d asked my Best Man to do more of the organising on the day so my wife and I could get on with enjoying it (not that we didn’t enjoy it might I add). As such when I was BM I asked if there was anything I could do to help on the day, but I wasn’t needed 😆Posted 5 years agohammeriteMember
Forget Amsterdam, Prague or Ibiza. Former USSR states are the place to go.
Just make sure you understand exactly what your mate and his soon to be Mrs want you to do and any boundaries there may be.
The first time I was best man the brief I was given was “make my stag do a surprise”. Not a good thing when his future (and no longer current) Mrs was a complete control freak!Posted 5 years agoHarry_the_SpiderSubscriber
I’ve done it and it is a hoot.
During my last one, when I was just an usher, I was doing the pre-service bit in the church and wondering what all of the odd noises were coming from up in the organ loft so I went to investigate. I got up the stairs to find a very worried looking organist frantically trying to get the thing going. Dunno what was up with it but it was wheezing away without actually making any musical sounds. I then heard myself come out with the IT Manager’s mantra (I’m not in IT by the way) and said “Have you tried switching it all off and switching it back on again?”
The fella leapt at the instrument panel and started pressing everything until all the lights went out. Then he repeated the procedure in reverse but the lights didn’t come back on. He looked at me… I looked at him… He said “Don’t go!” and I said “And what the #### do you expect me to do?” Just then a red glow, like that of a HAL9000 just before it murders the crew, came on. It got stronger and the compressor sounded healthier. I legged it back down the stairs to find the bridal party stood there waiting for “Here Comes The Bride”. It started, I burst back into the church and the whole congregation turned expecting to see the star of the show but they got me instead. I gave them a cheesy grin and a thumbs up then sauntered off to me seat with the bride and her dad about 5 paces behind me.
Anyhow… in a round about way it is the Best Man and usher’s jobs to make sure that nothing goes wrong and if it does they have to sort it without the bride, groom or their parents finding out about it.
After the speech it is your duty to get mashed and try and get off with a bridesmaid. Go for the fat one.Posted 5 years ago
When I was best man at my good friends wedding, I got given a list on the morning of the wedding of stuff I needed to make sure were done and in place at the ceremony.. I was proper stressed! But the meal was cool, they hired a Pizz hut! (Yes I said pizza hut). Pretty sure I am the only person in the UK who has done a Best mans speech in a pizza hut 😆Posted 5 years agosimon_gSubscriber
Got married recently, and was best man for my mate this weekend gone.
Organising stag do is a big one – get a list of people he wants to invite early and introduce yourself. Check with groom who he considers essential to come, then don’t pander to the rest around dates, venues, costs etc. Don’t feel it has to be the cliche of getting hammered in fancy dress then going to a strip club if that’s really not the groom’s thing. It feels like herding cats, expect a few people to grumble about where/when etc and expect some to drop out at the last minute, usually after you’ve paid for something and ask them for money. Ideally have people pay for as much of the big stuff directly (ie. not via you) if you can.
Traditionally the best man arranges the men’s clothes – that may not be necessary but it can be good to go to the suit hire place with the groom and ensure he picks something suitable and that matches colours of bridesmaid’s outfits, etc. Also offer to deal with returning suits, etc afterwards.
Get quite involved with the wedding and plan – if you don’t know the parents, can be good to find some excuse to just drop by and say “hi” sometime before the wedding. Any special needs, disabled access/arrangements, etc you should know and make sure ushers in turn are informed. Ideally be well enough informed of what’s going on and when that you can be point of contact with venue staff, photographer, etc so they they don’t need to bother the couple on the day. As said, make sure things don’t go wrong, and if they do keep it out of sight/mind of the important people.
In the run up to the wedding, be available to help – ideally keep the day before free as there’s usually ferrying bits to the venue, running errands, etc. Everyone underestimates how much time they’ll have so another pair of hands are always appreciated.
On the day – Make sure men’s party is well turned out and deal with buttonholes, etc. Obviously make sure the groom gets there well ahead of time and is kept calm if necessary. Brief ushers, make sure they know what’s going on, where people can/can’t park, etc. There’s often a rehearsal which you should be at just to know what you need to do, where to stand, etc. For churchy weddings, you’ll deal with little things like making sure the couple have orders of service for hymns, etc.
For photos, you and the ushers help get the right people in the right place at the right time so that photos get done as efficiently as possible – then everyone can get on with enjoying themselves.
You may need to MC – to announce the couple coming in for dinner, introducing speeches, cutting of the cake, etc. Again, discuss with wedding party what’s needed.
Speech – start writing things down now. Anything that comes into your head that you might possibly use, write down. A page of a notepad, a note on your phone or a text file on your computer. If you leave it till the week before you’ll draw a blank. DON’T swipe lines or jokes from the internet (or if you must, keep it to a minimum), you might not have heard them but most people have. Keep it all suitable for the audience (there’s likely to be kids and/or old folk). Your speech comes last so keep it brief, people have sat through two or more speeches already – edit lots, and check you’re not overlapping with FoB or groom. The only things you really need are to thank the groom on behalf of the bridesmaids (he should be toasting them at the end of his speech) and toast the couple at the end. In between, a bit about how you know the groom, what you’ve been through together, a little about how they met (although the groom will likely cover this himself) or how he told you about her and how happy your friend is with her. Be funny if you want, but no in-jokes (I’m sure it was HILARIOUS for the three of you who were actually there) or long and complicated stories.
Finally, you normally pay the band or DJ, often after they’ve finished. So don’t get too hammered after the speech! You may also be required to dance with the chief bridesmaid after the couple’s first dance (esp if they’re not coming with a partner).
The stag do and speech are the “visible” things, but the preparation and keeping everything else going is at least as much work IMO.Posted 5 years agotonydMember
Former USSR states are the place to go
Agreed. We went to Riga (Latvia) about 7 years ago now I guess, amazing place. No doubt it’s changed a bit now as it was just starting on the stag do thing.
Beer: 50p or less
Cigarettes: 40p or thereabouts
Still managed to spend over a grand in 3 days! We were naughty (not that naughty) back then mind 🙂Posted 5 years ago
Riga isnt that cheap anymore! Been a few times recently and i have got nothing against Latvians but I really dislike Riga. I even got stuck there during the ash cloud thing that grounded all planes. If you want a good stag do I recommend Tallinn, Estonia. Lots of stag activities, bars and pretty ladies.Posted 5 years agojekkylMember
at my cousins wedding the best man was the grooms brother, he had a hip flask of scotlands finest and proceeded to get the groom very drunk indeed, so much so the wedding went un-consummated & the groom spent the last half hour at the recption in the bogs throwing up 😀 don’t do this.Posted 5 years agohammeriteMember
Tony/eugeo – was about 7 years ago too. We went to Vilnius in Lithuania, great place. We were a little naughty but not OTT.
We seemed to have got befriended while sat in a bar by the manager of a strip joint, who organised for cars to pick us up and take us to his bar. Nothing dodgy happened at that point, but him and his cars (blacked out Mercs) would turn up at random intervals at random places for the rest of the weekend. Was a bit unnerving when one of these Mercs was following about 10 metres behind us at walking pace in the early hours one night!Posted 5 years ago
hammerite – Ive also been to Vilnius, not on a stag do though, for work. I liked it there, nice and cheap, food especially. You definitely have to watch out for organised crime a bit in former soviet states, I would say Estonia is way safer than both Latvia and Lithuania.. Tallinn is definitely safe, I have spent lots of time there as my OH is Estonian.
I had a mate once who went on a stag to Bratislava. Him and his party got locked in a strip club and had to pay there way out to thugs (glad I didn’t go on that one), also heard stories of people being tasered in Riga!Posted 5 years agosimmySubscriber
Seems like I got away quite easy on both the occasions I’ve been best man.
First was back in 2005 and all I had to do really was keep him safe he night before, collect the suits, and basically make sure he got to the church.
My mates a quiet lad so the stag do was a pint in the local with his uncle. The only cock up on the day was the driver of the stretch limo sideswiping a parked car 😯 and the speech went well.
Second was for my best Mate 3 years ago and his wife to be sorted most things out apart from the stag do. It was her special day so she wanted it spot on so it was fine with me.
Stag do was go karting, few pints really nice meal at an Indian then casino till daylight.
Wedding day was spot on, knew most people so it was lot easier doing the speech and keeping control 8)Posted 5 years ago
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