Best line from a sitcom
‘“I have a cunning plan”
”Don’t tell him Pike”
”My aunt Marion gave them to me for my 12th birthday. She thought if I failed at theoretical physics that I should have a trade to fall back on.”
You ahould be able to identify all four just from these lines. All classics. The last is very pertinent for me!Posted 2 months agoscudMember
Not so much a line. but a piece of brilliance from Cheers…
WELL YA SEE, NORM, IT’S LIKE THIS… A HERD OF BUFFALO CAN ONLY MOVE AS FAST AS THE SLOWEST BUFFALO. AND WHEN THE HERD IS HUNTED, IT IS THE SLOWEST AND WEAKEST ONES AT THE BACK THAT ARE KILLED FIRST. THIS NATURAL SELECTION IS GOOD FOR THE HERD AS A WHOLE, BECAUSE THE GENERAL SPEED AND HEALTH OF THE WHOLE GROUP KEEPS IMPROVING BY THE REGULAR KILLING OF THE WEAKEST MEMBERS.IN MUCH THE SAME WAY, THE HUMAN BRAIN CAN ONLY OPERATE AS FAST AS THE SLOWEST BRAIN CELLS. EXCESSIVE INTAKE OF ALCOHOL, AS WE KNOW, KILLS BRAIN CELLS. BUT NATURALLY IT ATTACKS THE SLOWEST AND WEAKEST BRAIN CELLS FIRST. IN THIS WAY, REGULAR CONSUMPTION OF BEER ELIMINATES THE WEAKER BRAIN CELLS, MAKING THE BRAIN A FASTER AND MORE EFFICIENT MACHINE. THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS FEEL SMARTER AFTER A FEW BEERS.”
-Cliff ClavinPosted 2 months agoBoba FattMember
Monica – “Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds”
Chandler – “Oh, so how many cameras are on you?”
Not sure if Family Guy counts:
“I’m not meteorologist, but I do believe it be raining bitches”
Homer: You can’t enjoy money when you’re dead so why not have fun now!!
Marge: Don’t you think you’ve had enough fun? Last year you spent $5,000 on donuts, $2,000 on scalp massages, $500 on body glitter.
Homer: Hey, I earned that money. While you lounge around here doing laundry and putting up drywall, I’m at work busting my hump.
Marge: Oh, please. From what I hear, you waltz in there at 10:30, take a nap on the toilet, then sit around Googling your own name until lunch.
Homer: (gasping) Who told you that?
Marge: You shouted it while we were making love!Posted 2 months agoslowoldmanSubscriber
Not so much a line as a paragraph:
Where is everybody, Hol?
They’re dead, Dave.
What, Captain Hollister?
Everybody’s dead, Dave.
Everybody’s dead, Dave.
They’re all dead. Everybody’s dead, Dave.
Peterson isn’t, is he?
Everybody is dead, Dave.
Gordon Bennett! Yes, Chen, everybody, everybody’s dead, Dave!
He’s dead, Dave, everybody is dead, everybody is dead, Dave.
Wait. Are you trying to tell me everybody’s dead?
I wish I’d never let him out in the first placePosted 2 months agoedlongMember
Cliff (or possibly Norm): Women… can’t live with them… pass the beer nuts.
“You do not need to kill the General, we have already arranged to kill the General… Do you not see? That if we kill him with the pill from the till by making with it the drug in the jug, you need not light the candle with the handle on the Gateau from the Chateau!”
Hacker: “Don’t tell me about the press. I know exactly who reads the papers: The Daily Mirror is read by people who think they run the country; The Guardian is read by people who think they ought to run the country; The Times is read by the people who actually do run the country; The Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country; The Financial Times is read by people who own the country; The Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by another country; and The Daily Telegraph is read by people who think it is.”
That last from Yes Minister / Yes Prime Minister. It stands alone as a great (if long) “one-liner” but since I see so many others have subverted the thread premise, I’m going to follow up with the coda that made an already good gag a little bit better:
Sir Humphrey: Oh and Prime Minister, what about the people who read The Sun?
Bernard: Sun readers don’t care who runs the country as long as she’s got big tits.
And finally, apologies if I’ve missed it, seen lots of Red Dwarf but not spotted my favourite:
“…my own personal preference, which is “The Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society.” Erm, one drawback with that: the abbreviation is “CLITORIS.” ”Posted 2 months ago
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