Best line from a sitcom

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  • Best line from a sitcom
  • Premier Icon wwaswas
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    Good Morning Job Seekers!

    Premier Icon richmtb
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    Feet off the furniture you Oxbridge ****, you’re not on a punt now!

    Could just fill this thread with Tucker quotes

    “What is this Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, ****?

    Premier Icon richmtb
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    Feet off the furniture you Oxbridge ****, you’re not on a punt now!

    Could just fill this thread with Tucker quotes

    “He’s useless. He’s absolutely useless. He’s as useless as a marzipan dildo.”

    Double post forced me to add another

    Premier Icon binners
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    People like Coldplay and voted for the Nazis, you can’t trust people, Jez.

    Premier Icon MSP
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    You have a woman’s purse! I’ll wager that purse has never been used as a rowing-boat. I’ll wager it’s never had sixteen shipwrecked mariners tossing in it.”

    Premier Icon cleetonator
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    <strong welsh accent> “Stop rocking the caravan, Geoffrey!”

    On a similar vein, and also in a strong welsh accent, “I’ve got the keys to heaven, but I’ve got too many legs”

    jekkyl
    Member

    That’s where yer wrong!

    (Has become a saying in our house)

    Premier Icon DezB
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    “Nose, vagina, butthole. If God didn’t want us to put our fingers in there, then why did she make them perfectly finger-sized?”

    Premier Icon wwaswas
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    I’d forgotten that Terry and June was so edgy DezB.

    servo
    Member

    “It’s not an entrance, it’s an exit.”

    Premier Icon DezB
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    I’d forgotten that Terry and June was so edgy DezB.

    Oh yeah! I thought it was from Last of the Summer Wine 😆

    athgray
    Member

    Gold, Frankenstein, Grrrrr. And I’m a……..!!!

    If it failed to cling onto life, I fail  to see why it would wish to cling onto your upper lip.

    Premier Icon feed
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    Women, you can’t live with them……….

    Pass the beernuts

    Premier Icon rossburton
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    Shit on it!

    Very small / far away I think has transcended being a quote now.

    hypnonewt
    Member

    Mark: [voiceover] A new boiler. Surely the least enjoyable way to spend £1000. At least throwing the money out of the window you’d see the scrabbling mass, the hate-filled faces. I have spent a cool grand on acquiring the resumption of an equitable temperature.

    Jeremy: Yeah, too right, I’m freezing. Let’s whack it up to 29.

    Mark: 29 degrees, are you insane?

    Jeremy: I don’t actually want it to be 29, but you’ve got to give it something to aim for. It’ll get hotter quicker.

    Mark: No, it won’t, it’s either on or off. You set it, it achieves the correct temperature, it switches off.

    Jeremy: Oh sure, you set it to 23, it’ll be pootering along, “Oh yeah, 23, easy. Yeah, nearly there.” Wouldn’t you rather “F***! 29? Christ, let’s get cracking, gotta generate some serious heat!” Then when it hits 23, we’re suddenly all like “Click. Sorry. Already there.” And the boiler will be like “What the f***?”

    Mark: You want to try to trick the boiler?

    jon1973
    Member

    Oh, that’s another good idea. You’re so clever today, you better
    be careful your foot doesn’t fall off.

    Does that happen when you have lots of brilliant ideas?
    Your foot falls off?

    It certainly does. My brother, he had this brilliant idea of
    cutting his toenails with a scythe, and his foot fell off…

    Premier Icon Cougar
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    So what is it?

    Premier Icon DezB
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    Don’t think that quite stands up on it’s own, Cougar. Erm, if you get my meaning.

    jekkyl
    Member

    Can you, like actually kill yourself using laxative pills?

    immaterial
    Member

    Ooh, car friend!

    Premier Icon martinhutch
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    “It’s short for Bob.”

    Stoner
    Member

    Im currently in the middle of an Archer binge.

    “Just the tip?”

    “Phrasing?”

    “Lana! Lana! Lana!”

    “Danger Zone!”

    “You killed a black astronaut, Cyril! That’s like killing a unicorn!”

    Archer: “Oh my God! You killed a hooker!”

    Cyril: “Call girl! She was a…”

    Archer: “No Cyril, when they’re dead, they’re just hookers!”

    simmoz
    Member

    Alan: Michael’s in charge of our internet computer.
    Michael: Aye. There’s nee porn no it!

    Premier Icon connect2
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    “Do you know what hurts the most?”

    “Getting your bollocks smashed between two bricks?”

    Premier Icon Cougar
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    Don’t think that quite stands up on it’s own, Cougar. Erm, if you get my meaning.

    The thread is young.

    lovewookie
    Member

    “It’s your cock up my arse”

    (punctuation left out as per the way it was said)

    Glad I’m not the only one who remembers this (in context ;-))

    Premier Icon funkmasterp
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    Bludgeon my face in. Destroy me. Pull me apart like soft bread. Punch me in the…tits! Twist my head clean off and put me to sleep with your kind boots, Mr. Fancy Man

    You ever drunk Bailey’s from a shoe?

    Mr Woppit
    Member

    First one up the old sea dog gets a lick of the cat.

    701arvn
    Member

    Dave can’t bear the idea that Nessa and Smithy might have done “the stuff that we do”. “I know we didn’t do any of that stuff,” whispers Nessa, darkly, “because I didn’t have my bag, my tools, my cloak. And anyway there’s no way he could take that level of … ”

    Premier Icon DezB
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    “I’m so glad we’re gonna have all the sex”

    ”You should be, I’m very bendy”

    Mr Woppit
    Member

    I took a woman out once, to see England play Pakistan at Lords.

    She said “Good heavens! The pitch is full of niggers! ”

    I said no no no no. No!

    Niggers are from Africa. These people are wogs.

    Premier Icon monkeysfeet
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    Wibble

    I need to use you phone. If word gets out I am missing 500 girls will kill themselves

    Woof!!!

    Do you want some toast?

    Premier Icon monkeysfeet
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    Ploppy son of ploppy

    “My god it’s a barren featureless landscape”

    “Er, other side of the map Sir”

    “Security is not a dirty word….”

    Rob Hilton
    Member

    Have you got any rizlas? I’m dying to skin-up.

    “It’s me! Hurrah!”

    Premier Icon gofasterstripes
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    Sorry it’s not “a line”

    Premier Icon monkeysfeet
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    A man may fight for many things. His country, his principles, his friends. The glistening tear on the cheek of a golden child. But personally, I’d mud-wrestle my own mother for a ton of cash, an amusing clock and a sack of French porn.

Viewing 40 posts - 41 through 80 (of 180 total)

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