I’ve decided to take the plunge and buy an ebike. I don’t like half measures so I quite fancy getting all the extras and accessories that go along with them. Unfortunately, the manufacturers seem to be mostly just focusing on the traditional bike part and the motor and battery without really thinking about everything else you could bolt onto it.

At the very least I’m going to get one of these:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cc5rUYHDFmz/

The people in the comments don’t seem to be impressed but I suspect they aren’t ‘proper’ ebikers.

Any other kit I can hang off my new ebike? Ideally I want it to look like Lara Croft’s Land Rover by the time I’m finished.

Toasties maker

i cant see the instagram pic… drats!

But i am hoping its some wholesome e-bike trolling going on here!

A new motor looks like a handy accessory for an ebike

Picnic basket? Hot tub?

I was thinking about getting a funnel to connect to the motor.

You know, for river crossings.

One of those external roll cages with a roof rack mounted on it.

One of those external roll cages with a roof rack mounted on it.

And a tent on the roof-rack.

“And a tent on the roof-rack.”

Bivvy bag for authentic bike-packing!

Solar panels for charging the bike and social media equipment?

iPad holder for your bars
At least 3 (badly fitting) bags – top tube bag, frame bag etc
Massive silly rear mudguard
Massive front Moto style mudguard
Minimum 3 rear lights
Double bell
2 mirrors, at least
Gel saddle cover
Side stand (because you’re not going to be wanting to pick it up with that lot attached)

Basically just pick 50% of everything from the wish.com bike accessories section…

SPD Crocs, to ensure that every last drop of your self respect drains away.

The rider? 😉

Joking aside…do ebikes have the abiity to allow the battery to charge things like phones/bike computers/lights? If so, some sort of highly portable charging solution to allow devices to get charged as you ride.

“Massive silly rear mudguard”

I resemble that remark – it’s as brilliant at looking awful as it is at working well. All-weather off-road commuting with no need to change your clothes or spend the day sitting in your own mud.

Massively silly looking though.

Butler to carry you out to the shed to save you walking all that way?

Warmer clothing.

From experience at an event at the weekend, three straps with which to tow your 3 friends up the climbs with, despite the fact the trail is only 2 bikes wide, also set off towing them just as i am passing (and they had stopped) so that you swerve in front of me and completely block the trail with the strap at angle across it! bell-ends….

Massive silly rear mudguard”

I resemble that remark – it’s as brilliant at looking awful as it is at working well. All-weather off-road commuting with no need to change your clothes or spend the day sitting in your own mud.

True, but there are massive silly rear mudguards…

And then there are massive silly rear mudguards 😉

Tena lady dispenser

You’ve not said what kind of ebike it is.

Is it a hardtail, full sus, hybrid, has it a rack fitted, or do you intend to use it offroad only. or pottering about the streets, maybe the canal pathways.

Or even what make it is *

” At the very least I’m going to get one of these:”

*Im not on instagram, so cannot read whatever you’ve written there.

^ one of these so you can make yourself less of a pariah and tow your mates up the hills.

Crane to help you pick it up and a full face helmet as safety first when you dont have to put any effort in on the ups

Rotisserie chicken on the bars.

Maybe a turbo trainer ?.

Pie warmer.

“Wide load” sign attached to rear

Plasma ball

I’ve got a crisp dispenser, beer chiller and spliff rolling machine bolted to mine.
I tried a portable BBQ but I kept getting smoke in my eyes.

Dynamo hub so you can recharge it as you ride.

Forklift to get it onto the car rack.

A vee-blade off a snowplough to clear the climbs of neebers?

For us and the way we use our (hardtail) ebikes the best accessories were a rack + panniers for general potterings and a trailer for big shops (taties & other heavy, bulky stuff). Oh, and a bell for alerting slack-jawed phone zombies and their offspring to your presence when they’re shambling along the shared use path seven abreast, obvs…

A front mech

One of these for your spokes:

A pillion seat for a man with a trombone?

Indicator lights? Not one for the Audi drivers, obvs.

Gastric band op?

Oh, hahaha….all very funny.

Now, where can I buy one of those wee winch thingys, and how much are they?