Being seperated from your family

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  • Being seperated from your family
  • Premier Icon midlifecrashes
    Subscriber

    Well they have to grow up and fly the nest eventually. And though they are the greatest pull on your time, financial and emotional resources, you need to make a little time now and again to be you, not to be just their parent. Where is the boy? Stopped off at the pub on the way back from work?

    P-Jay
    Member

    I know what you mean. Wife took eldest to NYC for 12 days back in be summer – I was looking forward to it, Xbox, ‘Stupid’ films only I like and a bit of P&Q.

    I HATED it and couldn’t wait to have them home.

    bikebouy
    Member

    How much did you get for them ?

    (Just a bit of fun, I feel the same when the wife heads north and I sleep alone)

    Premier Icon moose
    Subscriber

    Well done you though, you’ve raised an upwardly mobile human that is happy to go out there and live their life.

    user-removed
    Member

    Sorry, to clarify, we’ve sold our house after seven months but my wife’s new job started in February at which point she moved a few 100 miles away. He’s only four, about to be five.

    The pair of them have been living with the mother in law since then.

    There was also some question about whether I would join them which has made life somewhat, well, what can you say: hellish.

    larrydavid
    Member

    Hate being away for one night even.

    Look forward to peaceful dinner and a full night’s sleep. But when I get there it’s crap.

    No idea how people work away for weeks on end.

    Premier Icon akira
    Subscriber

    Less so tonight to find shower on full blast and two eight year olds playing in their room. They forgot to get into the shower apparently…..you can borrow one if you want.

    newrobdob
    Member

    I can’t sleep when my wife is away. I just don’t relax when she’s not there. When she is here everything in the world is ok……. 🙂

    Premier Icon midlifecrashes
    Subscriber

    Ah, I guess my post comes over slightly tactless then, sorry.

    One of these times when a bit of getting it all out and off your chest is needed one day and a bit off buggering on through with a stiff upper lip works better the next. Have you got a mate locally you can go for a pint with and he can switch off his hearing aids while you unburden?

    nealglover
    Member

    we’ve sold our house after seven months

    That’s a good bit of news though.
    Got to be a weight off your mind ?

    user-removed
    Member

    Ah, I guess my post comes over slightly tactless then, sorry.

    Not at all – if anything it let my tired mind drift into the future and hope for the best!

    And nealglover, yes a genuine weight off the shoulders – honestly it’s been an absolute bastard. I know everyone does this once or twice in their life but I’d rather never go through it again.

    theboatman
    Member

    August bank holiday week Mrs b and middle daughter were in Spain, little ‘un was with gran parent’s and cousins in Denmark and eldest ‘un was in Cornwall with her mates. Whilst I love them all to bits and was glad to have them all back, I loved the time to myself. I had two days off for unfettered biking, and weekend in London at the rugby league final. Was just nice to set my own day out, free of all the normal stuff, even though social media activity meant none of us were in touch pretty constantly. First night they were all back was awesome, but hoping for the same again next year.

    cheekyboy
    Member

    Hate it now, did it for a few years 2 months away a month at home, never again life is too short, family is all for me these days. Hope the situation gets better for you. 😉

    FunkyDunc
    Member

    Mrs FD is currently living away from home for a year for her job, it’s hard on the whole family basically moving house at weeekends.

    In many ways though it’s always been like this since Mrs FD started her job 8 years ago as she has always worked frequent nights and weekends

    user-removed
    Member

    Even temporarily. Every time I walk past my son’s room with its empty bed, I have to tell myself (out loud but under my breath) to pull myself together.

    Can’t imagine how it would feel if it was permanent.

    Just needed to write that down – feel a bit better already.

    Premier Icon kimbers
    Subscriber

    I must be a right shit
    I love a weekend away biking!

    But I also love coming home to see the little tykes.

    mogrim
    Member

    It’s traditional in Spain – in summer the wife+kids would head to the beach or the (maternal) grandparents’ village, and the husband would stay in the city working. It’s known as being “de Rodriguez”.

    While it’s slowly dying out as fewer and fewer women are full time housewives, in our case Mrs. mogrim is a teacher so has long summer holidays, and every now and then I get a couple of weeks with the house to myself. Usually when the Tour is on 8)

    user-removed
    Member

    To be quite honest, I absolutely loved the first two months or so. The bachelor life is a good life.

    Because the house needed sold, cleaning needed done but that’s fine for a while.

    Eventually though, you realise that big things are missing in your life and no amount of takeaways, bike rides and dogs will fill those gaps (indeed, the Dog misses the wife as much as I do and is definitely pining).

    Anyway. Given the head a shake and reminded myself to enjoy the time available – already an offer in on the new place and then I’ll likely be back on here complaining about family life 😀

    Premier Icon hot_fiat
    Subscriber

    My new(ish) job means I’m often away for a few nights a week. Its miserable. Facetime helps, even if the 4yr old goes dumb when he uses it.
    The dog sees me as some sort of transient being I’m sure.

    joot – which takeaways do you use? Struggling to find a decent Chinese & we usually end up getting Thai from the Highfield (which is amazing). Bhaji is getting too variable.

    Premier Icon daviek
    Subscriber

    I work offshore and I’m away tomorrow for 3 weeks, been doing it for 16 years now and I just have to focus on the fact that when i get home im home nothing but house work and playing with the kids and the odd shot of my bike.

    I’m just north of Aberdeen so pretty much everything is dead at the minute with the oil downturn, if I stayed further inland id be knocking on distillery doors seeing if there was any work going.

    nealglover
    Member

    And nealglover, yes a genuine weight off the shoulders – honestly it’s been an absolute bastard. I know everyone does this once or twice in their life but I’d rather never go through it again.

    We’ve just been through it too, and although ours sold quick, moving is not a process I’m in a rush to repeat any time soon.

    surfer
    Member

    Youngest son moves into Halls on Saturday and eldest could be off to Uni early next year. Fortunately I have a new job in Liverpool (as oppose to Manchester) where he is studying so I will get to meet him occasionally, no doubt to buy him lunch!!

    freeagent
    Member

    I work away a little bit – only 1-2 nights at a time, once or twice a month.
    Whilst I’ve been to some cool places, and eaten in some great restaurants, I’d much rather be at home in our untidy house, listening to the kids arguing over a hairbrush.

    badnewz
    Member

    I had a month on my own recently away from hometown. It can get lonely quite quickly, if you don’t have a wider support system around, like friends, or even people to chat to down the pub. I moved to a town with the most bland, boring, non-local pubs in the UK, it was impossible to strike up a conversation with any one.
    A small amount of human contact (away from work) makes all the difference.
    Now I’ve got the opposite problem, living with three generations of one family in a small house.
    For my next extended airbnb I am going to stay in the same area, as I know people here.

    globalti
    Member

    Gti Junior aged 18 is going away to Uni on Saturday. Of course we will miss him and I don’t know what Mrs Gti and I will talk about, but I suspect that when we do see him he will be a good deal more user-friendly and interesting because at the moment his world is limited to watching videos of fast cars, computers and hours on Snapchat giggling annoyingly at other people’s stupid antics. TBH I can’t wait to see how he changes once his new life has started.

    brakes
    Member

    I hardly ever spend time away from the family but this year I’ve been away for a week 5 times.
    best. year. ever.

    Futureboy77
    Member

    Feel your pain mate.

    I spent the first few years of my two little girls lives working offshore and overseas so missed out on lots (Christmas, Birthdays etc.).

    Me and their Mum split and now I only see my kids one night during the week and every second weekend. The Monday night after I’ve had them for the weekend is horrible as the house is so quiet.

    Your situation is temporary, enjoy the peace!

    I have been a mum since I was 17, the eldest is now 28 and I still have 2 at home. I look forward to and dread in equal measure having an empty house. Love them all dearly and don’t see the older two enough now they’ve moved down to London to work, but peace and quiet is also nice.

    I think I’ve only had a handful of completely child free weeks over the last 28 years – although I do get weekends when they are at their dad’s.

    I am trying to treasure these last few years of full time parenting (as much as you can with 2 teenage boys anyway!) As I know how fast it will go.

    Hopefully by the time they fledge I will have a grandchild I can take on adventures instead – and just do all the fun stuff!

    Time with your kids is so precious – you really don’t appreciate that enough at the time

    yossarian
    Member

    Time with your kids is so precious – you really don’t appreciate that enough at the time

    This is very true. I’ve recently separated from my wife and get my two lads for 3 days of the week. The days they stay are the only times I genuinely sleep well. Currently smashing myself at the gym to get through the other days.

    Unfortunately my ex-partner doesn’t seem to understand that, although they are only 9 & 10, that the clock is ticking and the days that you get with them are times that will never be repeated – for you or them.

    Premier Icon DezB
    Subscriber

    Still not got used to not living with my son. Every day it gives me a twinge of sadness. Having him staying over is just not the same.
    Life can be a shitty bunch of shit sometimes.

    globalti
    Member

    Tonight is the last midweek evening hooligan road ride ending in the pub with GtiJ and our cycling pals before he heads off to uni on Saturday. Mind you he’s only going to be 25 miles away in Manchester so it’s not like we won’t ever see him!

    Premier Icon martinhutch
    Subscriber

    I know everyone does this once or twice in their life but I’d rather never go through it again.

    TBH the fact that you miss them like crazy is great news. The reverse would be a bit shit.

    Hope the house sale goes through Ok and you can get the hell out of there.

    I’ve had 5 x 2 nights away this year. The first night is awesome but the second I miss little wifey and our 2 sprogs. I’d hate the idea of more.

    The Mrs is off in October for a week and whilst I’ll have a great night’s sleep the first night with a few beers in the garden, by the second I’ll be counting down until she gets home.

    With my boys being 5 and 2, I’m thankfully a good way away from uni etc.

    Premier Icon weeksy
    Subscriber

    My missus went away on holiday for a week, came back Sunday, it’s a LONG week of being alone even though we have our 9 year old. Monday morning she had to go away for 2 weeks to look after her mum.. So that’s another 2 weeks ! I have to admit, the novelty has long worn off.

    fasthaggis
    Member

    Thread reminds me of the first time the family left me for two weeks.
    The plan was to get a lot of the DIY and decorating done on our first house,without all the day to day interruptions of a toddler and new baby.A few days in things were fine and it was great to be able to drop everything at my feet and pick up again the next day,but by the second week I couldn’t believe how much I was really, really missing them(I think phone calls make it worse) and the house was just sooooo quiet.The day they were due back,it was like all my Christmas and birthday mornings rolled in to one.Turned up way too early at the station and paced around watching the arrivals board.Finally the train rolls in and I am frantically trying to find them in the sea of people .As the platform clears,there they are,buggy,bags and all the usual paraphernalia.As I speed towards them,the boy sees me,he starts to run ,it’s like one of those movie scenes as I kneel down and open my arms.
    I almost held it together,almost,until he charged in to me with the words “Daddy,I thought you were lost ” .
    Straight…to….the….heart.
    “Why is Daddy crying?”

    user-removed
    Member

    This thread is frankly undoing me! It’s also making me realise that I’m quite lucky in so many ways.

    dalesjoe
    Member

    About to go away for 3 months. Probably limited phone contact with home for at least 2 months of that. Doesn’t get any easier! Roll on January!

    prawny
    Member

    I cant imagine how bad that would be. My kids have had 3 (I think) sleepovers at Grandmas, and they’re 7 and 9. We always plan to have a lazy morning but normally end up getting up early and sprinting to pick them up.

    I’ve not spent a night apart from Mrs P since the night before our wedding in April 2006 and I’m not planning to any time soon.

    Premier Icon IdleJon
    Subscriber

    I’m away a few nights most weeks. (All week next week.)

    I hate it. I spend nights in crap hotels in parts of the country I don’t know wondering why I’m doing it, wasting time without the family or just my ‘normal’ life. I sometimes get to wander around interesting places but that makes me even more miserable because I want to be wandering around with my wife and kids.

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