& I’m sh!tting it. He seems oblivious to my fears (which is good) & I’m doing my best to mask it. He is 11 and already has issues with other kids. He’s sensitive & intelligent and suffers from asphergers syndrome. This affects his speech and learning capacity. He’s behind on his literature, maths & reading which worries me but it’s the social interaction that gives me the greatest fear

We all were bullied/bullies at school as its part of growing up but it breaks my heart listening to him trying to intract with his peers who mostly deride him. I’m struggling with sleep and work with these fears. Have been in constant touch with his old and new school and they are fantastic

Don’t know why I’m posting this, guess im trying to find an outlet

Oh I feel for you (And him) Does he have a friend/friends who will be moving with him? Could you have a careful chat with them?

Also touch base with school – perhaps they have a ‘buddy’ system. If they do I’d try to arrange a meet up with the ‘Buddy’? All needs to be carefully done I guess.

Thanks Diane

He will be moving with a few friends but as communication becomes more important (ie as they get older) he then seems to get pushed further and further out. He had a permanent teachers assistant at the old school but his new school can’t afford one. His new teacher and head is aware of the problems, and I have faith they will be wonderful, but that isn’t making me sleep easier.

He yeans to be accepted but isn’t and as he gets older he knows he’s different. A common trait of autism is seclusion, they want to be on their own but he doesn’t, couple that with his extreme sensitivity and I’m a quivering wreck

I too have a son who is autistic and has asphergers. I am not with his mother any longer but he stays with me on weekends and i have regular contact with him.

He struggles to interact with other people and will usually wait until he has been spoken to before he will speak. He is 16 now and was in a mainstream school until he was 10 but he couldn’t cope with it and the techers were struggling with him as well. After a long battle with the council we managed to get him into a specialist school where it has been the making of him. He still has his problems but is able to control them much better. I have got him into mountain biking and he loves it.

Have you spoke to the school your son is in or the council about an alternative school?

If his new school do not have the facility for a dedicated TA they obviously deem him not to be a worry and think that he will progress as he should do in a happy way. If he doesn’t settle then contact the LA about a place at a different mainstream school with better provion or a specialist school.
Where in the country are you?

Well Chief it seems we have similar stories. I split from his mum 10 years ago and also have him every weekend (and every school holiday including the whole six weeks summer) but I must confess I haven’t spoken to anyone about a change of schooling. After much discussion with my wife and parents we believe(d) mainstream would be the best as we want him to fit it the best we can. I’m not saying its the right decision but the one we thought would give him the best chance to lead a normal life

He has 2 private tutors and they think he’s the sweetest boy alive. He does struggle with learning and we are trying to rectify that best we can, it’s the part I have no control over that scares me

Pleased your boy is in a decent place and biking too 🙂 I have tried to get him into it but he’s seen some of my injuries and that seems to have put the fear of god into bikes for him

Thanks for your reply mate

Your right Rob, they don’t see any problems with sending him to mainstream which is positive. I live some distance from his school. She lives in Sheffield, I live in Nottingham. With the economy in such a state it seem the first things that are cut are the very things that keeps the fabric of society for the needy hence no budget for a teaching assistant

I do console myself if it all goes wrong then I will fight tooth and nail for a change to a more suitable school. It’s just the fears of this event in less that a week

I wish I could take his place. Tearing up just thinking about it

can you email me please -robjackson@hotmail.co.uk i MAY be able to help you here

Hi Richard, another dad with a autistic son here. I do hope things sort for you and your son. It might well be fine try speaking to the Senco, are their any other children who have gone through the school? Could you speak to their parents? Is their a ASD support group near you as parents will gladly share experience. Contact me in profile if you need someone to chat to. Cheers 1 shed

I feel for you as I to have an Autistic son and for the very fears you mention we fought tooth & nail to get him into a special school where he is very happy and thriving, he is been taken to the para Olympics with school next week. Will he have one to one support.

My son Jordan has asphergers. Can only go by my experince. ( also typing briefly as at work)
daigonsed early on at age of 4, when he started nursery.. that was absolute nightmare, way too noisy , he would freak out etc etc..

The school that the nursery was attached too refused to accept Jordan, but as he had a statement of special needs we were trying to getting him intoa nearby school with an austism base attached. Only 1 place free and he didnot get it. we then went to a special needs school ( for severe physical/ mental special needs) and got Jordan duely placed. he spent 1 year there and transformation was fanastic, the school was quiet, staff understanding etc etc.. after one year another place can up at the near by school .. So jordan went there. but went in at a year level behind his peers.

excelled in the austism base area, so much they placed him in mainstream class, but with fall back support in the base should he need it. he did 3 years in mainstream at junior. Then because of boundaries ( we live in worcs with 3 tiers, junior / middle/ high shool) school in Birmingham catchment (primary / secondary school)

Jordan then moved to a new school 1 mile away with a able autistic support..again in main stream, has done 2 years there and he is going to high school next week. again with able autistic support..

all the time in main stream he has 1-2-1 support for about 20 hours ( 1/2 the week) to help keep him on focus etc..

Cant comment on your case, but assuming your son is statmented..school wise , inclusion is the big thing, and touch wood, Jordan has not been picked on for being austistic. But has had a few issues with general bullying. However this was resolved after taking him to tae won doe, because after year of taking the bullying issue, with out telling the teachers, other kids etc, he had enough and pummelled the shite out af the main ring leader ( my proudest day!!)

I know wnat you mean when you say about your fears for social inclusion, ( Jorsdan has only 2 friends that he sees out of school) but 2 is better than none. Jordan himself says he would like more friends but finds it hard , esp when we are over the park and i can see other kids pointing/ taking the pee etc at Jordan and giving him a wide beath.
Just comes dfown to trying to help him master the confisuing social skills that other kids, you and i take for granted. The school should have some form of support , to assist.. not much help at the mo, but the kids are tougher then we give them credit for. Let him go to school and find his feet..

wil be free tomorrow to update , but got to bog off now as well busy..

Morning 1 Shed, heckler and MicArms

Senco have advised they have had no other autistic child go through this particular school and will monitor his schooling. I have found them distant and bureaucratic but maybe it cos I’m hyper sensitive to his needs, over protective if you like

I have sent rob an email and it would be nice to liase with you too. It’s always good to know I’m not on my own with my son

Thanks guys

From my experience as a teacher in a mainstream comprehensive school which has a high intake of special needs students, the s**theads steer clear of what they would call( no offence intended) ‘the real nutters’, partly because even they aren’t that low, partly because they don’t know how such a target would react, but mainly because the decent kids who make up the vast majority keep a protective eye on kids such as yours. It might not be plain sailing to start but I believe it will work out well before long.

The National Autistic Society can support if need support in certain educational matters. Off to work now 2 year speech and language checks.

I’m so pleased I posted this thread up now. I will respond very shorty, but as most of us sat here at work

Thanks for the heartfelt replys. It means so bloody much I can’t begin to tell you

Richard

Not quite the same, but I’ve just finished at summer camp and we had a boy with cerebal palsy in the final week. I was worried that he was going to get left out of the group and was expecting innappropriate reactions from the other kids, but they amazed me with the maturity they greeted him with. He wasn’t treated any differently by them, and they showed an impressive understanding of his needs. Kids can surprise you

My little boy is 7, has aspergers and goes to a mainstream primary school……I thought I was on my own! Best thread for a long time. Back to work but will catch up later.

Hi Richard ,
Both my children have Aspergers and went to mainstream school. For one, with many ups and downs it worked out fine. ( he’s of to uni in september ) for my daughter though ! not so good. We often wonder if it was a mistake to send her to mainstream.
Drop me an email if you like, I can give you a much more detailed account of our experience.

Wow, we’ve a right little collection here

My 11 year old daughter has HFA, and has recently come to live with me (I’m over the moon and also quite daunted as you can imagine) after it came to a head with mum unable to cope with her school refusal and ‘episodes’

Its really tough, as R is about to start secondary net week as well, but speaking to the experts, they’re saying that its actually a really good time, as the move to secondary school creates one big mixing pot, and all the kids are in the same boat, meeting new people and making new friends, so its not like she has to try and fit in with established peer groups. R’s reaction has been strange, she’s moved home, school, no longer living with her mum and sister, and there has hardly been any emotion at all (do you miss them? “no, not really”) of course we’ve also been under the impression that she didn’t have any “friends” as she found it so difficult to fit in, but it turns out that loads of the other kids, on finding out R was moving, were really upset and will miss her – they all regarded her as a friend, but she doesn’t really “get it”, so its worth remembering that its possible that the seclusion is somewhat ‘self imposed’ and that in reality they are much more accepted than you would otherwise think.

Does your son have a Statement of Education Needs? If not get it done ASAP. The new school SENCO and head teacher will help with this. If he does it will state the provision required for his education. This may include a TA or other specialist help. The LEA may give “Banded Funding” based on his needs. This will help pay for the TA etc.

If he has a Statement the school will have to fund / supply what is needed, whether or not they say they can afford it. the statement is a legal document and the requirements will have to be fulfilled.

There is a stigma about Statements in that it singles out a child as “different” but it will help with all sorts of hurdles you may need to cross. It’s reviewed every year check to progress and will change. His Statement stays with him so of he changes schools he will not require further assessment.

+1, i have a 13 yo in a ‘specialist’ school (asp+PDA) in Nottingham and he pines to go to a ‘normal’ school! He seems to think he is missing out on something, so we’re the other way i suppose! I don’t think it’s easy whichever way it goes, but the lack of provision from local councils is massively frustrating. I know of parents who have to take their council to tribunal just to get allocated. A very sad state of affairs really. @headfirst, we had inclusion at our high school (many years ago!) and the SEN kids just did their own thing which left the neurotypical kids picking on neurotypical kids. I’m not sure there is an all encompassing solution, i wish there was.

Step daughter with Autism here, we dropped her out of mainstream just before secondary school, it would have been too much for her, in our case the decision was correct & she has been far happier as a result.

Not long until she goes to college, but we have found an ideal course that will focus on normal every day events like shopping etc, then the 2nd year will be furthering her education.

I guess this does not directly help you OP, but your not alone.

Our 14 year old son has Aspergers, ADHD & OCD and has been in mainstream education since he started school. His primary school & the teachers were brilliant and he made significant progress there.

The move up to secondary school was worrying. Like some of the other posters’ ^^^ children he’s keen to make friends and intergrate but his limited social skills have brought him into conflict with a lot of other kids along the way. He’s good at making friends and equally good at falling out with them pretty soon afterwards.

He does have a lot of trouble with other kids at his school, bullying, piss-taking, etc. However, in his spare time he hangs out at the skatepark park in another nearby town and does a lot better there with other kids looking out for him. That’s where his social life is at. (skateboarding is his 365 24/7 obsession)

He’s aware that his conditions cause him to be kept at a distance by others and finds it difficult to cope with at times, especially when he’s excluded from parties, excursions and events that his ‘mates’ are going to.

He had a permanent teachers assistant at the old school but his new school can’t afford one. His new teacher and head is aware of the problems

Senco have advised they have had no other autistic child go through this particular school and will monitor his schooling. I have found them distant and bureaucratic

These ^^^^^^ would be the issues that worry me the most. If your son is statemented then the school should be able to get funding for a TA to give a certain amount of support in the classroom.

If the school have no experience with ASD pupils then you need to keep an eye out to make sure your son’s getting all the support he’s entitled to. (you’ll have to keep an eye out all the time anyway) The NAS is a good reference point for further info on that.

Anyway, the good news is that our son’s social intergration/numeracy/literacy have all vastly improved since he started secondary school with the right social & educational support

One more thing though, learn to hate Facebook ‘cos there’s nothing worse than social media for ruining an ASD child’s parent’s evening with playground problems spilling into your living room just when you thought you were going to get the chance for a bit of well earned rest 😉

It’s tough but you’ll get there 🙂

I work for the NAS in Adult services. I don’t know a massive amount about schooling services, but can point you towards people that do if you want/need it. My email is andrew.lewis@nas.org.uk.

Also, the NAS runs several information helplines – the Education Rights service: 0808 800 4102, and the parent to parent service: 0808 800 4106 are probably the most useful for you.

There is lots of support avaiable out there – don’t struggle and worry by yourself!

Andrew

My sons school is now a centre for excellence for Autism in North Wales accredited by the National Autistic Society I am also a parent gov, if you need any advice I can access a vast array of expertise and my partner is a 1-2-1 in a mainstream school and she has accumulated a vast knowledge on how to tackle the system, they are a bunch of liars and will make out they are doing the best for your child when in fact their doing the exact opposite, all this inclusion nonsense does my head in. Please email me as myself and partner are happy to chat.

lovely thread everyone on the same side for once, makes this forum what it is, helpfull to all.

I also have an AS child, grown up now and living a happy independent adult life who attended mainstream schools. Not without challenges by all accounts but I think we’d (parents and child) agree it was the right choice for ours. Can’t really offer any advice that hasn’t been covered. Autistic kids are amazing tho
. have faith in him and best of luck with your choices

Just had a chat with a friend who has a fair bit of experience with this. I asked her to summarise in an email so here it is:

Secondary school can be extremely daunting – more so if the world around you feels like a noisy chaotic mess!! I would recommend starting with the small things. Making sure he has everything he needs (uniform/pe kit/school bag/stationary) and he knows his route to school well (walking/cycling/getting a lift/bus). I would recommend allowing him his own independence as soon as possible, so if he was driven to school before-now allow him the bus and/or walking.

I don’t know if he has been statemented but try not to have him labelled “Autistic” in the classroom – more like the quirky one!! Do you have/can you get a map of the interior of the school so he gets an idea of where everything is?? Confusion causes real anxiety. Also be aware he will probably lose his PE kit 3 or 4 times, stationary, trainers etc etc so put names in things. Tell him to find quiet places early on – Library, LRC (Learning Resource Centre) IT room – places he can go at break/lunch and feel relaxed.

I’m normally not an advocate of technology, but I would recommend a mobile phone – maybe one which plays MP3s so that if he is feeling stressed he can listen to some music on the way home from school etc etc. Also if he forgets anything important he can text mum (Books/non-school uniform day etc).

Make sure mum has a calender and highlights any non-school uniform days, trips etc as he might not remember them, and turning up to school in uniform on a non-uniform day is not good (I know!!)

Really it’s all the little details – in the end just be himself, instill in him not to take anything personally – that kids are scary and horrible and cruel but its not personal) and get him into some sort of activity club.

In the classroom he will take everything literally – he won’t understand sarcasm or non-linear thinking – if he doesn’t understand something this will make him very anxious and upset and frustrated. Come up with a system with him about how to deal with what he doesn’t know – both in and outside the classroom. Find someone who can explain things to him in a way he will understand (I find being clear and economical with words helps – also creating mnemonics or limerics or diagrams really help). Quite possibly he will excel at IT and anything computer-related – let him!

The Big Bang Theory may be a bit old for him yet – but the Sheldon character is useful to watch for him and those around him!!

As he grows up he will come into his own – just give him that knowledge and faith.

I would have emailed this to you but couldn’t anything in your profile. Hope you read it and find it helps 🙂

Hi,

My son is 7 and has ASD.

He was the 1st autistic child in his Primary School.

Honestly, my only advice is to to do 2 things:

1. Be as loud and forceful as required as the LEAs these days are not exactly cash rich. Fight your corner and make sure your son gets what he needs, and settle for nothing less.

2. Make sure he is not going to be a target for bullying. This will be a given I’m afraid, as he is the first autistic child all the other children will have in their school, and he will behave differently.

I’m not trying to scare you, and to be honest I worry about this for my son’s future. My son is not Aspergers or High functioning, so I am resigned to the fact I will soon have a battle with LEA (Hampshire) when his needs can be better served by a school specialising in ASD.

Good luck with it and keep us all informed.

Perhaps we should organise the 1st STW Forum ASD ride?

Hi Richard,

Hope it all goes well this week.

1 shed

I am a 34 year old woman with aspergers and all the associated issues it comes with, so I hope all goes well with your son as school is so important, he should have help to deal with the school atmoshere as it’s so difficult when the world doesn’t make sense.
I was school phobic coz of my aspergers, and I didn’t go to school for over a year til I got on “home tuition” which was really one to one schooling in a quieter area and things taken at my speed.
I’ve no GCSE’s and I’ve struggled to find and keep a job ever since
What I’m trying to say is I hope your children (all of you) get the support you all need to help your children live a fulfilled life.
Caz xx

just noted this thread and I hope it all works out well

I suspect we all have these fears for our kids re school/bullying settling in

Have exactly the same as you IR my son with Autism starts secondary school on Wednesday and am like you seriously worried, the schools both old and new have been great with introduction days, a letter to every teacher explaining his fears, worries, and actions when he gets stressed or upset. School work is not an issue great at science and maths hates anything where imagination required.

However the greatest fear is interaction with other kids and their attitude to him, they don’t understand why he is slightly different, summer school at his new school showed this when he was teased for having an American accent, he’s not, but picks up the accent from telly, this ended in fisticuffs.

We can only hope it all goes well, but I dare say we will have good and bad days. The good thing his big sister is at the school which will hopefully help.

IR Hope all goes well

Well, how wonderful – spoke to the school end of last week to tie up some details, and it turns out that the LEA had not informed them about daughters Autism, despite it being fully documented in all the paperwork that I sent the LEA as part of the late admissions process.

the school also have a ‘no mobile phones at all’ policy – that I think I’ll be telling them to get stuffed on, as R becomes very distressed if she doesn’t know when I’m picking her up etc. I think I’ll be telling them that I view it as a reasonable adjustment in view of her disability.

spoke to the school end of last week to tie up some details, and it turns out that the LEA had not informed them about daughters Autism

A lot of schools* organise transition visits in the last term of primary school to familiarise the child with the SENCO and new environment, etc, before the move to secondary school. Also, they’ll liase with the TAs & SENCO at the primary school for info and to get some sort of a learning plan in place ready for the new term at secondary.

I see, however, that you’ve gone through a late admissions procedure so you’ll have to be proactive in knocking a few heads together to get(and keep)the ball rolling. Maybe expect to take a few hours or a morning or two off work and visit the school premises to deal with this adequately.

the school also have a ‘no mobile phones at all’ policy – that I think I’ll be telling them to get stuffed on asking them politely to re condsider in my daughter’s case, as R becomes very distressed if she doesn’t know when I’m picking her up etc. I think I’ll be telling them that I view it as a reasonable adjustment in view of her disability.

My son’s allowed to use his mobile at school for the same reason. However, it’s his first day back at school today and I had to turn my phone off at around 0930 as the onslaught of texts and phone calls was disrupting my work (and patience) 🙄 I had to contact the SENCO by way of another phone to sort out the minor problem that was bugging my son. I like my son to be easily able to contact me if he’s suffering from high anxiety but sometimes it’s a frickin’ curse.

Anyway, good luck Zulu. I hope it all falls into place and works out for you and your daughter 🙂

Hope it also goes well for all the above ASD parental posters ^^^^ as the new academic years rolls upon them 🙂

* (a Postcode Lottery of course)

I can relate to all of the above, my son is now moving into his option year, 10.
The subjects he wanted to take or showed some interest in have been withdrawn due to lack of overall take up, so we will see how that goes.
The anxiety wasnt helped yesterday with confusion of the start date by the school and local authority

Oh the joys of parenting a child with Asphergers!!!

I can relate to all of the above, my son is now moving into his option year, 10.
The subjects he wanted to take or showed some interest in have been withdrawn due to lack of overall take up, so we will see how that goes.
The anxiety wasnt helped yesterday with confusion of the start date by the school and local authority

Oh the joys of parenting a child with Asphergers!!!

Cheers Slugwash

Yes, all the stuff that you’d expect – but given that the LEA only confirmed a place at the school for us on the 20th August, and the first chance I had to communicate with anyone (despite email and phone messages) was last Tuesday after the bank holiday… I’m sure that it will come together over the next few days, once she’s actually been allocated a form tutor, and I can talk to them.

as long as they give here the ability to go out and have some quiet time when she gets stressed then I’m confident she’ll be fine – if not, we’ll have a nightmare.

I’m planning to put her phone in her bag in a sealed envelope so she can use it in emergencies – I’ll put a note in with it saying that if anyone wants to argue the toss, they can contact me about it 😀

AAAGGHH!

just had a phone call form the school, saying that they want to defer daughters entry till they have had a meeting with me about her care needs etc.

in other word, they’ve just read the letters that I enclosed weeks, and weeks ago, and panicked

so, everything that we had said about her starting school at the same time as all the other children so that she was not ‘odd’ and to help her form good social bonds is about to fall by the wayside.

Hiya Guys – we’re about a month down to road now – hows it holding together for everyone?

So far, so good at this end, the school have been really supportive and are working on bringing R out of her shell to build friendships. Aceing all her tests, tough getting her ready in the morning but she seems to be enjoying school.

How is everyone else finding it?