I have a well-paid but very stressful job with often long hours and lots of travelling. Its not doing my physical or mental health any good (hasn’t for years, but I’m only just coming to terms with this and the effect its had on my family and me).

My wife’s had enough of this, and is pushing for us to make a break, sell up, move south west, clear the mortgage (currently south east so house prices are much cheaper in the south west), maybe go part-time or freelance to have more spare time.

I’d be giving up a good, steady income. Leaving the home I’ve worked my nuts off to get for the past 30 years. Also moving away from family and some great friends (although maybe 2 hours away so its not like emigrating or something).

It all makes perfect sense, but i’m shitting myself – the house is now on the market, we’re viewing places down there, its getting a bit real.

Any words of confidence from anyone who’s left it all behind? What were your biggest challenges and how did you overcome them?

Go for it.

2 hours is no distance at all to travel to see family.

We’re thinking about doing the exact same thing, the wife (national head of dept for a big bank) works from home and has an in office meeting once a month, which she can drive or fly to on expenses.

We could sell up, buy in the SW, reduce our mortgage and I’d either go gardening or part time, either way I’d do the school runs etc.

If it happens it’ll be great, I get the feeling it may well happen back end of 2020.

The SW is now full of people who’ve sold up in the SE and made use of the crazy property price differential. While it’s completely changing the SW, I’d do exactly the same if I was in that position. Everyone I know who has done it is seriously smugly happy about how much better their lives are now.

Do it, any time you get the chance to **** stress right off you should take it.

I’d be gone in a shot in your position.

Like the others – I’d be gone in a shot.

Only caveat is do you have elderly parents? If so who will look after them in when they need the help in the future? Will you be the ones who have ‘fecked off’ and left it to other family members. 🙂

Similar situation here but this was forced upon me.
Moved to Sheffield, to be near our Granddaughter (Wharncliffe, The Peak etc had nothing to do with it!), paid off mortgage etc.

I now have very little responsibility, working 26 hours a week mostly 5pm to 10pm. I have all day to myself (grandparenting duties aside) so I can ride as much as I want, walk the dog in the woods all day and potter in the workshop 🙂

We have to be a bit more careful with money but there’s enough to get by with some treats thrown in!

I wish I’d done it years ago.

You’re making this too easy for me!

We have to be a bit more careful with money but there’s enough to get by with some treats thrown in!

TBH this is one of my main concerns – got used to being ‘comfortable’ with money in recent years, after years of scrimping and saving. I need to get my head round the fact the advantages and way of life will far outweigh being able to buy bike bits whenever I feel like it.

Only caveat is do you have elderly parents? If so who will look after them in when they need the help in the future? Will you be the ones who have ‘fecked off’ and left it to other family members

Theyre doing fine at the moment, but yes that’s something that’s playing on our minds for the future. I’m sure part of my wife’s thinking is to run away from exactly that! But other family around and we won’t be so far away.

TBH this is one of my main concerns – got used to being ‘comfortable’ with money in recent years, after years of scrimping and saving. I need to get my head round the fact the advantages and way of life will far outweigh being able to buy bike bits whenever I feel like it.

Seriously, once you’ve cleared all your debts, it’s very surprising how little you need to enjoy yourself.

I would say that in our case, choice of area was very important – easy access to The Peak and large woodland areas such as Wharncliffe/Greno has mean’t that it costs us very little to do what we like, as it’s all on our doorstep.

you don’t mention kids? presume that means you don’t have any?

if its just the two of you its a easy decision isn’t it?

Pre-children I made an effort to convince the wife to move to south wales, but she wanted to stay close to her parents, which have turned out to be massively helpful now with have kids.

I think you’ll be surprised how much you can save not living in SE. As a northerner I’m always shocked by how much I can spend without thinking when I’m down south – travel, social spending esp. the cost of a pint! etc just eats your money. Also work travelling (even on expenses for most of it) is expensive. I’m suggesting moving to a back-water somewhere but I think the move will mean cheaper daily living costs for you.

I was just looking at house prices around me (in Harrogate) thinking the same – but rather than moving away, just looking at moving to a slightly smaller house in a slightly less convenient location. By going slightly smaller with a slightly smaller garden we could all but clear the mortgage (which is currently approx 35% of the property value).

I can seriously see the benefit in doing it but not got the nerve to do it just yet.

And, for us, the other consideration is what will we have to leave our two children – I know not everyone shares my view on this (from previous discussions on here) but if we sell up and buy smaller we will eventually end up with less to pass on as an inheritance and help them on the property ladder themselves.

you don’t mention kids? presume that means you don’t have any?

One lives in Devon with her boyfriend so we’d be a lot closer. Other has just finished Uni and is, er, ‘floating’! ie part time jobs and not sure what she wants to do. Not sure if she’d come with us, probably wouldn’t be much good for her, but may spur her into committing to a career and setting up on her own.

We’ve finished the mortgage, but do like where we live. If we’d have moved away, we would have been up back home on a regular basis due to the MIL having been ill the last 15 years – would have been easier not being local as we’d not have been mithered as much.

I’d love to work a compressed week – i.e. 4 longer days.

If you are thinking of it – can you buy my step dad’s bungalow on the edge of Dartmoor? It’s near Sticklepath.

He’s selling up to move back up to London to be nearer the kids and where it’s easier to look after him.

In my early forties I gave up a good job in London to start my own business, only something small which was probably never going to make me a millionaire. It failed after about 8 months, largely thanks to a break up in the relationship I was in at the time.

It was the best decision I ever made to quit that job, lose the stress, the travelling, the hassle of working a distance from home. Yes it took my relationship but, as it proved, it clearly wasn’t a strong one.

Despite, in theory, losing it all, I got me back, I realised that money isn’t the most important thing in life but being happy was.

Everything you do ends up presenting challenges eventually, it is just a case of how much you want to take on that challenge and beat it.

In my mid 50s, I met someone and we both retired early and left for SW France, leaving family and friends behind. We both had incredibly stressy jobs and hated the fact that we got paid well but never had enough time to enjoy it. Now we are lucky enough to be able to live down here, on a budget, and not work. Funnily enough, I wasn’t scared of leaving ‘normality’ behind and clearing off to a country where we hardly spoke the language, didn’t understand a lot of the bureaucracy and knew no one. (Perhaps because of my previous experiences?) We had each other, we could always come back to the UK and get a job, so why not?

Four years on, our french is improving, Brexit might be cocking it all up, but we have residency for another 5 years at least. I can’t say I’m 100% happy here, as finding friends has proved pretty tough but we are the wrong age and our language skills still hold us back in some situations. Living here is a world away from the stress and hassle of the UK, it is a beautiful place to live, it’s due to be 30 degrees plus for the next 3 days and I can get on my bike and ride for 30 minutes and not see another person, let alone a car.

If you are the sort of person that can accept that there is nothing to be gained from regretting a decision, then go for it. Why not? What is the worst that can happen?

Good luck.

Don’t move to the SW, it’s rubbish down here….honest

We did the same a couple of years ago. I gave up teaching and now work in a museum. Took a huge salary drop, but my mental health is better, more time on my hands. However…money is an issue everynow and then. We now have a dog, so we are always heading off to find walks etc. So plenty of things to do that do not involve money.

Our neighbours around here are amazing and have made us feel really welcome. We know more of our neighbours here than we ever did in Maidstone, and our neighbours are spread along a lane 1/2 mile apart.

The only thing I would say is that leaving our friends and family over 3 1/2 hours away has been tough. I used to see my friends every week for social rides, beers and chats. I now see them every few months. Not having that immediate suppport network has been tough, but I have been lucky enough to move with my OH who is amazing, and it sounds odd, but becuase of this we have also become best friends.
Hope that helps.

Hopefully this isn’t worded too clumsily but make sure you (and your wife) are being honest about why you are unhappy and looking to move.

I know a fair few people who have upped and left for Wales/Scotland/Cornwall etc and found when they get there and get settled they are still not happy, just with less money, a boring/seasonal/poorly paid job and a feeling of isolation due to missing friends and family.

Ask me again in May ’20 and hopefully I’ll be self unemployed. Like the OP I’m fed up of the stress and commute. Luckily we don’t have to sell up or move as we like it where we are currently and have the funds to stay put. I have plans for a small home business to keep me occupied and earn some money. This was all supposed to happen this year but I decided a few more months in a good job would mean more savings. Hopefully I’ll have the courage to pull the trigger next year and stick to my slightly revised plan.

quit my well paid and stressful job almost 4 years ago and have worked 2 day a week ever since. Best move i’ve ever made. Way way poorer but way way happier and get loads of time with the kids now.

If you can afford it, do it.

I don’t think you can really quit the rat race, but you can reset your life (lives) every now and then. We’ve done it a couple of times and I think you benefit mentally (and physically) from it. I think for me it can be a cyclical thing – downsize, then slowly rebuild again. I’m at the point where I feel the need for change coming, but our son is late teens and still dependant and we both have an aging parent that needs love and care, so well wait a bit. If you’re both of the same mind and don’t have responsibilities beyond yourselves then do it. If you don’t you’ll only wonder what if…

I downgraded from good money but shitty hours and stressful to less money and less hours and it’s been the best thing I have ever done! Never had any doubts once I’d made the leap but it took a while to summon up the courage.

I couldn’t move that far away, my family live within an hour and I see them once a month if i’m lucky.
We see the in-laws all the time as they live within 2 miles.

Best of luck with your decision.

Lovely scenery, good riding, cheaper houses/living etc all very nice but do the people who’ve moved not miss their friends? (and are the people considering moving not worried about this?)

Obviously you’ve got your partner to spend time with but what about going for a ride with a mate or even just a spontaneous pint on a Sunday?

Have a watch of this :

As I said earlier, it’s the toughest bit about relocating away from friends and family. That ability to pop out for a ride or meet up for a midweek pint. I really miss it and it has left me feeling somewhat isolated.

I suppose when moving down you have to be that little more proactive with people, join clubs and see what else is about. It is quite daunting.

My folks just upped and moved to France smack dab the middle of the empty space between the massiv central and Bordeaux.

They have been planning it for a good few years then my dad had a bad motorcycle accident where a van veered onto the wrong side of the road and hit him head on so once he was better (he hasn’t been the same since) they stuck a forsale sign on the house and learnt french.

They are in their early 50s have a subsistence life style , grow their own food and rent out rooms in their house to cover the bills while treating their savings like a pension fund.

Despite having moved away when their first and likely only grand daughter was born they are loving it and we will be going over plenty so they will get to be together -we didn’t live particularly close anyway.

How ever -my dad did sell up all his UK assets to make the numbers work. They don’t really work for coming home again in the slightest so major leap of faith

I once moved from Guildford to Lymington. I did not like living there. It took hours to get anywhere from there. It felt insanely isolated. I can’t imagine where you’d move to in the SW that is 2 hours from SE. unless you live on the western edge of hampshire. Not trying to be negative, more  a warning to check travel times and local traffic, especially in the summer.

I now live in Canada and love it. I thought we were moving here to slow down but my wife works harder than ever and seems more stressed. That said, her work days are shorter and she isn’t away every other week and there is more fun to be had on the weekend. And no danger of having to move to Texas to keep her job.

you mentioned concerns about not having as much spare cash, especially to buy bike bits. A reasonable concern, though personally I think less about new bits when I’m doing a lot of riding than I do when I’m sat behind a desk more than a little bored.

(currently south east so house prices are much cheaper in the south west)

The good bits aren’t that cheap…

Some good bits of the south west are cheap (compared to London/South East). Wells and Frome, for example, are nice towns that aren’t too expensive and are within 30 minutes of Bath and Bristol.

I wouldn’t want to live much further south than this – as it is I can get to Wind Hill in 30 minutes, Mendips in 15, BPW in an hour and a half and Triscombe in an hour. London is only a couple of hours away, Bristol is a great city these days for eating/drinking/cultural stuff and we’re only an hour from the Dorset coast. Go further into Devon/Cornwall and it can be a bit isolating.

JP

I view anything north of Exeter as a bit urban. 😉

I view anything north of Exeter as a bit urban. 😉

Damn right, don’t fancy anywhere up country like Cullompton.

Yes and no. Did it once but was too young to take advantage. Going to 3 days PW from a full in job next year. Hardest part is getting over myself and accepting that it’s my decision for my reasons and who gas what anyone else thinks ! I don’t want to wait until I’m too old to do anything before I make time to do it.

I stopped working full time when I was 25 or so – most I’ve ever worked is 3 days a week since then.
I regret nothing.

Sometimes I’d like more money to buy fancier things, but then I wouldn’t have time to use them.

I went mountain biking today while most people were working.

Even if you win the rat race you are still a rat…

Do it. You can’t buy time no matter how rich you are. I had the most adventures when I had the least money. I want to push off now as 50 next year and still physically ok but Mrs is stalling. What’s the point of being retired and well off but old and barely able to do stuff. Embrace change I say.

I haven’t quit the rat race as such but I have moved jobs to one that pays much less than the market rate for what I do but I no longer have a silly commute to Manchester or Leeds every day and work for a boss who’s incredibly passionate about the business but also who looks after his staff like no one else I know and knows that family and health come first.

Wouldn’t work anywhere else for any money whilst he’s around. Whilst my depression is still there I can go to work and enjoy it and I’m getting much more family time.

Luckily I already live in Sheffield so I could afford to take a pay cut without moving house but it’s the best decision I made.

I quit a very well paid, glamorous, but highly stressful, life consuming job at 41 when our first daughter was born. I’m not going to say it was easy. Financially it was tough for a couple of years, living off a LOT less money. I tried to run my own business from home (totally unrelated to my previous job and a LOT less glamorous) but my heart was never really in it and I gave that up after 5 years and became a full time parent (then with 2 daughters).

Mentally it was very tough too as I felt like I had lost some of my identity and independence. It also put a lot of stress on our marriage, right to the brink of divorce. Financially we are actually doing very well now (as my wife has a successful and stable business), but I still feel very vulnerable and she feels stressed with the responsibility of being the only earner. She also mistakenly thinks I have an easy time of it, which causes a lot of tension.

In hindsight I was too quick to throw away literally everything I had worked for up to that point in life, but there are always some positives. My physical health is good and I have been around to see my kids grow. But maybe I shouldn’t have gone from one extreme to the other overnight. I still think it was the right move to get out of a stressful, all-consuming job that I wasn’t enjoying. But perhaps I didn’t really need to completely start all over again in my early 40s. Maybe I could have taken a slightly less stressful job in the same or closely related industry and found a better balance.

Just something to think about before chucking it all in. Does it really have to be an all or nothing break? Turning your life upside down is pretty stressful in itself, especially if you have a lot to lose.

Yep , currently working my notice, both of us finish end of the month with no jobs to go too! , have sold our house in Birmingham and bought a Bigger? house in a small village in Yorkshire . We’ve made some good money on our house and the small amount we still have left on our mortgage will be cleared easily and a good chunk of money will go in the bank for any work on the house and maybe a bit to live on while we look for work which wont be until after Christmas, Im a hgv driver and the wife was/is nhs so shouldn’t be too hard to find work ?
Both our jobs paid ok but with being mortgage free, all we want is maybe a few days a weeks and less stress hopefully spend time on the beach (5 miles) and a lot more biking for me.
Gonna miss the kids and grand daughter like mad, who we are leaving in Birmingham , but its only 3.5 hours away so not end of the country….
scary as shit but both just getting to 50-ish , kids left home and only the 2 of us to worry about … its shit or bust time 🙂 ….. Good luck to all that try it