I had a very simular experience when I was 19 schnor, although in my case it was an industrial accident and I was trapped, unable to breathe, under 3 tons. Like you I thought “oh well this is it – I’ve always wondered how it would end, now I know”.

I really wasn’t scared at all, in fact my preoccupation was that my mate (from early childhood) was there witnessing it all, and I was extremely concerned that it would have a lasting effect on him. At that stage I felt no pain, just a relaxed sleepy feeling.

Against all the odds I was eventually freed, and it was at that point that death no longer seemed certain. And ironically it was also at that point that I suddenly became scared. Because now it was open to question whether I would live or die from my injuries, and since I really didn’t want to die, I became scared that I might. But when death seemed certain I was fine with it.

Like you it taught me a powerful lesson, ie, when that moment comes and it’s certain, it won’t be scarey. Knowing that is something I’m very grateful for. But as I say, you need to be certain the moment has arrived, otherwise the uncertainty, ime, is scarey. I’ve never had a simular experience since.

I’d say the main thing here is what’s real and whats not. Bullheart, ernie, schnor etal have faced something down. A real event. Events tend to be triggers, how your brain processes this shapes what happens next.

It doesn’t have to be actually facing your own mortality for your mind to go off on one taking the rest of you along for the ride. Like all rides it is possible to stop, get off or change direction mid journey for more fun.

Derek, I can thoroughly recommend The Power Of Your Sub-conscious Mind by Joesph Murphy.

Honestly was a revelation for me. Along with Dr Claire Weekes, these two authors took a huge element of fear away from my anxiety which was very similar to yours. My thoughts were different however my life was being ruined by repetitive irrational thoughts and fears from which I couldn’t divert my attention.

I know the flippant answers here are perhaps trying to make you lighten up but if you haven’t gone through a bad or severe anxiety disorder you can have no idea how unhelpful that sort of thing can be.

As for ‘snap out of it’ do you think the guy really wants to be asking for help like this on a cycling forum? Don’t you think if he could snap out of it he would?

The ironic thing is derek you can ‘snap out of it’ – you just need to be shown the way how. Also, ‘snap’ as in a click of the fingers – well that ain’t gonna happen, it will take some time but you will notice improvements over days and weeks and then all of a sudden you may find yourself thinking ‘I haven’t had one of those thoughts for a while’ or ‘I’m not actually constantly checking how I feel today’. That’s when you know you are on the road to recovery.

One of the hardest things with anxiety is having faith that you will recover.

Derek, you can recover and believe you me, if I can do it from where I was then anyone can.

Never give up but accept there isn’t a magic bullet either. I spent about a year scouring the internet looking for a miracle cure and tried all sorts.

My cure came from knowledge and understanding of what was happening to me. Until then, no GP or mental health professional had adequately explained that what was happening to me was simply anxiety and was not the sign of a deeper rooted mental illness or weakness in my character. It’s not your thought of sudden death that is the problem, it is your body’s reaction to it which is causing your trouble.

What you need to learn to do is to accept that for the time being you will continue to react in the same way to these thoughts as it has become your habit to do so. However, with practice and a new perspective which you can get with understanding of what is actually happening to your body – you can start to turn things around.

Anti-depressants also helped me and took away the worst of the symptoms but didn’t do away with them completely. The real salvation for me was actually understanding what was wrong with me and realising that I had to work with what I had and that if I did, I would get better.

Honestly can’t recommend those two authors enough. If i’d found them years ago i’m certain I could have saved years of fear and worry.

Good luck.

Vicc, I think Derek is f**ked up enough as it is without an imaginary friend to contend with.

Nope not at all. In a way death is a box that’s ticked. I’ve done my bit, I’ve kept the human race going. Anything else is a bonus.

I do worry about getting paper cuts though.

Thankfully Im not into Auto Erotic Aspyhixation. Imagine it going wrong and being found afterwards. Whispers/sniggers at the funeral..

That isn’t the case. And there’s plenty of evidence that proves it.

Would you like to present some of it then please ?

Not seen any so far.

Thankfully Im not into Auto Erotic Aspyhixation. Imagine it going wrong and being found afterwards. Whispers/sniggers at the funeral..

One of my old bosses used to be a photographer for the police. He would take pictures of crime scenes and the like. he also had to take pictures of dead people when they popped up.

Apparently dying with a lob on is really, really common and auto erotic asphyixation is a very common cause of accidental death although it’s often labelled as ‘misadventure’.

He also had some great stories about gangland Liverpool in the 60’s. The guys fighting for power decided that they should mark their enimies in the most painful and dehabiliting way possible so they started stabbing each other up the arse. Not in the cheeks, up the arse. It takes a really long time to heal and due to the problems it causes, the guys are out of the game for a long time.

He was also in the merchant navy. Now those were some great stories too.

He was a good boss.

How this helps Derek I have no idea but I hope it gave him a laugh, and having a good time in between being born and dropping dead is what it’s all about, no?

Would you like to present some of it then please ?

Not seen any so far.

He wrote some words out of a story book for you. How much more evidence do you want?

Godbot?

Can Siri help?

Rusty spanner – indeed, we had this earlier.

Omnipresence also extends to STW…

Perhaps it’s Satan trying to fool us all.

Bad Satan.

Wonder what bike our Dark Lord and Master rides?

Vicc, can you recommend a plumber?

what tyres for the afterlife ?

Spesh Purgatory ?

That isn’t the case. And there’s plenty of evidence that proves it.

That’s the problem. There is no PROOF either way with religion.
If you could prove it was true, BELIEF wouldn’t be necessary, and without belief, gods, and religions would cease to exist

Stabbing each other IN the a-hole. That’s not cricket by any stretch.

Thanks for your replies. Some very useful, some funny, some trite, some bizarre – particularly vicc’s. Next time I have a panic attack I’ll grab my bible and my chest and think “oh brill here comes the next chapter.”

Interesting thread !

Derek – how does this fear manifest itself ? Do you have to check 100 times that you took the coffee pot off before you leave the house ?? Do you sometimes take a picture of the coffee pot NOT on the gas so you don’t have to turn around half way to work and go back to check ??

Don’t worry, cos that’s all PERFECTLY RATIONAL.

OK it isn’t really but we all have our tics. But it does sound like you need to speak to somebody about this one.

I now have an irrational fear of being stabbed up the a-hole..

[video]http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=k9IfHDi-2EA&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Dk9IfHDi-2EA&gl=GB[/video]

Live your live, really live it. Spend time with your loved ones and friends, ride bikes, get p*ssed. Don’t sit around worrying.

Yep. The more I see dying and death, the more I agree with this. Above all, I think what matters is not how or when you die, but how you live.

Make your life rich in experiences, worthwhile activity, love and care for others, have fun, and face all suffering with courage and dignity. Never stop growing and harbour no regret. And then whenever dying and death comes, it’s merely sorrowful, but not harmful, and nothing to be feared.

When I feel like this the first thing I do is stop watching the news.

Strangely, it works for me.

I’m not suggesting that this policy will negate your anxieties, but quenching the constant torrent of bad news/death/failure/war/disease/health care neglect does make a real difference.

Vicc, I think Derek is f**ked up enough as it is without an imaginary friend to contend with.

maybe derek’s fine, it’s his imaginary friend that’s the problem?

Live your live, really live it. Spend time with your loved ones and friends, ride bikes, get p*ssed. Don’t sit around worrying.

This^^

One day, you’ll breath your last and when you do your life will probably flash before your eyes. Do you want memories of great rides, time with friends and family, great adventures, beautiful sunsets and the like, or would you prefer to remember all the time you spent worrying about what is happening now and it’s still happening anyway?