As I get older I seem to be more and more irritated by people , what they say,do etc etc. I don’t want to be like this but despite being of buddhist persuasion  and generally tolerant I am turning in to Victor Meldrew  ! It bothers me as it affects my wife ( she irritates me badly but I do love her) and I often feel guilty for giving her a hard time over little things that for some reason trigger a cascade of irritation whenever they occur which sadly is repeatedly! In an effort to try and avoid bickering etc I’ve told her what triggers my annoyance but she doesn’t seem able to stop doing the fairly long list that my intolerance covers so I need to change myself . So..how do i do that ..any tips/tricks or is it  all down to ignoring things and letting go ( something I’m not good at ).  Any advice/experience much appreciated.Thanks in advance . Bill

It’s what bikes were made for where selective hearing fails.  On the flipside, just imagine how annoying your annoyance is?

#takethelongwayhome

Nope, other people are **** and need to be told so.

It’s when everyone around you seems irritable that you have a problem… 🙂

You are my mate Steve & I claim the dosh!

Not pointing out what’s wrong with what people are doing and being overly careful of their feelings is what gave us snowflakes.

Stay irritable I say.

yeah, in fact a fellow STWer even called me Victor on Twitter this morning. pissed me off a bit. oh, the ironing.

I accept I myself am probably very irritating but the wife seems to cope with it ok so I’d like to be a bit like her in that respect.

Having trouble with it?

Nope.

If others do then they shouldn’t irritate me.

Good point!

Yes I am the same, almost every word you wrote. Understand the guilt of being a grump.

Generally a positive person but when tired or stressed I take it out on others .

Any advice/experience much appreciated

Its something I have been trying to work on recently with mixed success. I tend to try and stick irritation about things into two categories.

First is from those people I dont care about/situations I am not fussed about. Few deep breaths and then decide whether to respond or not. This can backfire since if I do realise I am still irritated I will have stored up even more ammunition for the attack than before. On the flip side some people have learnt to be more careful so swings and roundabouts.

For people/situations that are more important. Try and see it from their view plus thinking whether it really irritates me overall. Generally no and shrug and laugh it off.

With regards to your wife you say it is a long list so what about compromising and agreeing on a subset for her to avoid since otherwise if it is a massive list then chances are she wont remember all and confirmation bias means you will key in on those she fails on.

Is it just the hot weather? Makes me more irritable anyway.  To demonstrate:

I increasingly think that people using the term ‘snowflake’ to describe anyone that disagrees with them are a modern take on those who used to be described as ‘not suffering fools gladly’.  Basically it’s code for ‘a bit of a dick’.  Not necessarily a dig at you Onzadog, I notice you wrote ‘overly careful’ which is also irritating at the other extreme.  ‘Snowflake’ itself has lost any meaning it may have had, other than being used to deliberately belittle and antagonise people with opposing (and generally liberal) viewpoints.  Just using it in that context is a bit of a dick move.

No, now bugger off!

If you’re ‘of buddhist persuasion’, then maybe you could consider trying to be more mindful in your day to day life and more generally try not to judge people and the world too harshly. Which is easy to say, but harder to actually do. Have you considered counselling? I guess it might be worth looking at whether there are things in your life that are making you irritable in a disproportionate way.

You actually handed your wife a list of things that annoy you ? 🙂

Lots.

Back on topic, isn’t irritation generally a symptom of being unhappy, or stressed in some way?  So what is it that’s bugging you?  Is it really other people’s minor behaviour, or is it some underlying issue? Why do people become ‘victor meldrews’ as they get older?  Dissatisfaction with what you have achieved in life?  Realisation that your best days are probably behind you?  The wiser you get, the more you realise how stupid you were, and regret the decisions you made?  Or is it just realisation that most people have pretty boring, average lives, and the more that sets in, the more bitter you get about it.

I struggle to comprehend how folks with menial, repetitive jobs keep going with so little stimulation, for example.  Would it help to have something else to stimulate and occupy your mind (new hobby or activity)?

Not taken as a dig at all. To me, snowflake isn’t just someone with an opposing view. I’m thinking of some of the new intake at work who seem to expect everything to be handed to them on a plate and appear unable to consider other people or the bigger picture. Generation Z if you’d rather.

Yes but I only generally let it out at people I spend the most time with so partner and work mate get the brunt. If you find a solution that doesn’t involve being on mind altering drugs*let me know.

*not that I would know like but I heard someone say they chill you out and open your mind so all the stupid annoyances suddenly don’t seem to matter anymore

Not taken as a dig at all. To me, snowflake isn’t just someone with an opposing view. I’m thinking of some of the new intake at work who seem to expect everything to be handed to them on a plate and appear unable to consider other people or the bigger picture. Generation Z if you’d rather.

Fair enough.  Personally I think it has connotations beyond that, that you may or may not want to be associated with.

What happened to Generation Y?😀

Irritability frustration and a confrontational  personality are an ongoing daily challenge I’ve fought  with most of my life – its very tiring at times .

OP, would you describe yourself as a glass half full, or half empty person?  Simplistic, I know, but it might get you thinking…

Yes. When I am not having sex a lot. >72 hours = me being a test.

Test? Grumpy ****

I’ve told her what triggers my annoyance

You’ve generously told your wife that it’s now her problem to solve your irritability, and no one can do that for you. Watching someone chewing with their mouth open is clearly vile, but you can move, standing in a queue while the one next to you is going faster is a pain, but it’s just 2 minutes out of your life. Are they really worth grinding your gears about?

Anger is a que, it’s not like it’s a outside force you have no control over, it’s you making a decision to be angry at stuff that you have a choice either to or not to; feel anger about. What is it in your life that makes you angry? Fix that and a lot of these will go away. Bear in mind also, that society generally “allows” men to feel anger, but often any other emotional response is frowned upon, shedding tears is weak, etc etc..

your poor wife, though…

For me it’s not doing the things I used to be able to do and life moving at a pace I cannot always keep up with.

I’ve learnt to channel it in some ways so that I feel happier. I’m still much fitter than my mates, I’m swimming faster than ever, cycling harder and trying new things. I’ve also got a bit more money than when I was young. But I can still drift into a grumpy mode which I have to watch.

I think it’s age.

“You’ve generously told your wife that it’s now her problem to solve your irritability.”

No I didn’t say that and don ‘t expect her to.In desperation to be less irritable I made her aware of things that trigger me off mainly because when I’m irritable she suffers and I don’t want that. I want to change but as with many things in life it’s easier said than done and often feels out of my control despite knowing all the theory .That is why I started the thread ..to try and get fresh ideas to work with . We also spend too much time together (work and play) so maybe that’s part of the problem.

Not taken as a dig at all. To me, snowflake isn’t just someone with an opposing view. I’m thinking of some of the new intake at work who seem to expect everything to be handed to them on a plate and appear unable to consider other people or the bigger picture. Generation Z if you’d rather.

Fair enough. Personally I think it has connotations beyond that, that you may or may not want to be associated with.

What happened to Generation Y?

Got a lad at work who uses the term to white wash people who don’t agree with his bigoted opinions. OP, you think your wife’s annoying! Try listening to this lad for an afternoon 😃

My wife is actually lovely and wouldn’t irritate many others I suspect.

oh really?

 she irritates me badly

giving her a hard time over little things that for some reason trigger a cascade of irritation

it’s not her fault you get angry (unless she really is the most irritating person in the world…) and telling her “here’s a list of things that make me angry”, is passing the buck. Read the rest of my post, you problem is you, not your wife.

Seems to be a lot of irritated people in this thread. Irritated that they are irritated, irritated by somebody else being irritated and irritated by the OP being irritated by his wife.

I know the problem is with my reaction and I repeat..I was hoping for help in improving this rather than psychoanalysis .thank you very much for your wisdom!oh and just to be clear I didn’t hand my missus a list of irritations…I was attempting to infer a lot of things irritated me.yours irritatingly Bill.

Yeah sorry, I get that you understand its you! Try to work out what it is that is actually triggering you to be angry at small things that otherwise aren’t in of themselves something to get angry about (as its an learned emotional response common in men) is it work stress? Are you unhappy?

Nickc definitely needs some drugs

Not any more; now under control. Was contributory factor in ending marriage which was heading for the rocks anyway – not the biggest one but part of a wider picture.

Control it and use to your advantage.

I get easily irritated by people.  I tell my wife when she does things that irritate me and she then continues to do them on purpose as it is my problem not hers (which I agree with)

Other irritations are down to my aspergers (sounds people make such as eating crisps).  Again, my problem not theirs so I just have to move away from them.

Modern living.

I’m irritable all the time. I can’t even back down on a ride these days just because my gf is not as quick as me. It’s sad and all my fault.

I think it’s to do with another underlying issue that is of your own making. I’ve no idea what it is with me maybe just general unhappiness somewhere. I would be happier living on my own in this regard but my life would also be duller and harder in other ways.

I think removing social media and coming off the phone would be good for some people.

Losing a Kom to a cx rider or pairs of riders working together sets me off. Pathetic I know.

Got a lad at work who uses the term to white wash people who don’t agree with his bigoted opinions. OP, you think your wife’s annoying! Try listening to this lad for an afternoon

Indeed.  When the term is widely used for the above and strongly associated with an insult used by ‘bigots’, I’d suggest thinking twice about using it at all.

I’m irritable all the time. I can’t even back down on a ride these days just because my gf is not as quick as me. It’s sad and all my fault.

Losing a Kom to a cx rider or pairs of riders working together sets me off. Pathetic I know.

Interesting.  That makes you sound incredibly on edge (and yes, as you indicate, pathetic).  The fact you acknowledge how pathetic it is, at least indicates you could do something about it, which is the first step to a solution?.  Also interesting is that you mention you have no idea what the underlying issue is other than ‘general unhappiness’.  Again, this just sounds like a inherent ‘glass half empty’ state of mind.