Im at friend’s second wedding tomorrow.

Fortunately she knows I’m allergic to religious ceremony and so has proposed solving several problems by my staying outside the church to look after her dog and keeping an eye out on the v v v slim chance her ranty ex might turn up to spoil the show.

He and I know each other, though not quite what you’d call “friends”, but in the past we’ve even had a ski holiday together and we have got on OK (I’m closer to his ex wife really), but it’s clear his relationship with his ex is pretty nasty.

I’m unsure whether I can stop him going in to the church. After all it’s supposed to be a public ceremony isn’t it, with an opportunity for anyone with “just cause” to yadda yadda etc? (there really isn’t one by the way).

I’m guessing the best I can do is try and persuade him not to make a prize twerp of himself, failing that can I legitimately prevent him from “breaching the peace”?

Silky pruning saw?

Quite good apparently.

He’ll struggle to get in the church without any limbs.

You can reason with him, or fight him I guess.

What type of dog? Big ‘un?

greater risk of drowning from slobber than a rabies-infected bite unfortunately.

You might as well lace up your gloves then, in the tiny chance he does turn up it’s not going to be for any positive reason and is unlikely to be turned away at the door because you ask him to.

Just give him a cheery wave (or flick him the Vs if you like) – nobody **** with the Yakuza.

Hang around with some bombers outside and hope he gets the idea?

I’m guessing the best I can do is try and persuade him not to make a prize twerp of himself

yep.

fisticuffs at the reception – wouldn’t be a proper wedding otherwise

fisticuffs at the church – just not the done thing

nobody **** with the Yakuza.

😆

+1

Are you wearing a kilt? if not, why not. Quick flash of the goods acts as a deterrent, in most situations-including weddings/christenings/funerals. At several paces most younger males will retreat upon clocking my vegetables as to avoid an embarrassing showdown. YMMV.

perchypanther – Member
Silky pruning saw?

Quite good apparently.

He’ll struggle to get in the church without any limbs.
😆
Just been reading that thread before this one! Good one!

That’s traditionally the Best Man and Groomsmen job. Issue bombers all round and let them get on with it. The dog gets what’s left.

As it’ll be a suit and tie affair anyway just take along an old earpiece and stand in the doorway like a bouncer. Practice the ‘speak to the hand’ gesture in the mirror though. If you don’t do it with conviction it can easily be confused for an invitation to High-Five.

Let him embarrass himself. If he has no good reason then hes going to look a bit daft if he does try to interrupt the ceremony …..

Take beer and get him to join you in a friendly drink. You get to enjoy yourself even if the drink just encourages him.

Bring a hip-flask, some doggy treats and your mp3 player and enjoy the doggy time.

Fisticuffs outside won’t look good.

Fisticuffs later is normal service

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3NqLjPGRds&feature=youtu.be&t=320[/video]

EDIT – 5mins 20s is where you need to be (how do you paste in a link with
a time?)

Is a wedding a public ceremony? I’d just tell him to go bollocks.

Dig a massive pit outside the church. Tell him he’s free to go in to the church and then laugh when he falls down the pit The downside of this plan is you’ll have to bury him alive in it to avoid all the wedding party also falling in.

Groomsmen

They’re ushers. Even in the grim wastelands of the Midlands where the OP resides.

invitation to High-FiveFour and a Half

FTFY.

Hmm, I’ll have you know he lives in the bucolic English countryside – we try to ignore the relative proximity of the grim wastelands.

Is the bride’s name Louise?

v close. but she’s not the nutty one.

Captain I’m talking proper old school wedding etiquette here not the Victorian style modern rubbish. The type of wedding where a groomsmen had a quality sword to hold off any pretenders to the maidens affection. Stoners bit of the world still follows the old, old ways.

Is the ex husband called Louise?

Know where the local Rugby club are playing on the day? I might cost you a case of cheap beer but 16:1 lets him know the score.

Failing that the Oi mate speech is your last resort, followed by getting stuck in.
[video]https://youtu.be/3qQ17UnJk_Y[/video]