anger……all the time?

Ton I’m surprised you should feel this state of being is unusual. I feel the same and do not consider myself stressed.
I think we’re of a similar generation. I’ve grown up kids saddled with student debt and unable to buy anywhere to live and poor career prospects. Retirement seems to be getting further away not closer. We’re governed by chinless self obsessed chin-less f***wits (all parties not just the current incumbents)who are tearing apart a lot of what was good about the country. The news is constantly difficult to deal with the murders in Brussels this week reminding us that it could be any of our loved ones next.
I just concentrate on the positives that all my family are healthy, intelligent and are happy in what they are doing, other than aches and pains so am I. There’s amazing books to read, music and art to see. Spring has sprung. Bikes. Brown paper parcels tied up with string. Beer. Good food. Tubeless fatty tyres that seat and stay inflated (that’s a recent small victory).
I’ve decided to carpe diem and have changed from not bothering to do stuff to getting on with it.
If you feel it is damaging your health then GP is a good call if they can offer non-chemical solutions.
Chin up

Edit – see also Stumpy’s post above

Maybe you are just a bit bored. Combine that with a mild touch of Early March lack of sunshine blues and thoughts of long travels on the bike..

Or lack of real Ale.

Either way, PMA and build that up slowly..

If by April its not started to receded, pop to the Docs for some proper advice.

stumpy01 you’ve described my life to a T.
Still each day is a new day with new opportunities and challenges.

ian-r – Good post mate.

Ton, this might possibly be a direct result of your heart problems and surgery.

Depression and anxiety are very common following heart attacks and heart surgery, and anger can be a symptom. A bit like Post-traumatic Stress Disorder.

Check out the British Heart Foundation website for advice.

I’ll start by giving you my own experiences, take it or leave it.

I’m going to buck the trend here and say something that may not go down too well. Oh but for the sake of clarity, I’m not for a minute suggesting any of it applies to anyone on here but in true STW fashion….IWFM.

Anger and specifically middle age male anger has been a topic of conversation between some of my mates for a few months now.

I’ve a great wife who is undoubtably my best friend, we’re celebrating our 20th anniversary later this year. She has a very nice little part time job. I work for myself with a part time contract…so I’ve got 3ish days to myself a week. We have three great kids, 14, 12 & 9. All are doing well at school. We live in a very desirable area with a top ranked school less than 5 mins walk from our front door. We live 10mins walk from our parents and have a really close network of friends who are always on tap if we need a last minute sitter. We live less than 10 mins easy spinning to some great Scottish trials. I could easily spend a day in the woods and never go over the same bit of trail. We’ve a joint income that is more than adequate for our needs…yes, I’d always like more but it pays the bills with enough to spend on cheapish holidays i.e. driving through Europe and camping. Some would say…that’s nice…you’ve got it sorted.

Yet…I’ve been very conscience that my anger is a growing issue and has begun to spill over when provoked…or so I thought.

I began to carefully think about the issues that fuelled my anger and more specifically what emotions drove it. I felt great when I went for a ride, had some ‘personal’ time, but when interacting with the family or when doing stuff together…the old chimp raised it’s head. My anger was becoming destructive. It was beginning to tear our relationships apart and cause a lot of hurt and pain in the home.

To be frank…it usually always boiled down to being selfish. IME my selfishness was the principle driver. I wanted a perfect family & life. I wanted the outside world to see this and have good thoughts about my family that I’d created.

My selfish nature ended up being the driver for so much of my anger. I was angry when I didn’t manage to get out for a spin. I was angry when others saw my kids misbehaving or giving cheek BECAUSE it reflected badly on me. I was angry when they spoke to their parents disrespectfully. I was angry…the list goes on.

For me, considering my own motives and desires helped greatly in deciphering what drove my anger…is your anger something that’s linked to the simple old chimp of wanting your own way?

aracer – that’s interesting about Neil Armstrong, where did you read it?

Put me down for another one that’s generally if not angry then somewhat anxious and miserable. Seems that unless I’m off on an adventure I’m not happy – but you can’t just be on an adventure all the time, can you?

Pretty much me as well these days.

Work is quite horrific at the moment for various reasons. There’s been a lot of changes and the fallout is all hitting us at the coalface. Lower pay rises and bonuses than the rest of the group despite a multi billion pound profit for the last year 😯

Redundancies coming, but company refusing to discuss then booking a meeting to discuss and then cancelling a few hours before with no explanation. Add to that too much work and a massive crackdown on O/T payments, but still expecting everything to get done… Well, it all adds up to a pretty horrible place to be, and we all feel the same.

Need to get out really, but been here forever so if there’s a chance of a payoff….

Stevet1 – Member

stumpy01 you’ve described my life to a T.
Still each day is a new day with new opportunities and challenges.

Yeah, there’s probably quite a lot of people out there who feel the same I reckon.
Don’t get me wrong – if I consider what I have, then I realise that I actually have it pretty cushy.
A decently paid job, a nice house with a manageable mortgage, a lovely Wife, a new Daughter who is a real gem…..

But, it’s all the stupid ‘life’ detail that gets in the way & makes me frustrated & angry.
I am sure that social media isn’t helping the situation. You look on Faceache & friends seem to be living the perfect lifestyle when it’s really all an illusion, because people only post the good bits.

I don’t think my commute helps. At least 2 hours of my day is spent sitting in the car going to, or coming home from work…..a bloke at work has just announced he is leaving, and one of the main reasons is that he’s found a job 4 miles down the road, cutting his commute from 100 miles/day to 8!!!

had a good rear through all this, and a lot of it makes sense. but non of it seems to be the reason or at least I don’t think it is.
don’t have any pressure at work at all. don’t have any pressures money wise.
the kids are doing fine themselves (19 and 24). neither give us any trouble.
me and the wife share the same interests (cycling and beer) which we partake together. always have something planned like a tour or a weekend away.
1 thing that may have me feeling down is my health, even though it is sorted now. after my surgery I thought I would have been raring to go, I wasn’t. it seemed very hard, and even though I ride every day, it aint getting easier.
before surgery or illness I have a load of friends to ride with, and things like the stw rides always drew a big crowd.
now I seem to spend most of my time riding by myself or with the rides…maybe friends think I am too slow, maybe they don’t want to spend time with a miserable grumpy ****.
I will keep plugging away for sure, and hopefully the happy chappy will eventually return. I do hope so, I don’t like feeling angry and down it aint a nice feeling.

I’ve had very similar experiences to the OP…

I found myself stuck in a rut and constantly trying to moderate my own inner rage all the time. It was exhausting and I felt completely wrung out with it.

Two things really helped make a difference – Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and access to talking therapies. I found talking stuff through helped take the emotion out of the situation, I realised that I was very angry with myself more than anyone, which is why I kept it bottled up and directed it inwards.

Right now I feel pretty positive, I can be sunny and happy at work (my role depends on good interpersonal skills) and I feel that I’m in control of my life again.

Toxio

Is a possibility…

I’ve never finished it but what I’ve read makes sense and just helps manoeuvre your mind a bit.

I haven’t read it either. But with an Audible trial the good Prof has kindly been reading it to me on some long drives recently.

Chris Hoy recommends it, so can’t be all bad

FWIW, I think riding every day might not be the best thing if you want to be getting fitter. Give your body some recovery time. Also, you’re getting older. You can’t expect a vintage car to have the same performance ad a newer model.

Nice one rosscopeco. Helpful post

Good luck ton – hope you feel better and less angry soon.

As suggested above, there is a lot of hidden anger/depression (hate to use that word too loosely) in men of a certain age – hence the horrible suicide stats. Of course, we are the segment of society that gets the least sympathy – we have not minority or repressed tag – which is bllx. You sound in a good family place (again excuse the term)and my only suggestion would be to find some me time to prioritise yourself. Family men are bad at that.

Anyway best wishes – treasure every moment on the bike, the fresh air and your family.

I’ll go riding with you Ton, I’m slow up the hills and an angry ****.

Alps trip? 😀

Angry bikers club?

Don’t worry about it too much, that’ll just make it worse – just go with it….go and listen to some angry rap or something and tommorow will be better.

Tony, get your arse to the WRT (you’ve got an entry). Chew’s running a ‘lonely hearts club’ group so you’ve no need to worry about route planning. No one will care if you’re slow, grumpy or grumpy and slow … I reckon it’s just what you need.

Forcing a smile still leads to an endorphin release. Do a different type of physical activity. I recently bought a 70kg rotavator and dragging that around the allotment makes me feel completely mangled and my head is as high as a kite afterwards. 40 minutes broad daylight on your head is a must. Pay a bit less attention to the news. Arrange periods for silent thought. Drink more water (as well as good beer). Pay attention to little things and embrace the weather. Random acts of generosity are very beneficial.

Tony, get your arse to the WRT (you’ve got an entry). Chew’s running a ‘lonely hearts club’ group so you’ve no need to worry about route planning. No one will care if you’re slow, grumpy or grumpy and slow … I reckon it’s just what you need.

cheers Stu, I will give it some serious thought and let you know.

Tom_W1987 – Member

I’ll go riding with you Ton, I’m slow up the hills and an angry ****.

cheers Tom, we will make a pair.

can I say, folks attitude on here make me smile………well most of the time anyway… 😀

I used to get angry about all sorts of stuff. I’ve got over it now, but I notice it in others a lot more – including on here funnily enough.

Go and see the GP and try to keep an open mind – ie. don’t get angry if he or she suggests something you don’t like the sound of.

I’ve been feeling quite similar for a while. Lots of silly irritating things blowing up into a big rant or, more often, just boiling internal rage. I blame the poor quality of last year’s life offering, too many things went wrong to go into here.

Hoping to get out on the bike a little more and it actually helps hearing that people in broadly similar circumstances, generaly having a good life, feel the same as me.

I’m up for an Angry Old G*ts ride 😀

And I know Project got flamed by someone, but I think he’s got a good point.

What the scum running our country have done to it makes my blood **** boil – and it’s definitely the main challenge to my good mood these days.

A lot of people seem to be angry these days, eg driving down the M6 yesterday there were loads of physcos who just couldn’t accept the road was busy and they weren’t going to be able to do 100 in the outside lane unimpeded by traffic.

Im up for a revolution if you are.

my anger abated today…it was a good day, lazy breakfast (kippers) then a nice bike ride with my wife, to a nice cafe, and a nice canalside pub on the way back.
watched some rugby, then went to bed for a hours nookie 😆

a good day

There has been some very good points and ideas made on here, I’ll use/practice some of them myself.
Ton, your opening post describes me to a tee. EXACTLY.
I’m glad you’ve had a good day, try it more often 🙂

This is why I have pets. Me without something to make me think that I can’t go door to door giving the world a slap, without out them I’d be flinging muffins from a clock tower. Avoid taking medical drugs and find something else.

Used to have a job that I hated ,made me stressed,anxious and more than likely a touch depressed.
Was on beta blockers for a while to help with the anxiety.
The stress also came out as anger,very short tempered and basically not a nice person to be around.

For me the best thing was leaving said job, that said it took probably best part of a year afterwards for the stress/anger to dissipate.

Much more chilled now however certain things bring back the anger ,I have to stop myself from dwelling on the issues that grate me and consciously distract myself after 5mins the angers normally subsided.

A bit of escapism works for me whether it’s reading books or watching a film or TV series.

The World used to make me angry, now I just shut it out. Specifically I never watch the “news” on TV or read a “newspaper” and haven’t done for several years.

I put the two media items in inverted commas because they don’t actually report the news, just all the bad stuff usually with a suitable spin on it to work the masses up in to a frenzy for their own selfish ends. Don’t pander to politicians or “celebrities” either and now don’t know or give a fork who most of them are. I just get on with enjoying my life, friends and family.

still having issues with this problem . saw my doctor a week ago, got a appointment with a psychiatry liason person this week.

if i get sectioned, feel free to visit….. ;o)

Glad you have got an appointment. This could be the start of you feeling like yourself again…

Sometimes we have to accept that we can’t change things.
Somethings we get frustrated about being frustrated, its not good.
I am trying to live in the moment, stuff that has happened has gone… stuff that hasn’t happened yet, hasn’t happened.
be here, where you are, with who you are with, right now.
hope some of this helps/makes sense.

Been checked out yet for diabetes, food/drink allergies/sensitivities?

Sleep and water – get plenty of both.

Just found this thread.
All the best Ton hope it goes well.
I’m pretty much in a constant angry state at home, but at work I have to be nice to everyone, which I am.
I’m fine after a bike ride or gym session, which I try to do everyday , so I’ve been thinking I might be addicted to the endorphins.
I feel selfish as well because I’m most angry if I have a day off and can’t spend it on a bike, with a mate.
Friday after work in the sun with mates and beer is the other one. Very happy. Yep, selfish.