The scenario, in brief:

I’m at the office and there’s only one other person here. So, we take turns at making the coffee.

Now… when I make coffee it tastes like coffee.

But today, when he’s on the beverage run he comes back with this weird, strangely scented brew. It’s kind of like coffee, but the aftershock is like drinking distilled Burt Reynolds.

Given that there’s no choice in the canteen Java-wise (Nescafe sachets or bubkiss), am I…

1. Getting an honest cuppa? Contamination has occurred as a result of the use of (a) too much soap or (b) pron star levels of pimp aftershave. Let’s call this the ‘it’s not the other bloke’s fault hypothesis’

or,

2. Am I being poisoned? And, if so, does the insertion of perfume/aftershave/deodorant etc into coffee result in anything worse than an urgent meeting at Sloppy Joes?

Thanks in advance

the aftershock is like drinking distilled Burt Reynolds.

Thanks for giving me the giggles in an open plan office. Git.

(-:

my morning cup of tea always tastes of perfume if I kiss my wifes neck before she leaves for work. The perfume transfers on to my lips.

Have you been necking anyone who smells like Burt Reynolds?

I think what’s happening is that your office colleague is gay and secretly fancies you. He’s giving you gay-scented coffee in the hope that you catch gayness (it’s not just toilet seats you know) and fall in love with him.

Good luck!

C. He’s got the hots for you so is splashing the lynx every trip to the kitchen

😉

D’oh – Cougar thinks same, must be true!

Probably just tastes of cockwash.

This is excellent.

I must add, however…

While it’s conceivable that my colleague might be gay (in which case I would naturally be a catch), he is 65 and married. Not that that means anything necessarily. I’m just saying.

Second – and here’s where option b comes is – he knows, I think, that I don’t like him very much. Long story there. 👿

Hence the paranoia.

The plot thickens.

Probably just tastes of cockwash.

And my worst nightmare is realised…

Have you started running to the loo a lot? He may have put laxatives in there.

Probably just tastes of cockwash.

Jesus christ will you stop it, I’ve about swallowed my own tongue and I’m starting to get funny looks.

Well, funnier than usual.

he knows, I think, that I don’t like him very much. Long story there.

Yep, sounds like you’re getting a teabag in your coffee 😈

Have you started running to the loo a lot? He may have put laxatives in there.

No unexplained rumblings yet, but the day is young.

UPDATE:

He’s just strolled over to my desk all casual-like (the print-out he’s just done is no doubt a pretence), looked at my (still almost full) coffee and said” “hey, don’t let it go cold.”

UUUURRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!

What am I drinking here?

ANYONE but GrahamS is allowed to reply. I can’t take the thought of nut-scented Java 👿

Yep, sounds like you’re getting a teabag in your coffee

That’s it, I’m closing STW. I can’t see it any more anyway.

The pellet with the poison is in the vessel with the pestle

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3QYkUaILOI[/video]

Nasty. You’d want to put it through a sieve first.

The OP has gone very quiet?

You’re drinking this shite:

He’s drinking this lovelyness:

Hell, HtS, I can taste every chest hair…

If there’s enough Burt to go around, textured stallion coffee could be the next big thing.

Probably just tastes of cockwash.

Okay, I’m trying to think rationally about this.

If it was (I can hardly type the word)… cockwash, wouldn’t the coffee taste of, you know, cock?

Unless he keeps his weapon primed and ready for action 24/7, why would I be getting perfume?

I almost don’t want anyone to answer that…

He’s making it with water from the urinal

my morning cup of tea always tastes of perfume if I kiss my wifes neck before she leaves for work. The perfume transfers on to my lips.

Whereas my cuppa tends to taste a wee bit fishy after I’ve kissed the missus in a morning

Oh sweet Jesus…

wouldn’t the coffee taste of, you know, cock?

are you in a poisition to make a comparison?

is it salty?

[edit] there isn’t a tone that hora can’t lower. 😉

wouldn’t the coffee taste of, you know, cock?

And you’re sure it doesn’t taste of cock?

If it was (I can hardly type the word)… cockwash, wouldn’t the coffee taste of, you know, cock?

It might. Have you tasted cock?

The thought of breakfast in bed at Chez Hora has made me feel quite unwell.

wouldn’t the coffee taste of, you know, cock?

are you in a poisition to make a comparison?

Point taken.

Less salty than ‘unrestrained masculine sensuality’, I’d say. Probably Old Spice.

😳

EDIT: The lip of my coffee mug wouldn’t be any cleaner if I had OCD. I’ve wiped it so hard some of the pattern’s come off. (Probably too late to make a difference, but still)

Probably Old Spice.

Dettol, more likely.

Could this be part of the 40% of the time that Sex Panther doesn’t work all the time?

Isn’t Rohypnol supposed to have a slight flavour?

You could always discreetly sniff his crotch, you may pick up a subtle hint of eau de le cockwash.

You could always discreetly sniff his crotch, you may pick up a subtle hint of eau de le cockwash.

schrickvr6, discretely or not, that’s not gonna happen…

IT MIGHT BE ME… but I’m feeling…kind of…woozy…. …. ….

discretely or not, that’s not gonna happen…

unless it is rohypnol, of course.

Camo – how about you describe the scenario in briefs?!

It’s obvious what’s going on here.

He’s giving you a nutjob – albeit a Joop/Farenheit/Jazz scented one.

All the way round your rim. And back again. And around again. Think plasterer skimming.

Hold that thought :|.

Joop/Farenheit/Jazz scented

I’m thinking Kouros or Blue Stratos.

It’s obvious what’s going on here.

He’s giving you a nutjob – albeit a Joop/Farenheit/Jazz scented one.

All the way round your rim. And back again. And around again. Think plasterer skimming.

😆

UPDATE:

I’ve just come out of this weird daydream.

Office attire still on and fairly straight (phew!)

But that evil MoFo is giving me very odd looks…

I’m off to the FS section to check out a padded saddle. 😳

UPDATE:

14.56

He’s just asked me how to spell ‘sizeable’.

Should I read anything into that?

i’d answer his question, dont make him mad by writing on here isntead of replying politely!

Sizeable is OK, unless he follows it up with girth, Selotape and haematoma.

is the next word fissure?

Okay, I’ve told him that ‘sizeable’ is spelled:

‘K-E-E-P-Y-O-U-R-B-U-R-T-R-E-Y-N-O-L-D-S-F-L-A-V-O-U-R-E-D-D-O-N-G-A-W-A-Y-F-R-O-M-M-Y-B-E-V-E-R-A-G-E’.

He’s using spell check now. 🙄