Viewing 40 posts - 41 through 80 (of 193 total)
  • Am I being unreasonable here?
  • convert
    Full Member

    I’m guessing with a few months to go there’s plenty of time for him to join the cycle club if that’s a requirement of being on the trip.

    A bit a waste of time saying this now, but fundamentally this is all fall out of you maintaining a close relationship with someone specifically on the off chance she’ll want to rekindle a relationship with you. It’s not worked. Your anger about this comes mostly from that rejection.

    Personally….as the situation is mostly of your own making…..and it’s you that it’s messing with not her…..it’s time to find a new cycling scene and new friends if she is part of your current setup.

    Aidy
    Free Member

    but also she was incredibly rude in not telling your clubmates that she was bringing someone along to their group holiday

    I kinda wonder if it was a kindness in doing it this way. In that she’s not comfortable being alone with tpbiker, but she also doesn’t want to air all the dirty laundry to the whole club.

    blokeuptheroad
    Full Member

    Change your flight bookings, arrive with the main group. Life goes on, job jobbed.

    brian2
    Free Member

    YABU. For confirmation, post the same question on Mumsnet and gauge the reaction.

    tpbiker
    Free Member

    Am I the only person thinking this is just plain weird given the history/context

    well again that was her choice to join me early. Not the other way round.

    It is, y’know, none of your business who she spends her time with

    It is when it’s a holiday we are going on together! How would you feel if a group of mates decided to go on holiday together and one of them just invited a random pal who everyone knew would make it awkward as anything. Also I should clarify, it’s not an official club holiday. It’s a group of 5 or 6 mates from the cycling club who go out every year together.

    Tbh.. I’m not sure why the heck he’s want to come along given no one but her wants him there!

    anorak
    Full Member

    How about being happy for her and get to know this new person in her life? She may have chosen well and you may (learn to) like him.

    Take comfort in knowing she is happy, yes your ego is hurt and that is difficult but don’t let that stop you from being a good friend!

    If the trip happens as currently planned it maybe useful to think through some ‘if…. then’ responses to situations you will find difficult!

    Whichever way you choose I hope it works out for all of you!

    the-muffin-man
    Full Member

    If it’s a club organised trip then she’d have to consult with the organiser to see if there was space available? If the club is organising everything and allowed this then their ‘outrage’ is rather hollow.

    But the way it sounds is you’re all sorting your own accommodation out – but going to the same place/hotel. She’s already booked a room anyway and now she’s taking her boyfriend for the ride.

    Not a lot you can you can do really. Apart from a stick in his wheels on the first descent!

    fossy
    Full Member

    Bit awkward that you are travelling out ‘together’ earlier than the rest. But, she may also be uncomfortable now.  See it as a few days where you can get some miles in, before the rest of the club arrive. If he’s not a cyclist, then you are probably not going to see either of them when you are out for food/beer !

    orangespyderman
    Full Member

    Tbh.. I’m not sure why the heck he’s want to come along given no one but her wants him there!

    I think this was touched on earlier in the thread…   IMHO, it’s probably because he doesn’t want her on holiday with an ex without him being there.

    weeksy
    Full Member

    given no one but her wants him there!

    And that’s your answer 🙂 because they’re a new couple and want to spend time together.

    Cancel your flight, give him your seat next to her…. Go on a completely different trip and enjoy not being there. You can do it as nicely or simply as you want. But you seem to be making this more complicated than it needs to be.

    Aidy
    Free Member

    Frankly, you’re sounding more unreasonable with each post…

    tpbiker
    Free Member

    In that she’s not comfortable being alone with tpbiker

    once again, she’s know how I felt about her for years yet has been happy to go on holiday with me before that

    but fundamentally this is all fall out of you maintaining a close relationship with someone specifically on the off chance she’ll want to rekindle a relationship with you.

    To an extend yes

    binners
    Full Member

    Tbh.. I’m not sure why the heck he’s want to come along given no one but her wants him there!

    You mean you don’t want him there.

    Put yourself in his position. Would you be happy that your new girlfriend is going on holiday with her ex, who has recently declared that he’s still in love with her? I certainly wouldn’t. But I suspect the main issue isn’t him, it’s that she’s not comfortable with it either, hence bringing the new fella. I know you don’t want to hear that, but thats likely the truth.

    I can’t even comprehend why you’d want to put yourself through this emotional torture in the first place, whether the new fella is there or not. It doesn’t sound healthy for your own mental and emotional wellbeing

    You need to forget her and move on with your life

    gobuchul
    Free Member

    Totally unreasonable.

    Sounds like a very strange relationship on both sides.

    Move on.

    jonnyboi
    Full Member

    Was going to post what JoB said and agree completely

    el_boufador
    Full Member

    Dude, you need to cancel the holiday. It was always a bit weird if you are honest wasn’t it?
    If you go, its not going to be any fun.

    Sucks, but that’s the way it is.

    All you can do is to take control of your own destiny here.

    What else are you expecting?

    martinhutch
    Full Member

    If he is a cyclist, gives you the opportunity to drop him on every hill to assert dominance. 🙂

    You say that this lass is your friend – she’s leant on you for support, you’ve given that. If there was never just an ulterior motive, and you cared for her unconditionally, then eventually you need to start just being content that she is happy. Single people find partners, who then join their friend group.

    Onzadog
    Free Member

    How would you feel if a group of mates decided to go on holiday together and one of them just invited a random pal who everyone knew would make it awkward as anything.

    Had this happen on a trip my wife was organising once for a week sharing a house.

    “I’ve invite Nick, hope that’s okay.

    Not really, he’s a dick.

    I can’t uninvite him now.

    Okay, here’s all the planning info so far. We’re not going. Not looking to fall out with anyone, but I don’t wish to spend money on use holiday to be in his company.”

    We didn’t go and that was the end of the matter. No drama, we’re still friends.

    tpbiker
    Free Member

    I can’t even comprehend why you’d want to put yourself through this emotional torture in the first place, whether the new fella is there or not. It doesn’t sound healthy for your own mental and emotional wellbeing

    Agreed. And because he’s going I probably won’t be. Which is the sensible option but annoys me given it’s my once a year holiday with my cycling chums.

     

    You mean you don’t want him there

    well they don’t want him there either tbf, and have stated as much. Partly because they think it’s rude she never asked them, and partly because, if he goes, as above I won’t.

    kelvin
    Full Member

    Been arranged for a year, with the pair of us due to fly out 4 days before everyone else.

    Am I the only person thinking this is just plain weird given the history/context?

    Well… we’ve been told of at least one other person who probably thinks it’s plain weird… and has done something about it.

    crossed
    Full Member

    well they don’t want him there either tbf, and have stated as much. Partly because they think it’s rude she never asked them, and partly because, if he goes, as above I won’t.

    If they don’t want him there, why haven’t they told him/her?

    ElShalimo
    Full Member

    Other people’s lives are so needlessly complicated.

    You should all go to bed early with no pudding

    kelvin
    Full Member

    Politeness… the English disease… they’ll probably do want tpbiker there, and not this new guy… but they don’t want to upset anyone with action, not least the lady involved… so upsetting tpbiker with inaction is the polite default.

    Aidy
    Free Member

    Partly because they think it’s rude she never asked them, and partly because, if he goes, as above I won’t.

    Sounds like you’ve poisoned the well against him.

    weeksy
    Full Member

    If they don’t want him there, why haven’t they told him/her?

    Is the correct question/answer.. I think they’re all having that discussion behind her back. Which is a bit pathetic really.

    2 different Whatsapp groups, 1 with her and 1 without… i expect with very very different content

    gobuchul
    Free Member

    Why would the rest of the group care if he goes?

    I think they must be nodding along with the OP or they must be a strange insular group!

    the-muffin-man
    Full Member

    If he is a cyclist, gives you the opportunity to drop him on every hill to assert dominance. 🙂

    He might be a better rider than the OP and will just soft-tap up the climbs looking behind him with a smug look on his face! 🙂

    Dark-Side
    Full Member

    Own up Aidy, you’re the boyfriend aren’t you?

    Aidy
    Free Member

    Why would the rest of the group care if he goes?

    Yeah. Quite.

    Either they’re aware of all the drama, which is unfair (to her). Or they’ve each secretly been hoping to chance their arm with her.

    Sadly the outcome when you shit where you eat. I have a similar situation playing out in my riding circle, I have rediscovered the joys of solo riding these past few months to avoid the bullshit. 😂

    Or they’ve each secretly been hoping to chance their arm with her.

    Highly likely.

    argee
    Full Member

    Look at the positives, you’re not sharing a room with them so it’s not as bad as it could have been

    enigmas
    Free Member

    I’d consider that a poor move on her part if she didn’t tell anyone before inviting a partner on a cycling trip, regardless of the past history there. In that case other clubmates should probably have had a quiet word. This is less about the club having an inner circle and more risk management in that he’s an unknown, and relationship aside, he could just be a prick.

    In your shoes, I know I’d not enjoy the holiday like that with the past history and would seriously consider not going.

    tpbiker
    Free Member

    Sounds like you’ve poisoned the well against him.

    Not even close. I simply told them I wasn’t able to go if he was. They didn’t even know she had a bf until then. I have zero issues with the bloke, never met him, don’t want to meet him!

    Politeness… the English disease… they’ll probably do want tpbiker there, and not this new guy… but they don’t want to upset anyone with action, not least the lady involved… so upsetting tpbiker with inaction is the polite default.

    Quite possibly. Tbf they only found out yesterday so they may yet say something.

    martinhutch
    Full Member

    He might be a better rider than the OP and will just soft-tap up the climbs looking behind him with a smug look on his face! 🙂

    Good point. OP, get onto Strava and look the bugger up. If he can hold 400 watts for 20 minutes, cancel your flight. 🙂

    tpbiker
    Free Member

    He might be a better rider than the OP and will just soft-tap up the climbs looking behind him with a smug look on his face! 🙂

    trust me there no chance that would happen, I’m like a mountain goat. My only remaining motivation to go is so I can give him the ‘Armstrong stare’ as I drop him half way up the puig..😂

    brownperson
    Free Member

    We’ve only got one side of this story, but I know I’m not the only one thinking ‘hmm, awks…’

    My view is that it’s possible she’s bringing her new partner along as a ‘shield’ or ‘buffer zone’; she feels uncomfortable about you being there with your inability to resolve matters within yourself, and needs that added security. You’re displaying signs of possible controlling behaviour, and are clearly still very angry and emotionally raw. Perhaps you’d find that some form of talking therapy service might help?

    I can’t even comprehend why you’d want to put yourself through this emotional torture in the first place, whether the new fella is there or not. It doesn’t sound healthy for your own mental and emotional wellbeing

    You need to forget her and move on with your life

    This. It might not be what you want to hear, but it’s definitely what you need to hear.

    weeksy
    Full Member

    I have zero issues with the bloke, never met him, don’t want to meet him!

    LOL so many contradictions there 😀

    Aidy
    Free Member

    Not even close. I simply told them I wasn’t able to go if he was.

    I would consider that poisoning the well.

    The fair thing to do would have been “sorry guys, something came up and I can’t make it”

    binners
    Full Member

    Just another issue, but I doubt many of the cycling club members are too chuffed about finding themselves in the middle of an episode of Hollyoaks.

    I know I’d be thinking ‘FFS – I only get a week away like this once a year, I’d prefer it if none of them came’

    Sorry if that sounds harsh, but its probably true

Viewing 40 posts - 41 through 80 (of 193 total)

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