Good post Pjay.

Jeez you guys are far too reasonable – apart from bikebouy who’s advice would get me divorced.
There is no way I’d let them go with out me, I’d be even more miserable without them.

It’s a weekend, not eternity. Your missus needs a break too, a four month old takes a bit of time and effort to care for. She thinks Centre Parcs is an outdoorsy sort of place where you, an apparently outdoorsy type will be able to get out and about. Sherwood forest has walks, and bike tracks, and even a MTB trail, so take the bike FFS. So it’s a compromise for you both. So what? Thats what being a family is about. Take the littl’un for a stroll in a papoose and let your missus get a break in the spa nonsense. Suck it up and get used to being a Dad. And yes, you are being ungrateful. Stay at home and you will regret it for the rest of your life.

You should go along this time as has been pointed out, it’s nice that she’s remembered your birthday and tried to organise something special for it (although I’d be fuming if my partner had done the same and misjudged me that badly).
However a lifetime of ‘family holidays’ to Center Parcs sounds absolutely crap! Offer to organise the next holiday yourself and choose somewhere good with lots to do for everyone.

One of the few pleasures of getting old is you can be a cantankerous old git.

But… starting at 40 means you have nothing to look forward to. Save it all up for another 30 years.

I just hate the artificial forced stuff like Centre Parcs

I don’t get this at all. been to centre parcs twice now, and I think it’s great. no one forces you to do anything. at it’s most basic it’s a cabin in the woods. take a bike, get out of the complex for a ride one morning, spend the other days chilling, drinking beer on the deck, and playing with your kid.

the pools are great, and free, take your own food, and you don’t have to spend anything.

How are your web design skills? Spoof a BBC news page saying Zika virus carrying mosquitoes have been found at popular UK holiday resorts 😉

Is there a thread on Mumsnet:

“I managed to get my head together enough to organise a birthday treat I thought I could cope with whilst looking after a 4 month old and the ungrateful git’s threatened to make me go on my own with the baby”

Jeez you guys are far too reasonable – apart from bikebouy who’s advice would get me divorced.

No, if you really want to get divorced, put a post on a public forum, that your wife knows you frequent, about how shite you think your birthday present is. That’ll do it. 😳

Sorry, but to me it sounds terminal. Upshot is you’ve said they’re away for a long weekend so you’ll have time to gather up their stuff and move them into a flat or suchlike and still have time to reflect about how badly you’ve got this one wrong and maybe come up with an improvement strategy for your future family.
Best of luck.
RM.

Get a grip man. Have you tried explaining it rather than hoping she works it out?

I would have thought a few days in Centreparcs would be immeasurably more pleasant than living with a pissed off wife. She must be pretty pissed off to want to go on her own with a small baby.

Taking babies swimming is ace fun as well!

This and to be fair your original post makes you come across as childish.

I never had any desire to go there either but my wife booked us in for a long weekend with her mates and our 1yr old. As I didn’t suck my thumb all the way there it turned out to be an enjoyable weekend even though we were limited as to which facilities we could use. Go, relax, wonder about with Jr, go to the pool with Jr, enjoy the lack of motor vehicles and the pleasant surroundings. You never know, you might quite enjoy it.

How are your web design skills? Spoof a BBC news page saying Zika virus carrying mosquitoes have been found at popular UK holiday resorts

Bit late for that. 🙂 Would just extinguish the remote chance he has of getting any on his birthday. Though he’s pretty much done that already.

P-Jay has hit the definition of being a Dad right on the head, top man. Embrace it and have fun!!!

Mixed on this

Life will be family holidays for sure but that does not mean she gets to pick one she knows you dont like as a thoughtful 40 th Birthday present.

If she knew you hated it then I am not sure why she has done this tbh- not sure not going is the best answer though.

Either discuss and agree you talk about it in future or retaliate with equally thoughtful gifts for her …really dont do that one.

It now looks like I’m spending my birthday home alone whilst they go without me.

This sounds like a win to me. get some beer and pizza in, nice long bike ride finishing by staying up late watching a bad movie eating and drinking and whatever else you fancy all by yourself. Get the whole bed to yourself and not woken up by a baby at early am.
Can’t she get a refund and go somewhere nicer with a few more hills where you could take a bike? so you could have half day off with yourself.

Certainly isn’t.

Centre Parcs is where people go once the spark of life has been extinguished.
Bit like Butlins used to be, but with a veneer of pleasantness.

A very thin veneer.

I agree to some extent dont really understand why u’d take a 4 month old to centre parcs.

if the kid was 6-12 I might say suck it up.

I dont really see what you can do as a family with a 4 month old in centre parcs.

To be honest I’d rather go without the kid at least u can do the activities then.

I’ve got a 5 month old at the moment, and with a 4 month old like you say you just want to go some with nice views cos in reality you cant do anything much.

Certainly isn’t.

It’s not *all* that families do, clearly. Sorry if I wasn’t sufficiently clear on that.

It’s a big campsite with self catering cabins instead of taking your own tents with a reasonable range of activities on site and the ability to use it as a base to for days out. Most family holidays I’ve ever done have involved a base with day trips or ‘staying on site’ for the day and doing stuff.

I’ve only ever stayed at one through work but I can see there’s a market for what they offer that doesn’t require people to have had any sense of purpose removed from their life to visit.

Sounds awful. Any decent riding nearby?

Any decent riding nearby?

about 5 minutes ride from the front gate.

It now looks like I’m spending my birthday home alone whilst they go without me.

Don’t do that: take your bike and go ride in Sherwood Pines.

Family holidays don’t have to be at Center Parcs – we’ve done camping trips to France with plenty of cycling using the trailer, for example.

It seems bit harsh if you don’t like it, but little kids love swimming, hoppy Jr has been doing it from 3 months and loves the waves and lazy rivers at centre parcs and always has.

The thing you need to get your head round is that life isnt like it was and to an extent your missus is right, that is what family holidays re going to be, maybe not the specific location but they aren’t going to be about you and her. Going to a ‘nice hotel’ with a small child isn’t actually that much fun as they aren’t really set up for them, the cot eats into any space you have, once you’ve put little one down to sleep you’re more constrained, its harder to deal with the copious quantities of dirty clothes, etc. And everyone else is trying to have a nice time in a nice hotel whilst little one has a melt down because the foods not on a certain plate, gets wearing. Imminently those hotels will start to include nipper as a person and charge for them and any unfilled space that results from you being a party of 3.

Centre parcs might not be the best but it is easy to go and just turn off for a bit with a decent pool, a forest area with no cars near some riding if you want it. You don’t need to do activities.

Was it particularly well thought out by your missus, no. But you’ve not covered yourself in glory in how you’ve handled it. Suck it up princess.

My and the wife went when our lad was 5 month old. Decent accommodation, quiet woodland environment, no cars, ducks and squirrels coming up to the windows, ponies & deer, soft play areas, play grounds with baby swings, places to eat and drink that were equipped for babies, a pool for him to splash about in. We had a great time.

You should stay away so that you don’t bring the mood down.

make the most of it now by the time your kid is at school you will be paying a minimum £1200 for a 4 night break there during school holidays

I would have been spitting tacks if the wife had booked CP for my 40th. I had a long weekend with her in Rome (she knows I really like it there) and our 15 month old was left with grandparents. She is making it quite clear an exotic trip is required for her 40th next year.

Been to CP with our now 2 kids and taking a 4 month old there is pointless. 20 minutes in the pool with the baby is all the activities you will be able to do.

So – I’m with you on this. Fatherhood shouldn’t rule you entirely. Sometimes (rarely) you can and should be selfish – helps keep you sane/happy. 40th birthday is definitely one such occasion.

The thing you need to get your head round is that life isnt like it was and to an extent your missus is right, that is what family holidays re going to be, maybe not the specific location but they aren’t going to be about you and her.

True, but that becomes more so as they get older, and require entertainments. At 4 months old, Miss CD is relatively portable. Our first holiday with Miss R (she was 4 months) was a cottage in the Peak District – we went cycling on the railway paths and had lunch in nice pubs.

As an aside, Mrs R has made it very clear that for her 40th, we’re leaving the kids with her parents and going somewhere with an abundance of good restaurants.

I can see why you weren’t exactly bowled over with the promise of a birthday treat trip to center parcs, given that you’ve been before and didn’t enjoy it.
If you Wife knew this, but went ahead and booked it anyway, then that’s a bit crap, I reckon.
Having a kid shouldn’t mean that every other life consideration gets thrown out of the window and you have to do what all the other families do.

Having said that, now it’s booked you might as well go along & try to make the most of it. If you accept that it’s booked now, you’ll probably have a better time than if you drag your heels everywhere & sulk.

with a 4 month old the chances are yr wife is really sleep deprived/stressed and is trying hard, had some idillic family getaway in her head but just messed up. Sometimes you need to bite your tongue.

Yes its shit at centreparks but its not worth falling out over.

ghostlymachine – Member
Centre Parcs is where people go once the spark of life has been extinguished.
Bit like Butlins used to be, but with a veneer of pleasantness.

A very thin veneer.

That’s total BS, I’ve been a few times, most recently with my one year old and my brother’s family incl. his 5 month old.

Thoroughly enjoyable time. We swam, cycled at barely a walking pace, played bowls, badminton etc, walked around the lake and stalked the ducks and weird little muntjac or whatever they are.

Log burner on in the evening, few beers, takeaway and a game of Linkee. Great fun.

Hammerite on the previous page comparing it to camping or a cottage where you have to look up and drive to a local sports centre to play a quick game of badminton entirely misses the point, which is that you don’t have to think at all while you are there.
Everything is easy and convenient. Yes you pay for that, but so what?

Just go with good grace and take a big bag of weed or mushrooms and spend the time off your tits.

Bit like Butlins used to be, but with a veneer of pleasantness.

no idea what it was like for adults but as I kid I loved butlins, loads of stuff to do all day. Admittedly the self catering was very basic, and probably falling apart, didn’t really notice.

As an adult I looked into centreparcs and it was cost more than a foreign hol and all the activities (exc swimming) cost more on top. No ta.
Was a while ago so dunno if it’s changed.
edit

by the time your kid is at school you will be paying a minimum £1200 for a 4 night break

obviously not

2 different issues

issue 1: going on a holiday that isn’t really your thing, and with a little one -> solution = suck it up daddy, holidays will be different now, and mum needs the break as well, compromise and try to enjoy it.

issue 2: being *told* you’re going on a holiday that she knows isn’t your thing *as a treat for your birthday* -> I would be a bit pissed off too, but consider the circumstances, she was probably trying to do something nice and relaxing for the pair of you to have a bit of downtime, so don’t have a tantrum over it 🙂

If she’d said “I know your birthday is coming up soon, but I could really do with a break and fancy Centre Parcs, the little one might enjoy it too and it’s pretty relaxed, would you be up for that?” then you’d have had the opportunity to discuss it and either agree or find an alternative.

True, but that becomes more so as they get older, and require entertainments. At 4 months old, Miss CD is relatively portable. Our first holiday with Miss R (she was 4 months) was a cottage in the Peak District – we went cycling on the railway paths and had lunch in nice pubs.

They are but all the associated crap isn’t. The difficulty is that most self catering accommodation doesn’t want to do weekend only, going away for a whole week is easy but a weekend break with a sprog is much more difficult IME. Trying to find somewhere where you can just come and go as you please whilst still being a reasonable place to be is difficult.

You’re being unreasonable. The dynamic of life is different now you’re a family – this is your mrs trying to organise a nice trip away as a family and to have some time together without the usual day to day distractions.

Embrace it. You’ll never get this time with your baby and wife back – make the most of it. You may think you don’t like the idea right now, but if you open your mind up to the possibility of some quality time with your family, you should start to really enjoy things like this.

I speak as a relatively new dad (daughter is 18 months old) – initially there was a lot of upheaval and change in my place in the priority list (I’m now dad, partner, individual – in that order) but now I wouldn’t change it for the world. I absolutely love spending time with my little girl and would trade any amount of riding or (and I f*cking HATE this phrase) “me time” for more time with her and my mrs.

As an aside, Mrs R has made it very clear that for her 40th, we’re leaving the kids with her parents and going somewhere with an abundance of good restaurants.

Just imagine how she would feel if you booked a weekend at butlins? That’s aimed at those saying the OP should suck it up.

As an aside, Mrs R has made it very clear that for her 40th, we’re leaving the kids with her parents and going somewhere with an abundance of good restaurants.

Northern Riviera?….

P-Jay for father/husband of the year! Please stay away from my wife.

Kids can’t be paused just because it’s your birthday OP. It’s not great, I’d not be too happy if I were in your position, but I’d try and see the positives. Worst case, like some others who’ve been in your position, it’s a chance to spend some quiet time with your family. Your baby won’t be this age again.

Apologise and make it right with your partner. You’re both probably stressed enough as it is without you having a sulk on, and life’s too short to be hacked off at the mother of your child because of something like this.

I like to think that part of being a parent is about striving to be a better person. Putting other people first, especially when they’re trying to do something considerate falls in there. Maybe if having a big fuss made of you for your 40th was important to you you could plan an additional celebration!

As an aside, Mrs R has made it very clear that for her 40th, we’re leaving the kids with her parents and going somewhere with an abundance of good restaurants.

Just imagine how she would feel if you booked a weekend at butlins? That’s aimed at those saying the OP should suck it up.

Perhaps his problem is not making it ‘very clear’ to his other half well in advance. Mrs R may well have a sensible Butlins avoidance strategy sorted out there.

Now the deed has been done though, can’t see the point in doing much more than having a moan on t’internet though.

Just imagine how she would feel if you booked a weekend at butlins?

when our son was 4 months old I was grateful if my wife was able to make it to the shops, tbh. She’d had a shit time and with the birth, bugger all sleep (not just the usual bugger all but proper getting professional help from the NHS stuff).

When our daughter was 4 months old I was sat on the sofa with a broken hip and my wife was grateful of I was able to make it to the shops.

Maybe a ‘safe’ choice was all the OP’s wife could face/cope with?

MrSmith – Member
As an aside, Mrs R has made it very clear that for her 40th, we’re leaving the kids with her parents and going somewhere with an abundance of good restaurants.
Just imagine how she would feel if you booked a weekend at butlins? That’s aimed at those saying the OP should suck it up.

If the OP, had been clear from the start what he wanted and the Mrs did something else then fair enough. But it doesn’t appear to have been the case. It might not have been the present (it will be now) just a chance to get away.