- Alcohol Problem, Depression?
So, brother-in-law deservedly lost his driving licence last year after supposedly taking a swig from a bottle of whiskey then driving into a parked car in a small village. 18 month ban.
His ex wife and 3 kids moved away a fair few years back and he makes no effort to keep in contact.
He advises that he is on anti-depressants. No effort to get onto the drink driving course to reduce his driving ban as yet either.
Due to lack of public transport where he lives resulting in no ability to get to and from his work, he is back living with his mum through the week, with the rest of us providing a weekend taxi service to his own home. 60 mile round trip twice per week.
A few times I have been the taxi driver after work on a Friday, he has got into the car strongly smelling of alcohol and very euphoric. My wife has also noted the same when she is taxi driver.
Now, we don’t mind providing support to anyone who has an issue and actually wants to do something about it, but I’m starting to get a bit annoyed and feeling that he is now taking the p*ss or so ignorant he is failing to realise that getting into his free taxi stinking of booze could cause offence.
I popped into our local Aldi on Tuesday night after work and whilst waiting for the checkout noted brother in law paying for a bottle of whiskey. The cheapest stuff they had.
He has claimed he did have an alcohol problem, but maintains he no longer has.
So, any tips on how to get him back onto the straight and narrow?
At this point, I’d happily stop in the middle of the countryside, tell him to get out and get a sense of what transport will be like in the not too distant future unless he starts displaying tangible steps to get his life in order.
There is a fair history of making the wrong choices and relying on others to bail him out.
Thanks.Posted 3 months agoDelSubscriber
Some people make bad choices, and if they’re unlucky, they don’t get bailed out. Sounds to me like he’s feeling he screwed his relationship, his kids would be better off without him, and why shouldn’t he get some relief where he can? If I were you I’d be more concerned about the suicide potential than anything else. Your idea of dumping him in the middle of nowhere might just be the right time if he had the necessary pills and booze with him.Posted 3 months ago
If you don’t want to drive him around anymore, don’t, but to be blunt, don’t be a dick about it. I very much doubt this is going to get straightened out by ‘teaching him a lesson’.
There is obviously a fair bit more than above which have involved wrong decisions (kids used to visit until the eldest, an early teen at the time, got introduced to the delights of herbal cigarattes and booze during a visit…) plus pushing away offers of assistance inc residential.
So….no-one wants to dump him and risk the potential of physical harm, but 9 months down the line, admitting you may have an issue and seeking/accepting some form of help would be good start. He’s certainly not a bad lad, in fact a delight to be around when he is good, but we simply do not know how to get some positive change without him taking some steps too. His mother is in her late 70’s and having son back home with issues is having a negative impact on her mental wellbeing.
So, he is not short of support, but patience is being tried now and hence we are trying to figure out how to get a positive path forward.Posted 3 months agobigblackshedSubscriber
No amount of concern for his wellbeing and offers of help will make any difference. He has to want to get help. He needs to hit rock bottom and then fall through that floor too.
It’s an old cliche, but they have to want to help themselves. It’s a difficult balancing act, pushing them into a corner but being there to help when needed.
ATM the support network he has is enabling his behaviour. Take it away and things could go very wrong, keep supporting as you are and you’re not forcing him to confront his demons.
No easy choices I’m afraid.Posted 3 months ago
I also make comparisons with my other brother-in-law. He was diagnosed with lung cancer at the start of last year (never smoked) and outwardly getting on with life in a positive way, trying to enjoy every day, doing things and retaining a good sense of humour along the way.Posted 3 months ago
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