Home Forum Chat Forum Aaaaawwww, bless! Poor little poppets…

Viewing 17 posts - 81 through 97 (of 97 total)
• Aaaaawwww, bless! Poor little poppets…
• andrewh
Member

Nicked off the interweb
.
1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn’t (appear) to handle most Muslim, Hindu, and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total – 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that’s 91.8 million homes. One presumes there’s at least one good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa’s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second – a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that “flying reindeer” (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload – not even counting the weight of the sleigh – to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison, this is four times the weight of the cruise ship Queen Elizabeth II.

5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance – this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth’s atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to acceleration forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion – If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he’s dead now.

JEngledow
Member

I think this rings pretty true:

mogrim
Member

No known species of reindeer can fly.

I have, however, seen a horse fly. So I’m not ruling reindeer out just yet. And the 1/1000ths of a sec to visit each house would explain why I never saw him as a child, he was just too quick.

edlong
Member

Since when does posting an amusing titbit from the papers get such a hostile response? Am I missing some sort of context that justifies all the vitriol on this thread?

Mr Woppit
Member

Well, I have my suspicions, by I don’t want to risk…

DezB
Subscriber

Since when does posting an amusing titbit from the papers get such a hostile response?

I gave up trying to work that out!

molgrips
Subscriber

a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles

I’d like to see their working for that. You could assume averate population density for Western countries, evenly distributed, but you’d also have to pick the shortest route through the grid..

stumpyjon
Subscriber

Since when does posting an amusing titbit from the papers get such a hostile response?

When you’ve upset the church of scientology or some other similar fanatic group…..

pitduck
Member

(You could just forgive me),don’t be silly christianity isn’t about forgiving 😆

psling
Subscriber

andrewh, you’ve overlooked one important piece of information that reindeersrenders your calculations worthless and that is that Santa’s technical staff are able to send him through time portals thus effectively making time stand still for as long as it takes to complete the task right down to digesting the last mincepie crumb 8)

takisawa2
Subscriber

You’ll be telling me the tooth fairy isn’t real next… 🙂

CountZero
Member

I have, however, seen a horse fly.

Pah! I’ve seen a house fly! Top that, loser! 😉

andrewh
Member

I’ve seen a dragon fly so there!

johndoh
Member

What I’ve seen Mayfly. So bugger you all.

andrewh
Member

But have you ever seen an elephant fly?

mogrim
Member

What I’ve seen Mayfly. So bugger you all.

Pfft.. What next, a “perhapswalk”? a “canjustaboutrun”?

And a housefly or dragonfly are nothing compared to this fly!

chrismac
Member

Next the vicar will be telling the truth that Jesus and god don’t exist and are nothing more than away to control how people lived and to gain power over them

Viewing 17 posts - 81 through 97 (of 97 total)

The topic ‘Aaaaawwww, bless! Poor little poppets…’ is closed to new replies.