New company, 8 weeks in, the CEO hears I do a bit of cycling, asks if I’d like to join him and the ops director on a little pootle Friday after work. Why yes, I’d love to, says I. So since this agreement they have basically been ribbing me about how they’re going to rip my legs off as they’re very fit due to training for a big ride. They’ve also commented that a runner like me (I do a lunch time run twice per week) will not be able to keep up with seasoned cyclists. All good natured, nothing malicious, usual ribbing.

So, here’s the thing, they’re nowhere near as quick or fit as they think they are. Unbeknownst to them (and me until i saw a social media post after the event), we all did the same Sportive over the weekend, 65 miles, I did it in just over 90 minutes quicker than them (and I did not do a particularly quick time), they were raving about how hard it was, how quick they went and how they’re aching today. One of them had to push up one of the hills FFS… They also don’t know that having spent the last 6 months running and cycling 6 days a week that I’m the fittest I’ve ever been in my life and currently have a physique that puts me well and truly into “climber/malnourished” category. Their body shape is perhaps better suited to the descents…

So, my dilemma, and bear in mind they are both my new bosses and have been relentlessly taking the proverbial for a week. Do I:
1. Keep pace but make sure I look tired so as to not lose too much face but also not inflate their ego’s further.
2. Get dropped and ask them to wait on the hills.
3. Slowly but surely pull away from them on every hill, making it all look very easy.
4. Attack on the first hill, ideally after a ”Lance look back”. Do this on every hill of the ride.

Please note, this is a tongue in cheek, Tuesday afternoon thought (I’ve finished for the day) and I reserve the right to ignore you all and just act like a adult irrelevant of what you say.

Light hearted responses appreciated, we’ve had enough nastiness for 1 day I think.

5. Ride with them on every hill, chatting away whilst not seeming to notice that they’re gasping for breath

4. Definitely

And last to the cafe buys the cake

6. arrange for ride to end at pub with slowest rider buying. Disappear off into the distance and be sitting there with several empty glasses when they turn up.

5. Show off ya mad skillz with wheelies up the climbs.

EDIT: 7. Show off ya mad skillz with wheelies up the climbs.

8. As for five but light up a cigar!

4 or 5.

Maybe 5, and ask how much longer until the warm up is finished

Just keep it good natured. Can’t beat a bit of being on the good side of your CEO, I find.

9. As 4, but ride a ladies’ shopping bike with basket on front.

A pasting cannot be given. It has to be taken.
5 it is then.

Typical STW fashion, multiple choice and we decide its none of those!

4,5,6,7 & 8 if its a Hamlet cigar! 😆

EDIT: I missed chapakings answer! Borrow a pub bike, push them while chatting away! 😆

Have you got a Brompton or a fat bike?

+1 ride a shopper

I like the idea of:
5. Ride with them on every hill, chatting away whilst not seeming to notice that they’re gasping for breath. Perhaps making sure that I keep it in the big ring on the hills whilst also slowly upping the pace.

No Brompton or fat bike but I have got a cargo bike, would that do?

Turn up carrying a tow rope?

I’d say mostly 5 is going to happen. It’s pointless trying to fake poor form as you’re just digging a hole but at the same time no need to rub their noses in it.

As an aside I’d be nervous around how they handle riding in a group etc. I’ve been invited on a few “networking rides” and sometimes it’s very much all the gear and no idea. Once I decided I’d had enough of near misses and dodgy drafting so just attacked off the front… it took sweamrs and 2 of her friends 20 minutes to haul me in by which time the group was completely splintered. 😳

😀

5. Ride with them on every hill, chatting away whilst not seeming to notice that they’re gasping for breath

extra points for talking intelligently about work/strategy, occasionally taking your hands off the bars to gesticulate or draw an air diagram.

Let us know how it goes!

extra points for talking intelligently about work/strategy, occasionally taking your hands off the bars to gesticulate or draw an air diagram.

I like this, use it as an opportunity to pitch a bold new project for your department.

Take pie charts.

5. Ride with them on every hill, chatting away whilst not seeming to notice that they’re gasping for breath

This ^, be nice and sociable and don’t put them down or be a dick by leaving them, but make it obvious (without saying anything) that you’re taking it easy 😉

Ride on your own.
CEOs who ride in sportives? Definitely ATGNI who’re guaranteed to not have a clue how to ride a bike properly.
Be careful, they’ll probably do one of those beginner SPD unclipping falls in the car park and take you down. Keep your distance.

Ask for tips in the first mile on proper cadence and riding position, then accelerate away from them on the first hill thanking them for transforming your riding…

None of the above. Just ride at a tempo that is comfortable for you, but at a pace which is ever so slightly faster than they would normally ride. The trick is not to go so fast so quickly that you drop them, but rather to lead them to keep up with you at a pace which they can manage for an hour or two, but which they cannot sustain for the whole ride.

Usually when you do this, you want to ride alongside them, so that they cannot get the energy saving benefit of sheltering behind you, and you can control the pace. This is sometimes referred to as ‘half-wheeling’, i.e. riding with your front wheel a foot or so ahead of theirs.

It’s a bit like boiling a frog in cold water: they don’t realise what is happening until it’s too late and they have blown very badly. It’s far more destructive physically and mentally than just dropping them them on the first climb.

its the CEO.

leave telling him how amazing he was and you struggled to keep up, and if he can offer any tips.

buy the first pint.

that or drop them and miss out on the potential.

Ride with them, take your turn at the front. Wind it up (say) 60% of the way into the ride and see if they can stay on your wheel ?

It’s not smart office politics to destroy / humiliate them. They will respect you when they realise they are not that fit

Be grateful that you get asked – I’ve a large group of more senior colleagues who all class themselves as cyclists, have all the gear and even organise a riding weekend in France every summer. They know that I ride a bit but I’ve never had an invite even for a local spin out 😆

I’d bring your best bike into the office the day before, the penny might drop then.

Please keep this updated, maybe even take a go pro traffic cam and record it so we can all watch.

Slowster, the voice of experience??!

+ 1 for Half wheeling, it works a treat and by the sounds of it should be physically nice n easy to dish out whilst still chatting away to them so they take there mind of how much they’re suffering.

Stay with them and at the end thank them for the warm up and go do another ride…

Overthinking it, just go for a bloody ride with them. Don’t drop, just go for a mince and enjoy the time on the bike.

No no no no no no……..

1. Turn up in jeans & T-shirt & White trainers
2. Bring the wrong bike, preferably a 5speed Raleigh from the 80s
3. Put a can of Stella in the bottle cage
4. Have a quick pre ride cigarette

5. Ride with them on every hill, chatting away whilst not seeming to notice that they’re gasping for breath

6. Then when they are a bit tired, ride up a hill as fast as you can then turn round come back down and ride up it again with them and still finish first.

Watch this training video

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNdWQJhMHXY[/video]

Slowster, the voice of experience??!

🙂 Yup. I’ve only done it once (and was only ever fit enough for a short while to do it), but it was warranted on that occasion.

+ 1 for Half wheeling, it works a treat and by the sounds of it should be physically nice n easy to dish out whilst still chatting away to them so they take there mind of how much they’re suffering.

The real trick is if you can do it without the other rider being aware of it not only at the time, but afterwards as well. In other words, you want them to eventually blow up badly and realise that you are a bit fitter than them (and respect you as a better rider), but never realise that what you did was calculated and pre-meditated. So you need always to maintain a cheerful chatty demenour, and when they eventually blow, you exhibit concern (‘Are you OK?’ etc.) and always feign innocence of what you have done.

Apparently I annoy folk by chatting on ascents, and not seeming to break sweat. So I suggest that, as it’s a sociable ride. Go quite slow on the climbs, allow them to pull away, then keep pace and gradually break them. Without effort.

I recall years ago, an old boy who was a proper climber, on our club run

The canny git had been out in the car that morning (or his wife maybe) and left a thermos at the top of the first big climb of the day

he led off the front up the climb – our bloody faces when we got to the top of that hill and he was sat there with a blanket round him drinking a cup of tea

😈

lol @

Their body shape is perhaps better suited to the descents…

totally drop them, then you’ll never get invited out with again and never have this dilemma again. Or if you’re keen for promotion, go along and have a laugh and ride at their pace.

Haha – I had to ride with COO / CFO of my co a good 10yrs+ ago. Stopped to fix a pedal and have a drink, telling them I’d catch up – thought they were way ahead so picked up the pace and finished 90mins ahead by accident. They never forgave me but were too embarrassed tell anyone – Pick option 5 and your future fights well – nothing to gain by making them look bad 🙂

Turn up on a knobbly tyred singlespeed MTB and keep up with them anyway?

Cycle along with them keep pace.

Last climb “i’m feeling pretty fresh I’m going to give it full gas”

Pull away slowly.

Ensure a good distance by the top. Alliwing enough time to flip the bike and start spinning the wheels muttering about how you tjought something felt like it was rubbimg.

Turn up on your MTB “oh, I thought you meant a PROPER bike ride”

Or just smash em, if theyre worth knowing they’ll laugh it off and maybe train harder, if they’re tossers youll have just saved yourself a lifetime of awkward Friday rides