A Very Modern Love Story (not a scam or anything).

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  • A Very Modern Love Story (not a scam or anything).
  • Premier Icon jonnyrobertson
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    And the email to her so called “lawyer”…
    Dear BarristerAlex,

    My name is Jonny Robertson and I am Favour Kareme’s chosen one. I hear you have been instructed to handle the financial transaction regarding her late father’s fortune so congratulations on that, it should pay nicely, I’d have thought. Please, if you have any questions further to the information I supply herein do not hesitate to contact me.

    PUT YOUR FULL CONTACT DETAILS BELOW :

    (1) YOUR NAME …………………….. Jonny Harlequin Robertson
    (2) YOUR ADDRESS………………… 20 Glencyran Road, South Carbrain, Cumbernauld, North Lanarkshire, G67 2UH.
    (3) YOUR PHONE NUMBER ……… Phone is out of order at the moment, hopefully fixed soon.
    (4) FAX NUMBER,…………………….. I do not own a fax machine.
    (5) YOUR COUNTRY…………………. Scotland.
    (6) YOUR DATE OF BERTH………… 7/9/63
    (7) OCCUPATION……………………… Advertising executive.

    Sorry for the lack of phone availability at the moment, I hope to have the situation rectified very shortly. I know Favour’s dying to know what I look like so I’m really looking forward to getting it back so I can take a picture of myself and send it to her. She won’t be disappointed, let me tell you. Obviously it will be helpful in conducting matters between the two of us as well.

    I look forward to receiving your further instructions.

    Jonny Robertson.

    Premier Icon bearnecessities
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    Excellent work 😀

    daveagiles
    Member

    Good work!

    Premier Icon Bunnyhop
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    looking forward to the next installment.

    Premier Icon breadcrumb
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    Most enjoyable, you’re a lucky man!

    Premier Icon surroundedbyhills
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    Keep it up!

    Hicksy
    Member

    Jonny, if it doesn’t work out with Favour will you marry me please!

    so romantic, getting a bit dusty in here… fingers crossed for you mate!

    Premier Icon burgatedicky
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    This is a cracker of a thread! Reading it through while emitting loud snorts of laughter, so getting some very odd looks in the office at the moment!
    Looking forward to the next episode in this devilishly romantic tale.

    Can I have 2nds if you pass on her?

    Had me in tears.

    😆

    Premier Icon jonnyrobertson
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    Evenin’ all. Here we go again with some more long distance romancing. This is an email from favour’s “lawyer” and again I wish I could post photos direct as illustrating his credentials as a lawyer was a photo of what looks like some crappy paperweight containing a golf ball in a glass and stamped on the golf ball the legend “Legal Eagle”…

    EQUALRIGHT CHAMBERS.
    MEMBER ECOWAS BANK ACCREDITED ATTORNEYS.
    BAR (DR) ALEX DUKE LAW CHAMBERS
    108 Rue Amadou Ndoye Dakar Senegal
    P.O BOX. 31894
    Phone… ( +221) +221-770501961.
    FAX NO.
    Email : @yahoo.fr">barristeralexduke@yahoo.fr

    OUR REF:JLC/01541 YOUR REF: LMC /0549
    DATE: 30/09/2013

    EQUAL RIGHT CHAMBER

    FOR YOUR KIND ATTENTION:
    MR, ,

    Sequel to your email and the discussion i had with your partner Miss favour karume on how to prepare a power of attorney and affidavit of oath for you and your partner.

    Prior to my inquiries from the bank and high court here in Dakar Senegal, I was made to understand from the bank that there are four documents required by them before the transfer of the money to your account.

    1.A copy of Death certificate of her late father.
    2.A copy of His Statement of account.

    It’s now remaining the other two documents which is power of attorney and the affidavit of oath which will enable the bank to deal with you on behalf of your partner.

    In view of the above and from my inquiries, it will cost the sum of …(180dollars) for authentication of the power of attorney, ..(165 dollars ) for swearing of the affidavit of oath at the federal high court here before it becomes valid, ..(170 dollar ) for notary stamping at the notary office (before it will go out from Dakar here) and my legal processing fee of …(205dollars ) total (720 dollars only) to get everything done.

    YOU HAVE TO SEND THIS MONEY THROUGH THE INFORMATION BELOW TODAY AND ONCE YOU MADE THE PAYMENT KINDLY GET BACK TO ME WITH THE INFORMATION YOU USE TO SEND THE MONEY.

    BELOW IS MY INFORMATION TO SEND THE MONEY THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER OR MONEY GRAM TRANSFER.

    NAMES…………. ALEX DUKE .
    ADDRESS……… 108 RUE AMADOU NDOYE DAKAR SENEGAL
    COUNTRY……. SENEGAL
    STATE……… DAKAR SENEGAL

    MAKE SURE YOU INFORM ME IMMEDIATELY YOU TRANSFER THE MONEY WITH THE PAYMENTS SLIP TRANSFER,SO WE CAN START THE PREPARATION OF THE DOCUMENTS (WHICH WILL BE READY BY THE NEXT TWO WORKING DAYS).

    YOURS SINCERELY IN SERVICE,
    BAR (DR) ALEX DUKE.(ESQ)
    CIVIL LITIGATION,CORPORATE FINANCE & BUSINESS LAW
    P.O BOX. 31894,
    108 RUE AMADOU NDOYE DAKAR SENEGAL,
    OFFICE TEL……+221-770501961
    FAX NUMBER…..+221-765205981

    Premier Icon jonnyrobertson
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    Good afternoon BarristerAlex,

    Thank you for responding to me so quickly, I am pleased to see how keen you are to set me up. Thank you also for making everything absolutely clear to me re all the costs. It’s refreshing to see such transparency, BarristerAlex. I mean, over here, when we get, say, an electricity bill or something, you cannae make head nor tail of them. Day rates, night rates, standing charges and christ knows what formula they use for actually calculating your consumption and final bill. At least I know exactly where I stand with you so once again, thank you.

    Now, I’m a little wary of sending money via the internet as you never know if there are some dodgy Russians lurking with hacking software or something so if it’s all the same with you could I possibly send you a cheque or bankers draft? I could get it sent over by courier so it would only take a couple of days. You seem like a nice chap so am I right in assuming you’d be okay with this?

    I look forward to hearing from you soon,

    Jonny Robertson esq.

    P.S. I love that golf ball in a glass thing. Do you play golf, BarristerAlex? You should come to Scotland, The Home Of Golf. We’ve got a brilliant pitch’n’putt here in Cumbernauld, if you were free one time I’d be more than happy to take you round. I’ll get my pal Billy to be your Caddy.

    P.P.S. Love the “Legal Eagle” print on the ball as well. Did you make that up yourself? You’re such a talented man, BarristerAlex. I mean not only are you n the legal profession but “Eagle” is a golfing tem AND “Legal” and “Eagle” both rhyme! You sir, if I may say so, are a ****ing genius.

    Premier Icon jonnyrobertson
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    Another email from Favour making sure I follow the script…

    Good evening my sweetheart,
    How are you today and how is work ? I hope you are doing great.
    Honey i have seen the mail from the lawyer and what he demanded for the processing of the documents, Please honey help me and send the money to him so that he will get the documents for us soon, you know the bank is waiting for us to present those documents and they will effect the transfer immediately to your account, honey You know and understand my condition here i can not afford any money, I hope to hear from you soon let me know when you will be sending the money to the lawyer. Have a nice day i love you so much.
    Yours favour.

    Premier Icon jonnyrobertson
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    ..and letting her know that it’s all under control…

    Hey bebbe,

    I’m one step ahead of you my angel, BarristerAlex emailed me yesterday and we’ve got it sorted out between us. I’ll be sending the money over as soon as he authorises it, It’ll most likely be cheque or bankers draft, BarristerAlex will be fine with that I reckon, he seems like a good guy. And he plays golf. And has a BRILLIANT sense of humour.

    Sorry to hear that it’s still so bad in the camp. Hang in there my darling, I know you can do it.

    Sending you strength,

    Jonny x

    Premier Icon jonnyrobertson
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    Here’s her lawyer again…

    For your kindly attention,

    Sir,
    I hereby wish to write you in respect to your documents. Actually i adhere by letting you know that i have submitted all your information you sent to me to the federal high court and we expecting to receive the payment which i have let you know about the cost for the document before the federal high court will proceed with the preparation of your document. So urge you to do whatever you can do to send the money for the payment of your documents on time so that the high court will proceed with the preparation of your documents. Have a nice day.

    Yours Sincerely in Service,
    Bar. Dr. Alex Duke (ESQ)

    Premier Icon jonnyrobertson
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    …and my reply…

    Good evening BarristerAlex,

    Thank you for submitting all the information and documents to the Federal High Court. I guess now you’ll be wanting paying? How are you for a bankers draft? I can get it sent over within a week. What about a game of golf though? Would you like to come over? I can’t imagine the golf courses in Senegal are much cop to be honest. It’d be just like one massive bunker, surely?

    Your servant,

    Jonny Robertson (ESQ).

    spendtoomuch
    Member

    This is brilliant!

    Premier Icon jonnyrobertson
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    Right Folks, tonight’s installment begins with Favour making sure I follow the script…

    Hello my dear,
    How are you doing today? Hope all is well with you over there.
    My dear please, i want to know how far you have gone with the lawyer concerning the preparation of the documents the bank is demanding from us? Please try and get back to me immediately so that i will know how you have gone with the lawyer because the bank is waiting for us to send the documents to them. Hope to hear from you soonest.

    Yours beloved one,
    Favour.

    Premier Icon jonnyrobertson
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    And my reply….

    Hiya Shitpeas!

    I’m good thank you, very good. I’ll skip asking how you are as I’ll probably just get the usual sob story about the camp. I’ve emailed BarristerAlex to arrange payment so it looks like I have been well and truly set up. Let me know if the bank want to speak with me again. I’d like to speak with Sir Steve again, he was nice. I sometimes find myself thinking of him. I sometimes think of him at work, at his desk, wearing a suit, solving people’s money worries. Sometimes I think of him being outside, and he’s running. Along a beach, I like to think. Naked. What a guy.

    I’ve also taken the liberty of inviting BarristerAlex over to Scotland for a round of golf. Hopefully when all this is sorted out and you are out of the camp we can all go for a game? What a lovely way to celebrate your freedom. Would you like that?

    Reply soon my love!

    Jonny xx

    Premier Icon jonnyrobertson
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    Now i was a wee bit worried that I’d overstepped the mark with Favour re my comments about Sir Steve Robson as it all went quiet over there. However with little better to do with my time than emailing criminals in Africa I fired a couple of emails off to see if I got any response. Attention seeking, in other words. Firstly to “BarristerAlex”…

    Hello BarristerAlex,

    I’m just emailing you to see if you’ve heard anything from Favour as she’s not spoken to me for about 72 hours and she’s normally dead keen. I’m a bit worried that the rebels might have stormed the camp to go after her like they did her Dad. Christ, it’s got me thinking about Star Wars again. It’s like the battle of Endor all over but with more sand and less of those ****ing stupid talking teddy bears.

    I’ll try and contact her and I was wondering whether you could do the same? Just add the fee for doing so to my bill.

    Yours sincerely,

    Jonny Robertson esq.

    Premier Icon jonnyrobertson
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    …and to Favour herself… Hello Favour,

    I’m just checking in with you to see you are ok as I’ve not heard from you in a while, normally you’re right on the money when it comes to emailing your man. I’m a wee bit worried that the rebels have come after you like they did your father and that you have suffered the same fate. Please tell me it isn’t so. Please tell me you’re ok. It wasn’t anything to do with what I said about Sir Steve, was it? I only meant it in a platonic way. I cannot help if I am an admirer of the human form in all it’s guises. Although I’m sure he has a magnificent willy.

    Hope to hear from you so soon,

    Your Jonny. xx

    P.S IN CASE YOU HAVE BEEN BUMPED OFF BY THE REBELS THEN THIS IS FOR THE ATTENTION OF THE REV FATHER SAMUEL MARK

    Dear Rev. Father Samuel,

    My name is Jonny Robertson and I am Favour Karume’s friend and lover. I am sorry to hear of the loss of my woman. I have a laywer, BarristerAlex Duke who is handling Favour Karume’s finances alongside Sir Steve Robson at the royal Bank Of Scotland. In recognition of all the good work that you have been doing for the displaced peoples in your county I hereby wish to instruct BarristerAlex and Sir Steve to transfer half of Favour’s fortune into your bank account. I can provide the details of both gentlemen for you if you wish to accept my most generous offer. However, I am just working on assumptions here as I’ve not heard from Favour for a bit and so if she is indeed alive and well then clearly it’s not my place to be sorting her finances out like that. You’d just be better off asking her for the money yourself.

    Your servant in God,

    Jonny Robertson.

    Premier Icon jonnyrobertson
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    A’noon. I left it last night with me fearing for Favour’s safety but not to worry, she’s alive! She’d not been bumped off after all! She is sounding agitated though, no capitalisation, no punctuation, 2/10 for effort, frankly…

    honey i want to know if you have send the money to the lawyer as he demanded for the processing of the documents,please my love let me know if you really want to help me

    Premier Icon jonnyrobertson
    Subscriber

    But of course I want to help her! Why wouldn’t I? She’s mah laydee after all… FAVOUR!

    I’m so glad to hear you’re ok, that’s a load off my mind alright. I’ve emailed BarristerAlex re payment but so far had no response. Could you try and nudge him in my direction so we can get it sorted? He’s not very good at answering his emails at all. Are you sure he’s a good lawyer? I think he’s a bit of a prick to be honest with you. He likes golf for a start. I HATE golf. I just thought cos of that paperweight thing he was into golf and I was just trying to be nice. I have the money here with me but until he gets his arse into gear so I can set up the transfer of funds we’re b*ggered.

    Your hero in waiting,

    Jonny xx

    Premier Icon jonnyrobertson
    Subscriber

    A few days went by and then I received this. Things are not good at all at the camp. It’s getting desperate there. The internet connection is still bang on however….

    Hello my sweetheart,
    How are you doing today ? hope you are doing good.
    Sweetheart, please i want to inform you that i want to lawyer office today to plead with him if he can render a help to us from any were after the transfer we can pay him back with the interest but he let me know that can not use his money to to pay for the documents for us that he can only help us if only we can come up with some money after everything is down we can then send the remaining balance to him.

    Please my love, you that you are all my hope of living, i don’t have any person or relative i will run to apart from you darling and if you abandon me here in this situation i may die like other kids are dieing in this camp.
    Please try you best to help me out and believe that any money you spend in this transfer most be balance you back with interest immediately the transfer is done into your bank account. Please i am counting on you , don’t disappoint me. I will stop here for now and i am hoping to read from you soon.

    Yours beloved suffering one,
    Favour.

    Premier Icon jonnyrobertson
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    Well I couldn’t just sit back and do nothing about dying kids, could I? I am here as a man to do what is right and that is SAVE THOSE POOR KIDS DAMMIT…. Hello my darling,

    See? I told you this lawyer was a bell end, I AM going to pay, I just need to know if he will accept the money being delivered by courier. I don’t know what his problem is. What a numpty. Get another lawyer. I’ll pay.

    Never mind that BarristerAlex choob though, you say there are KIDS DYING in the camp? Favour, please tell me this isn’t so. What are they dying of? Dysentery? Malnutrition? Malaria? Vaginismus?I want to help. I will help. I knew conditions were bad for you there but I didn’t realise just HOW bad. Oh my lover, what are we going to do? I’m going to put a stop to it, that’s what. I will raise awareness to your plight and the plight of others in the camp. I’ll do a tombola, put posters up (I’ll just get some pictures off Google and say it’s the camp, no one will know), I’ll get people doing sponsored stuff… Honey, I’m here for you. I’m here for all of you. It may take a couple of days to organise but I have some good friends and I know they will help out.

    Your hero,

    Jonny.

    P.S, I know this wouldn’t be great for us from a communications point of view but if kids are dying in the camp then maybe the Rev Father Samuel Mark should consider flogging his computers and cancelling his internet subscription and using the money for supplies instead. If the internet providers over there are anything like Sky or BT over here they’ll be ****ing rinsing him.

    Premier Icon jonnyrobertson
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    They gave it the best part of a week but the smell of lucre was clearly too much for them to resist. Here’s Favour again and things seem to be fine at the camp again as there was no mention of anyone dying this time…

    Hello my dearest one ,
    How are you doing today? Hope all is well with you over there.
    My dear, please i want you to call the lawyer and tell him when you will send the money to him because the bank is waiting for us to send the documents to them soon. Please try your best for me i will be waiting to read a good news from you soon.

    Yours Favour.

    Premier Icon jonnyrobertson
    Subscriber

    *YAWN* …. Hello my angel,

    I’m good today, very good. Have any more kids died? I see the Rev. Father still has his internet. I’m going to email BarristerAlex now my sweetheart so hold tight and I’m sure you will be receiving news very soon.

    Jonny xx

    Premier Icon jonnyrobertson
    Subscriber

    And this is probably the final email in the whole sorry exchange. I think we’ve reached the end of the road here with this final email to “BarristerAlex”…

    Hello BarristerAlex,

    How’s it hanging my man? Long time no speak, eh? I had a rather upsetting email off Favour the other day telling me that conditions in the camp were deteriorating and that kids in the camp were dying. She didn’t elaborate but that sounds pretty sh*te, whatever it is that’s bumping them off.

    Now, I’ve asked you repeatedly what you want me to do with the money. I don’t want to send it by Western Union as there is not a branch near me, I checked. It’s about 40 minutes on the bus to the nearest one and ****ed if I’m doing that. However, your ineptitude may be just the thing here. You see, Favour told me about the kids in the camp and I can’t just sit here and hear about them dying, BarristerAlex, you must surely understand that? To this end I have started a fundraising campaign to help them out, using the cash raised to give them whatever it is they need, food, medicine, Furby’s, you name it. We’re having a car boot sale for them in the car park of The Warm Zippy this weekend and I’ve already decided I’m going to shift a load of my old copies of Fiesta and Escort there (and I mean a LOAD) so we should be rolling in it by the end of the day.

    Anyway, what I am asking is this, would you be prepared to act as trustee for all the money we raise? Add the cost of such to my bill, it’s not a problem as I’m actually pretty loaded. This won’t be the end of it though BarristerAlex, I want to make Favour’s plight more widely known. I’ve told my pals down the pub and I’ll be telling her story to the local press and radio. I might even tell the story on the internet. You’ll be getting a namecheck, don’t you worry, although whether you’ll be getting a recommendation is another matter, you’re gonna have to pull your finger out on this one, sunshine.

    Your humble servant,

    Jonny Robertson esq.

    Premier Icon jonnyrobertson
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    Framley Examiner readers will be familiar with The Warm Zippy, the greatest name for a pub, ever.

    Premier Icon aracer
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    They gave it the best part of a week but the smell of lucre was clearly too much for them to resist.

    Eh? You only started this thread 4 days ago. I’m starting to think it’s a scam.

    Premier Icon jonnyrobertson
    Subscriber

    😀 It’s been going on for about a month now and probably wrapped up last week sometime. I just thought I’d see it through to it’s conclusion before sharing it here.

Viewing 34 posts - 41 through 74 (of 74 total)

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