29 year old who still hasn't left home.

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  • 29 year old who still hasn't left home.
  • Duffer
    Member

    I honestly can’t comprehend how anyone can still be living with mummy at that age. I moved out at the age of 18, having left school with no qualifications. I now earn enough to support my family of 4.

    I’m 25, by the way.

    Premier Icon cinnamon_girl
    Subscriber

    The poor bloke is presumably struggling with life so it’s only right that he is helped. The easy option is always to ignore a situation. Is his father around to help? What relationship does he have with his siblings?

    I guess some sort of counselling is needed, he’s obviously lost his way and one doesn’t want to be cruel. Crucially, you don’t want to move in and be expected to act as a substitute father figure.

    Again, I come back to his Mum needing to face up to her responsibilities and be pro-active. Until that time comes, stay put.

    Ignore some of the horrible comments above, it’s a very worrying situation that you’re in.

    cheekyboy
    Member

    The poor bloke is presumably struggling with life so it’s only right that he is helped. The easy option is always to ignore a situation. Is his father around to help? What relationship does he have with his siblings?

    I guess some sort of counselling is needed, he’s obviously lost his way and one doesn’t want to be cruel. Crucially, you don’t want to move in and be expected to act as a substitute father figure.

    Again, I come back to his Mum needing to face up to her responsibilities and be pro-active. Until that time comes, stay put.

    Ignore some of the horrible comments above, it’s a very worrying situation that you’re in.

    The fat prick needs a bit of hard graft !

    Premier Icon Drac
    Subscriber

    My youngest brother lived at home pretty much all the time until he was 31, he moved out to Uni which he dumped and didn’t tell my parents he’d buggered off to London. He moved home soon after they found out, he then tried moving out a few times and never held down a job for long. I kept telling them to stop bailing him out but they couldn’t do it.

    Last year he was diagnosed with Liver Cancer he had a transplant and since then he’s a whole different person, has a place of his own, gets out loads with his little dog and has started looking for work. You never know what’s going on with people, I missed it with my brother and kick myself as there was obvious clues when I look back.

    Premier Icon stumpyjon
    Subscriber

    You need to speak properly to your partner, it may be the kick up the backside she needs to cut the cord. No half measures though, he’s got to go, set dead.ines and be prepared to do the leg work for her to set up him up on his own. If she’s not prepared to do this you’re stuck in the worst possible three way, get out.

    My guess is the lad is beyond saving, he certainly will be if he doesn’t get kicked out soon. FWIW my brother (40) still lives with my Dad, does work and pays a contribution. Has no life skills though, even his car is a company one, he’s never paid a bill, sorted a house repair, organised a holiday or done proper shop. Gonna be very hard for him when my Dad passes away. Oh and he’s single and likely to stay that way. Ultimately it was my Dad’s fault, should have kicked him out years ago but couldn’t find the balls to do it.

    Premier Icon Bunnyhop
    Subscriber

    You say that you’ve recently met this woman. Imo you need to give the relationship more time before leaping in and telling her to get rid of him.

    There are some good pieces of advice above.
    Where indeed is his father?
    Also I’m guessing that he is her little baby and she’s not yet prepared to ask him to leave, however if your relationship carries on in the way you hope, she may have the courage with you at her side to slowly get him to change his ways, at 29 years of age it’s not too late.

    If you live close enough maybe you could arrange she eats with you and uses your fridge, thus emptying out all the food from his grasp, he’ll then have to start taking responsibility.

    Also not washing or ironing his clothes etc.

    If you do end up asking her to make a choice I think you’ll lose at this stage.

    With anyone who has extra baggage any relationship is difficult, you need to find the compromise and work something out, or walk away.

    Good luck.

    3dvgirl
    Member

    Its odd as in many cultures its normal to live with your family at that age, then again its also normally to contribute to the family.
    How much do you love her? That is what id base it on , and just except that the fat **** is part of the deal. Like someone else said its him or cats, and cats piss in ur shoes!

    cheekyboy
    Member

    Is he fully weaned ?

    3dvgirl
    Member

    Is he fully weaned ?

    bityyyyyy!!!

    khani
    Member

    This reads like a 29 thread over there <<<< if he was 26 the sun would shine out of his arse…

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    Mate of mine moved out of his parents into his own place last year.

    He didn’t quite manage to move before his 40th birthday.

    I think I need to stick up for your lady friend a bit, it may be this situation has evolved and she just hasnt been able to to deal with it effectively – I dont think you should assume it what she wants.

    Mothers may want to nurture their young – but we know when they need to fly the nest too, but sometimes its not that simple. I have a 20 year old at home who walks a very fine line at times, he works in a bar and there fore keeps odd hours etc. Trying to get him to behave in an appropriate way (clean up/pay rent/respect others) can be very draining for me as I have two younger ones to deal with and work full time.

    It may be that she has tried to make it right but it has now got to this point, I know sometimes I wish their were a bloke about who could have a bit more of a bloke to bloke chat with my son.

    If I were you I would get to know them both more, and encourage her to share her dreams with you – always good to start with someones hopes and aspirations for the future then you can justifiably talk about ways to make it happen. Rather than starting with ‘your son needs to go’ . . . .

    Whether she is a fruitcake or just stuck in a bad situation it will be a delicate matter to discuss

    godzilla
    Member

    He is 29,grossly obese

    [URL=http://s489.photobucket.com/user/godzillaqwerty/media/null_zpsbbf66645.jpg.html][/URL]

    bluemonday22
    Member

    Loads of good advice there! Thanks for that guys.

    samuri
    Member

    Just to give you an idea how disfunctional his in-laws are, the brother-in-law has never been outside the USA

    To be fair, I believe the figure is something like 99% of Americans have never been outside the USA. The rest of the world must seem a very scary place to so many of them.

    Junkyard
    Member

    letting someone of that age life at home and contribute nothing whilst sponging of you ois not helping it is enabling…they do it because you let them.

    Al kids will take the piss out of their parents if they let them…..even if they work many would not volunteer to pay rent

    I would be worried about why she has let him do this tbh and I doubt anything you do will change her mind

    Move her in with you . rent the house to him and charge rent ??

    Moses
    Member

    Just to give you an idea how disfunctional his in-laws are, the brother-in-law has never been outside the USA

    That’s not dysfunctional, that’s normal. The US is the size of Europe, Georgia on its own is almost the size of England. How many people do you know who’ve never been outside of Europe & the Med?

    Apart from that, I appreciate the thread. I’m still working out how to get my own son out of home. He’s not quite 29, but finding a job is hard for him.

    globalti
    Member

    Well okay, but insisting on sharing a room with your sister and BIL at the age of 58?

    Rosss
    Member

    Silenced pistol or crossbow?

    glupton1976
    Member

    If he’s already on benefits, it shouldn’t be too much bother to find him a wee cooncil flat and get housing benefit too (never mind the rights and wrongs).

    That’s the funniest thing i’ve ever read on here.

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