Viewing 28 posts - 281 through 308 (of 308 total)
  • 16 year old son smoking weed
  • gauss1777
    Member

    People want to get high

    Some people, maybe most people, but not all. I have never had the desire to get high.

    Good for you but it was pretty obvious TJ was making a statement about the population in general.

    It was rather vague, it is worth at times writing what you mean clearly and accurately.

    Premier Icon seosamh77
    Subscriber

    Whereas if you say ” smoking a few spliffs might well make you into a really boring dopehead, it will probably eff up your schoolwork” or ” do you realise how much of an areshole coke makes you”its a much more realistic message that might just get thr

    tbh promoting moderation and a sensible approach to drug use is a far better use of your energies than scaremongering. While promoting other alternate activities.

    If he’s going to take them, he’s going to take them. The cat is out the bag, he’s involved. Best he does it sensibly and it doesn’t become his only “hobby”.

    taxi25
    Member

    It was rather vague, it is worth at times writing what you mean clearly and accurately.

    I thought it was pretty clear, “societys use xyz” never means every one in a society does, only that its prevalent. I’d say 20% uptake of anything would make it prevalent.
    Regarding statistics, when it comes to alchol and drug use people lie. Just with alchol we somehow manage to buy twice as much as we claim to drink 😁. Now ask that question about drug use 🤔

    Premier Icon piemonster
    Subscriber

    It was clear what TJ posted to me as well.

    Anyway, good luck OP.

    gauss1777
    Member

    Tjagain: If we had sensible drug laws Leah Betts would not have died. The drugs did not kill her. Her and her friends ignorance and unwillingness to seek help killed her.

    Tj I respect your opinion, but you do state things as fact, when they clearly are not. Leah Betts is far from the only death from ecstasy, I have seen people die from it myself back in the late 80’s it was tragic. The idea that people knowing what to do in the event something goes wrong reduces all risk, is clearly (to me at least) nonsense.

    Premier Icon tjagain
    Subscriber

    I was talking about one specific case. Leah Betts

    Premier Icon FB-ATB
    Subscriber

    And she was used as the anti ecstasy poster girl “her first time ended up like this”. In fact she had taken it before and actually died of hyponatremia (spelling?).
    This is why better education/truth is needed, when the example of “drugs are bad m’kay” is false. This leads users to not believe what they are told.

    How many drug deaths are actually due to the cutting agents they are mixed with?

    gauss1777
    Member

    It was clear what TJ posted to me as well.

    It was clear what Tj posted to me too, and it wasn’t what everyone else thought. Anyway, even I think I’m sounding like an argumentative knob (really not my intention) – so I’ll shut up for a while.

    Hoping things take a turn for the better for the OP, as I would not want to trade places.

    Premier Icon tjagain
    Subscriber

    Anyway, even I think I’m sounding like an argumentative knob (really not my intention) – so I’ll shut up for a while.

    Hoping things take a turn for the better for the OP, as I would not want to trade places.

    This I can agree with 100%

    ( I am risking being an argumentative so and so )

    Premier Icon theotherjonv
    Subscriber

    Have Half Man Half Biscuit launched a takeover (ref: Rusty’s tattoo thread) – or have they just got a song for everything

    ” do you realise how much of an areshole coke makes you”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9lkCYkViwc

    stanfree
    Member

    Going through a similiar thing just now with my son. Its not so much the having the odd joint which bothers me. My son left school a few months back and has up and until recently done jack shit to find a job thinking a basic college course would suffice. I was at him all the time to get a part time job and do the course and id stay off his back.
    I’ve always been honest about what I did in my youth but reinforced I was slightly older and was working part time from 11 and full time from 16 and probably didnt start dabbling till 17 or so. My younger years involved heading up and down the country going to raves etc and times have certainly changed. I think most parents would be shocked to see what is posted on apps like snapchat in your local area with regards to whats being sold.
    Anyhoo after a few applications and being pushed my son starts a apprentice stonemasons job on monday and Im hoping the long days at work and earning some money will see him buckle down . I dont mind him going out after a week of work and enjoying himself on a friday and saturday night with or without a smoke or drink , Its the lying in bed all day and playing fifa all night whilst smelling of Ganja that has done my head in.

    Premier Icon Sandwich
    Subscriber

    tbh promoting moderation and a sensible approach to drug use

    For some, like my earlier examples on the thread, the sensible approach is abstinence as they don’t have the capacity for them. We could go all hardcore and educate and then let them rot if after all the info they get **** up.

    That may not be very compassionate but it is one way of dealing with it. We could leave all the damaged ones on Skye (other islands are available) with a monthly food delivery, power and heat and let them get on with it.

    Premier Icon boomerlives
    Subscriber

    Exile on Skye? Yes please. I’ll be up for a big dose of that.

    Can I pretend to be off my box to get across the bridge?

    Premier Icon FB-ATB
    Subscriber

    We could leave all the damaged ones on Skye (other islands are available

    Let’s not spoil Skye. More apt location would be the Isle of Sheppey. And arrange for a litre accident with the SS Montgomery that’s wrecked nearby.

    Premier Icon tjagain
    Subscriber

    I thought Inchkeith would be a good bet. close enough to Edinburgh so that it could be supplied easily. too far to swim to land from.

    Premier Icon LAT
    Subscriber

    Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that for jonseyboy’s son.

    I thought Inchkeith would be a good bet. close enough to Edinburgh so that it could be supplied easily. too far to swim to land from.

    Well at least its not Fife, that would just be draconian.

    Premier Icon jonesyboy
    Subscriber

    So a few weeks down the line, he’s not moaning about 6pm Curfew and is coming straight home from school and not bothering to go out. Weekends are a little more interesting as he wants to go and see his mates. With advise from outreach workers and Young Addaction he’s allowed out for 4-6 hrs with good behaviour, but has to meet us mid point to check he’s not out of his skull.

    He’s got access to very limited money and when he does have money ie for barbers then he has to bring a receipt or he’s grounded for another week. So far he’s not brought a receipt home so he’s had a couple of weeks of being housebound.

    I’ve asked him about doing drugs tests to keep him off the stupid stuff and he said ok.

    I’ve just picked up his iphone from the police, it’s horrible looking through the messages again. I want to put a spy app on there just to check for the next few months sporadically. I own his phone and pay the contract so technically this is legal. Anyone advice on ios spy apps, I’m looking at mspy at the moment.

    Once this is on his phone I’ll be happier about letting him out for short periods of time, but the trust is going to take a long time to regain, and he’s 17 in sept so we need him to have freedom again for his sake and our sanity.

    He did sneak out and come back stoned 1hr later on Saturday, but has been grounded for the week, he’s also still seeing Sven, the young addaction counsellor.

    Mock results were not as good as expected, but maybe he just needed to flunk them and have a kick up the arse. Homework is generally good and on time.

    Thank STW for easing my stress through this, It’s been incredibly supportive which after surviving the redundancy, recession, separation, and finally this. We’re not done yet, but there are again plenty of positives.

    Premier Icon singletrackmind
    Subscriber

    Maybe time to bring some reward to show him not being a stoner actually has its advantages
    Whilst sitting around all night getting off your face is hilarious fun and , might , or might not lead to long term mental issues, its better all round if he isnt doing that
    He’s agreed to the terms and punishments so , much like training a dog , give him something he will appreciate
    If thats 4 mates round for a day of FIFA , followed by a Nando’s and Dads taxi home then its easy really , Everest base camp hike , not so easy
    I have no idea what the yoof actually want to do or look forwards to that isnt based around sex, drugs and alcohol
    Keep on at it though

    Premier Icon RichPenny
    Subscriber

    Sounds good, that he’s begun to accept your boundaries and control. Is the relationship improving? Sounds like it is. Terrifies me this stuff, especially how hard it is to maintain the balance between reality and what you want for your kids, which is always the best of things.

    I would say, think REALLY long and hard before installing a spy app. If he’s agreeing to drug tests, seeing the councillor and generally behaving, does this get you much more? It does have the potential to massively backfire. For a start, you’ll see a whole load of stuff that isn’t relevant to your problem but could be uncomfortable reading. And if he finds out, as a volatile teenager, I think it would push him away from you. He needs to trust your opinions and experience as an adult. Why would he trust someone who spies on him?

    Premier Icon Drac
    Subscriber

    Sounds like you’re making some good progress that’s great news.

    Premier Icon MoreCashThanDash
    Subscriber

    Fwiw, I think you’ve done amazingly well with all this, no idea how I’d cope. Seem to have escaped it with my 16 year old

    My daughter is 13. Last night one of the mum’s at gymnastics said how lovely and polite she is. I know from this thread and others how that can change. I made sure she knew how proud of her I am of her and gave her a big hug.

    Premier Icon singlespeedstu
    Subscriber

    I’ve just picked up his iphone from the police, it’s horrible looking through the messages again. I want to put a spy app on there just to check for the next few months sporadically. I own his phone and pay the contract so technically this is legal.

    What would stop him buying a cheap PAYG phone to use if you did this?

    Premier Icon fozzyuk
    Subscriber

    Brill news.

    I agree its reward time now. Nothing major as towing the line is an expectation not something to be rewarded in its self

    Certainly nothing that touches the boundaries you’ve set clearly like money or time out etc.

    Just something to acknowledge the effort, a favourite takeaway, cinema, bowling or something.

    Premier Icon jonesyboy
    Subscriber

    Well we seem to have turned a corner a little, he’s still smoking weed which I’d rather be didn’t, but with limited funds and the current lock down his wings have been clipped a little.

    He did two nights work as a KP in a pub which he blew the money on weed, but actually seemed to mature a lot from working with more mature folk. Then Corona hit…

    Keeping him busy with Lego, Xbox, films and I’m trying to get him back on the bike a little. He’s happy to do drugs tests still, and I think I’ve convinced him to enjoy life, go to sixth form, delay work as long as you can and have some fun. He fluffed his mocks but has been having good results in his classwork so fingers crossed.

    Who’d have thought that a global pandemic would have helped the situation…. Every cloud had a silver lining.

    Just hope he doesn’t go nuts when we come out of this isolation! As always guys, a problem shared is a problem halved, thanks for being there and keep safe x

    aphex_2k
    Member

    Weed can bring forward a psychotic experience that may or may not happen. But many things can also trigger psychosis, from environmental, stress, trauma, grief. There’s arguments both sides but it’s worth noting that schizophrenia diagnosis has remained fairly constant but weed use has dramatically increased. It’s no more a gateway drug than water is a gateway drug to whisky. But at that age the brain is still developing and won’t be fully developed until mid 20s. Is there any history of mental illness in the family? I think it’s a large part of youth culture even more than 25 years ago when I smoked but skunk was expensive and we jusy had squidgy black or rasta brick weed mostly. I did enjoy it bavk then but tolerance builds up and it becomes habitual rather than a fun session after a night out. It’s an experimental phase that many go through. Just be sensible with him and trust him.

    Premier Icon jonesyboy
    Subscriber

    His mum struggles with anxiety and depression, and get mother has mental health issues. We’ve talked to him about it, and so has his counsellor.

    dyna-ti
    Member

    This is normal, but watch the group he is with.

    Express disapproval rather than anger.

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