duckman

Subscriber
When I was in my early 20’s I met a guy from the same school as me I hadn’t seen for years who was out of work. He started with us as a labourer and was a wee grafter. Started smoking soap bar and within a year was a disaster; knew what to buy in Tesco medicine isle to keep a lid on things till he was paid, used to smoke a single skin on the way to work etc. This is how he finished up.

https://www.thefreelibrary.com/HATE+CAMPAIGN+LED+TO+BASEBALL+BAT+MURDER%3B+Life+for+killer+who…-a0136941343

It was about stolen weed. When he got out on weekend release, he failed the tests. Now you have folk who go on about underlying issues etc, but this is a guy who could take or leave booze, had given up smoking when he started with us. For me, people point to alcohol abuse as justification for legalisation, but why is it a race to the bottom?

Sounds like yer man was just a bam..

So a wee toke leads to caving someones nut in with a baseball bat? 😆

Show me where I said that SS. I said that folk dismissed the fact that he got into hash and weed to the exclusion of everything else,vos it was only a smoke.. but you knew that. Of course, that can be explained by saying he was a bam. You can’t seen to get that you might not always be right. Which is strange because you weren’t half digging TJ up about the same thing on the recent Indy thread.

The key point which Jonesyboy has nailed is the root cause leading to higher risk behaviour from his son. I agree with you, the depression angle could be something they’ve concocted as a group excuse. I think helping him to find a peer group away from drugs would be the key. Spending time on the road with you won’t solve the problem that he’s young and needs acceptance from his equals. Does he have a GF?

Thinking back and being honest, once our close circle of friends got into drugs it just becomes normalised, similar with the steps up to more dangerous stuff. New people you spend time with also tend to be caners. I don’t see modern drinking culture as much different tbh, perhaps society as a whole requires us to get trollied on a regular basis simply to cope?

Explain to him that he cannot do driving lessons in the future and own a car if he is always trollied. All youngsters look forwards to getting a car. He can save the drug money to put towards lessons.

School trip with Berlin needs to be canned, his dealer is on the same trip.

Np way would I cancel a trip to Berlin, Junior now lives there. He’s a techno DJ with all the exposure to the drug scene that involves. He was home recently and as candid as ever, and a lot less worrying that at 16-18. This is a public forum so without the detail, he’s learned to be selective and so far as I can tell after ten days with us, no signs addiction to anything, not even drink.

I had a discussion with one of junior’s friends on the street very late one night when junior was in the school user circle. People involveds in drugs don’t want old blokes with absolutely no regard for their own safety around messing up their business and can sometimes be persuaded it might be best to avoid supplying some people. I was prepared to cope with the fall out and happily there wasn’t any apart from junior being properly pissed off with me.

I knew I couldn’t stop the experimentation and didn’t even want to, I just wanted to keep junior on the margins rather than him becoming a major player. I won’t deny it caused me significant grief, put significant stress on our couple and was one of least happy periods of my life, no, the least happy. Four years on it’s none of my business anymore, no regrets about making it a little bit my business when it was.

So my advice is: if you do something don’t make it a petty ineffective punishment, make it something that will make not just your son but all those around him think. Send him on the trip, negotiate on some of the other punishments. Berlin is ace, take him there. 😉

I spent most of Uni stoned. Started off as a lotnof silly fun, then went through the relatively cool phase of listening to lots of good tunes, learning guitar, socialising etc.

But by the end it had just become pointless habit and I’m embarrassed about how much of my twenties I effectively wasted by being, well, wasted.

Not sure how I’d broach the subject with my son, am thinking I would introduce him to lots of other positive experiences e.g. travel, sport, music etc (no idea how I would introduce him to girls though!) Then try to explain to him that being stoned all the time would mean missing out on all of the above.

Good quote above about weed making boredom fun.

If it helps though OP, I was a pretty pathetic stoner by the end and almost puffed away a university degree but scraped through, did a couple of enjoyable years in bike industry before moving into a proper career in engineering. Sounds like your son is bright, just explain to him how much more fun he’ll have in his twenties if he stays off the strong stuff!

In reality all you can do is talk to him and explain the risks etc. We smoked loads of it from 15-21ish. The people in my circle who were heavily into it did move on to heroin and a couple are now dead and died young as well. Obviously many people don’t end up like this but lots of people have problems with concentration, anxiety etc with it and also theres the money aspect as well.
I think its more effective to encourage him to do other more interesting things.Hopefully he’ll grow out of it as its very much a kids thing I think.

he totally blanked me

Again this is a public forum so not much detail from me. But take heart, if he’s trying to hurt you, you still mean something to him.

Another point, there are lots of studies on the impact of divorce on children. I looked for and failed to find similar studies on suffering parents divorcing due to the stresses of dealing with arsehole adolescents. If this doesn’t bring you into conflict with mrsjonesyboy I’ll be surprised. Expect to find everyone close to you on your back.

Sheesh. My thoughts are with you mate. Tough times

Tough call to have to make. All the best to you and your son.

If you do go down that route however, please (as a pastoral leader – Head of Year – myself) give the school as much information as you have (without creating obvious issues for yourself or your son) on the network there even if you do so anonymously. Yes, they will be replaced in time if removed but it does send a message to those on the edges and any small win is welcomed by those of us trying to improve lives and futures.

Good luck Jonesyboy you seem to be dealing with this very level headed.

Yes police rarely bother with small amounts cannabis on a person.

Settings -> Screen Time -> Content & Privacy Restrictions.

Don’t forget to put a passcode on the settings too.

What’s he been dealing? Time was it was normal for people to buy an ounce (of weed) and sell 3/4 to pay for their own share.

I’m not sure if that makes things better or worse (in that he’s self funding but still dealing).

It sounds very Draconian yes, but totally justified.

To sound a little harsh though, I had similar punishment when I was 14&15, it made not difference at all to my behaviour. None at all. Sorry.

When I got to 18 though I kinda grew out of my problems

18 is a headache. A last ditch effort before 18 is laudable, but as his birthday approaches there’s no point denying that from that day on he can do just what the hell he likes if he’s prepared to live with the consequences. The game changes completely.