Viewing 40 posts - 81 through 120 (of 308 total)
  • 16 year old son smoking weed
  • Premier Icon Sandwich
    Subscriber

    I and my group smoked weed when 16.

    From Alpin above. If you’re in your 40’s Alpin what you smoked then is worlds away from what is smoked now. The advice to roll a joint and smoke with him will not end well.

    Premier Icon jonesyboy
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    So last night all was calm. We had a family meal at his mum’s. I left at 8. At 12:30 I had a call from her, he’d fallen backwards off his chair whilst playing the Xbox and trapped his finger smashing the end of it. Mum had had a beer so I went around. He was in severe pain, didn’t want to talk to me but didn’t want to go to hospital, but was sobbing uncontrollably with the pain. After about 30 mins of us talking calmly to him we got him to leave the room, I was going to take him and his mum to hospital and come back to look after our daughter as she was upset also.

    I stupidly muttered “you and your ****ing weed” he kicked a chair over and darted into his room, I lunged at the door to stop him hurting himself or chucking other stuff around. His mum thought I was going to belt him so started at me. I collected my daughter and left. Came back here and collapsed in a heap. At 3 am I’m sure I heard footsteps on the gravel outside, so then spent an hour curtain twitching to see if it was one of his mates dropping off drugs. Didn’t spot a thing, collapsed again at 4:30.

    Both kids are still asleep in respective houses, his mum has now decided she’s looking after him for two days, I’ll look after our daughter (16 year old twin) to give her some space and hopefully limit any damage to her from this shit show.

    Apparently he didn’t have any weed yesterday, his room didn’t smell strongly.

    Counselling on Monday, this is going to be the bloody longest weekend of my life. Including a big family do for my mother’s 80th on Sunday. I’ve suggested that Laurie and his mum can just stay at home if they’d rather.

    Laurie is still saying that he’d be happy to just smoke a bit of weed, loads of kids are doing more than him, loads of pills etc. He’s researched lots of drugs and the risks online, and knows about ket and catheters. I’ve bought some test kits for ket, coke, acid. Maybe if I can get him off this shit and just on weed somehow, with maybe some goals, a little freedom etc that would get his trust back

    Premier Icon dazh
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    If you’re in your 40’s Alpin what you smoked then is worlds away from what is smoked now.

    This absolutely. Some of the stuff these days you have a couple of tokes and you’re off your face for 6 hours. It’s hard enough for a 40-something with 20 years of experience to ride it out so can’t imagine what must go through the head of a 16 year old.

    Premier Icon dazh
    Subscriber

    and was treated to all that “roll a fatty boom batty and sit back and chill” nonsense.

    Fair enough, although TBF it’s probably just a clumsy way of saying ‘don’t panic’. The vast majority of these cases don’t result in any lasting harm or damage.

    sr0093193
    Member

    It’s not a clumsy way of saying it. It’s the same dismissive blase attitude displayed in every thread on weed on this forum and people with an alternative opinion / knowledge on the impacts of drugs are hounded out by the halfwit ‘theres nothing wrong with weed’ crowd. You’re still trying to justify it in your second sentence.

    OP has now been manipulated to accepting his CHILD regularly smoking illegal drugs. Combined with thinking he’s the one who has to gain his sons trust (you don’t – your son abused your trust don’t be guilted into pandering to his childish tantrums). Pretty standard behaviour for addicts.

    I’m frankly aghast that you know the details of the child supplying other children with drugs leading them to commit other crimes to fund their habits but seem reluctant to do anything with them. Whoever is pushing that child to bring them into school needs locking up.

    At the end of the day he’s your kid but he’s going to get himself into big boy trouble – he needs to understand his actions have consequences (possession class B + C, fraud, possibly supplying controlled substances if he shared with a friend etc).

    Premier Icon boomerlives
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    It’s the same with fags; “they won’t do you any harm”, “everyone tries them” etc.

    Plenty go ‘ug’ and move along. But a percentage get hooked. A percentage of them die messily of cancer of the everything many years down the track.

    Don’t listen to the stories of “it’ll be fine”, listen to the big panicky parent klaxon that’s going off inside your head.

    Some drugs are normalised on the forum. I don’t agree they should be.

    alpin
    Member

    If you’re in your 40’s Alpin what you smoked then is worlds away from what is smoked now.

    True. Still smoke now. Guess I’ve built up a tolerance over the years.

    Good luck op.

    Premier Icon tjagain
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    My goodness there is a lot of humbuggery and nonsense on this thread!

    Millions of people in this country take drugs frequently with no issues at all

    Premier Icon seosamh77
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    If you’re in your 40’s Alpin what you smoked then is worlds away from what is smoked now

    Aye the soapbar that pervaded the world in the 90s was poison.

    Situation is much better today.

    I’d rather my wean smoke today’s grass than that shite.

    People like to make that the low grade shite, which is still available btw, was better, it’s complete and utter nonsense.

    The weed these days is much better.

    Premier Icon seosamh77
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    Premier Icon Sandwich
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    Millions of people in this country take drugs frequently with no issues at all

    And some are completely **** up by it in very short order. I know of a couple of chaps in their 20’s who have had to radically change their life choices as a result of smoking weed between 16 and 20. One was sectioned (oh what fun for his parents).

    Seosamh if your youngster experiences anything like the two I note above you would be a little less sanguine about it.

    Premier Icon dazh
    Subscriber

    I’m frankly aghast that you know the details of the child supplying other children with drugs leading them to commit other crimes to fund their habits but seem reluctant to do anything with them.

    Quite apart from the rest of the hang-em-and-flog-em nonsense in your post, this point in particular needs a response. The OP has already said he is concerned about recriminations if he goes to the cops. You think he needs the worry of looking over his shoulder on top of dealing with his son?

    This stuff isn’t to be messed with, you don’t have to go high up the ladder of dealing networks to get to some pretty dodgy people, and they won’t take kindly to being shopped. And even if they are nicked, it’ll have very little effect in the grand scheme of things, someone else will step in to the gap in the market, and the drugs will still be available.

    I’ve got his dealers name and details, and a few others so straight to the plod with that. Need to somehow regain his trust as he’s not talking to me.

    Phew. Glad to see you rethought this approach later in the thread. Doubt it would have had the desired effect.

    Good luck

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    Out of interest,

    Have you spoken to him about why he’s habitually taking this stuff? If he’s doing it in his room then it’s not (or is no longer) peer pressure. Is it purely recreational, or is he self-medicating because of something else that’s bothering him? Maybe if you unpick, say, undiagnosed clinical depression you’d have a root cause which could be tackled rather than a symptom.

    Why don’t you inform the school who the other kid is who is dealing to pupils?

    I am also one of those who has seen kids try and self medicate and destroy their mental health to a point it will have life long consquences. I am not against drugs but I don’t think it is OK the way some people are just saying it is OK for kids to do it, some can do but they need to be educated to understand if they are an at risk group and identify risks and how to experiment safely. Also people, saying it is legal in some countries, what countries is it legal at 16?

    Premier Icon seosamh77
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    Sandwich

    I know of a couple of chaps in their 20’s who have had to radically change their life choices as a result of smoking weed between 16 and 20. One was sectioned (oh what fun for his parents).

    The bit in bold is the bit I’ve got an issue with, you seem certain the weed is what caused the issues, perhaps the weed was just a symptom.

    Not saying either way in the cases you mention, just seems a bit too easy to say they went off the rails cause of the weed. Well maybe, but they could have gone to the weed cause they were going off the rails.

    Drugs are all about moderation at the end of the day, it’s perfectly viable for the majority to take them without issues, a few will develop issues, but most get on fine with them.

    Then there’s percentage of the population that have issues to begin with, it’s probably not going to end well for them.

    They are however a part of life, and a lot of people are going to participate.

    Messages of instant doom and destruction are somewhat far fetched when you look at the numbers that do actually participate.

    Premier Icon dirkpitt74
    Subscriber

    Wow, just read most of this thread.
    OP has some tough but cautious decisions to make by the sound of it.

    Never taken drugs of any kind (other than prescribed) and didn’t realise the effects of some of them – especially Ketamine.

    Bring catheterised is no fun – my wife had to have a temporary one when pregnant. Walking around with a bag of pee strapped to your leg is crap, especially when you have to empty it, re-connect etc – especially if it leaks….

    Which ever way you look at it it’s illegal at 16.

    What does/did he want to do when he leaves school?

    Good luck.

    alpin
    Member

    My cousin can’t show his face in town, or Essex in general, for fear of being shanked after he got into debt (five grand) with the local drugs King pin.

    I always made a point of not smoking piece/bar/shit after the amount of plastic we found mixed in with it. But really, that is by the by….

    Premier Icon chakaping
    Subscriber

    You have my sympathy OP.

    You are right to be very worried about your lad, but don’t immediately jump to the worst case scenarios like a ruined bladder, Coke addiction etc.

    What’s really concerning is that ket is not a drug most people feel like taking daily, it’s not exactly more-ish.

    It’s really good that he’s agreed to counselling, as there may be an underlying issue – and even if not it will get him thinking about what he’s doing.

    Does he have much else going on in his life?

    hammy7272
    Member

    I think the testing kits are a good idea. I think I’d do the same. Dreading the day my girls come home smelling of weed but I expect it. I know loads of people that smoked and still smoke very heavily. Most are absolutely fine, one not so much. Most will grow out of it. I think he’ll still do it whatever you say, being there and supportive like the kits is good. I hope it will pass.

    Premier Icon jonesyboy
    Subscriber

    Ok so today had been better, he’s opened up to his mum about it. He’s been feeling depressed for a few years, probably exacerbated by is splitting up. He’s been taking drugs as an escape, to act the fool, feel more fun.

    So I’ve asked him if he’ll come and do more outdoorsy activities with me, biking, surfing, climbing. He’s keen. I’ve suggested we help him avoid his friends for a while I’ll take him and pick him up from school.

    Counsellor for drug use, and counsellor for the depression, alongside a visit to his gp.

    We’re not out of the woods by a long shot but at least we’ve found the cause, now to get a cure or at least learn how to cope.

    big_n_daft
    Member

    Good news from the OP, good luck

    The legality, health risks and all the rest can be debated to the cows come home by the I did it/ do it members of the forum

    But

    This stuff isn’t to be messed with, you don’t have to go high up the ladder of dealing networks to get to some pretty dodgy people, and they won’t take kindly to being shopped.

    My cousin can’t show his face in town, or Essex in general, for fear of being shanked after he got into debt (five grand) with the local drugs King pin.

    This

    A 16 year old can’t fund a heavy drugs habit legally unless they are pretty exceptional

    They will either be dealing, stealing or selling everything. Or racking up a debt to unsavoury people, who will then use that to get them to do things that could permanently affect their future

    Premier Icon jonesyboy
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    Well to get money it would appear that they set up scam accounts on Instagram or Snapchat dealing, accept bitcoins but never deliver. Kids nowadays are far too canny with this technology!

    Premier Icon tjagain
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    ON Cannabis and psychosis. There is a link for sure. What that link is is very unclear ( as in sootyandjims post above)

    3 theories.
    direct causal – few folk believe this as psychosis in cannabis users remains very rare and the incidence is not high so direct cause can be pretty well ruled out

    Trigger – that people with a tendency to psychotic breakdown take cannabis and it triggers a psychosis in these few vulnerable people

    Co incidence – less stable folk in general take drugs and some self medicate so the link merely is a higher predisposition to psychosis among those who use cannabis

    Personally I think it is trigger.

    One of the unfortunate side effects of prohibition is that quality research is almost impossible as you have to rely on self reported drug use. this means issues like the one around cannabis and psychosis cannot be properly explored

    Most of the harm around drugs comes from prohibition not the actual drugs themselves ie poor quality supply, debt and manipulation, crime, and lack of knowledge both but users and professionals

    Premier Icon tjagain
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    educated to understand if they are an at risk group and identify risks and how to experiment safely.

    this

    Premier Icon Sandwich
    Subscriber

    One of the unfortunate side effects of prohibition is that quality research is almost impossible as you have to rely on self reported drug use.

    High quality research may also be unethical in the same way that high quality helmet research would be for similar reasons.

    Premier Icon chakaping
    Subscriber

    That’s good progress OP.

    Sounds like your lad is quite self aware, which bodes well.

    Is he gonna be going to the same school for long?

    Premier Icon RichPenny
    Subscriber

    Sounds like some good progress OP. Great idea to find different activities for him to engage with. Anything local where he could find a new peer group? He will need this if/when he chooses to move away from drugs. Maybe not one with a drinking culture like rugby though!

    Must be honest, I was your son 25 years ago. Sometimes, drugs are great, that’s an undeniable truth. Sometimes, they’re the most horrific thing in the world. At 16, your son will be inclined to focus on the first, because he thinks he’s bulletproof. Fundamentally, you can’t stop him making poor choices but you can show him positive options. Good luck!

    Premier Icon dudeofdoom
    Subscriber

    OP has now been manipulated to accepting his CHILD regularly smoking illegal drugs. Combined with thinking he’s the one who has to gain his sons trust (you don’t – your son abused your trust don’t be guilted into pandering to his childish tantrums). Pretty standard behaviour for addicts.

    This,hopefully the OP will get the right guidance on coping with an addict in the family.

    Premier Icon tjagain
    Subscriber

    The son is not an addict. He is a dabbler in a dangerous place. He needs calm rational advice and support to ensure he does not eff up his life. Not having children myself I am really in no position to advise the OP on how to deal with his son but hysterical nonsense will not help. Calm rational informed discussions?

    Premier Icon jonesyboy
    Subscriber

    Chapaking, he’s in final year of secondary so an important year. I’m shit scared about helping him get through the very long summer he’ll have. Might have to take him out on the road with me for a while. That way I can pay him (into a savings account), he can see how shit life on the road is, and I get to keep an eye on him. It might make him think twice about careers!

    He’s had a good day with his mum, I’ve had our daughter for the day which has been fab, she’s fully aware of what’s going on, and how we’re trying to help him.

    Premier Icon duckman
    Subscriber

    When I was in my early 20’s I met a guy from the same school as me I hadn’t seen for years who was out of work. He started with us as a labourer and was a wee grafter. Started smoking soap bar and within a year was a disaster; knew what to buy in Tesco medicine isle to keep a lid on things till he was paid, used to smoke a single skin on the way to work etc. This is how he finished up.

    https://www.thefreelibrary.com/HATE+CAMPAIGN+LED+TO+BASEBALL+BAT+MURDER%3B+Life+for+killer+who…-a0136941343

    It was about stolen weed. When he got out on weekend release, he failed the tests. Now you have folk who go on about underlying issues etc, but this is a guy who could take or leave booze, had given up smoking when he started with us. For me, people point to alcohol abuse as justification for legalisation, but why is it a race to the bottom?

    loughor
    Member

    To the OP good luck 👍 you are on the worst rollercoaster imaginable. Your boy needs help and support but so do you.
    I wish you all, all the best 🙏

    Premier Icon boomerlives
    Subscriber

    Good work OP, you’ve got a dialogue open and a plan to change direction.

    Good luck with it.

    OP – good luck with it, a friend of mine who was a very gifted mathematician (one of the best at Oxford) ruined his future through excess weed smoking leading to mental breakdown so I hope you can pull him through this. I wish you both every success.

    Premier Icon dudeofdoom
    Subscriber

    .

    Premier Icon dazh
    Subscriber

    The son is not an addict.

    This. I much prefer the language the professionals use, which is simply ‘drug user’. We all do it to greater or lesser extents with various substances. If a couple of months frequent use means you’re an addict then 99% of us on here are or have been alcoholics.

    Premier Icon dannyh
    Subscriber

    I sincerely hope this works out for you OP. I have got two kids (eleven and eight) and this stuff scares me stiff.

    Uhhhh . . . everyone seems to miss the fact that marijuana has serious neurological effects on developing brains.
    So every time your teenager smokes pot, it negatively effects their physiological development.
    More here:
    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3930618/

    I don’t think we will have any useful data on the effect of cannabis on the developing brain for a few years yet, given the change in strength, availability and frequency of use at a younger age for this generation of young adults.
    Good luck Op

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