Viewing 40 posts - 41 through 80 (of 308 total)
  • 16 year old son smoking weed
  • gingerbllr
    Member

    Stan: I’ve been told a lot of things about pot, but I’ve come to find out a lot of those things aren’t true! So I don’t know what to believe!

    Randy: Well, Stan, the truth is marijuana probably isn’t gonna make you kill people, and it most likely isn’t gonna fund terrorism, but… well, son, pot makes you feel fine with being bored. And it’s when you’re bored that you should be learning some new skill or discovering some new science or being creative. If you smoke pot you may grow up to find out that you aren’t good at anything.

    Cletus
    Member

    I think almost all kids go through a phase of smoking weed but I know a few who have developed serious mental health issues which could be related to overuse.

    Not sure what to recommend other than trying to get him interested in something fitness related where smoking is viewed as a negative. If he is like most kids though he will just do what his mates do.

    Premier Icon Drac
    Subscriber

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    kaiser
    Member

    I was a heavy cannabis user for several years, but that was 35 hrs ago and it’s certainly true that the super skunk around today is a very different experience. I recently gave up alcohol and thought I’d try an occasional spliff to escape modern life. I found it hard to buy anything other than the killer strength herb that you smell everywhere. Anyhow..maybe it’s my age but 3 big lungfulls using a vapouriser completely wiped me out and I retreated to bed where I had a mini triplike experience which was far from relaxing!
    Call me a lightweight perhaps.
    I too have experienced poor mental health ,(anxiety/depression etc) for several decades since those days long ago and became an alcoholic (now tea total) in order to self medicate which ended in a disaster.
    If your son is anything like I was then he’ll prefer to learn from his own experiences rather than what Dad says but warning him re paranoia /psychosis etc might help him to recognise these problems if they arise .

    If you want to talk to your son, I suggest you look into the negatives of the supply chain outside of this country and also what can happen to the families associated with this if parents end up in prison/kids in care etc, and to the families/children of users and dealers in this country. Every drug purchase funds the sad back stories.

    I used to know someone of 30 who started on weed when he was 14. By the time I knew him much of his shorter term memory was shot and he was seriously paranoid about even very basic things. He suffered from mood swings and had trouble holding down romantic relationships or even getting them started (despite having charm and looks). By the time I knew him he had also moved on to cocaine in addition to weed and occasionally to that horse tranquilliser that literally rots your bladder, sometimes leading to ending up with a catheter for the rest of your life.

    He assured me he was ‘just a social user’ and could stop any of the drugs any time he wanted to, its just he did not wish to stop at this moment.

    During the time I knew him he flushed it all down the loo twice in self despair but by the end of the week had gone out to buy more. By then he was using drugs to cope with going to work, then sitting in his car or going home at lunchtime to top up. He crashed his car going home one lunch time, no one else involved thank goodness.

    I talked with him (not to him) about how his lifestyle was scaring his parents and siblings and that they lived in fear of his further deterioration and how that was so damaging the lives of others. He said by then he needed drugs to cope with his self esteem issues. He was also trapped by then with his social group, saying he would have to stop seeing all his friends as they were all users, so if he gave up he would have no social life and no friends, as they would not understand or support his wanting to step away from drugs. He said he could not cope with the loneliness and isolation and the social rejection of his ‘friends’ if he did not conform.

    Its almost impossible to overcome the ego issues of addicts both alcoholics and drug users. They either fear to deal with their own vulnerability issues or get on the much worse band wagon of ‘We users are special people, innately superior to non users”. I have come across 3 addicts with that smug superior attitude, with no awareness of how that makes them look total ego manics to others.

    I thought the guy I knew might change when his friend died of alcohol abuse at less than 35. Apparently the whole social crowd were stunned and shocked at his death, very ‘How could that possibly have happened?’ He said it made them all think about their lives. As far as I could tell they were all back on the drink and drugs in less than a week.

    Last I heard he was finally going to counselling (good for him, I admire him for finally going), he would have been late 30’s by then. No idea if it worked out for him. I hope it did, as he wanted a partner and kids but the substance abuse had taken most of his chances by then and I suspect the memory damage and significant irrational paranoia were probably permanent. Shame as you could see underneath it all, there had been a really nice bloke in there. I used to wonder what responsibility his parents felt, given he was hooked on drugs by 14.

    The 30 year old version must have been soul destroying for his parents and siblings. Every phone call must have sent a chill of ‘Is this the overdose call?, Is he dead?’ Living like that as a family must be beyond awful. I can’t even imagine the stress levels, the scarring of his families day to day lives.

    Another person discussing their own past told me if they had been able to finance drugs, they would have become an addict and that in retrospect they were lucky to have been broke. They said drugs give you the illusion of feeling better about yourself (particularly cocaine) and also the social sense of belonging to a ‘group’. You want more and more to feel like this ‘better’ version of yourself and as a result hate the real you more and more. It does not seem unrealistic at the time to keep running forever towards this fantasy version of ‘you’ that in reality is just you becoming a pitiful drug addicted mess in other peoples eyes.

    It was so sad you know, to watch a nice bloke of 30 going down the pan on a long, long slide from his teens.

    How the hell else are kids supposed to deal with this world they’re in I don’t know.

    Same as people the world over have historically dealt with wars, plague, famine and brutal dictatorships. Oh, we don’t have those here at the moment…. So maybe kids in the UK could think they are bloody lucky and stay off the drugs before they wreck themselves and their families?

    BruceWee
    Member

    Same as people the world over have historically dealt with wars, plague, famine and brutal dictatorships. Oh, we don’t have those here at the moment…. So maybe kids in the UK could think they are bloody lucky and stay off the drugs before they wreck themselves and their families?

    We are at a unique point in history where, if we were so inclined, we could feed and house everyone. There aren’t enough ‘essential’ jobs to go around. Therefore, the vast majority are left with something between a sneaking suspicion and a burning certainty that what we do for 8 hours a day 5 days a week is actually a massive waste of time. At least, those of us who are lucky enough to get paid to sit around wasting our lives away.

    Coping with the idea that you are an irrelevance is tricky. Medication is sometimes needed.

    Sui
    Member

    tell him some jobs test for alcohol and drugs and have zero tolerance (like mine, we’ve lost a few people due to the testing), it may make him think about it long term.

    TurnerGuy
    Member

    A copper came into our school years ago to give a presentation at assembly.

    His son was of the age where he could get a 50cc moped, but his father knew of the dangers on the road and was unhappy, so offered his son a 250cc trials bike and to take him to races, etc.

    The son took up the offer, got to spend more time with his father, and looked cooler to his friends than if he had got the 50cc moped.

    Maybe there is something similar you can do ?

    Sit down with him and outline all your fears and show him the stories on here about how people have seriously messed up their mental health.

    Strike a deal that he doesn’t go down the drugs path at all but follows another activity/hobby which may also get his ‘cool’ points and keep him away from his peers that might be guiding him into drug use.

    A form of bribery, yes, but so what ?

    Premier Icon MSP
    Subscriber

    Same as people the world over have historically dealt with wars, plague, famine and brutal dictatorships.

    So hallucinogenics and opium based products, bit of an escalation but I guess in for a penny in for a pound.

    Chat to him sensibly about it and other drugs.

    Given it’s legal in loads of places now any knee jerk over reaction loses you a card when they decide to try proper drugs.

    Do the research with him and take away some of the ‘cool’ when you discuss and learn things about it together.

    Premier Icon Drac
    Subscriber

    So maybe kids in the UK could think they are bloody lucky and stay off the drugs before they wreck themselves and their families?

    Yeah kids of the UK MTFU. That child abuse you suffered as a kid, the mental health problems you have, the bullying you faced everyday or the loss of a parent at a very you age that lead into an addiction is noting compared to some kid abroad.

    OP don’t worry too much discuss with them the risks, the issues if caught and the police even bother to prosecute. But above all keep an eye on him make sure he doesn’t over abuse it chances are like many he’ll just get bored of it. He’ll then move onto alcohol which is if course absolutely fine and never sent vulnerable people down a path of destruction.

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    I’ve known a few people who have partaken of the ‘erb over the years.

    Of them, most were the occasional dabble, a joint being passed around at parties and suchlike. Never did any real harm and most if not all have got bored and sacked it off now.

    One was a serious stoner and as far as I know still is, though I’ve not spoken to him beyond the occasional Facebook comment in years now. He was stoned daily, for him it became a hobby like some people are into football or we pretend that we ride bikes. He’d build bongs out of toilet roll tubes and Coke bottles, like some post-watershed episode of Blue Peter, it all rather struck me as way too much like hard work. Even back in like his 20s he had a thousand yard stare, was totally paranoid, and as the years went on he developed other mental ailments which may or may not have been attributed to the weed. Probably didn’t help at best.

    So I guess what I’m trying to say is, purely anecdotally based on observations of friends, dope is pretty harmless to the majority of users. But if you’re the sort of person likely to get sucked into it being a lifestyle choice then it has the potential to mess you up quite badly.

    mjsmke
    Member

    I’d be more concerned about what else he might have access to, or the people who have access to him. Or already might have been in your house.

    From my own experience; my ex smoked weed and she quickly got into other stuff too with the opinion that it was fine and didn’t cause any harm. There were some bad people that she knew and I didn’t want anything to do with. I certainly didn’t want them knowing my address.

    Also, it’s illegal. whether its more or less harmful than other substancies is one thing, but if he hangs around with the wrong group of people or the wrong group thinks he is dealing etc, thats where the real danger could be. Or the wrong person gets a good look in your house with your son while you’re at work.

    TurnerGuy
    Member

    That child abuse you suffered as a kid

    Whoa – I didn’t know the OP had been abusing his kid – that put’s a different perspective on it…

    jonnouk
    Member

    That child abuse you suffered as a kid, the mental health problems you have, the bullying you faced everyday or the loss of a parent at a very you age that lead into an addiction is noting compared to some kid abroad.

    https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Not_as_bad_as

    Premier Icon Drac
    Subscriber

    Try reading the post I was replying to Jonnouk.

    I doubt he is Turnerguy which is why I didn’t suggest he was.

    jonnouk
    Member

    @Drac. Somehow I missed the sarcasm the 1st time around.

    Premier Icon Drac
    Subscriber

    Easy done.

    Premier Icon nealglover
    Subscriber

    I only fabled a bit in earlier life and had pretty laid back opinions on it till a few years back

    You are Aesop and I claim my 5 Tetradachym

    Premier Icon jonesyboy
    Subscriber

    Ok so things have progressed unfortunately. Acid, coke, ketamine. Spoken to compass and talk to Frank. He’s not flagged up as dealing in county lines, but for sure had gone way beyond the boundaries.

    Lots of bravado of him smoking joints with his mates etc. I have always said the one rule with regard to their phones is that we can look at them at any time. I looked on boxing Day and there was a message from his mate asking if anyone fancied some key. I took a photo and sent this to the parents. I then looked at Laurie’s photos and it would appear that he’s been doing drugs more frequently since September.

    It’s got to be his choice to deal with this, do he’s got a counselling apt on Monday. Anyone been in a similar situation, give me the good and bad please. Anything that helped out? I’m trying to get him back into biking, and need to plan longer term for the school holidays.

    alpin
    Member

    Don’t sound great…. but lots of my mates were at it and only one of our large clique turned out to be a total **** up (but then again he was always going to be left by the wayside).

    I and my group smoked weed when 16. Lots of mdma/ecstacy in London clubs from 17/18 onwards with a fair bit of coke down the snooker hall during the week.

    For me a change of scene (going away for a year with a backpack) got me out of it.

    On advice from my lawyer friend I attended “counselling” after getting into trouble with the German plod for smoking weed. The lady didn’t quite understand the irony of her being late for the first session because she needed her morning coffee.

    I even had to see a psychologist after I lost my license. That was a joke and in hindsight I could have saved myself several hundred euros.

    Premier Icon dazh
    Subscriber

    Try not to panic would be my advice. He’s taking party drugs with his mates (I’m sure MDMA should probably be on that list too). They’re all fairly safe if used with a bit of common sense. Coke and Ket are the worst if taken to excess. Especially Ketamine. Is he drinking too? Booze and coke don’t mix well (actually nothing mixes well with booze) so some education on that might be wise. Chances of stopping him altogether are low, and he won’t appreciate being separated from his mates so woudn’t advise that. Probably just something he has to go through and grow out of, and the vast majority do grow out of it, if my own experiences are anything to go by.

    Premier Icon jonesyboy
    Subscriber

    Thanks Drac. Seems he’s now a functioning user if I’ve got my terminology correct. Ket nearly daily along with weed ffs.

    I’ve got his dealers name and details, and a few others so straight to the plod with that. Need to somehow regain his trust as he’s not talking to me.

    On a positive, of he was balls deep in this he’d be coming the walls to get out and deal, would have a queue of people outside.

    He’s got a a* in a few subjects, just done his mocks so time will tell.

    Hopefully his bladder isn’t ruined and he won’t need a catheter if we can stop him using. Somewhat comforting to know others have got through this, but I think I’ll be shitting myself for years to come.

    Premier Icon boomerlives
    Subscriber

    That’s a crap situation and it makes the initial replies to your first post look even more facetious. Irie, indeed.

    Good luck in helping him find his way back to the life of not using.

    Premier Icon jonesyboy
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    Sorry Dazh, in my panic I credited Drac. Worrying thing is recriminations from his dealers etc as Laurie has no phone now,it’ll  not take much of a bright spark to make the link between this and his dealer getting fingered.

    Premier Icon MSP
    Subscriber

    If you know the other parents in his social group, a group effort could be the best option, shutting down the whole social network of drug taking is much more likely to succeed than just on an individual level.

    brownsauce
    Member

    I’d probably hang fire on involving the police at this stage , their arrival wont help resolve your immediate family issues

    Plus it could be your son who ends up getting charged regardless of your original intentions………

    Cletus
    Member

    Sad to hear this OP. We went through something similar with my stepson when he was 18 which culminated in his mother finding a big “rock” of MDMA in his bag when he returned home after a couple of days absence and was so out of it he did not wake up for 20 hours. He was dealing this to friends and could not see why it was an issue even after I showed him numerous articles about kids doing similar things getting jail time.

    Five years on things are a bit better but I think he stills smokes cannabis and he is very highly strung and unable to cope with minor setbacks or hold down a job. Before getting in with a group of friends in sixth form who were heavy drug users he was a keen sportsman and ambitious to have a good career.

    Just a question – where does a 16 year old get enough money to fund what sounds like a fairly developed drug habit?

    oreetmon
    Member

    All kids are different, if he’s experimenting then role with it. If he’s sat in his room on his own getting blazed then that’s a problem.

    Don’t do what my old man did.

    Checking my pockets every time I came home didn’t work.
    Finding my well stashed bong made me even more sneaky.

    Reporting me to the police caused a massive rift and my eventual leaving home at 17,,,,,, then I got into proper drugs.

    Look after your boy, help him through it with firm ground rules and understanding,,,,,
    kids Chong ,it’s more acceptable now days.

    hopefully he will grow out of it when he finds a girlfriend, gets a job or Starts riding bikes and finds that new shiney expensive seat clamp more attractive than a bag of green.

    I do and I don’t regret my miss spent youth.

    Thankfully drug free for almost 10 years.

    Premier Icon jonesyboy
    Subscriber

    He’s agreed to go to counselling with young addaction, he’s opened up to us a bit more. He’s saying he’d be fine with just smoking weed now and then, ok I could take that at face value but look where it got him last time.

    He’d previously setup a scam account to get money by selling weed but never sending it, all on Instagram and paid into a bit coin account. He got scared and sacked that off.

    I’m holding back on reporting his dealer to the police, he’s another lad at school and Laurie is very worried about recriminations, so I thought that may be more use as a bargaining tool. He’d only find another dealer.

    So yeah, his mum and I are trying to provide support, telling him he can talk to us, making sure he’s eating well and getting some fresh air whilst still keeping him under our control. He’s accepting this at the moment, but it only has a finite life span.

    This friend who he was taking drugs with is happy to go to counselling as well. I’m under no illusion here, it could well be bull to put us off the scent.

    Getting into trouble yourself is one thing, seeing your kids do it is absolutely petrifying.

    Thanks for the moral support here guys, I’m thinking of trying a diary of his behaviour, drug intake, my thoughts, might be useful for him to read, me to write…

    Premier Icon dazh
    Subscriber

    Ket nearly daily

    Ooof! That is definitely a different, and much more serious situation to ‘partying with your mates’, so sorry if my reply came across as a bit flippant. Ket is horrible if you have a lot regularly, I’m sure you’ve already been told that by the professionals given your comment about his bladder.

    Mrs Daz worked as drug worker for a long time, just asked her and her response was to take him to the drug service, don’t give him money, and if necessary shop him to the cops. Sounds like you’re already doing all or some of that, so good luck!

    Premier Icon dazh
    Subscriber

    and it makes the initial replies to your first post look even more facetious.

    Boomer I’ve absolutely no intention of getting into an argument on this point, but suffice to say all situations are different. As someone above said, drugs are so prevalent and commonplace these days among both teenagers and adults that there’s almost no way to insulate kids from them. All you can do is be honest, open and supportive and then put your trust in them. We’ve had to do that recently with my 15 year old daughter on the subject of both alcohol and weed and so far she’s not got into either of them apart from a small flirtation with alcohol in the summer.

    Premier Icon jonesyboy
    Subscriber

    Yeah, ket so often is a real dumb ass move. I’ll accept some weed, but that’s it. I’m contemplating getting a drug test kit and checking his urine to see what he’s been taking. Also maybe a test kit that will show impurities etc may be a good idea if I can’t talk sense into him.

    Failing that do any of you own a small island I can put him on for a couple of years?

    I say all this whilst on my third gin to numb my brain…. In sure if he was here he’d have something to say about that!

    Premier Icon dazh
    Subscriber

    ket so often is a real dumb ass move

    I’ve never understood why Ket became so popular when MDMA and LSD are much more fun and a lot safer. I had it a couple of times back in the day (accidentally I might add, in pills that weren’t what I thought they were) and I never had the urge to try it again.

    Failing that do any of you own a small island I can put him on for a couple of years?

    Is it an option to move? Could be the nuclear option if all else fails? Drugs are everywhere but removing him from the social influences and supply network will more than likely disrupt the drug use enough for him to move on from it.

    Premier Icon jonesyboy
    Subscriber

    It’s an option I can make work somehow, problem is his mum can’t move (we split two years ago) and I work all over the country. He’s just about to start his exams, just done his mocks so may not be good now. But for further ed yes. I’m thinking a services apprenticeship may be good for him

    alex222
    Member

    Offer to sit down and smoke some weed with him, whilst talking about it. Make it seem really uncool by calling it things like doobies, whacky backy, the devil’s lettuce, be one of those really embarrassing adults that smoke weed. Should put him off.

    Premier Icon eskay
    Subscriber

    Ketamine is the one I would be worried about. My wife works in urology and she says they regularly get young people in who have wrecked their bladders from ketamine use and now have permanent catheters. Not very glamorous.

    I’ve got his dealers name and details, and a few others so straight to the plod with that. Need to somehow regain his trust as he’s not talking to me.

    Shopping his dealer will not help to regain his trust.

    Premier Icon boomerlives
    Subscriber

    Boomer I’ve absolutely no intention of getting into an argument on this point, but suffice to say all situations are different. As someone above said, drugs are so prevalent and commonplace these days among both teenagers and adults that there’s almost no way to insulate kids from them

    My initial thought when I read the OP was that a father was clearly concerned about a bad situation and was treated to all that “roll a fatty boom batty and sit back and chill” nonsense. Instead of empathy and, God forbid, advice.

    For context, my son is 16. I wouldn’t like this one bit.

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