Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 43 total)
  • 10 year old boy and the talk
  • Premier Icon ctk
    Full Member

    Its time for the talk, WTF do I say!?

    I didn’t get the talk, my first wet dream was a complete suprise.

    Serious advice and funny stories welcome.

    Premier Icon anagallis_arvensis
    Free Member

    Just talk, my boy is 10 as well. I just try to talk openly all the time rather than have one big talk.

    When he was about 5 we watched a nature documentary, “you mated mummy didn’t you!”

    Premier Icon desperatebicycle
    Free Member

    It was so long ago, I don’t remember the first talk, but I do remember his mum telling me she’d seen he had been watching porn on the net, so I had to do the “Pron is bad/ real sex ain’t like that/ consent is everything” talk. Was recommended by someone to do the talk in the car, so that we didn’t have to look at each other if it got awkward and he was a captive audience. It worked pretty well, if I do say so myself. Referred to a TV prog I’d seen about consent and went from there. He was clearly embarrassed but could go nowhere! And he convinced me he was ok, I think he said it was “common sense” 🙂

    Premier Icon ctk
    Full Member

    Yes we talk openly but I haven’t managed to bring masturbation and wet dreams up yet, have you?

    First day in Yr 6 and he’s got a date on Saturday! I noticed some dark hairs when we went swimming. Its all happening so quick!

    Porn yes will have to talk about that & in the car brilliant idea!

    Premier Icon matt_outandabout
    Full Member

    Just talk.

    School will have lined them up early for all this.

    Mates will have spoken too.

    I barely had ‘the talk’, they knew it all really. Maybe I was behind the curve…

    Premier Icon anagallis_arvensis
    Free Member

    Yes we talk openly but I haven’t managed to bring masturbation and wet dreams up yet, have you?

    Yes, I have, he has this habit of asking me what various swear words mean when he learns new ones.

    Premier Icon twonks
    Full Member

    10 seems young to me. I can’t remember ever having a talk from my parents and I’d be surprised if nowadays it is even really a thing.

    As above, probably better to just talk openly about things and not stigmatise it be making a big thing.

    With our two girls I just made sure they knew not to be taken for mugs and never give in to pressure if they don’t want to do anything. Beyond that, they also knew they could ask me or their mum anything at any time and we wouldn’t judge.

    They both did at various times during their upbringing, and both have grown into stable and grounded women – it’ me who’s now the wreck… lol

    Premier Icon ctk
    Full Member

    anagallis_arvensis
    Full Member
    Yes we talk openly but I haven’t managed to bring masturbation and wet dreams up yet, have you?

    Yes, I have

    How did it go?

    Premier Icon anagallis_arvensis
    Free Member

    Fine, dad what does **** mean, well son…tbh he isn’t much interested at this stage.

    Premier Icon ctk
    Full Member

    I was a mess as a teenager, still now I feel shit about it all. Puberty **** me up for no apparent reason I just didn’t deal with it. I went into my shell. Chronically low self esteem, hated myself and I still have hang ups from that time. I just want to get this all right.

    Premier Icon iamtheresurrection
    Full Member

    I’d far rather my kids asked me about it rather than leave it to their friends, or pornhub. My eldest is in a middle school, the oldest in that school are 13 and there are plenty of handsets passed around – bit harder to deal with than a copy of Razzle found in a hedge. He’d have been sheltered a bit more from it if he’d been in a two tier system, I’m sure.

    Kids now have a lot to contend with based on how open everybody is. Around 10-12, based on his mates, many have confirmed their sexuality with a lot thinking they are bi or gay, and one thinks she’s trans. Whether you want to think they are too young or not to be thinking or deciding this stuff is irrelevant really, they are seeing it everywhere and discussing it at school – whether we’re all aware of it or not.

    Somewhere between 10 and 11, we had some pretty frank discussions started by him and I just answered every question openly and honestly, and have had a few ongoing questions since thrown in here and there.

    I said that while we’ll open any question honestly, I won’t talk about what him and his mum get up to. That’s private, and made it clear nobody should ever feel under pressure to divulge anything they also think is private, including any pressure his mates put him under.

    His only concern was that if me and his mum were doing any of it, he wanted me to promise that he and his brother were never in the house 🙂

    Premier Icon MoreCashThanDash
    Full Member

    I was about 21 when my mum unexpectedly said “You and your dad never had The Talk. Maybe you should, he might learn something” 😳

    In fact she’d made him have The Talk when she found one of my porn mags. He just said “I’m disappointed you didn’t tell me you had some”

    My own lad had already had a Talk at school by Year 6. I just made sure he understood that porn wasn’t real and consent was everything. There were a few years of excessive tissue consumption. He’s now 18 and pretty grounded, we’ll see what uni does to him.

    Premier Icon ctk
    Full Member

    His only concern was that if me and his mum were doing any of it, he wanted me to promise that he and his brother were never in the house

    Brilliant!

    He just said “I’m disappointed you didn’t tell me you had some”

    Sounds like my dad.

    Premier Icon Kip
    Full Member

    Here is the website you need: www amaze.org

    Premier Icon ctk
    Full Member

    Brill, thanks

    Premier Icon reeksy
    Full Member

    Same aged kid and we’ve a selection of books about puberty etc. My wife’s been awesome at getting them from the library etc, and actively discussing them, plus buying the best ones. Consequently he’s as ready for it as you could be. He said the other day that he thinks he might be getting close because he’s been really moody lately.

    Slightly weird when some mid-50s builders were around the house looking at renovation plans with us on the dining table and there’s books about puberty everywhere.

    Premier Icon brads
    Free Member

    My parents told me nothing. I narrowly avoided get my sex education from a priest lol.

    Just have a chat and see what direction it takes. He will know more than you imagine thanks to school, but stuff like internet porn needs to be discussed.
    Boys need to learn that woman aren’t toys, which is what the internet teaches them.

    Premier Icon pondo
    Full Member

    The closest thing to The Talk I had was when I went to work a summer season in France (aged 24), when I went to grab my rucksack from my bedroom, someone had snuck a box of condoms in the top. Not a single word was ever discussed about it. 🙂

    Premier Icon thegreatape
    Free Member

    All mine asked about sex/babies etc. before we brought it up, so it was just a case of giving straightforward answers to whatever questions they had. Easier said than done for ones like

    “How do animals know what to do? Like, I didn’t know so asked you and you explained it. But how does a dog learn how to have sex? He can’t ask his dad”

    and

    “How do you know when the baby has been made?” Eh? “How do you know when to stop doing it?” Um, you can just tell 🤷🏻‍♂️

    Premier Icon brads
    Free Member

    I was a Grandfather at 34 so maybe not take my advise anyway hahahaha

    Premier Icon squirrelking
    Free Member

    “How do animals know what to do? Like, I didn’t know so asked you and you explained it. But how does a dog learn how to have sex? He can’t ask his dad”

    and

    “How do you know when the baby has been made?” Eh? “How do you know when to stop doing it?” Um, you can just tell 🤷🏻‍♂️

    Jesus wept, that sounds like my daughter in a couple of years time. Oh well, forewarned is forearmed…

    Premier Icon batfink
    Full Member

    I don’t really remember any discussion – but I do remember that there was a leaflet (more like a pamphlet actually) with some fairly biological diagrams. I don’t remember being given it, it just appeared.

    When I went to university, my parents contrived an entire box (old ice cream tub) of “household essentials” – nail clippers, plasters, needle and thread etc, with the sole purpose of giving me a packet of condoms.

    Premier Icon weeksy
    Full Member

    It’s never really come up as it’s all been done at school, althgouh at 13 he’s not shown any interest in girls, but none of his group have.

    Premier Icon thejesmonddingo
    Full Member

    It’s when the girls show an interest in him that you need to be talking to him, it’s a practical situation, the theory doesn’t make much difference until he’s on the spot.

    Premier Icon theotherjonv
    Full Member

    They covered it at school and as we had two girls my wife covered most of the rest. The kind of talks I’ve had to have more recently – I don’t think there are books on, and certainly wasn’t something my Dad talked to me about.

    But for the school bit – the parents were requested to attend one evening where the teachers of the year group actually went through the lesson that they do with the children. Not in as much detail but there was almost as much nervous shuffling of chairs in the school hall (not a euphemism) as the collective parents watched. Then they showed us the film they would all watch.

    The memorable part was where for some reason the couple in the film were chasing each other round their bedroom trying to tickle each other with a large feather….. then Mr Kemp (total legend) announced at this point they take a break and the kids go and run around in the playground with 1000 yard stares at the thought of their PARENTS doing something like that.

    I could have done a few laps myself at that point.

    Premier Icon Kip
    Full Member

    This is such a great thread!
    Kip Jr is about to start secondary school and we believe had “the talk” at primary school last term. They shared the resources they used (clips of the videos) which left us unsure just how much had actually been covered.
    She gets massively embarrassed talking about it with us but we’ve been assured they’ve been told it all at school.
    We do talk a lot about relationships, consent, respect etc. and she’s pretty clued up on that.
    Puberty and body changes were discussed a long time ago and she’s happy to chat about that with me.
    The biggest concern for us is boys and warped views of girls from porn. We can only do so much about that sadly. That’s up to you parents of boys to teach respect and consent.

    Premier Icon poah
    Free Member

    never had the talk with my kids. Its such a silly thing. Kids will ask questions so you just answer them. I’ve taught reproduction to 1st years and they kinda know what is going on. My kids know because it has come up in general conversation like how are babies made or they have seen condoms etc

    Premier Icon MoreCashThanDash
    Full Member

    It’s never really come up as it’s all been done at school, althgouh at 13 he’s not shown any interest in girls, but none of his group have.

    Eldest had his first girlfriend at 14 – the first time we saw the pattern of him meeting up with mixed group of friends with a shared interest (music with this one), then the meeting groups got smaller till it was just the two of them, and then they were a couple.

    He’s very reserved and dislikes physical contact, so she was really good for him, was odd seeing him sat snuggled up on the sofa with her. Never got properly sexual but changed him, especially when she dumped him and turned out to be a bit mental – valuable relationship lesson learnt.

    He’s actually round at hers this morning as they are still good mates and help each other with their music.

    Girlfriend #2 is also still a mate and was part of a group he went on holiday with this summer.

    Currently girlfriend #3 is ongoing, but unlikely to last once he goes to university. This one may have got more physical, but they are both sensible and went into it with their eyes open.

    Premier Icon trailwagger
    Free Member

    I think its part of the primary school curriculum now.

    Ours had lessons explaining everything before they were 10 anyway.

    Premier Icon natrix
    Free Member

    Having a chat in the car is a good idea, as is giving them some books. With a book they can look things up themselves rather than having to ask awkward questions………

    Not sure how much they get taught at school, don’t know if it covers wet dreams. My wife is a secondary school teacher and during one PSHE class was asked lots of questions which showed how little some of them knew e.g. “why does a girls bits turn blue after sex?”

    Premier Icon johndoh
    Free Member

    I think its part of the primary school curriculum now.

    Ours had lessons explaining everything before they were 10 anyway

    This

    We have two (twin) daughters so a slightly different approach, but we discussed their lessons over dinner on a couple of nights and filled in gaps / answered questions they still had. There are also lots of age-suitable books out there you could get your boy.

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Full Member

    What even is “the talk”?

    I’m not a parent but I’d leave school to cover off the physical aspect. The human race has been working out how to **** each other in more than one sense for millennia. What I’d want to bring to the table is things like respect, consent and so forth. But I’d hope these weren’t new concepts.

    And if you’re going to go paddling, wear your wellies.

    I didn’t get the talk, my first wet dream was a complete suprise.

    I’m in my late 40s and I don’t think I’ve ever had a wet dream. I thought it was a myth.

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Full Member

    Oh yeah,

    Years ago, my mum relayed a tale of one of her friends sitting down to have ‘the talk’ with her teenage daughter. The daughter replied “sure, mum… what do you want to know?”

    Premier Icon WorldClassAccident
    Free Member

    One way that can help answer questions or misunderstandings where they are too afraid to ask is “Funny things friends have said about sex”

    I remember when I was at school being told:
    A) Girls can’t get pregnant if they are standing up when you do it
    B) Chlorine kills sperm so you won’t get pregnant if you are in the swimming tem
    etc

    Ask what he has heard and he can slide in his own question and doubts among the others

    Premier Icon johndoh
    Free Member

    I’m not a parent but I’d leave school to cover off the physical aspect.

    Clearly you are not a parent – any child should have the trust of their parent to discuss any matter and this is the first big one that needs to be discussed in an open and honest way. After all, a teacher will never understand the complex mental and emotional needs of an individual child like their parents do.

    I couldn’t imagine saying to my daughters ‘no, school will tell you about the physical act – that’s nothing to do with me’.

    We *did* get lots of giggling when we told them what mummy and daddy did to make them.

    Premier Icon blurty
    Full Member

    As said above, biological basics are dealt with in years 6-8.

    For boys, ‘The talk’ these days needs to be more about pornography being fiction and that women really won’t look, behave, or want to be treated ‘like that’. It also needs to be earlier than one might wish I’m afraid.

    The talk for girls, in my experience is the converse of the above with some ‘pity the poor boys and their unrealistic expectations’ thrown in.

    Ubiquitous pornography is a blight on our society I think.

    Premier Icon trailwagger
    Free Member

    For boys, ‘The talk’ these days needs to be more about pornography being fiction and that women really won’t look, behave, or want to be treated ‘like that’. It also needs to be earlier than one might wish I’m afraid.

    Do you really think porn is only for boys? This is the digital age, porn is on tap for anyone 24 hours a day and i can assure girls watch almost as much as boys.
    So, that also means that the unrealistic expectations come from both sides.

    Premier Icon scud
    Full Member

    I think once you start talking you’ll be surprised just how much he has been taught and knows.

    My daughter is 11 and during lockdown i had to sit on their sex education (or whatever they called it now) and an adult had to be with them, it was a lot more graphic, but also a lot more educational than i can ever remember, from sexual health, the internet, LGBTQ+ issues etc, respecting their bodies and issues of consent etc, it was very thorough.

    So i guess that National Syllabus stuff. But my daughter and friends talk about sexuality and other topics quite openly at 11, really surprises how mature they are.

    I went to an all boys military school, so education was an hour of an embarrassed biology teacher.

    Premier Icon Sui
    Free Member

    you need the talk following an univited guest to the boudoir moment.. (stupid privacy locks that dont work)

    in seriousness, both my kids had this covered off in primary (year 5 -though son ended up getting it a year early). We bought some very good “about my body” books, that cover all the workings of the body in quite some detail. The school element did seem to cover off the consent side of things quite well, and parents we’re pre-warned about the talks.

    Although it might seem a hard topic to cover, when you sit down with your kids and try to cover off the factual parts of how things work, the rest generally falls into place, and liekly kiddie will ask simple questions.

    Premier Icon jeffl
    Full Member

    Got 17, 12 and 10 year old boys. Always been very open with them. Had many “mini talks” covering the range of sex education (puberty, wet dreams, having a Tommy Tank, sexuality, Porn, how real life sex isn’t the same as porn, consent, STIs/STDs, protection vs birth control not being the same thing). So I’d recommend having lots of small discussions, prioritised on what you think will effect them first. The above is the order we did it in as one subject seemed to lead into another quite nicely.

    Regarding the physical act of sex, menstrual cycles and birth, we talked about that a bit but the school seemed to have covered that off pretty well as the kids just went “yeah we know about that, it works like this….”

    On a purely practical note, one thing that we have done is ensure the boys do their own laundry from about 10 years old. That way if they decide to get intimate with the bed sheets, or a favourite sock then they can wash it themselves. Also means we have to do less washing so double win 😀

    Oh finally you’ll know when they have “discovered themselves” as they spend much longer in the shower than they used to 😂, but at least they’re keeping it clean.

Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 43 total)

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